Dear Pnce: I’m a straight woman who married a gay man.

Contents:

• HETEROSEXUAL AND HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAG – ARE STRAIGHT AND GAY MARRIAG INTIL?
• STRAIGHT UPL GET MARRIED EARLIER THAN GAY UPL. HERE'S A LOOK AT WHY.
• GAY MARRIAGE
• SHOULD GAY MARRIAGE BE LEGAL?
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• THE LONELS OF BEG GAY A STRAIGHT MARRIAGE
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• DO GAY MARRIAGE AFFECT STRAIGHT MARRIAGE?
• WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT A SEEMGLY FAKE DOCUMENT A GAY RIGHTS CASE
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY
• I'M AGAST GAY MARRIAGE--AND STRAIGHT MARRIAGE TOO
• I WAS PART OF 303 CREATIVE'S CASE. I BACK GAY MARRIAGE—BUT SCOTUS IS RIGHT

HETEROSEXUAL AND HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAG – ARE STRAIGHT AND GAY MARRIAG INTIL?

Although Kerby wrote this article before same-sex marriage was legalized, his asssment of homosexual relatnships has not changed bee the trsilly disorred nature of same-sex relatnships has not changed. So before we even nsir the impact of homosexualy, same-sex marriage, and other alternative liftyl, we should nsir the benefs of tradnal marriage to society.

STRAIGHT UPL GET MARRIED EARLIER THAN GAY UPL. HERE'S A LOOK AT WHY.

For example, the Gay/Lbian Consumer Onle Cens of nearly 8, 000 homosexuals found that only 15% scribed their “current relatnship” lastg twelve years or longer.

{17} A study of homosexual men the Netherlands published the journal AIDS found that the “duratn of steady partnerships” was one and a half years. {18} In a study of male homosexualy reported Wtern Sexualy: Practice and Precept Past and Prent Tim, Pollak found that “few homosexual relatnships last longer than two years, wh many men reportg hundreds of lifetime partners. In the classic study by Bell and Weberg, they found that 43% of whe male homosexuals had sex wh 500 or more partners, wh 28% havg 1, 000 or more sex partners.

{22} And a Dutch study of partnered homosexuals, published the journal AIDS, found that men wh a steady partner neverthels had an average of eight sexual partners per year. The thors of The Male Couple reported that their study of 156 mal homosexual relatnships lastg om 1 to 37 years, “Only seven upl have a totally exclive sexual relatnship, and the men all have been together for ls than five years. ”{24} They also found that most homosexual men unrstood sexual relatns outsi the relatnship to be the norm, and ually viewed standards of monogamy as an act of opprsn.

GAY MARRIAGE

” Timothy Dailey argu: “If homosexuals and lbians tly sired the same kd of mment signified by marriage, then one would expect them to take advantage of the opportuny to enter to civil unns or registered partnerships. However, is clear that few homosexuals and lbians have chosen to take advantage of the var unns (same-sex marriage, civil unns, domtic partnerships), suggtg a difference mment pared wh married upl.

The three differenc (along wh others tailed by Timothy Dailey) monstrate a signifint difference between heterosexual and homosexual relatnships.

Although there is a ncerted effort to ph for homosexual marriage wh our society, we have seen this article that there are fundamental differenc between heterosexual marriage and homosexual marriage. His new seri wh Harvt Hoe Publishers clus: A Biblil Pot of View on Islam, A Biblil Pot of View on Homosexualy, A Biblil Pot of View on Intelligent Dign and A Biblil Pot of View on Spirual Warfare. For stance, 45% of adults the Silent Generatn (those born between 1928 and 1945) favor allowg gays and lbians to wed, pared wh 74% of Millennials (born between 1981 and 1996).

SHOULD GAY MARRIAGE BE LEGAL?

4As wh the general public, Amerins who intify as lbian, gay, bisexual or transgenr (LGBT) are most likely to ce love as a very important reason for gettg married. Sce then, several other European untri – cludg England and Wal, France, Ireland, all of Sndavia, Spa and, most recently, Atria, Germany and Malta – have legalized gay marriage. And until 2015 – when the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage – that didn't clu data shows that the average age at first marriage for homosexual upl was olr than heterosexual upl.

In fact, rearchers have found that the majory of lbian, and gay, adults are mted relatnships and many upl have been together 10 or more years. The fai and iends of lbian and gay upl who are nied marriage rights may also experience negative physil and mental health nsequenc siar to those experienced by their loved on.

The vast majory of scientific studi that have directly pared lbian and gay parents wh heterosexual parents have nsistently shown that the same-sex upl are as f and pable parents as heterosexual upl, and that their children are jt as psychologilly healthy and well adjted. Early Years: Same-Sex Marriage Bans In 1970, jt one year after the historic Stonewall Rts that galvanized the gay rights movement, law stunt Richard Baker and librarian Jam McConnell applied for a marriage license Gerald Nelson rejected their applitn bee they were a same-sex uple, and a trial urt upheld his cisn.

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

” This lg effectively blocked feral urts om lg on same-sex marriage for s, leavg the cisn solely the hands of stat, which alt blow after blow to those hopg to see gay marriage beg 1973, for stance, Maryland beme the first state to create a law that explicly f marriage as a unn between a man and woman, a belief held by many nservative relig groups. Though the gay rights movement saw some advancements the 1970s and 1980s—such as Harvey Milk beg the first openly gay man elected to public office the untry 1977—the fight for gay marriage ma ltle headway for many years. In 1989, the San Francis Board of Supervisors passed an ordance that allowed homosexual upl and unmarried heterosexual upl to register for domtic partnerships, which granted hospal visatn rights and other years later, the District of Columbia siarly passed a new law that allowed same-sex upl to register as domtic partners.

C., 1993, the hight urt Hawaii led that a ban on same-sex marriage may vlate that state nstutn’s Equal Protectn Clse—the first time a state urt has ever ched toward makg gay marriage Hawaii Supreme Court sent the se—brought by a gay male uple and two lbian upl who were nied marriage licens 1990—back for further review to the lower First Circu Court, which 1991 origally dismissed the the state tried to prove that there was “pellg state tert” jtifyg the ban, the se would be tied up ligatn for the next three Defense of Marriage Act Opponents of gay marriage, however, did not s on their hnch. Congrs 1996 passed the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which Print Bill Clton signed to didn’t ban gay marriage outright but specified that only heterosexual upl uld be granted feral marriage benefs. That is, even if a state ma gay marriage legal, same-sex upl still wouldn’t be able to file e tax jotly, sponsor spo for immigratn benefs or receive spoal Social Secury payments, among many other act was a huge setback for the marriage equaly movement, but transient good news arose three months later: Hawaii Judge Kev S.

Phg for Change: Civil Unns The next saw a whirlwd of activy on the gay marriage ont, begng wh the year 2000 when Vermont beme the first state to legalize civil unns, a legal stat that provis most of the state-level benefs of years later, Massachetts beme the first state to legalize gay marriage when the Massachetts Supreme Court led that same-sex upl had the right to marry Goodridge v. The state fally troduced the untry to gay marriage (m the feral benefs) when began issug same-sex marriage licens on May 17, that year, the U.

THE LONELS OF BEG GAY A STRAIGHT MARRIAGE

2004 was notable for upl many other stat as well, though for the oppose reason: Ten typilly nservative stat, along wh Oregon, enacted state-level bans on gay marriage. Kansas and Texas were next 2005, and 2006 saw seven more stat passg Constutnal amendments agast gay towards the end of the , gay marriage beme legal var stat, cludg Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont (the first state to approve by legislative means) and New Hampshire. Domtic Partnerships Throughout the and the begng of the next, California equently ma headl for seawg on the gay marriage state was the first to pass a domtic partnership statute 1999, and legislators tried to pass a same-sex marriage bill 2005 and 2007.

Perry legalized same-sex marriage early 2010s ntued the state-level battl over gay marriage that fed the precedg , wh at least one notable event. For the first time the untry’s history, voters (rather than judg or legislators) Mae, Maryland, and Washgton approved Constutnal amendments permtg same-sex marriage marriage also beme a feral issue 2010, Massachetts, the first state to legalize gay marriage, found Sectn 3 of DOMA—the part of the 1996 law that fed marriage as a unn between one man and one woman—to be unnstutnal.

Wdsor, nservative Jtice Anthony Kennedy sid wh Jtic Ruth Bar Gsburg, Stephen Breyer, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan favor of same-sex marriage rights, ultimately makg gay marriage legal across the natn June this time, was still outlawed only 13 stat, and more than 20 other untri had already legalized gay marriage, startg wh the Netherlands December 2000. US public opn had shifted signifintly over the years, om 27% approval of gay marriage 1996 to 55% 2015, the year beme legal throughout the Uned Stat, to 61% 2019. Proponents of legal gay marriage ntend that gay marriage bans are discrimatory and unnstutnal, and that same-sex upl should have accs to all the benefs enjoyed by different-sex upl.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

On July 25, 2014 Miami-Da County Circu Court Judge Sarah Zabel led Florida’s gay marriage ban unnstutnal and stated that the ban “serv only to hurt, to discrimate, to prive same-sex upl and their fai of equal digny, to label and treat them as send-class cizens, and to em them unworthy of participatn one of the fundamental stutns of our society. The Amerin Psychologil Associatn, Amerin Psychiatric Associatn, and others nclud that legal gay marriage giv upl “accs to the social support that already facilat and strengthens heterosexual marriag, wh all of the psychologil and physil health benefs associated wh that support. A study found that same-sex married upl were “signifintly ls distrsed than lbian, gay, and bisexual persons not a legally regnized relatnship.

A 2010 analysis found that after their stat had banned gay marriage, gay, lbian and bisexual people suffered a 37% crease mood disorrs, a 42% crease alhol-e disorrs, and a 248% crease generalized anxiety disorrs. In July 2012 New York Cy Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that gay marriage had ntributed $259 ln to the cy’s enomy jt a year sce the practice beme legal there July 2011.

In 2012, the Williams Instute at the Universy of California at Los Angel (UCLA) found that the first five years after Massachetts legalized gay marriage 2004, same-sex weddg expendur (such as venue rental, weddg k, etc. Gay marriage is a civil right protected by the US Constutn’s mments to liberty and equaly, and is an ternatnally regnized human right for all people. 2016 printial ndidate and former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fra stated that civil unns are aquate as an equivalent to marriage: “Benefs are beg btowed to gay upl [ civil unns]… I believe we need to rpect those who believe that the word marriage has a spirual foundatn… Why n’t we rpect and tolerate that while at the same time sayg ernment nnot btow benefs unequally.

DO GAY MARRIAGE AFFECT STRAIGHT MARRIAGE?

Court papers filed July 2014 by attorneys fendg Arizona’s gay marriage ban stated that “the State regulat marriage for the primary purpose of channelg potentially procreative sexual relatnships to endurg unns for the sake of jog children to both their mother and their father… Same-sex upl n never provi a child wh both her blogil mother and her blogil father. Contrary to the pro gay marriage argument that some different-sex upl nnot have children or don’t want them, even those s there is still the potential to produce children.

Lee Badgett, PhD, Director of the Center for Public Policy and Admistratn at the Universy of Massachetts at Amherst, stated that for many gay activists “marriage means adoptg heterosexual forms of fay and givg up distctively gay fay forms and perhaps even gay and lbian culture.

Pla Ettelbrick, JD, Profsor of Law and Women’s Studi, wrote 1989, “Marriage ns ntrary to two of the primary goals of the lbian and gay movement: the affirmatn of gay inty and culture and the validatn of many forms of relatnships. LGBT activist llective Agast Equaly stated, “Gay marriage ap hetero privilege… [and] creas enomic equaly by perpetuatg a system which ems married begs more worthy of the basics like health re and enomic rights.

WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT A SEEMGLY FAKE DOCUMENT A GAY RIGHTS CASE

The lears of the Gay Liberatn Front New York said July 1969, “We expose the stutn of marriage as one of the most sid and basic staers of the system.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

Queer activist Anrs Zanichkowsky stated June 2013 that the then mpaign for gay marriage “tentnally and malicly eras and exclus so many queer people and cultur, particularly trans and genr non-nformg people, poor queer people, and queer people non-tradnal fai… marriage thks non-married people are viant and not tly servg of civil rights. In Islamic tradn, several hadhs (passag attributed to the Prophet Muhammad) nmn gay and lbian relatnships, cludg the saygs “When a man mounts another man, the throne of God shak, ” and “Sihaq [lbian sex] of women is za [illegimate sexual terurse]. Matt Barber, Associate Dean for Onle Programs at Liberty Universy School of Law, stated, “Every dividual engaged the homosexual liftyle, who has adopted a homosexual inty, they know, tuively, that what they’re dog is immoral, unnatural, and self-stctive, yet they thirst for that affirmatn.

A 2003 set of guil signed by Pope John Pl II stated: “There are absolutely no grounds for nsirg homosexual unns to be any way siar or even remotely analogo to God’s plan for marriage and fay… Marriage is holy, while homosexual acts go agast the natural moral law. On May 17, 2004, the first legal gay marriage the Uned Stat was performed Cambridge, MA between Tanya McCloskey, a massage therapist, and Marcia Kadish, an employment manager at an engeerg firm.

I'M AGAST GAY MARRIAGE--AND STRAIGHT MARRIAGE TOO

The qutn of how he se his gayns relatn to his two marriag to women, specifilly his current marriage to you, is both more salient and open-end, so I’d suggt you start by askg him to share more of his thoughts on the subject wh you. That will get you a lot further than tryg to figure out if your hband is “really” bisexual (and, implicly, whether that means you n safely hope he won’t leave you for someone else) or “really” gay (and, implicly, whether you have to fear that he’s gog to break up wh you for another man). Well, I, like any other gay guy knew I was gay om a young age, and like many other gay guys, felt pletely unable to e out and be hont wh myself and those around me.

I WAS PART OF 303 CREATIVE'S CASE. I BACK GAY MARRIAGE—BUT SCOTUS IS RIGHT

The thought of havg someone ‘out’ me was terrifyg… all I uld do was remove any potential of this happeng, so I beme to now when I am 43, and I have been an open and hont gay man for nearly two years. Now I know my logil md that I’m not the first married gay man to e out, and I certaly won’t be the last – but my irratnal md, I felt like I was the only one.

Also, for a small monthly fee, you n jo the growg muny of other gay men who are all prrisg their nnectn acrdg to the three pillars of nnectn. Jo me and Andrew for a ffee and a chat the upg episo of my podst for gay men ‘Connectn over Coffee wh The Lonels Guy’ om Thursday 16 September 2021.

Subscribe to my webse through eher a basic subscriptn (ee) or premium subscriptn (monthly charge) and let’s stay nnected as we work to -stigmatise lonels and promote thentic nnectn for gay men. Sharg my work really helps reach more gay men and helps all to -stigmatise lonels and promote thentic nnectn for gay men may not feel lonely and have jt the right amount of thentic nnectn your life, but sharg this article uld really help a iend or relative who may be quietly stgglg wh the thoughts and feelgs of lonels and disnnectn. ~ Thank you ~Important notice: All views exprsed above are my own and are tend to support, challenge and spire gay men to nsir the issue of lonels and crease awarens of the need for thentic nnectn wh themselv, wh others and their muni as an antidote to chronic lonels.