4 Ways to Look Great As a Gay Man - wikiHow

Contents:

• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE GAY, STRAIGHT, OR SOMETHG BETWEEN?
• LOOKS GAY BUT IS ACTUALLY STRAIGHT
• KEV SPACEY: I N’T TELL WHETHER MEN ARE GAY JT BY LOOKG AT THEM
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• HOW TO LOOK GREAT AS A GAY MAN
• HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU'RE QUEER AF, BUT YOUR RELATNSHIP LOOKS "STRAIGHT""I TOLD MY PARENTS, 'I'M DATG A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M NOT GAY.'" {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY KRISTA MASICFEBARY 13, 2017/8:00 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:574PX;WIDTH:1020PX;}KISSBY KRISTA MASICFEBARY 13, 2017 / 8:00 AM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU'RE QUEER AF, BUT YOUR RELATNSHIP LOOKS \"STRAIGHT\"","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2017-02-13T13:00:04.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2017-02-13T13:00:04.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"KRISTA MASIC","KEYWORDS":"OPN","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LIKE MANY BISEXUALS, MY G OUT WAS WAS DRAWN OUT AND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE FIRST QUEER PERSON I EVER DATED WAS A TRANSGENR MAN. WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER, HE WAS NEARG THE END OF A SPENT INTIFYG AS A BUTCH LBIAN. HE HAD JT BEGUN TO REALIZE HE MIGHT BE TRANS, BUT HADN’T YET TAKEN ANY OUTWARD STEPS TOWARD {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I WAS 22 AND HAD JT MOVED TO SAN FRANCIS. UNTIL THEN, I HAD ONLY EVER DATED STRAIGHT, CISGENR GUYS—SOMETHG MY NEW PARTNER ACTUALLY LIKED ABOUT ME. IT MA HIM FEEL LIKE I WAS MORE ATTRACTED TO THE THE MAN HE ASPIRED TO BE THAN THE LBIAN HE STILL INTIFIED AS, BUT SPECTED HE MIGHT ONE DAY LEAVE BEHD.COUPLE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I LIKED THAT DYNAMIC: HIS MASCULY WAS GENTLE, ANDROGYNO, AND SUBVERSIVE, AND THAT'S WHAT DREW ME TO HIM. IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME BRAND OF MASCULY I'D ALWAYS BEEN ATTRACTED TO CISGENR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHEN I FALLY TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT OUR RELATNSHIP, I SAID, "I'M DATG A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M NOT GAY."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I DIDN'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO FE MYSELF. I WASN'T YET READY TO EXPLA MY PARTNER'S -FLUX GENR INTY. (AT THE TIME, HE WAS STILL G HIS BIRTH NAME AND FEMALE PRONOUNS). I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A LBIAN, AND I FELY DIDN'T WANT E THE WORD "BISEXUAL." I HELD EVERY NCEIVABLE NEGATIVE NNOTATN TO THAT WORD: BISEXUALS WERE FAKERS AND ATTENTN-SEEKERS, PUNCHL OM BAD '90S MOVI. THEY WERE CISIVE AT BT, AND GREEDY AT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I ALSO BELIEVED THAT THE “BI” “BISEXUAL” RELIED ON THE THEORY OF A GENR BARY I WAS RAPIDLY LOSG FAH . (IN TTH, "BI" IMPLI ATTRACTN TO MEMBERS OF BOTH ONE’S OWN AND OTHER GENRS). ULTIMATELY, FELT EASIER TO FE MY SEXUALY TERMS OF WHAT WASN'{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}BUT THE LONG NIGHTS I SPENT TELLG MY PARTNER ABOUT ALL THE "GAY MOMENTS" MY CHILDHOOD THAT SUDNLY MA A WHOLE LOT MORE SENSE—ALWAYS VOLUNTEERG TO PLAY THE GROOM PLAYGROUND “WEDDGS,” ASKG OTHER GIRLS AT A SLUMBER PARTY TO “PRACTICE” MAKG OUT, ROMANTIC IENDSHIPS WH A LONG LE OF TEENAGE BFFS— BEME CREASGLY APPARENT THAT I REALLY WASN'T STRAIGHT, EHER. I WAS AS ATTRACTED TO THE LGERG FEME ASPECTS OF MY PARTNER AS I WAS TO THE MASCULE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LUCKILY, I FOUND A LABEL JT FLEXIBLE ENOUGH TO F ME LIKE A SEND SK: "QUEER." AND AS I EXPLORED MY NEW HOME SAN FRANCIS I MA DOZENS OF NEW IENDS WHO ALSO ALL SEEMED TO BE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}EVENTUALLY, THOUGH, MY FIRST QUEER LOVE AND I BROKE UP—THOUGH WE LEFT ON GOOD TERMS. (HE LATER WROTE A LOVELY MEMOIR ABOUT HIS TRANSN AND OUR RELATNSHIP GOT A CHAPTER, FTGLY TLED "THE QUEER BIRDS AND THE BE."){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SOON AFTER WE PARTED WAYS, I BEGAN DATG ANOTHER TRANS GUY WHO WAS PRETTY UNIVERSALLY PERCEIVED AS A CISGENR DU. IN THOSE EARLY YEARS OF FUMBLG THROUGH MY NEWFOUND QUEERNS, I WAS DIRE NEED OF ACCEPTANCE AND SUPPORT OM THE LGBT MUNY. BUT BEE OF HOW I LOOKED (MORE STRAIGHT THAN FEMME) AND WHO I WAS DATG (TRANS MEN), I FELT TRATED OVER BEG RENRED VISIBLE QUEER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}PEOPLE GAY BARS WOULD REFER TO ME AND MY BOYIEND AS A STRAIGHT UPLE, OR TO ME AS A STRAIGHT WOMAN, WHICH MA ME FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIR WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY OWN {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN CASTRO BARS, OLR GAY MEN WKGLY UTNED ME THAT MY BOYIEND, WHO THEY PERCEIVED AS CISGENR, "MIGHT BE A LTLE B ON THE GAY SI." I BETTER BE "REFUL,” THEY'D TEASE, OR ONE OF THEM JT MIGHT SNATCH HIM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}DURG PRI, A DNK WOMAN ONCE TOLD ME SHE LOVED SEEG STRAIGHT PEOPLE LIKE OUT SOLIDARY. SHE ADD THAT MY BOYIEND WAS REALLY CUTE, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY BEE SHE WAS "SUPER GAY.” AT THE TIME, I WAS CKED OUT RABOW GEAR OM HEAD TO TOE AND MY BOYIEND WAS WEARG A T-SHIRT THAT SAID "NOBODY KNOWS I'M TRANSGENR."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I NEVER OUTED MY TRANS BOYIEND (THOUGH HE OCSNALLY OUTED HIMSELF THE SCENARS), BUT I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE LANGUAGE I NEED TO OUT MYSELF, EHER. INSTEAD, I GENERALLY HANDLED THE TRATNS BY SILENTLY FEELG SORRY FOR MYSELF. OR IF I'D HAD A FEW DRKS, SHOUTG THGS LIKE, "YOU HAVE NO IA HOW GAY HE IS—HE'S GAY FOR ME!" BEFORE STORMG OUT OF THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT WAS STRANGE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ON THE OTHER HAND, I WAS ALSO WELL AWARE THAT MY ABILY TO PASS AS STRAIGHT—BOTH ON MY OWN AND THE NTEXT OF MY RELATNSHIP—EARNED ME A CERTA AMOUNT OF PRIVILEGE, PECIALLY THE WORLD BEYOND SAN FRANCIS. AND EVERY TIME I WATCHED MY PARTNER PEEK TO A SKETCHY MEN’S ROOM TO MAKE SURE WAS EMPTY BEFORE DARG TO GO , I WAS AWARE OF HOW BEG CISGENR GAVE ME PRIVILEGE, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT MA ME FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T PLA, LIKE I SHOULD BE NTENT TO SWEEP THE PLEXI OF MY OWN INTY UNR THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, A AND MANY RELATNSHIPS ACROSS THE GENR SPECTM LATER, I’M BETTER EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THE SUATNS. IN PART, THAT’S BEE I HAVE A MORE EFFECTIVE VOBULARY TO DO SO: I AM PROUDLY, UNAPOLOGETILLY BISEXUAL. AND STILL QUEER AF, EVEN WHEN DATG A STRAIGHT CISGENR MAN, LIKE I AM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT’S ALSO THANKS TO MY EXPOSURE TO THE ADVOCY WORK OF ANIZATNS LIKE HRC AND BINETUSA, THE CREASED VISIBILY OF BISEXUAL CELEBRI LIKE ANNA PAQU, ALAN CUMMG, AND EVAN RACHEL WOOD, AND EVEN BISEXUAL YOUTUBE STARS WHO HELPED ME BUNK THE MYTHS I’D TERNALIZED ABOUT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}MAKG A FEW OUT AND PROUD BISEXUAL IENDS DIDN’T HURT, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, IF SOMEONE AT A GAY BAR ASSUM I’M STRAIGHT—BEE OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE OR WHAT MY RELATNSHIP LOOKS LIKE—I TAKE AS AN OPPORTUNY TO OUT MYSELF (UALLY POLELY, AND WHOUT AS MUCH DNK YELLG). I PROUDLY REP THE B {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN REALY, A LOT OF BISEXUAL WOMEN ARE RELATNSHIPS THAT LOOK "STRAIGHT": MORE THAN 80% OF THEM MTED RELATNSHIPS REPORT HAVG A PARTNER OF THE OPPOSE SEX. (WHICH, AS A REMR, DON'T MAKE THEM ANY LS BI.) AND A LOT OF TRANS PEOPLE ARE QUEER RELATNSHIPS THAT MAY APPEAR HETERONORMATIVE OM THE OUTSI, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO, THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE WHAT APPEARS TO BE A STRAIGHT UPLE AT THE GAY BAR, KEEP MD THAT QUEER UPL E ALL DIFFERENT BATNS. AND THEY SERVE TO FEEL SAFE AND WELE LGBT SPAC, NO MATTER WHAT THEIR LOVE LOOKS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS
• GAY OR STRAIGHT? HARD TO TELL

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn. A lot of the time the men e on their own and they’re holdg my book about g out as gay, and they want to know, “Is this me?

And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE GAY, STRAIGHT, OR SOMETHG BETWEEN?

” I always joke wh clients that for me, as a gay man, when I’m walkg on the beach and checkg people out, the women are the way. Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women. When a man is a long-term relatnship wh a woman but beg sexual wh men, eher lookg at porn or havg actual sex, he eher will or won’t be homophobic.

The straight men have no homophobia at all—to the pot where they’re willg to seek unselg om me, an openly gay therapist. A lot of tim the gay men never even make to me (whout promptg om their wife, anyway) bee they’re riddled wh homophobia and I’m too gay for them.

LOOKS GAY BUT IS ACTUALLY STRAIGHT

A gay guy wants to do all of that wh a man, a bisexual guy might want a man or a woman, and the straight guy wants to only be wh a woman that way. So this is a way of bondg wh men—ironilly, through sex—and happens not bee the man is gay but bee he don’t know any other way to get this need met. Eher they’re worried that their man will eventually ci he’s gay and end the relatnship, or they want monogamy, and his cheatg is a threat to the marriage regardls of who he’s dog wh.

KEV SPACEY: I N’T TELL WHETHER MEN ARE GAY JT BY LOOKG AT THEM

And I should pot out here that the men when they’re engagg this behavr (regardls of whether they’re gay, straight or bi) nearly always tell themselv that what they’re dog is not cheatg bee they’re dog wh a guy.

The problem is that society hasn’t fully accepted yet, so there’s still shame and stigma attached to you spect a iend, fay member, or even your boyiend is gay but pretendg to be straight, you may notice that he’s abive towards women, homophobic, and watch gay men are so worried about beg judged by fay and iends that they’ll pretend to be straight and even marry a woman to ver ’s a iend or fay member you’re spic of, you’ve got nothg to be ncerned you need to know the tth if the guy is your boyiend or someone you’re thkg about datg.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

16 Signs A Gay Or Bisexual Guy Is Pretendg To Be StraightIf a bisexual or gay guy is pretendg to be straight, he is typilly abive towards women, homophobic, or watch gay porn. He will acce her of beg lnal and imagg that don’t work, he will start attackg her self-teem and sayg thgs like, “If I was gay, ’s bee you’ve turned me off women altogether!

HOW TO LOOK GREAT AS A GAY MAN

” #2 He Is HomophobicRearch suggts that the most homophobic men are gay themselv but ashamed and do everythg they n to hi fear is disguised as homophobia bee the thg they hate about themselv is regnized openly gay is also rentment prent bee openly gay men have nothg to hi, whereas gay men pretendg to be straight live a double men livg this way, n be very strsful and hurt their mental health. #3 He Watch Gay PornIf you ever tch him watchg gay porn, he’ll try and worm his way out of by sayg he clicked on the wrong lk, a iend borrowed his phone, or jt popped up when he opened his browser.

HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU'RE QUEER AF, BUT YOUR RELATNSHIP LOOKS "STRAIGHT""I TOLD MY PARENTS, 'I'M DATG A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M NOT GAY.'" {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY KRISTA MASICFEBARY 13, 2017/8:00 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:574PX;WIDTH:1020PX;}KISSBY KRISTA MASICFEBARY 13, 2017 / 8:00 AM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU'RE QUEER AF, BUT YOUR RELATNSHIP LOOKS \"STRAIGHT\"","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2017-02-13T13:00:04.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2017-02-13T13:00:04.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"KRISTA MASIC","KEYWORDS":"OPN","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LIKE MANY BISEXUALS, MY G OUT WAS WAS DRAWN OUT AND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE FIRST QUEER PERSON I EVER DATED WAS A TRANSGENR MAN. WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER, HE WAS NEARG THE END OF A SPENT INTIFYG AS A BUTCH LBIAN. HE HAD JT BEGUN TO REALIZE HE MIGHT BE TRANS, BUT HADN’T YET TAKEN ANY OUTWARD STEPS TOWARD {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I WAS 22 AND HAD JT MOVED TO SAN FRANCIS. UNTIL THEN, I HAD ONLY EVER DATED STRAIGHT, CISGENR GUYS—SOMETHG MY NEW PARTNER ACTUALLY LIKED ABOUT ME. IT MA HIM FEEL LIKE I WAS MORE ATTRACTED TO THE THE MAN HE ASPIRED TO BE THAN THE LBIAN HE STILL INTIFIED AS, BUT SPECTED HE MIGHT ONE DAY LEAVE BEHD.COUPLE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I LIKED THAT DYNAMIC: HIS MASCULY WAS GENTLE, ANDROGYNO, AND SUBVERSIVE, AND THAT'S WHAT DREW ME TO HIM. IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME BRAND OF MASCULY I'D ALWAYS BEEN ATTRACTED TO CISGENR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHEN I FALLY TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT OUR RELATNSHIP, I SAID, "I'M DATG A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M NOT GAY."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I DIDN'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO FE MYSELF. I WASN'T YET READY TO EXPLA MY PARTNER'S -FLUX GENR INTY. (AT THE TIME, HE WAS STILL G HIS BIRTH NAME AND FEMALE PRONOUNS). I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A LBIAN, AND I FELY DIDN'T WANT E THE WORD "BISEXUAL." I HELD EVERY NCEIVABLE NEGATIVE NNOTATN TO THAT WORD: BISEXUALS WERE FAKERS AND ATTENTN-SEEKERS, PUNCHL OM BAD '90S MOVI. THEY WERE CISIVE AT BT, AND GREEDY AT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I ALSO BELIEVED THAT THE “BI” “BISEXUAL” RELIED ON THE THEORY OF A GENR BARY I WAS RAPIDLY LOSG FAH . (IN TTH, "BI" IMPLI ATTRACTN TO MEMBERS OF BOTH ONE’S OWN AND OTHER GENRS). ULTIMATELY, FELT EASIER TO FE MY SEXUALY TERMS OF WHAT WASN'{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}BUT THE LONG NIGHTS I SPENT TELLG MY PARTNER ABOUT ALL THE "GAY MOMENTS" MY CHILDHOOD THAT SUDNLY MA A WHOLE LOT MORE SENSE—ALWAYS VOLUNTEERG TO PLAY THE GROOM PLAYGROUND “WEDDGS,” ASKG OTHER GIRLS AT A SLUMBER PARTY TO “PRACTICE” MAKG OUT, ROMANTIC IENDSHIPS WH A LONG LE OF TEENAGE BFFS— BEME CREASGLY APPARENT THAT I REALLY WASN'T STRAIGHT, EHER. I WAS AS ATTRACTED TO THE LGERG FEME ASPECTS OF MY PARTNER AS I WAS TO THE MASCULE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LUCKILY, I FOUND A LABEL JT FLEXIBLE ENOUGH TO F ME LIKE A SEND SK: "QUEER." AND AS I EXPLORED MY NEW HOME SAN FRANCIS I MA DOZENS OF NEW IENDS WHO ALSO ALL SEEMED TO BE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}EVENTUALLY, THOUGH, MY FIRST QUEER LOVE AND I BROKE UP—THOUGH WE LEFT ON GOOD TERMS. (HE LATER WROTE A LOVELY MEMOIR ABOUT HIS TRANSN AND OUR RELATNSHIP GOT A CHAPTER, FTGLY TLED "THE QUEER BIRDS AND THE BE."){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SOON AFTER WE PARTED WAYS, I BEGAN DATG ANOTHER TRANS GUY WHO WAS PRETTY UNIVERSALLY PERCEIVED AS A CISGENR DU. IN THOSE EARLY YEARS OF FUMBLG THROUGH MY NEWFOUND QUEERNS, I WAS DIRE NEED OF ACCEPTANCE AND SUPPORT OM THE LGBT MUNY. BUT BEE OF HOW I LOOKED (MORE STRAIGHT THAN FEMME) AND WHO I WAS DATG (TRANS MEN), I FELT TRATED OVER BEG RENRED VISIBLE QUEER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}PEOPLE GAY BARS WOULD REFER TO ME AND MY BOYIEND AS A STRAIGHT UPLE, OR TO ME AS A STRAIGHT WOMAN, WHICH MA ME FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIR WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY OWN {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN CASTRO BARS, OLR GAY MEN WKGLY UTNED ME THAT MY BOYIEND, WHO THEY PERCEIVED AS CISGENR, "MIGHT BE A LTLE B ON THE GAY SI." I BETTER BE "REFUL,” THEY'D TEASE, OR ONE OF THEM JT MIGHT SNATCH HIM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}DURG PRI, A DNK WOMAN ONCE TOLD ME SHE LOVED SEEG STRAIGHT PEOPLE LIKE OUT SOLIDARY. SHE ADD THAT MY BOYIEND WAS REALLY CUTE, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY BEE SHE WAS "SUPER GAY.” AT THE TIME, I WAS CKED OUT RABOW GEAR OM HEAD TO TOE AND MY BOYIEND WAS WEARG A T-SHIRT THAT SAID "NOBODY KNOWS I'M TRANSGENR."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I NEVER OUTED MY TRANS BOYIEND (THOUGH HE OCSNALLY OUTED HIMSELF THE SCENARS), BUT I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE LANGUAGE I NEED TO OUT MYSELF, EHER. INSTEAD, I GENERALLY HANDLED THE TRATNS BY SILENTLY FEELG SORRY FOR MYSELF. OR IF I'D HAD A FEW DRKS, SHOUTG THGS LIKE, "YOU HAVE NO IA HOW GAY HE IS—HE'S GAY FOR ME!" BEFORE STORMG OUT OF THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT WAS STRANGE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ON THE OTHER HAND, I WAS ALSO WELL AWARE THAT MY ABILY TO PASS AS STRAIGHT—BOTH ON MY OWN AND THE NTEXT OF MY RELATNSHIP—EARNED ME A CERTA AMOUNT OF PRIVILEGE, PECIALLY THE WORLD BEYOND SAN FRANCIS. AND EVERY TIME I WATCHED MY PARTNER PEEK TO A SKETCHY MEN’S ROOM TO MAKE SURE WAS EMPTY BEFORE DARG TO GO , I WAS AWARE OF HOW BEG CISGENR GAVE ME PRIVILEGE, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT MA ME FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T PLA, LIKE I SHOULD BE NTENT TO SWEEP THE PLEXI OF MY OWN INTY UNR THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, A AND MANY RELATNSHIPS ACROSS THE GENR SPECTM LATER, I’M BETTER EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THE SUATNS. IN PART, THAT’S BEE I HAVE A MORE EFFECTIVE VOBULARY TO DO SO: I AM PROUDLY, UNAPOLOGETILLY BISEXUAL. AND STILL QUEER AF, EVEN WHEN DATG A STRAIGHT CISGENR MAN, LIKE I AM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT’S ALSO THANKS TO MY EXPOSURE TO THE ADVOCY WORK OF ANIZATNS LIKE HRC AND BINETUSA, THE CREASED VISIBILY OF BISEXUAL CELEBRI LIKE ANNA PAQU, ALAN CUMMG, AND EVAN RACHEL WOOD, AND EVEN BISEXUAL YOUTUBE STARS WHO HELPED ME BUNK THE MYTHS I’D TERNALIZED ABOUT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}MAKG A FEW OUT AND PROUD BISEXUAL IENDS DIDN’T HURT, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, IF SOMEONE AT A GAY BAR ASSUM I’M STRAIGHT—BEE OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE OR WHAT MY RELATNSHIP LOOKS LIKE—I TAKE AS AN OPPORTUNY TO OUT MYSELF (UALLY POLELY, AND WHOUT AS MUCH DNK YELLG). I PROUDLY REP THE B {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN REALY, A LOT OF BISEXUAL WOMEN ARE RELATNSHIPS THAT LOOK "STRAIGHT": MORE THAN 80% OF THEM MTED RELATNSHIPS REPORT HAVG A PARTNER OF THE OPPOSE SEX. (WHICH, AS A REMR, DON'T MAKE THEM ANY LS BI.) AND A LOT OF TRANS PEOPLE ARE QUEER RELATNSHIPS THAT MAY APPEAR HETERONORMATIVE OM THE OUTSI, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO, THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE WHAT APPEARS TO BE A STRAIGHT UPLE AT THE GAY BAR, KEEP MD THAT QUEER UPL E ALL DIFFERENT BATNS. AND THEY SERVE TO FEEL SAFE AND WELE LGBT SPAC, NO MATTER WHAT THEIR LOVE LOOKS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

Everyone has their fetish, and ’s actually pretty normal for straight guys to watch gay study found that twenty-one percent of the 821 men surveyed watched gay porn. Neverthels, gay men pretendg to be straight are so aaid of blowg their ver that they don’t want to be associated wh anythg even remotely queer. #4 He Has A Profile On A Gay Datg SeWhy would a straight man have a profile on a gay datg se if he wasn’t attracted to men?

GAY OR STRAIGHT? HARD TO TELL

They don’t need to go to gay bars or clubs lookg for men bee they n fd one right the fort of their own problem isn’t that he’s got a profile on a gay webse, but that he is pretendg to be straight and foolg the woman he’s currently datg. #6 He’s Never In A Relatnship Wh A WomanSome gay men will pretend to be straight, but they n’t brg themselv to date a woman bee there’s no, they don’t want to ceive anyone, so they’d rather stay sgle until they’re ready to reveal their sexualy.