The Tragic Lsons of Cema’s First Gay Love Story | The New Yorker

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The gay love story was -wrten by early LGBTQ+ rights activist Magn Hirschfeld.

Contents:

A YOUNG GAY MAN MEETS HIS FIRST LOVE IN THIS HARROWG SHORT FILM

There's a way to burst through the shame gay men are ma to feel about homosexualy. * the first love gay *

The short film was the first of eight stallments Agta’s 2012 “Parts of the Heart” seri, which followed the life of Peter (Ardy Raldy), a young gay man growg up Jakarta, Indonia.

Before You GoGay Pri Around The World Popular the CommunyYou May Like. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experienc to my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and h the gay clubs. While I knew wouldn’t be like a gay llege eroti I’d read on (gay non, really), I rather naively wasn’t expectg the fall out.

THE FIRST GAY FILM: DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHERS FROM 1919

* the first love gay *

I realize I fell to that old gay adage of placg my feelgs on a person who, for whatever reason, was never gog to vt them back me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify, ” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are way more mon than people let on.

WATCH: THIS SHORT FILM ABOUT A GAY TEEN LOVE WILL MELT YOUR HEART

The urse of gay love rarely ns smooth on screen, but happy endgs are not as rare as they once were. Wh Merchant-Ivory’s Mrice currently back cemas, we celebrate gay films at their most romantic. * the first love gay *

Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.

A Gay Man Speaks Out.

10 GREAT GAY ROMANCE FILMS

Daniel Wenger on “Different om the Rt,” a silent movie produced Weimar Germany that is nsired the first feature film about gay love. * the first love gay *

Funny and erotic, Benjam tells a memorable story on a mimal budget—one which will feel very te to life to many gay viewers. We want to give a special shout-out to The Capote Tap, director Ebs Burnough’s documentary about Tman Capote’s lost fal novel; The Obuary of Tun Johnson, the story of an Ain-Amerin gay man relivg his own ath over and over; Breakg Fast, the Haaz Sleiman-led queer romantic edy (which jt picked up the prtig Audience Award at aGLIFF, no ls), and Cured, a fascatg new documentary about the queer activists who lobbied the APA to classify homosexualy as an illns.

The first known film wh a gay love story was ma more than 100 years ago. As far as I know, this is the earlit document we have of gays and lbians beg reprented on-screen.

THE TRAGIC LSONS OF CEMA’S FIRST GAY LOVE STORY

Jacksonville Jaguars’ assistant ach Kev Maxen has ma history by beg the first male ach profsnal sports the U.S. to publicly e out as gay. * the first love gay *

Hirschfeld suffered most of all, beg both a gay man and a Jew. When Douglas's father grew spic about their relatnship, he lnched a mpaign agast Wil that eventually led to his arrt on grounds of gross cency ( for beg gay) and was sentenced to two years Wil was released, the two tried to rekdle their love, only to be forced apart by their fai, who threatened to whhold funds.

LOVE, SIMON IS A GROUNDBREAKG GAY MOVIE. BUT DO TODAY'S TEENS ACTUALLY NEED IT?

Love, Simon is a tone mastream movie as foregrounds a gay character, but might have been outpaced by real life. * the first love gay *

Seventeen-year-old Kim Ho was one of the wners of the 2012 monologue petn Love Byt, held by Frh Ink, a velopment program for emergg playwrights om the Atralian Theatre for Young one of the petn's wners, Kim was assisted wh transformg his origal three-mute vio entry, Transcennce -- which tells the story of a young gay teen stgglg wh his sexualy and the love he feels for a boy his French class -- to the betiful ne-mute short film The Language of Love.

"Homosexualy is still a sensive topic, and I immediately felt prsured to wre somethg that was ndid but not disrpectful to the LGBT muny, " Ho explas on the Frh Ink webse. However, seemed like I was fdg some of the boys sexy and appealg and wh time I knew that I was gay.

Also, he was the first to unrstand that I was gay, whout me ever tellg him and I rpected the fact that he never forced me to discs the matter. Hi NewBoy, wele to our fom and thanks for postg sounds as if you enjoyed your first gay sexual enunter!

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* THE FIRST LOVE GAY

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class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fgWnkQ bric__lk" href="/magaze/personal-history"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Personal History</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd NbxED hpJvIc">First Love</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB enhwXT ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ Mtme">Memori of an elive boyiend.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa gvUmxJ"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bqbBYQ"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ivtvgj byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd jslZfG gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd ggMZaT cXqSTL eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributors/lena-dunham">Lena Dunham</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2012-08-06T00:00:00-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd kYZrFA kEBrdf">Augt 6, 2012</time></div></div></div></div></div></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kbAoLA article-body__ntent"><div class="ActnBarWrapperContent-lasBkU cAHp"><div class="ActnBarWrapperComponent-cjwxLS bEeSLb"><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="ActnBarWrapper-dhxmQh kNjTbQ viewport-monor-anchor"><button id="bookmark" aria-label="Save this story" class="ActnBarButton-dyFOZU hQrwCF bookmark large-screen"><span class="ActnBarSendaryButtonPrimaryIn-isbvyN cAwccV bookmark-button-in"><svg class="in in-bookmark" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" 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kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO KhjZz AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image rponsive-image--expandable"><noscript><img alt="Illtratn by Michael Gillette" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE iTuhkZ ptn AssetEmbedCaptn-fNQBPI fmQnYP asset-embed__ptn"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd iicloT jbIJNS ptn__cred">Illtratn by Michael Gillette</span></div></figure></div><p>On Augt 17, 2010, I got an e-mail om Facebook notifyg me that I had received a msage. It was om my ex-boyiend’s mother. Its subject headg was “Goodbye om Nancy and Bill.” Nancy and Bill are my ex-boyiend’s parents, though I’ve changed their nam (and those of everyone else here). I opened the msage wh great cursy and a ltle terror. Why was Nancy sayg goodbye? Was she fally movg to Swzerland to live near her brother and his Japane wife? Did she have a termal illns? The msage said:</p><blockquote class="BlockquoteEmbedWrapper-sc-SdiGL jPeLne paywall blockquote-embed"><div class="BlockquoteEmbedContent-RbGs gmbtPx blockquote-embed__ntent"><p>Hi, Lena—Bill and I remember you wh such pleasure and fondns! But ’s time to sever the Facebook nnectn so I’m gog to block you. We wish you all the BEST!</p></div></blockquote><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p class="paywall">I was dumbfound. I n only pare to the feelg of openg your cupboard to grab a okie, but stead of gettg a okie you get dick-slapped. I wanted to wre back “Why?” I wanted to wre back “What the fuck?” I wanted to wre back “Like I’d even notice if you jt uniend me, or even if you died, you crazy fuckg hag.” But I uldn’t. I uldn’t wre anythg. Bee she had blocked me.</p><p class="paywall">Close to tears, I lled my mother. My mom is a Long Island Jew, and my dad is a Connecticut Wasp, and they were Deer Isle, Mae, visg his bt iend om boardg school. Everyone but my mom was out sailg on a boat known as Cognac; she was si the ttage, havg an asthma attack. That is, she was happily avoidg day-old tuna salad and beg asked to “grab the dr for a send” and readg <em>Vany Fair</em> by the land le stead. I told her the story, and she was sndalized. “How appropriate!” she cried. “How wrong! That woman is a grownup, and you are a child. Why would she do this?” She told me to wre a levelhead query about to my ex-boyiend, Noah. I did as I was told. A mol of equanimy, I forward the msage to him wh the headg “What the fuck is this sh?”</p><p class="paywall">He wrote back quickly: “Oh my god. Well, I was jt hangg out wh them and we kept on gettg to the nversatns (wh my grandparents, too) about the Inter and virtual spac and avatars. . . . Somethg mt have reanized her thkg about her onle prence. She means when she says she remembers you wh pleasure and fondns. By the way, I have moved to the Bay Area. I hope you are well.”</p><p class="paywall">He had moved? Whout even tellg me? After a year and a half of my tellg people that I wished he would move and not even tell me? I was sulted. And I wouldn’t drop . I e-mailed him aga: “What did I do? What set off? Was the trailer for my movie? Was my Twter?” He nced that Nancy did feel she learned too much about me om my stat updat. Like the one where I said somethg like “It’s Christmas day and I have a ragg UTI—do you thk I got om watchg 9½ weeks?” Or was the one that sort of go “I want to date a male flight attendant. Everyone I’ve slept wh is gay anyway.” Here’s the thg, or at least a thg, about me—I hate offendg people. Even though I love the feel of somethg vaguely offensive on my tongue, I gus I want to have my ke and tweet , too.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p class="paywall">I promptly unlked my Twter and Facebook acunts. I was both angry and mortified. The thought of Nancy nscly cidg that she didn’t want to hear what I had to say was torturg me. It’s not as if we were soul tws. She was a former t person. She was always dog cleans, yet she still had an ner tube of flh around her middle—somethg that I wouldn’t begdge if her son hadn’t once told me that he thought Nancy and I had “the same genre of body.” She put hot clarified butter her eyeballs wh a dropper, which is supposedly an Ayurvedic tradn. When Noah was young, she would walk him to school, walk straight home, and lie a patch of sun on the rpet until was time to pick him up. She reunted this more as an act of votn and ls as a symptom of an almost Victorian melancholy. She noticed that I always picked all the rrots out of my stir y.</p><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg paywall">The ma rult of Nancy’s Facebook rejectn was to send me down memory lane a pretty disncertg way. My relatnship wh Noah had, I realized, end two years before, to the day—on Augt 17, 2008—after a year and a half of datg that felt like fifty. The emotnal acrobatics volved turned my heart to a harned ltle gymnast wh ty ts and a leotard wedgie. Although I ually refer to him as “that terpretive dancer I dated,” Noah was, fact, my bt iend and arguably the only man I’ve ever tly loved.</p><p class="paywall">I met him junr year at Oberl. He had recently returned om six months India and wore hemp rgo pants that theory were offensive; practice, they highlighted his lean, imprsive body as he stro across the quad, ep thought. Our first meetg took place the feteria. My iend Molly and I were poundg veggie burgers and planng an ironic weekend trip to the Cleveland Salvatn Army when Noah and his iend Brian walked . It was snowg, and they were both wearg giant high-tech mtens that ma them look like Transformers. They sat down at our table. They were holdg hands.</p><p class="paywall">“What are you dog?” I asked.</p><p class="paywall">“It’s an experiment,” Noah told me. “Girls hold hands wh their iends all the time. Why n’t Brian and I do , too?”</p><p class="paywall">I said somethg unenlightened like “Bee looks super gay. Are you gay?”</p><p class="paywall">He eyed me wh vague sadns (and did I tect some wanton longg?). “I ed to wonr about that,” he said. “But then I realized that beg gay is much too easy a solutn for the problem that I have.”</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p class="paywall">Sudnly, he was everywhere: the library, leavg a screeng of “J’Acce,” parkg his bicycle and nng to the general store to buy two appl. He told me that he ate only meat and u, and that he slept whout a pillow or a blanket. He was wrg his cema-studi this about “Hook,” g as “a metaphor for self-actualizatn and childhood regrsn.” He gave me the this to read. I read seven pag, enough to terme that he was probably very smart, then I put down favor of the tobgraphy of Rupert Everett.</p><p class="paywall">Noah took a likg to me. I uld jt tell. We hung out a lot, but he never tried to kiss me. He told me that sex was “plited” for him, and that he was more terted figurg out his life’s work. The night before sprg break began, he me over to my dorm. I was near tears bee I had left a ms of dish the sk for almost a month and they had sprouted a terrifyg mold. He rolled up the sleev of what was, hdsight, a bloe of some kd, and he washed every one. “I don’t md,” he said. “Jt as long as you’ll keep talkg to me.”</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR daRVRt persistent-asi" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="pabfkf"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="v8rpx"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa EOneK body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p class="paywall">People started seeg around mp together. “I’m warng you,” a iend told me. “He’s weird wh girls. I’ve never known him to kiss anyone more than once.” I didn’t really re. Everythg I said ma him lgh. He took not a ty brown notebook. I took note of every one of his wonrful nsistenci.</p><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kKwZhx rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RponsiveCartoonWrapper-iTMMjI eXTYsS rponsive-rtoon AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset viewport-monor-anchor"><a class="external-lk rponsive-rtoon__image-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa RponsiveCartoonImage-hzNqyc ikeCcH rponsive-rtoon__image rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="First Love" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></a><div class="RponsiveCartoonCTA-eiqqMB 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xmlns="><tle>Shop</tle><g clip-path="url(#clip0_3732_178638)"><path fill-le="evenodd" clip-le="evenodd" d="M4 3H2V4H4.23828L6.99617 15.2631C7.11483 15.6982 7.50998 16 7.96094 16H18.0365C18.4875 16 18.8826 15.6982 19.0013 15.2631L20.9648 7.26312C21.1383 6.62698 20.6594 6 20 6H10V7H20L18.0365 15H7.96094L5.03652 3H4.58055H4ZM10.0365 19C10.0365 19.5523 9.58881 20 9.03652 20C8.48424 20 8.03652 19.5523 8.03652 19C8.03652 18.4477 8.48424 18 9.03652 18C9.58881 18 10.0365 18.4477 10.0365 19ZM11.0365 19C11.0365 20.1046 10.1411 21 9.03652 21C7.93195 21 7.03652 20.1046 7.03652 19C7.03652 17.8954 7.93195 17 9.03652 17C10.1411 17 11.0365 17.8954 11.0365 19ZM18.0365 19C18.0365 19.5523 17.5888 20 17.0365 20C16.4842 20 16.0365 19.5523 16.0365 19C16.0365 18.4477 16.4842 18 17.0365 18C17.5888 18 18.0365 18.4477 18.0365 19ZM19.0365 19C19.0365 20.1046 18.1411 21 17.0365 21C15.932 21 15.0365 20.1046 15.0365 19C15.0365 17.8954 15.932 17 17.0365 17C18.1411 17 19.0365 17.8954 19.0365 19Z" fill="black"></path></g><fs><clipPath id="clip0_3732_178638"><rect width="24" height="24" fill="whe"></rect></clipPath><clipPath id="clip1_3732_178638"><rect width="24" height="24" fill="whe"></rect></clipPath></fs></svg></div></button></div></div></div></span></div></figure><p class="paywall">Our mp held a drag ball every April. The event was notor: Stunts cross-drsed. They fucked while cross-drsed. Guys om our small and stunted football team stumbled home at dawn nothg but sports bras and Juicy sweatpants. I avoid the event—I’ve hated drsg like a boy ever sce theatre mp—and Noah wasn’t terted, eher. We stayed my room and listened to Leonard Cohen, like real origals, and our hands crept toward one another at that glacial pace you see only French films and twee mic vios. Then we were kissg. It was rag outsi, and on the way over he’d gotten his pants and long johns soaked. He took them off and hung them on my llapsible hamper to dry. So he was naked. But we only kissed. I told him I’d rather not have a sleepover. He put on his pants but left his long johns. After he went back to his dorm, I sat on the til the public shower and tried to ci whether I loved him or hated him.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p class="paywall">Overnight, his long johns dried to a cnchy, twisted shape, like that bog man they found Ireland, all hard and brown, lennia after his ath. I announced to my iends that he ma too many appreciative kissg nois and had a cereal-box-shaped head, like Jam Van Der Beek om “Dawson’s Creek.” But the next day, when he walked to the puter lab, the feelg my gut was jt stupid happy.</p><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg paywall">I n draw a very clear diagram of the sixteen months that followed. At first, he liked me more than I liked him, but then, sudnly, I loved him. Which is a word he thought implied ownership and all kds of hetero-normative thgs that smart people avoid, but was what I felt. I would watch his strong back as he rose om bed to get a Mason jar of water and thk, That’s me. He graduated but stuck around our llege town, though he swore wasn’t bee of me. I started wearg clogs and bakg a lot of gluten-ee foods for him—gluten ma him feel slow and sad, he said—and stopped speakg to most of my iends. All my explanatns for this behavr are purely njecture at this pot, bee, four years later, ’s so hard for me to tap to the well of sperate emotn the relatnship unleashed me. I’d spent my entire life gettg my kicks om var oteric hobbi (fashn illtratn! Shrky Dks!) and qualy time wh my nuclear fay, but here he was. My only pleasure. I told him I hoped we would die at the same time the mouth of a ln.</p><p class="paywall">Relatnships often change people, but this was a weird one, bee I was the same before and after , but very different durg. Asi om the obv clogs, which I now sported daily, I was wildly supportive of pursus I would normally parody. For stance, he told me that he was applyg to a graduate program Inter studi; he was terted hypertext and the psychology of lkg. Durg the lst months of wter, he spent most of his time updatg a blog he kept set to private.</p><p class="paywall">When I graduated, we’d been together for more than a year. I have a few photographs of me wh my diploma and my father at graduatn, but even more of Noah lookg forlorn on the lawn as he waed for me to enter the adult world. He’d spent Christmas wh my fay, and Passover, too. We took mhrooms together twice and Ecstasy once. The first time we “shroomed,” we stayed his room and I saw exactly what he’d look like as an old man.</p><p class="paywall">After graduatn, we took a two-week trip to Mexi. I ma rervatns at an e-rort wh no electricy or Inter accs. He didn’t brg any books, bee, he said, he wanted to medate, but when we got there he was jt bored. Also, I had no ia was a nudist rort: suburban upl olickg nu and then eatg nachos—still nu. Noah wore a hat and a long-sleeved shirt wh S.P.F. built to . At night, I lay bed full of fear that he might not be the man I’d marry, even though he’d already told me, no uncerta terms, he didn’t plan on marryg me, at least not until he’d had “a long perd of solary seekg.”</p><p class="paywall">We moved to Brooklyn to hoe-s for my high-school voice teacher. The apartment was plastered wh posters of all the great divas and was home to three ts. Noah was, of urse, horribly allergic to ts. But he had never known that, bee people who put butter their ey ually don’t let their kids have ts. I went to work as an tern for a socially nsc documentary filmmaker, and did a loy job of sortg footage of a lbian tective, while Noah sat at home updatg his visible blog. He mostly ate nned beans and basmati rice that he prepared a rice oker. We almost never had sex. He got to Inter llege and cid not to go.</p><p class="paywall">I took a trip wh my parents, and he stayed behd wh the ts he uldn’t touch. I read “Eat, Pray, Love,” and seemed applible somehow to my life. I lled him all the time. I lled him, cryg, om a rocky beach Greece and a balny Rome and an airport Chigo. I spent about a thoand dollars llg him. When I got home, we went to see an Argentian acrobatics show, and he told me that he was movg back to his parents’ hoe, Arizona, on Augt 17th. Two years to the day before Nancy uniend me.</p><p class="paywall">Noah remaed terted hallucogenic dgs. The night before he left New York, he went to an ayahuas ceremony Williamsburg, where he met more cultural anthropologists than I knew Brooklyn uld hold. He phoned me at four the morng. The ceremony was over, and I lled a r service and picked him up. He said that the dgs hadn’t really worked. We lay bed clutchg each other, and the next morng he kissed me goodbye and wheeled his suse out to the hall. I ran to the elevator jt as was closg, and cried even more at the jtice of this. I lled him, cryg, every day for a month. Often, Nancy picked up. Noah said I need to accept that the relatnship was over. I moved wh my parents and veloped a csh on a guy a fedora at my menial job and rekdled my old iendships. I started to relax.</p><p class="paywall">One morng October, I awoke at eleven to see Noah standg above me. My parents, who are artists, were out of town, I was asleep their bed, and my mom’s stud assistant had buzzed him si. He was wearg a parka and rryg a bag of rice and beans and a bunch of daisi dyed purple, the kd you fd fer Korean lis. He had moved back to New York, he said. He missed me. I found everythg about him revoltg.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p class="paywall">“Maybe ’s bee you’re hurt,” my therapist said. “Sometim hurt manifts self as anger when you love someone a lot and try very hard and they don’t accept that love.” I refed this analysis. For months, he wrote me heartbroken e-mails. He was livg five away, Brooklyn, but I wouldn’t see him.</p><p class="paywall">Later, I found out that he was volved wh a man, and I threw up. He me to a screeng of a movie I’d ma, and he had an asymmetril haircut and the kd of ol sho I had given up to be wh him.</p><p class="paywall">In a strange twist of fate, I now live across the hall om the voice teacher. Every night I e home and open the door directly oppose the one we shared, and step to the apartment where I live happily alone. I don’t thk about very often, but ocsnally there’s a smell—a whiff of t, of stale air-ndner, of a ozen gluten-ee pizza warmg—that is so purely ours that I uld rume beg a woman who cri dolefully every fifteen mut at some perceived slight. One night recently, as I head out to the rner store, my voice teacher popped his head out at me. “Oh, hey,” he said. “I have your boyiend’s rice oker.” ♦</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="vkdh"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em 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tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ktcjQn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Meta’s Threads Is More of the Same Social Networkg" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kImuKS bric bric--disvery SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span 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class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ktcjQn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="The Evolvg Free-Speech Battle Between Social Media and the Government" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kImuKS bric bric--disvery SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Q. & A.</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM dVrbhU summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div class="SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ fzzTdh summary-em__hed" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">The Evolvg Free-Speech Battle Between Social Media and the Government</div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd kxnNhB jDyfzW summary-em__k">A recent urt lg dramatilly curtailed the feral burecracy’s abily to munite wh Inter platforms. What’s at stake when ee speech harms the public?</div><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY cgDBtc summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH dSEWiO byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd jslZfG gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Isaac Choter</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff hNpSyX summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm hKqhyj" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ktcjQn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Is It Hot Enough Yet for Policians to Take Real Actn?" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kImuKS bric bric--disvery SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Daily Comment</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM dVrbhU summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div class="SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ fzzTdh summary-em__hed" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">Is It Hot Enough Yet for Policians to Take Real Actn?</div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd kxnNhB jDyfzW summary-em__k">The latt rerd temperatur are drivg, aga precisely as scientists have predicted, a sdg seri of disasters around the world.</div><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY cgDBtc summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH dSEWiO byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd jslZfG gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Bill McKibben</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff hNpSyX summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm hKqhyj" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ktcjQn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="How Samuel R. 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