No One Knows I’m Gay. Should I Tell People Now? - The Atlantic</tle><meta name="scriptn" ntent="I’ve gone through life pretendg, and my heart ach."/><meta property="kx:tle" ntent="No One Knows I’m Gay. Should I Tell People Now? - The Atlantic"/><meta property="kx:scriptn" ntent="I’ve gone through life pretendg, and my heart ach."/><lk rel="nonil" href="><lk rel="image_src" href="><meta property="article:thor" ntent="><meta name="thor" ntent="Lori Gottlieb"/><lk rel="ia:markup_url" href="><meta property="article:publisher" ntent="><meta property="article:opn" ntent="false"/><meta property="article:ntent_tier" ntent="metered"/><meta property="article:tag" ntent="fay"/><meta property="article:sectn" ntent="Fay"/><meta property="article:published_time" ntent="2019-11-25T12:00:00Z"/><meta property="article:modified_time" ntent="2022-04-06T21:32:43Z"/><meta name="robots" ntent="x, follow, max-image-preview:large"/><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Dear Therapist: I Will Probably Take the Secret of My Sexualy to the Grave"/><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent="I’ve gone through life pretendg, and my heart ach."/><meta property="og:url" ntent="><meta property="og:type" ntent="article"/><meta property="og:image" ntent="><meta property="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image"/><lk rel="alternate" type="applitn/rss+xml" tle="The Atlantic" href="/feed/all/"/><lk rel="alternate" type="applitn/rss+xml" tle="Bt of The Atlantic" href="/feed/bt-of/"/><meta name="referrer" ntent="unsafe-url"/><meta name="apple-mobile-web-app-pable" ntent="y"/><meta name="apple-mobile-web-stat-bar-style" ntent="black"/><meta name="apple-mobile-web-app-tle" ntent="The Atlantic"/><meta name="keywords" ntent="ache of an rcerated self, male iends, good iends, people, medil advice, nvenient tth, solary , elrly mother, secret of my sexualy, male boss, te self, good news, md people, iends, female partner, solary nfement, basic human need, great relief, 65-year-old man, particular week, number of people, right girl, profsnal medil advice, tth, send self, eper level, others, likely feel, mental-health, heart ach, sexual orientatn, emotnal toll, love, signifint parture, medil ndn, difficult posn, Dear Therapist, Therapist, works of iends, available men, origal self, advice of your physician, letter, eded versn, exact oppose, mom, rmatnal purpos, self, old age, te self stays" emID="#keywords"/><meta name="news_keywords" ntent="ache of an rcerated self, male iends, good iends, people, medil advice, nvenient tth, solary , elrly mother, secret of my sexualy, male boss, te self, good news, md people, iends, female partner, solary nfement, basic human need, great relief, 65-year-old man, particular week, number of people, right girl, profsnal medil advice, tth, send self, eper level, others, likely feel, mental-health, heart ach, sexual orientatn, emotnal toll, love, signifint parture, medil ndn, difficult posn, Dear Therapist, Therapist, works of iends, available men, origal self, advice of your physician, letter, eded versn, exact oppose, mom, rmatnal purpos, self, old age, te self stays"/><meta name="" ntent="ar-therapist,fay,artherapist"/><meta name="" ntent="2019-11-25T12:00:00Z"/><lk rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href=" crossorig=""/><lk rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href=" crossorig=""/><lk rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href=" crossorig=""/><lk rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href=" crossorig=""/><lk rel="preload" as="font" type="font/woff2" href=" crossorig=""/><script type="applitn/ld+json">{"@ntext":","@type":"NewsArticle","headle":"No One Knows I’m Gay. Should I Tell People Now?","alternativeHeadle":"Dear Therapist: I Will Probably Take the Secret of My Sexualy to the Grave","scriptn":"I’ve gone through life pretendg, and my heart ach.","url":","datePublished":"2019-11-25T12:00:00Z","dateModified":"2022-04-06T21:32:43Z","isAccsibleForFree":false,"hasPart":{"@type":"WebPageElement","isAccsibleForFree":false,"cssSelector":".article-ntent-body"},"publisher":{"@id":"},"maEntyOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"},"image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":720},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":405},"url":"},{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":1080},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":1080},"url":"},{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":1200},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":900},"url":"},{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":1600},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":900},"url":"},{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":960},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":540},"url":"},{"@type":"ImageObject","width":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":540},"height":{"@type":"QuantativeValue","unCo":"E37","value":540},"url":"}],"thor":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Lori Gottlieb","sameAs":"}],"articleSectn":"Fay"}</script><lk rel="preload" as="image" href=" imageSrcSet=" 750w, 828w, 960w, 976w, 1952w" imageSiz="(m-width: 976px) 976px, 100vw"/><meta name="next-head-unt" ntent="61"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href=" data-n-g=""/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href=" data-n-p=""/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href=" data-n-p=""/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href=" data-n-p=""/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href=" data-n-p=""/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href="><lk rel="preload" href=" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href="><noscript data-n-css=""></noscript><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/><lk rel="preload" href=" as="script"/></head><body><div id="__next"><div data-tegory="story page"><div></div><nav class="Nav_root___6bX9" aria-labelledby="se-navigatn" data-tegory="Se Nav" data-event-module="se nav" id="ma-navigatn"><div class="Nav_maNav__yofcm"><a href="#ma-ntent" class="Nav_skipLk__Evjjd">Skip to ntent</a><h2 id="se-navigatn" class="Nav_visuallyHi__AbSDF">Se Navigatn</h2><div class="Nav_flexContaer__Q3LKQ"><ul class="Nav_leftContaer__cPQgJ"><li class="Nav_navListItem__cEyWT Nav_visuallyHiOnMobile__hxCGG"><a href=" class="Nav_navLk__5SUAA"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 87.83 134" class="Nav_bigA__XvGGC"><tle>The Atlantic

gay but don want to be

I thk i'm gay but i really REALLY want to be THAT GUY WHO MARRIES AND HAVE KIDS. You know what I mean. That sire of beg normal ( no offense to gays).

Contents:

GAY WATER, A NEW NNED CKTAIL, WANTS TO BE THE ANTI-BUD LIGHT

In a sea of nned cktails, Gay Water wants to stand out. * gay but don want to be *

In other words, where Bud Light has buckled unr prsure as bigotry grows agast the LGBTQ+ muny, Gay Water’s creator Spencer Hodson wants his new boozy brand to be the anthis of that.

“The key issue that Bud Light tapped to was the fact that they didn’t unrstand their re dience and know enough about them, ” Hodson, a gay man, told CNN about the ntroversy that began when the Anhser-Bch beer brand sent fluencer Dylan Mulvaney a n of beer. The nned cktail is named after a lloquialism given to the popular mixed drk (vodka and soda) orred at bars by the gay muny.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Are you gay? Fd out now by takg what might be the longt 'Am I gay?' tt EVER ma! Answer all 45 qutns hontly and you will get to the tth! * gay but don want to be *

“Puttg a product wh the word gay the tle is reprentatn self, ” which he hop reclaims the word om the negativy ’s sometim associated wh.

He thought of creatg Gay Water about a year ago while on a vatn wh his iend that had got a job wh the beverage dtry. The two chatted about the limed amount of gay people wh , and wh Hodson burnt out om his tradnal day job tech, started the nned cktail.

Hodson built up a strong social media followg on TikTok and Instagram durg Covid-19 and is g some of the money om that (as well as om iends and fay) to help fund Gay Water. “Gay is an umbrella term and the ia behd the brand is to be as clive as possible, which means we want alli, we want straight people to be part of this muny we’re buildg.

LETTERS TO THE EDOR: I'M GAY AND DON'T WANT TO PATRONIZE BIGOTS. THANKS, SUPREME COURT

In our society today, people have many posns when to gay people. Some people offer acceptance and shelter om hatred and will work towards human rights. Others take the attu of "they're happy and not hurtg anyone," so... * gay but don want to be *

For now, Gay Water is sold largely onle (wh a few retailers) and four sugar-ee flavors — watermelon, lime, peach and grapeu — at lnch. Gay Water might not have the ep pockets pared to s petors, like Whe Claw, but “even at small sle, pani of many siz are havg succs makg spir-based seltzers and premixed cktails, ” Bryan Roth, an analyst for Feel Goods Company and edor of the alhol beverage newsletter, Sightl+, told CNN. “There’s lots of space the spir-based seltzer tegory which Gay Water n play, pecially if the brand n offer a cultural or emotnal nnectn that will feel more excg than the prospect of another peapple-flavored vodka seltzer om natnal or ternatnal rporatns, ” Roth said.

Of urse, other drks e the word “gay, ” too, cludg Gay Beer and So Gay Rosé, Hodson noted, which are also tryg to reach the queer muny and offer them an alternative the straight-domated space. It is very homogeneo/ hetero-normative and beg a tholic stutn is not the easit environment for queer stunts. A mon argument for the acceptance of homosexualy and same-sex marriage is that, if God is love, He would not nmn the love of others.

The world and maybe even our own sensivi might say that allowg others to live a homosexual relatnship is to see to their well-beg. If homosexualy rults a dishonorg, harmful separatn om God’s blsg, then the lovg thg to do is to stay away om . Even if they agree wh the Bible that homosexualy is a s and rolve not to seek fulfillment of their sexual sir, they mt still fd love other relatnships—the self-sacrificg love of agape and the iendly pannship of phileo.

LONGEST GAY TEST!

A recent survey done by the webse The Gay UK has found that 60% of those polled fd g the term “Queer” to scribe members of the LGBT muny is… * gay but don want to be *

(Kent Nishimura / Los Angel Tim)To the edor: I wonr if the LGBTQ+ muny realiz that the Supreme Court lg favor of a webse signer who didn't want to create weddg s for gay upl n work our favor as well. ("How the ripple effect of the Supreme Court’s 303 Creative cisn uld swamp civil rights, " Opn, July 12)As a gay man, I am always ncerned if the bs where I spend my money are supportive of my muny.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

* gay but don want to be *

Every time i realise i’m gonna be gay forever, (stupid thg to say i know) i am filled wh existential dread. Adam* said was dangero to e out as gay his home untry and feared beg forced to an arranged marriage wh a said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, Manchter and wish everyone uld marry who they love.

There are more than 60 untri wh laws that crimalise same-sex sexual acts acrdg to the Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn, cludg Sdi Arabia. 'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022. Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife.

The uple, who live London, said a "really betiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black b wdow to Trafalgar Square, "My dads jt got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage". However, 90% of the time people fd out that I am gay, I’m treated different than what a normal person would be. I’ve been lled “urageo” and “amazg” for beg openly gay while at the same place my straight peers are actively beg discrimated agast due to them beg normal the ey of society.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Your iends, who might already spect that you’re gay, will get to know you on a eper level and likely feel much closer to you.

OPN I’M GAY. AND I WANT MY KID TO BE GAY, TOO.

Really, if you read the stori of olr bisexuals and homosexuals who tried to live their whole liv the closet, they'll break your heart seven ways to Sunday. Unrstand that you're hardly alone the feelgs: there are a pretty rare few of who are gay, lbian, bisexual, queer, etc who haven't strongly wished we weren't at one pot or another, mostly -- and often ONLY -- jt bee the world we live n still be so discrimatory and uniendly towards , and beg anythg but heterosexual -- a siar way to beg anythg but whe -- n sometim be somethg that mak our liv more difficult than might be otherwise.

Md, more people are bisexual -- whether they choose to partner wh someone of the same genr or not -- than those who are heterosexual and homosexual, even though more people intify as heterosexual and choose to live their liv only datg oppose-sex.

In other words, your fay havg any level of homophobia isn't about you -- save that theirs likely bbed off on you, too -- 's about them.

HOW TO BEHAVE AROUND GAY PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THEM

“HOCD”, short for “Homosexual OCD”, is the term ed for a theme of Obssive Compulsive Disorr which the sufferer has obssns—unwanted tsive thoughts—surroundg their sexual orientatn.

I will be g the term “HOCD” throughout this article to discs obssns of those who intify as heterosexual and have relentls doubts about whether or not they are gay. A more reprentative way to scribe the obssns is “Sexual Orientatn OCD” bee OCD n latch onto anyone’s sexualy, whether that be someone who intifi as gay or queer or asexual. Furthermore, as sexual obssns of OCD n be about perverse ntent (fear that one is a pedophile or unwanted thoughts about ct), the term “Homosexual OCD” impli that homosexualy is perverse.

LGBT WEBSE SURVEY FDS THAT 93% OF GAY MEN POLLED DON’T WANT TO BE LABELED “QUEER”

The way many clients scribe is that they had a good sense of their heterosexual orientatn and then randomly had an tsive thought such as “what if you’re gay? HOCD is not to be misnsted wh nial or sexual reprsn, as those who are reprsg their te sexualy know that they are attracted to the same sex but ph away, often due to shame that om livg a heteronormative and homophobic world. It is a touchy subject among OCD sufferers and therapists alike who proclaim that HOCD is not homophobia.

While HOCD is not sexual reprsn, is not accurate to say that every person wh HOCD is not homophobic.

“I have HOCD and I’m not homophobic but I would tell my kid that they should not act on their sir if they were gay. “I have HOCD and jt bee I am not fortable wh or don’t agree wh one’s sexual preference don’t make me homophobic. It is important to weed out what is what bee addn to hurtg the LGBTQIA+ muny, ternalized homophobia may be keepg those wh HOCD further stuck.

I'M A GUY TERTED RECEPTIVE ANAL SEX: DO THAT MEAN I'M GAY?

An OCD specialist n addrs unrlyg, or sometim overt, homophobia by askg the sufferer why their tsive thoughts bother them so much. It is important to note that not everyone wh HOCD is homophobic and that the tsive thoughts are not a choice. It is equally important to acknowledge homophobia that is prent among some OCD sufferers bee nyg the existence of homophobia perpetuat s existence.

The realy is that we live a very heteronormative world, which is reflected through mastream media showsg heterosexual relatnships, lack of diversy polics, relig groups that nounce homosexualy and claim—wh zero evince—that gay folks will go to hell, and laws that enable discrimatn agast the LGBTQIA+ muny. While may not be the dividual’s flt for ternalizg homophobia, is up to them to undo what has been tght—OCD sufferer or not. OCD specialists spend a lot of time advotg for and protectg the OCD muny, which is why so many are quick to note that HOCD is not homophobia.

Instead of sayg is the “fear of beg gay when one is straight”, scribe for what really is: the fear of not knowg one’s te sexual orientatn. Changg the language we e and ensurg that homophobia is not reflected our practic will protect the OCD muny as a whole.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* GAY BUT DON WANT TO BE

The Washgton Post</tle><path d="M39.2 32v36.6c4.7-2.8 7-6.8 8.7-12.1l1.2.6c-1.1 13.2-10.3 26-24.3 26S0 72.6 0 55.8C0 43 7.7 35.1 18.7 28.2a16.11 16.11 0 00-4.4-.6c-7.2 0-11.4 4.9-11.4 9.9H1.5a14.77 14.77 0 01-.1-2.1c0-9.3 5.5-19.7 16.9-19.7 7.3 0 12.9 6.7 21.4 6.7 4.3 0 6.7-1.6 8.4-5.3h1.2c-.1 6.5-2 12.8-10.1 14.9zm-19-3.3C15.1 34 10.1 39.6 10.1 50.9c0 6.2 1.9 12.4 6.6 16.4l3.1-1.7V40.3L16.6 42l-1-1.6 15-8.4c-3.8-.8-6.9-2.3-10.4-3.3zm17.1 3.7a17 17 0 01-2.3.1 17.52 17.52 0 01-4-.4v29.5l-12.8 7a15.57 15.57 0 009.9 3 22.58 22.58 0 009.2-2zm44 9.2v34.3c0 9.6-8.51 16.11-18 18l-.6-1c4.7-2.3 7.8-6.41 7.8-11.41V45.7l-4.9-4.5-2.6 2.6v27.1l3 2.8v.4l-8.1 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.4l3.6-3.8V25.8l10.6-11.3.2.1v26.6l8.7-9.2 8.7 7.9 2.7-2.6 1.31 1.3zM97.91 62v4.5l9 7.1 7-7.3 1.3 1.3L101 82.8 88.21 72.6l-2.8 2.8-1.2-1.3 3.1-3.2V45.8l18.9-13.8 10.5 16.3zm.2-22.6l-.2.1v20.1l8.7-6.4zM180 82.71l-13.9-12-10.6 12-14.4-12.41V50.7h-2.8a3.89 3.89 0 00-4.1 3.5h-1a15.87 15.87 0 01-.5-3.8c0-2.6 1.1-9.4 8.4-9.4V25.8c0-5.9-3.9-6.2-3.9-11.3 0-5.7 5.4-11 15.3-14.5l.9.8c-3.3 1.6-6 3.6-6 7.9 0 6.6 6.4 4.9 6.4 15.3v4l11.7-12.3 12.3 12.1 11.6-12.1 11.2 11v37zM165.4 32.8l-7-6.9-4.6 4.7v34.3l8.5 7.3 3.1-3.5zm22.6-1.3l-5.6-5.6-4.3 4.3v34.6l9.8 8.6.1-.1zm44.8 51.21l-9.4-8.61h-.2l-8.3 8.61-10.1-8.91-2.3 2.3-1.3-1.3 2.9-3V45.5l19-13.6 10.4 8.2 2.8-2.8 1.5 1.3-3.6 3.4v27.1l4.6 4.2 2.9-3 1.5 1.4zm-9.4-37.41l-8.3-6.5-.2.2v29.2l6.1 5.4 2.4-2.3zm40.6 4.8h9.4v21.4l-15.9 11.21a11.52 11.52 0 00-8.8-4.11c-3 0-5.4 1.4-7.8 4l-1.4-.5 13.8-19.8h-8.5V43.7L261.4 32c2 1.6 3.6 2.6 6.2 2.6a11.35 11.35 0 007.1-2.2l1 .7zm-1.4 8.8h-4.7l-11.1 15.9.1.2a12.36 12.36 0 017.6-2.5 10.4 10.4 0 018 3.8l.1-.09zm6.4-19.6a9.73 9.73 0 01-6.9 2.3 8.92 8.92 0 01-6.3-2.9l-.2.1v14.6h3.8l9.7-14zm40 2.3v34.3c0 9.6-8.51 16.11-18 18l-.6-1c4.7-2.3 7.8-6.41 7.8-11.41V45.7l-4.9-4.5-2.6 2.6v27.1l3 2.8v.4l-8.1 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.4l3.6-3.8V25.8l10.6-11.3.2.1v26.6l8.7-9.2 8.71 7.9 2.7-2.6 1.3 1.3zm19.6 41.11l-8.3-7.61-2.8 2.8-1.3-1.3 3.3-3.4V44.7l-3.6-3.3-2.7 2.6-1.3-1.3L322 32l7.6 6.9 2.7-2.8 1.4 1.4-3.4 3.4v28.6l4.2 3.9 3-3.1 1.3 1.4zm-2.9-51.61l-8.2-7.5 7.5-8 8.2 7.5zm46.1 51.61l-8.7-7.91V45.6l-4.7-4.4-3.4 3.5v26.1l3.1 2.9v.4l-8.2 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.3l3.6-3.8V44.9l-4.1-3.7-3 3-1.4-1.3L345.9 32l9.1 8.1v2l9.5-10.1 8.7 7.8 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4-3.5 3.5v28l3.9 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.2 1.3zm43-41V75.6c0 5.2 2.9 5 2.9 8.9 0 4.51-6.5 8.71-16.5 16.21-3.3-3.6-5.6-5.1-8.7-5.1a19.85 19.85 0 00-10.7 3.6l-1-.8 13.7-16.11-9-7.09-2.9 2.89-1.3-1.3 3.4-3.5V45.5l19-13.6 10.2 8 3-2.9 1.3 1.3zm-7.7 41.71c-2.5-1.61-3.1-3.31-3.1-7.61V74.3L387.9 93l.1.1c3.2-1.9 5.6-3.1 10.3-3.1 4 0 6.9 1.7 9.5 4 1.9-1.6 3.3-3.2 3.3-5.7 0-1.99-1.5-3.3-4-4.89zM404 45.3l-8.3-6.5-.2.2v30.7l5.9 4.6 2.6-3zm31.5 37.41l-8.8-6.91-2.7 2.7-1.3-1.29 3.1-3.21V39.4H420l-.2-.2 3.5-5.2h2.5v-6.7L436.4 16l.2.2V34h8l.2.2-3.5 5.2h-4.7v30.3l4.8 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.3 1.4zm43.71-40.11v27.7l-16.9 12.5L450 73.5l-2.8 2.8-1.3-1.3 3.2-3.3v-27L466.81 32l11.4 8.9 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4zm-10.8 3L460 39l-.09.1v29.8l8.5 6.4zm50.4 37l-8.7-7.9V45.5l-4.7-4.4-3.41 3.5v26.1l3.1 2.9v.4l-8.2 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.3l3.6-3.8V44.8l-4.1-3.7-3 3-1.4-1.3 10.2-10.9L502 40v2l9.5-10.1 8.7 7.8 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4-3.5 3.5v28l3.9 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.2 1.3zm61.39.11a12.91 12.91 0 00-6.3-4.61v20.81l-.2.1-5.5-5.1-11.6 10.7-.2-.1V77.6a18.83 18.83 0 00-10.2 6.61l-.8-.5c.7-7.71 4.5-13.41 11-15.61V48.6h-2.1a5.25 5.25 0 00-5.3 4.2h-1.2a12.28 12.28 0 01-.7-4.6c0-4.9 3.3-8.6 8.7-8.6h.6V28.8l-3.6-3.2-2.8 2.8-1.4-1.3 11.1-11.4 9.4 8.6v9.8L572 31V19.5h1.9V29l12.5-13.3L597.7 26v43.5zM572 32.9l-2.9 3v56.31l2.9 2.7zm13.1-2.3l-5.9-5.4-5.3 5.6v36.3c4.7.6 8.2 2.2 11.1 5.3l.1-.1zm48.7 12v27.7l-16.9 12.5-12.3-9.3-2.8 2.8-1.3-1.3 3.2-3.3v-27L621.4 32l11.4 8.9 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4zm-10.8 3l-8.4-6.6-.1.1v29.8l8.5 6.4zm35.6 4.5h9.4v21.4l-15.9 11.21a11.52 11.52 0 00-8.8-4.11c-3 0-5.4 1.4-7.8 4l-1.4-.5 13.8-19.8h-8.5V43.7L656 32c2 1.6 3.6 2.6 6.2 2.6a11.38 11.38 0 007.11-2.2l1 .7zm-1.4 8.8h-4.7l-11.1 15.9.1.2a12.36 12.36 0 017.6-2.5 10.4 10.4 0 018 3.8l.1-.09zm6.41-19.6a9.78 9.78 0 01-6.91 2.3 8.92 8.92 0 01-6.3-2.9l-.2.1v14.6h3.8l9.7-14zm22.9 43.41l-8.8-6.91-2.71 2.7-1.3-1.29 3.1-3.21V39.4H671l-.2-.2 3.5-5.2h2.5v-6.7L687.41 16l.2.2V34h8l.2.2-3.5 5.2h-4.7v30.3l4.8 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.3 1.4z"></path></svg><span class="alic gray font-xxxxs font--body">Democracy Di Darkns</span></div></div><hear class="w-100" data-qa="ma-full"><div class="hi-for-prt"><div class="wpds-c-bHXelH wpds-c-kBYYkb wpds-c-bHXelH-fGHEql-maxWidth-fluid wpds-c-bHXelH-iiAiuHj-css"><nav class="wpds-c-hwIWrt wpds-c-hwIWrt-kcWQLv-alignment-left wpds-c-hwIWrt-hmLULQ-cv flex overflow-hidn overflow-xscroll b bb mw-vw-100 grid-mobile-full-bleed" aria-label="Sectn" data-qa="sendary-nav" tabx="0"><div class="wpds-c-sertR"><a href=" data-qa="sendary-nav-primary-lk" class="flex ems-center h-100 bold font-xxs font-xs-ns ma-0-ns black">Advice</a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Ask Amy<!-- --> </a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Ask Sahaj<!-- --> </a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Carolyn Hax<!-- --> </a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Miss Manners<!-- --> </a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Parentg Advice<!-- --> </a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Work Advice<!-- --> </a></div></nav></div><div class="wpds-c-bHXelH wpds-c-kBYYkb wpds-c-bHXelH-erqBZw-maxWidth-md wpds-c-bHXelH-ihSmMVC-css"><nav class="wpds-c-hwIWrt wpds-c-hwIWrt-kcWQLv-alignment-left wpds-c-hwIWrt-hmLULQ-cv flex overflow-hidn overflow-xscroll b bb mw-vw-100" aria-label="Sectn" data-qa="sendary-nav" tabx="0"><div class="wpds-c-sertR"><a href=" data-qa="sendary-nav-primary-lk" class="flex ems-center h-100 bold font-xxs font-xs-ns ma-0-ns black">Advice</a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Ask Amy<!-- --> </a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Ask Sahaj<!-- --> </a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Carolyn Hax<!-- --> </a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Miss Manners<!-- --> </a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Parentg Advice<!-- --> </a><a class="wpds-c-bgVtfq wpds-c-jxcbnu wpds-c-bgVtfq-ecTIdS-variant-primary ml-md" href=" data-qa="sendary-lk">Work Advice<!-- --> </a></div></nav></div></div><div class="mt-lg"><div data-qa="kicker" class="wpds-c-eyomNc wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-PJLV-jYXVnY-lor-black wpds-c-PJLV-mlvxn-size-lg"></div></div><div class="w-100" style="max-width:1000px"><h1 class="font--headle offblack headle mb-sm" data-ttid="headle" data-qa="headle" id="ma-ntent"><span data-qa="headle-text">Miss Manners: How do I rpond to nosy qutns I don’t want to answer?</span></h1></div><div class="flex prt-byle prt-mt-none"><div class="byle-wrapper flex-lumn flex"><div class="PJLV PJLV-ihSmMVC-css"><div class="mb-xxs flex" style="gap:0.5rem" data-qa="thor-byle"><span class="wpds-c-PJLV"><div class="dib ems-center" data-qa="thor-byle"><span class=""><div class="dib font-xxs" data-qa="name-wh-optnal-lk" data-cy="name-wh-optnal-lk"><span data-qa="attributn-text" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP">Advice by <!-- --> </span><a data-qa="thor-name" href=" rel="thor" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP wpds-c-cNdzuP-ejzZdU-isLk-te">Judh Mart</a></div><span class="wpds-c-kpjDGe wpds-c-kpjDGe-fSGdIc-isSmall-false wpds-c-kpjDGe-icNdzuP-css">,<!-- --> </span></span></div><div class="dib ems-center" data-qa="thor-byle"><span class=""><div class="dib font-xxs" data-qa="name-wh-optnal-lk" data-cy="name-wh-optnal-lk"><span data-qa="thor-name" rel="thor" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP wpds-c-cNdzuP-cIdiJW-isLk-false">Nicholas Mart</span></div><span class="wpds-c-kpjDGe wpds-c-kpjDGe-fSGdIc-isSmall-false wpds-c-kpjDGe-icNdzuP-css"> and<!-- --> </span></span></div><div class="dib ems-center" data-qa="thor-byle"><span class=""><div class="dib font-xxs" data-qa="name-wh-optnal-lk" data-cy="name-wh-optnal-lk"><span data-qa="thor-name" rel="thor" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP wpds-c-cNdzuP-cIdiJW-isLk-false">Jaba Mart</span></div><span class="wpds-c-kpjDGe wpds-c-kpjDGe-fSGdIc-isSmall-false wpds-c-kpjDGe-icNdzuP-css"></span></span></div></span></div></div><div data-ttid="timtamp" class="wpds-c-kgabfe wpds-c-kgabfe-ikrKXLV-css"><span data-ttid="display-date" class="wpds-c-iKQyrV">July 18, 2023 at 12:00 a.m. EDT</span></div></div></div></hear></div><article class="grid-article mb-xxl-ns" data-qa="ma"><div class="grid-body"><div class="wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-PJLV-hSmMVC-isLuf2-false"><div class="wpds-c-jUMcim wpds-c-jUMcim-ibVGacg-css hi-for-prt mb-sm"><div class="PJLV PJLV-ieDMgMI-css flex ems-center" nfig="[object Object]" data-qa="article-actns"><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><div class="wpds-c-jmMNTu"><div role="button" tabx="0" aria-label="Listen" data-ttid="listen-button" class="PJLV PJLV-ieXqgLD-css"><svg xmlns=" fill="var(--wpds-lors-primary)" viewBox="0 0 16 16" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-kKAfCG wpds-c-bPOGbC"><path fill="currentColor" d="M12.29 3.88A6.13 6.13 0 0 1 14 8.24V11a3 3 0 0 1-3 3h-1V8h1a3 3 0 0 1 2 .78v-.54A5.118 5.118 0 0 0 8 3a5.12 5.12 0 0 0-5 5.24v.54A3 3 0 0 1 5 8h1v6H5a3 3 0 0 1-3-3 2.09 2.09 0 0 1 0-.5V8.24A6.13 6.13 0 0 1 8 2a6.13 6.13 0 0 1 4.29 1.88Z"></path></svg></div><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-uwUI">Listen</span><div class="wpds-c-jxWEMP">3 m</div></div></div></div><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><button aria-label="Comment" class="wpds-c-gPbxFP"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="var(--wpds-lors-primary)" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-kKAfCG wpds-c-efqEZa flex ems-center jtify-center brad-lg poter transn-400 ease--out transn-lors" aria-label="Comment on this story"><tle>Comment on this story</tle><path d="M14 14V2H2v9.47h8.18L12.43 13ZM3 10.52V3h10v9.23l-2.5-1.66Z"></path></svg></button><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Comment</span><span class="wpds-c-fOvfhP wpds-c-fOvfhP-kshkDy-isCommentType-te none" aria-hidn="te"><span class="ment-unt font-xxxxs sc-ral-unt"><span class="ral-unt unfed" data-ral-notext="te"></span></span></span></div></div><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><div class="dib poter" data-qa="gift-share"><div aria-label="Gift this story" aria-ntrols="gift-share" aria-owns="gift-share" id="gift-share-ntrol" class="" aria-haspopup="te" aria-expand="false" role="button" tabx="0"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf wpds-c-PJLV" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><path d="M10.73 5h.14a1.75 1.75 0 0 0 1-2.25 1.83 1.83 0 0 0-.51-.75 1.72 1.72 0 0 0-1.48-.35 1.76 1.76 0 0 0-1.2.94L8 3.93l-.68-1.4A1.76 1.76 0 0 0 4 3.59 1.74 1.74 0 0 0 5.13 5H2v4h1v5h10V9h1V5ZM9.58 3a.77.77 0 0 1 .51-.4h.17a.73.73 0 0 1 .47.17.72.72 0 0 1 .27.71.72.72 0 0 1-.48.58l-1.77.66ZM5 3.43a.72.72 0 0 1 .27-.71.73.73 0 0 1 .47-.17h.17a.77.77 0 0 1 .51.4l.83 1.7L5.48 4A.74.74 0 0 1 5 3.43ZM3 6h4.5v2H3Zm1 3h3.5v4H4Zm4.5 4V9H12v4ZM13 8H8.5V6H13Z" data-name="Path 10"></path></svg></div></div><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Gift<!-- --> <span class="PJLV PJLV-ikqOWxF-css">Article</span></span></div></div><div class="dib poter" data-qa="wpds-tooltip-ntrol"><div aria-ntrols="actns-tooltip" aria-owns="actns-tooltip" id="actns-tooltip-ntrol" class="" aria-haspopup="te" aria-expand="false"><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><div tabx="0" aria-label="Share" class="PJLV PJLV-ietWzJw-css"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf wpds-c-dJBvpf-iPJLV-css "><path d="M14 14H2V7h1v6h10V7h1Zm-5.5-2h-1V3h1Z"></path><path d="M10.29 5.71 11 5 8 2l-.71.71L5 5l.71.71L8 3.42l2.29 2.29z"></path></svg></div><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Share</span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="teaser-ntent grid-center"><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><i><b>Dear Miss Manners: </b></i><i>Livg a retirement muny, I expected tradnal civili among rints. However, a uple of urant ladi are ready to sually quire over dner, “Are you gay?” or even, “When did you disver you were gay?” Tradnally, such qutns about private matters were no more acceptable than “How much money do you make?” or “Why did you and your wife divorce?”</i></p></div></div><div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class=" mb-md hi-for-prt" data-qa="subscribe-promo"><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div><a class="pt-sm pb-sm flex ems-center bold font-xxxs font-xxs-ns offblack hover-blue-bright jtify-between" href=" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" style="text-ratn:none;borr:none"><span class="mr-xs flex ems-center"><span class="ml-xs">Sign up for Unboxed, a pop-up newsletter on the bt mem, verage and buzz around the “Barbie” movie.</span></span><svg class="ntent-box" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 16 16" xmlns=" style="transn:right .2s;posn:relative;right:4px;fill:#2a2a2a" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>ArrowRight .

TOP