What Do It Mean to Be a Gay Man? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHAT IT’S LIKE BEG THE ONLY GAY MAN THE OFFICE
• HOW TO BE GAY AT WORK
• HOW TO BE A ROCKSTAR ROLE MOL GAY MAN AT WORK
• KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY
• JAGS' MAXEN IS FIRST MALE AMERIN PRO SPORTS ACH TO E OUT AS GAY
• HOW GAY MEN NAVIGATE THE CORPORATE WORLD
• GAY MEN USED TO EARN LS THAN STRAIGHT MEN; NOW THEY EARN MORE
• YOUNG GAY MEN IN THE UK ARE MOST LIKELY TO GO BACK IN CLOSET WHEN THEY START WORK
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• AS A GAY MAN, I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL
• HOW TO LOOK GREAT AS A GAY MAN
• HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

WHAT IT’S LIKE BEG THE ONLY GAY MAN THE OFFICE

It was clear that I had reached a breakg pot: Although I had e out as a gay man to iends and fay years earlier, I was walkg right back to the closet and lockg my te inty away every day om 9 a.

I was hired by a startup s early stag, and quickly learned two thgs my first week: I was the first and only openly gay man hired by the pany, and the all-male management had no ia I wasn’t sexually terted women. I wasn’t worried about havg supportive lleagu or LGBTQ peers: I was hell-bent on extractg everythg I uld get out of this opportuny for my reer, even if turned out I was once aga the only openly gay man the office. I was workg the largt edorial team I had ever been a part of New York Cy, at one of the olst news magaz the natn, and yet I was the only openly gay man at the publitn’s headquarters (only one other gay man was employed by the pany at the time, and worked remotely a part-time posn).

He has worked at the same place for 27 years, specializg highway nstctn, and while he knows that some of his lleagu spect he is gay, he has never revealed his sexualy at the office.

HOW TO BE GAY AT WORK

“There is no protectn, ” said the gay rights activist, ncedg that there is some hypocrisy mpaigng for gay rights while ncealg his homosexualy. Another jot study by Delote, a nsultg and fancial servic firm, and New York Universy, found that 83% of lbian, gay and bisexual workers reported “verg” a part of their sexual inty at work. Apple CEO Tim Cook publicly acknowledged Thursday that he is gay, beg the only CEO of a Fortune 500 pany to announce his homosexualy while at the helm of a major pany.

HOW TO BE A ROCKSTAR ROLE MOL GAY MAN AT WORK

“So if hearg that the CEO of Apple is gay n help someone stgglg to e to terms wh who he or she is, or brg fort to anyone who feels alone, or spire people to sist on their equaly, then ’s worth the tra-off wh my own privacy. Brandon’s ncern was backed by a 2011 Harvard study that found some stat, there was signifint discrimatn agast openly gay applints, wh gay job applints approximately 40% ls likely to be offered a job terview than their heterosexual unterparts.

KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY

" Dolly, bab, we n Dolly's office polics bop don't offer any sight to one particular profsnal dilemma: how do you navigate beg gay the workplace?

JAGS' MAXEN IS FIRST MALE AMERIN PRO SPORTS ACH TO E OUT AS GAY

Wh that md, here's a handy gui to beg gay and happy the 't e out if you don't want toFundamentally, g out at work is exactly like g out to iends and fay.

HOW GAY MEN NAVIGATE THE CORPORATE WORLD

It's also a great place to bch about (and brastorm solutns to) any heteronormative pany-wi 't put up wh low-key homophobic languageIn 2018, most of are lucky enough not to work wh outright bigots.

Many gay men the workplace feel ashamed or awkward of their sexual orientatn and believe, sometim whout mer, that their lleagu will treat them differently bee of . Gabe Deremiens, a Toronto based IT Project Manager and gay man himself, om his own experience, regnized the issu gay men have the workplace and now ach them to improve their learship skills and build their nfince the workplace to overe the fears many harbor. And even whout any negativy beg prent, suici and addictn n often rult merely due to their own fear of how others may perceive them if they fd out they are gay, and the need to feel acceptance the workplace; somethg most of take for granted, ” shar Gabe.

GAY MEN USED TO EARN LS THAN STRAIGHT MEN; NOW THEY EARN MORE

46% of LGBTQ workers say they are closeted at work, pared to 50% HRCF’s ground-breakg 2008 Degre of Equaly report31% of LGBTQ workers say they have felt unhappy or prsed at work34% of lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr people choose not to disclose their sexualy at workMany work hard to eva qutns about fay life for fear that revealg their sexualy will make work relatns difficult. Gabe is keen to help gay profsnals avoid this fear and overe the barriers to beg a gay lear and thrivg, to ensure they bee strong lears and avoid mental and physil health issu that stem om the fears.

YOUNG GAY MEN IN THE UK ARE MOST LIKELY TO GO BACK IN CLOSET WHEN THEY START WORK

Gabe Deremiens: The biggt challeng that I’ve faced as a profsnal gay man at work fall to one of three tegori – discrimatn, fear, and/or harassment.

GD: Here’s an example of discrimatn I faced at work where I was the only gay guy (that I was aware of at the time) workg a huge IT anizatn and the number of gay, bisexual, lbian so-lled “jok” seemed endls.

The sourc of this fear at work ranged om isolatn or beg ostracized (sometim I’d be centered out as the partment’s gay guy), to fear of not beg accepted (beg different than everyone else), beg bullied, beg lled nam to a fear of not beg promoted or even hired the first place.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

For s of discrimatn, such as appropriate jok based on sexual orientatn, however, gay men experiencg this may be aware this is happeng, but the associated feelgs of alienatn, aquacy, those feelgs will likely surface after-the-fact as well.

” In my opn, there is much more work that needs to be done by pani and profsnal anizatns to better support gay men and other LGBTQ people the workplace. Lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr people who are 'out' at work waste ltle energy hidg aspects of their personali, meang they feel more nfint and progrs wh the bs.

However, many rema the of Europe and the US is relatively acceptg of the LGBT muny; the issu that gay and trans people face here are mor parison to untri where displays of homosexualy n lead to prison, torture and, 34% of lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr people the UK choose not to disclose their sexualy at work. They hi their private liv om lleagu and clients for fear of homophobia, excln or se they are overlooked for valuable on the factory floor or a board meetg; evadg qutns about fay life n be like dodgg bullets if you thk that revealg your sexualy will make work relatns difficult. There are few 'out' role mols to monstrate that members of the LGBT muny even exist John Browne (whose recently published book The Glass Closet is sential readg for anyone takg diversy the workplace serly) is one of few openly gay bs figur and we need more people to be as urageo as well as a wir reprentatn of gay and trans people bs, we also need straight alli to be vol about their backg and we need bs to make a stand.

AS A GAY MAN, I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL

Per Outsports, Maxen is the “first publicly out male ach a major Amerin men’s pro sports league, ” wh WNBA ach Curt Miller, who publicly me out to the media as gay 2015, also a publicly out male ach an Amerin profsnal sports league.

-- Jaguars assistant strength and ndng ach Kev Maxen has bee the first male ach major Amerin men's profsnal sports to publicly e out as gay, tellg he ma the cisn bee he didn't want to hi who he is any longer and to possibly spire others siar 's a cisn and move that drew praise and support om owner Shad Khan, who was a vol and emphatic supporter of a cy ordance that expand protectns on the grounds of sexual orientatn, genr inty and genr exprsn. Recent soclogy rearch at the Universy of Ccnati looked closely at the var strategi gay men e to manage both their genred and sexual inti the workplace. Travis Dean Speice, a new soclogy doctoral graduate at the Universy of Ccnati, says his rearch dit that gay men often feel they have to change certa distct gtur and body language behavrs orr to avoid potential negative nsequenc om his study, Speice nducted -pth terviews of men between the ag of 22-52 who intify as gay, analyzg their thoughts on masculy, femy, gayns, how they me out and their specific job scriptns, which he says is where a lot of nsc manipulatn of inty management happens.

”Hidg pla sightSpeice explas the strategi for avoidg scty g a ncept he termed "hegemonic sexualy, " a tool he to unrstand how gay men are posned hierarchilly wh society.

HOW TO LOOK GREAT AS A GAY MAN

The rearcher says some men are labeled as "too gay, " and rponnts associate that label wh var speech patterns, body language and clothg choic that do not f to an ialized form of hegemonic masculy, or other monly known mascule behavrs. Men then have the choice to perform masculy and gayns any number of ways, wh some men attemptg to perform a more tradnal mascule versn of themselv at work.

"While many gay men have reers where they are rpected and accepted for beg themselv, several others feel that they have to hi, modify or nceal their behavral characteristics and speak, act and drs more "profsnally.

"Speice prented the analysis of the strategi Augt a paper tled “(Gay) Men at Work: Unrstandg Genred and Sexual Inty Management Strategi the Workplace, ” at the annual meetg of the Amerin Soclogil Associatn Sectn on the Soclogy of addrs three cril areas where gay men manage their inty the workplace:.

HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)

”Many rponnts, he pots out, believe particular lors or patterns on clothg might be terpreted by others as beg "too gay, " or "not mascule enough. “But I found that when gay men feel prsured to nform to 'profsnal' genr norms, they often e the guise of “profsnal” as a faça for how hegemonic sexualy operat their day-to-day liv.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

” Communitn and language characteristics such as the “gay lisp, ” as well as the flectn and speed, pch and rhythm of speech are all cril strategi that Speice says gay men may have to manage orr to nceal or reveal their sexualy.

Hegemonic sexualyIn lookg at ways that power stctur operate wh the gay muny, Speice veloped his ncept of hegemonic sexualy, pturg how gay men manipulate their performanc of sexualy, wh this hierarchil stcture that guis their behavrs. “Whether they are nsc or unnsc, the strategi rerce and perpetuate both ialized forms of hegemonic masculy and hegemonic sexualy, ditg that some behavr strategi for ‘beg gay’ are more sirable and reward than other ways.