Lren Morelli, the wrer of ‘Orange Is the New Black’ realized she was gay when she was wrg for the show, which was when she was happily married, had been livg liberal ci for many years, was ted and was 31 years old. “How uld she not know earlier?” mt have been the most erated statement when she me out. But, the tth is that we are not given a choice to choose sexualy when we are born. Beg hetero is normative and your unter-realizatn n h at any pot of your life. We asked seven out-of-the-closet gays about the moment they realized they were not straight and their rpons are as ndid as gets.
Contents:
- "I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY
- I WAS MARRIED WH 2 KIDS WHEN I REALIZED I’M GAY
- WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE GAY?
- I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.
- 7 PEOPLE SHARE THE MOMENT THEY REALIZED THEY WERE GAY
- HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE GAY, STRAIGHT, OR SOMETHG BETWEEN?
- I ASKED GUYS WHEN THEY FIRST KNEW THEY WERE GAY
- WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?
- AM I GAY?
- WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GAY?
- HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
- “I REALIZED I WAS GAY”: 29 MEN IN THIS ONLE GROUP WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE SHARE WHAT WAS THEIR TURNG POT
- HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
- HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
"I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY
I grew up the 1980s and 1990s. Depictns of gay people were not flatterg. It seemed to me and om what my mother told me (She was a public health nurse.), all gay men had AIDS. The very few gay men I knew did die of AIDS, though was rarely spoken about. Other… * realized i was gay *
When I found out earlier this month, along wh the rt of the world, that one of my favore actors, Kal Penn, is a fellow gay man and now engaged to his long-time partner, I was so happy that he was openly livg his tth. Once the untry around me changed and I started seeg more gays the muny, felt safer, and I felt more fortable to e out. Part of me felt rponsible for her ath, as if beg bi or gay and my feelgs of regret somehow ed .
But when I moved to California and saw more gay people, then I really started to realize . I have a lot of stori about folks who were homophobic but me around to acceptg me and honorg me for beg a gay man, once they got to know me beyond what I do bed.
In the meantime, I kept watchg gay porn but wouldn't accept and felt guilty after jerkg off to . I me out to my wife many moons ago but took a long time to realize that prayg the gay away wasn’t workg.
I WAS MARRIED WH 2 KIDS WHEN I REALIZED I’M GAY
* realized i was gay *
I’m a good place right now and share my home wh gay iends, as well as adult children. Pl the ‘80s was not a particularly good time to be gay — I thk fear of AIDS was possibly one thg that had me nial. I wonr if I'd accepted I'm gay when I was 20, if thgs would have been much different.
After spendg years dog all the manly thgs that were supposed to straighten me out, I had a particular weekend — a men-only whewater raftg trip — when I realized I did all the thgs I was aimg for that were supposed to change me, and I was still 100% gay. Once I knew the gay wasn't gog anywhere, I figured I wanted to be open and hont wh people om then on, regardls of how the rt of my life went.
In Lat Ameri and my untry of Venezuela, beg gay is associated wh beg ls of a person. When I was a kid, I went through all the dumb pre-ter gay kid thgs like lgerg the JCPenny's men’s unrwear sectn. I e om a strict Irish tholic fay, so any of my mannerisms or actns that were ‘too gay’ were discsed by my fay.
WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE GAY?
In a society where most are expected to be straight, n be difficult to take a step back and tly ask if you’re gay, straight, or somethg else. There's no "right" way to e to terms wh your orientatn. But there are a few thgs you n do to explore your feelgs and help figure thgs out. Here's how. * realized i was gay *
Grad school was the first time I was around people who seemed to genuely not re or treat people different bee they were gay.
When I rennected wh my bt childhood iend who me out to me as bi, I was spired and told him I was gay. Growg up was the whole ‘relig upbrgg/ternalized homophobia’ dance: I liked gay porn, but uldn't adm to myself I was gay. My wife and I are gog to unselg together to work through thgs and while ‘’ has a shelf life, I'm foced on figurg out what beg gay means to me.
"At around 28 years old, I had a cent grasp that I'm overwhelmgly gay, wh some rare and specific attractn towards women. After a few months of experiencg very novel and tense sexual feelgs, I overme my fear of masturbatn and started dog to var kds of straight and gay porn.
I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.
Are you qutng your sexualy? Fd out if you’re gay, straight, bisexual, or asexual. Learn what the terms mean and if they apply to you. * realized i was gay *
After the divorce, I me out to my close fay and iends and started my journey of figurg out how to be gay. And thanks to r/AskGayBrosOver30 for creatg a space for queer men to be vulnerable and empathize wh each other.
7 PEOPLE SHARE THE MOMENT THEY REALIZED THEY WERE GAY
Men on r/AskGaybrosOver30 have been sharg stori of how they me out later life and what was the turng pot for them. * realized i was gay *
I kept wag for the moment where I would realize I was no longer gay so I uld put a halt to everythg.
I was nsumed by the p my stomach – the shame of endg my marriage bee I was gay was like luggg a sandbag over my shoulrs and havg a rock my stomach at the same time. I wasn’t sure how to tell my nservative, Geia-born and bred parents that their former pageant queen dghter was endg her marriage bee she is gay.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE GAY, STRAIGHT, OR SOMETHG BETWEEN?
I wasn’t brave enough to actually say the words – the label of beg gay or a lbian was too much for my soul to bear at the time – so I sent her a text msage, “I am not straight. Democratic printial ndidate Pete Buttigieg – who, like me, is his late 30s and, like me, me out publicly jt a few years ago – put this way: “It’s hard to face the tth that there were tim my life when, if you had shown me exactly what was si me that ma me gay, I would have cut out wh a knife.
I thk you’d be hard-prsed to fd a gay person over the age of 30 who hasn’t felt this way. When I was llege, I wanted to learn more about beg gay, so I went to Barn and Noble. Not only did I know this is where a lot of gay men hung out, but B&N also had books on the subject.
I got some gay vios through the mail, and I read Brad Gooch’s Fdg the Boyiend Wh: A Practil Gui for Tappg to Your Own Source of Love, Happs, and Rpect.
I ASKED GUYS WHEN THEY FIRST KNEW THEY WERE GAY
I don’t know which book I eventually read (I did a lot of readg on the subject of beg gay, and I have always been a nsummate rearcher.
I uldn’t be all the horrible thgs I had been lled growg up: fag, faggot, queer, homo, sissy, etc.
Readg posive stori about gay people allowed me to realize I uld be gay, and, I uld be happy.
WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?
Bulli teased me for beg gay when I was younger, but when a six-year-old boy lls another six-year-old boy gay, he means “weird” or “gross, ” not “has sex wh men. I felt prsured to pick a label and stick wh , and for a long time “gay” worked bee I didn’t thk about much. I hooked up wh trans and nonbary people and stopped scribg myself as gay, preferrg to e the more clive tchall “queer.
Often when I tell some people that I’m distancg myself om gay, they immediately suggt I intify as bisexual, or pansexual.
I need somethg that means “mostly gay but not fully mted and open to other possibili, ” but, alas, such a niche label has yet to be imaged. Close01/8We asked 7 people when they realized they were gay and their rpons are absolutely ndidLren Morelli, the wrer of ‘Orange Is the New Black’ realized she was gay when she was wrg for the show, which was when she was happily married, had been livg liberal ci for many years, was ted and was 31 years old.
AM I GAY?
We asked seven out-of-the-closet gays about the moment they realized they were not straight and their rpons are as ndid as gets. "<p>I realized I was gay when my bt iend and I grew terribly close when we were 16 years old. <br></p>readmore04/8"I realized that I was gay bee my porn preferenc were changg.
In a society where most of are expected to be straight, n be difficult to take a step back and ask whether you’re gay, straight, or somethg ’re the only person who n figure out what your orientatn tly is.
WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GAY?
Havg a sex dream about someone of the same genr as you don’t necsarily make you gay. You don’t have to fulfill certa “creria” to qualify as gay, straight, bisexual, or anythg is an aspect of your inty, not a job applitn — and you n intify wh whatever term fs you! ” Plenty of people thought they were one thg for the first half of their life, only to fd that wasn’t ’s also possible to thk you’re gay when you’re actually bi, or thk you’re bi when you’re actually gay, for example.
Your orientatn may change, but that don’t make any ls valid over time, nor do mean you’re wrong or are some people gay?
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
This uld help you segue to the may fd helpful to start wh somethg like:“After thkg about a lot, I’ve realized that I’m gay.
It’s not until outsi factors like high school social prsure, relig tolerance and systemic homophobia e to play that the young people are led to believe those feelgs aren’t normal. I talked to a few of my gay iends about their experienc realizg they were attracted to men, if anyone had explaed homosexualy to them growg up and whether or not at any time they were nvced that beg gay was “wrong. I pretty much learned what meant to be gay through different social teractns wh kids at school or fay members who ma seem as if were bad or not ‘normal.
“When I was younger, people’s attus toward gay people were negative, so that fely hred me om beg myself at tim. I me to learn that my sometim-effemate behavr would lead others to know or thk I was gay. Overhearg the word ‘faggot’ thrown around by my classmat and fay members suggted to me that people didn’t like gay people, so I spent a lot of my childhood the ‘closet.
“I REALIZED I WAS GAY”: 29 MEN IN THIS ONLE GROUP WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE SHARE WHAT WAS THEIR TURNG POT
“I kd of knew what beg gay was, but all I knew was that people were bullied for , and that, apparently, the Bible said was wrong. People at church nvced me that was a choice, and actually ma me very homophobic bee I was so eaked out that another gay guys would thk I was gay and somehow out me, even though I was nvced at the time that I was straight. “Everythg I learned about beg gay was om my experienc middle school where everyone ma seem terrible and mocked you for .
The way that I treated myself and others out of fear of what the Bible ‘apparently’ said was disgtg, and I have seen other gay Christians do to me. It seems so outdated to me now, pecially sce I have lived wh the privilege of not havg to worry about people knowg I was gay, and not havg to ncern myself wh people’s heteronormative expectatns.
” Fifteen years later, he ss outsi a Wt Hollywood Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf remiscg wh a woman about his days as an out-and-proud gay man. Five or so years before that, Rothenberg was paralyzed by fear over the realizatn that he wasn’t actually gay.
HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
’”From the Edors of DetailsDpe the sistence of many—straight and gay—that swchg between sexual preferenc n’t technilly happen, Rothenberg isn’t the only man to have believed he was homosexual before cidg that he was wrong.
The aren’t gays who attend fah-based programs to be “cured, ” or bisexuals who rotate between male and female sex partners the way the rt of alternate pairs of sho.
And they’re not the type who hi gay urg public while privately trottg off to the lol Andrew Br, who grew up Milwkee, was all about girls—until he had sex wh a guy at the end of his senr year of high school.
HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
When he later fell love wh a woman (who was at the time a lbian) and realized he was straight, he didn’t rm anyone that he’d been wavg that rabow flag although there aren’t statistics to show how many men go through a siar sexual shift, anecdotal evince suggts that some men who nsir themselv to be gay experience this kd of change not bee of sexual experimentatn or peer prsure but bee they ci that they want to sleep wh women stead of Ethan Robson (not his real name), a 37-year-old film edor om Los Angel, chasg women durg his post-llege years beme a chore. “If I went to a gay bar I got h on like crazy, whereas at a straight bar the women all but turned their backs, ” Robson says. ”After that relatnship fizzled, Robson dated another guy but eventually realized that he wasn’t gay.
Bob (not his real name), a 33-year-old artist om Los Angel, cid he was gay when he was about 10.