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My mother, and my (gay) self.

Contents:

JT BEE HE BREATH: LEARNG TO TLY LOVE OUR GAY SON

Reflectns On Why I Love My Gay Son By: Deon M. Davis My unborn child was often cur; he began to flutter my stomach at 11 weeks. * love my gay son *

Ryan says: i know i amRyan says: i don't like hannahRyan says: 's jt a ver-upMom says: but that don't make you says: i knowRyan says: but u don't unrstandRyan says: i am gayMom says: tell me moreRyan says: 's jt the way i am and 's somethg i knowRyan says: u r not a lbian and u know that.

REFLECTNS ON WHY I LOVE MY GAY SON

Author Richie Jackson discs his powerful new book Gay Like Me on our LGBTQ&A podst. * love my gay son *

Ryan says: i am jt gayRyan says: i am thatMom says: I love you no matter whatRyan says: i am whe not blackRyan says: i knowRyan says: i am a boy not a girlRyan says: i am attracted to boys not girlsRyan says: u know that about yourself and i know thisMom says: what about what God thks about actg on the sir? He read all the books that claimed to know where his gay feelgs me om, dove to unselg to further disver the whys of his unwanted attractn to other guys, worked through paful nflict rolutn wh my hband and me and built strong iendships wh other guys -- straight guys -- jt like the reparative therapy experts advised.

But not at all the way we had, when I thk back on the fear that erned all my reactns durg those first six years after Ryan told he was gay, I crge as I realize how foolish I was. Now, whenever Rob and I jo our gay iends for an eveng, I thk about how much I would love to be visg wh Ryan and his partner over dner.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

Former NBA player Magic Johnson talks to CNN’s Anrson Cooper about his son beg part of the gay muny. * love my gay son *

14, 2013, which would have been Ryan's 24th is now posted, along wh other blog posts, at sonGay ChildrenLGBT kidsParents Of Gay kidsgay kids. Interview Highlights "Everythg I thought a gay person was..." My hband and I both grew up very vout, nservative Mormon hoeholds and muni. One of the first thoughts I had when I learned Jordan was gay was that everythg I thought a gay person was, he was none of those thgs.

No apologi, please Havg a gay son, some people e up and they apologize, they're like "oh, I'm so sorry, that mt be awful." And I thk, are you kiddg? So when people apologize to me for havg a gay son, I say "please don't." My life isn't hard and hard thgs don't happen bee I have a gay son.

MAGIC JOHNSON TALKS ABOUT G TO LOVE HIS GAY SON

* love my gay son *

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart.

Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this.

MAGIC JOHNSON: I LOVE MY GAY SON

My Dead Gay Son Lyrics: You wa jt a mute, Pl! It is ignorant, hateful talk like yours that mak this world a place our boys uld not live ! / (sung) / They were not dirty! / They were not * love my gay son *

I love my gay son for troducg me to a whole new muny of great people who jt want equal rights and the right to love whomever they sire.

I psed on our lol PBS affiliate, where a huge choir was sgg, and after a few sends I realized was the Gay Men's Chos of some cy or another dog a fundraisg ncert. We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of watched as they livered a rendn of what I remember as "Somewhere Over the Rabow, " bee eher they or my memory are unfivably basic. Stirrg and brave and subversive, g as did a time before marriage equaly was on the map, a time when you only saw gay people on the news.

GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?

My Dead Gay Son Lyrics: You wa jt a mute, Pl! It is ignorant, hateful talk like yours that mak this world a place our boys uld not live ! / They were not dirty! / They were not wrong! / ( * love my gay son *

“Along the way Magic enuntered the same sort of prejudice and discrimatn that many gay men had to al wh, but not once do I rell Magic nouncg the gay muny orr to ‘clear his name, ’” wrote gay Los Angel sportswrer LZ Granrson 2008. " To be gay is e for great celebratn, one of the self-fg featur of Richie Jackson's life -- all of which exist direct ntrast to Jackson's son who is also gay and seems to exhib a nonchalance toward his sexualy.

His son scrib beg gay as not a big al, and that way, Gay Like Me serv as a urse rrectn, a splash of ld water agast this younger generatn's face.

HOW ONE MOTHER’S LOVE FOR HER GAY SON STARTED A REVOLUTN

Our safety, Gay Like Me warns rears, is not a certaty, and our vigilance and llective actn is required orr to keep makg a preview below and click here to listen to the full podst terview. Now I had to warn him how to be a gay man Ameri, what tak to be a gay man That's a worry, I thk, that only a queer parent would know to have.

When we were married 2012, legally married the state of New York, two blocks om our home a gay man was lled gay slurs and then shot to 're legal, we're not I had to teach my son how to have a gay guard, to build up his gay guard, to unrstand that g out isn't only jt once, but you're gog to have to e out every day, multiple tim a day, and this guard will let you know when is safe to e out and when 's Most gay people learn the lsons outsis of their That's how lucky I feel to be able to give him the lsons, bee I know that I didn't get them when I was growg up, and I had to learn them by trial, error, and a lot of tribulatn. I remember if I had ught any movie about gay people on TV, they were eher suicidal or And that tracks wh your first sexual You know, my first sexual experienc were of the three men's gay shame me out at me after sex. Colon was shot several tim at the Orlando gay nightclub durg the 2016 mass shootg and has sce left homosexualy and started the mistry Fearls Inty wh another Pulse survivor.

MY DEAD GAY SONHEATHERS THE MIL ENSEMBLETRACK 10 ON HEATHERS: THE MIL (WORLD PREMIERE CAST RERDG) FEATURGDANIEL COONEY & ANTHONY CRIVELLOPRODUCED BYMICHAEL CROER, KEV MURPHY & 1 MOREAT RAM & KURT’S FUNERAL, THEIR HOMOPHOBIC DADS E TO TERMS WH THE IA THAT THEIR SONS WERE GAY, AND FACT E OUT THEMSELV.JUN. 9, 20141 VIEWER174.5K VIEWS72 CONTRIBUTORSTRANSLATNSFRANçAISMY DEAD GAY SON LYRICS[RAM'S DAD, SPOKEN]YOU WA JT A MUTE, PL! IT IS IGNORANT, HATEFUL TALK LIKE YOURS THAT MAK THIS WORLD A PLACE OUR BOYS ULD NOT LIVE !(SUNG)THEY WERE NOT DIRTY!THEY WERE NOT WRONG!THEY WERE TWO LONELY VERSIN THE LORD'S GREAT SONG![KURT'S DAD, SPOKEN]OUR BOYS WERE PANSI, BILL![RAM'S DAD]Y!MY BOY'S A HOMOSEXUALAND THAT DON'T SRE ME NONE—I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW...I LOVE MY AD GAY SON!(SPOKEN)I'VE BEEN THKG. PRAYG. READG SOME MAGAZ. AND 'S TIME WE OPENED OUR EY!(SUNG)WELL, THE GOOD LORD MA THE UNIVERSETHE LORD CREATED MANAND I BELIEVE 'S ALL A PART OF HIS GIGANTIC PLANI KNOW GOD HAS A REASONFOR EACH MOUNTA AND EACH FLOWERAND WHY HE CHOSE TO LET OUR BOYS GET BY THE SHOWER!THEY WERE NOT DIRTY—THEY WERE NOT US!THEY WERE JT TWO STRAY LAC THE LORD'S BIG BOOTSWELL, I NEVER RED FOR HOMOS MUCH UNTIL I REARED ME ONEYOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE[RAM’S DAD & CONGREGATION]BUT NOW I'VE LEARNED TO LOVE…[RAM’S DAD]I LOVE MY AD GAY SON![CONGREGATION]HE LOV HIS SONHE LOV HIS SONHIS AD GAY SON![RAM'S DAD]NOW, I SAY MY BOY'S HEAVEN!AND HE'S TANNG BY THE POOLTHE CHEBIM WALK WH HIM AND HIM, AND J SAYS 'S OL!THEY DON'T HAVE CRIME OR HATRED, THERE'S NO BIGOTRY OR CURS' -JT IENDLY FELLOWS DRSED UP LIKE THEIR FAV'RE VILLAGE PERSON!THEY WERE NOT DIRTY—[CONGREGATION]NO, NO![RAM’S DAD]THEY JT HAD FLAIR![CONGREGATION]WHOA![RAM’S DAD]THEY WERE TWO BRIGHT RED RIBBONS THE LORD'S LONG HAIRWELL, I ED TO SEE A HOMO AND GO REACH' FOR MY GUN[RAM’S DAD & CONGREGATION]BUT NOW I'VE LEARNED TO LOVE…[RAM’S DAD]AND FURTHERMORE!THE BOYS WERE BRAVE AS HELL!THE BOYS , THEY KNEW DAMN WELL!THOSE FOLKS WOULD JUDGE 'EM, THEY WERE SPERATE TO BE EE!THEY TOOK A REBEL STANCE, STRIPPED TO THEIR UNRPANTS!PL, I N'T BELIEVE THAT YOUSTILL REFE TO GET A CLUEAFTER ALL THAT WE BEEN THROUGH—(SPOKEN)I'M TALK’ YOU AND ME!IN THE SUMMER OF '83![KURT'S DAD, SPOKEN]THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A FISHG TRIP[CONGREGATION]WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOAWHOA, WHOA, WHOA!THEY WERE NOT DIRTY—NO!AND NOT PERVERSE—NO, NO!THEY WERE JT TWO STRAY RHTONON THE LORD'S BIG PURSE![BOTH DADS]OUR JOB IS NOW NTUG THE WORK THAT THEY BEGUN![CONGREGATION]'CSE NOW WE LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!WE LOVE YOUR AD—[RAM’S DAD]THEY'RE UP THERE DIS DANCG TO THE THUMP OF ANGEL WGS![KURT’S DAD]THEY GRAB A MATE…[RAM’S DAD]AND ROLLER SKATE—[BOTH DADS]WHILE JUDY GARLAND SGS![RAM’S DAD]THEY LIVE A PLAYFUL AFTERLIFE THAT'S FANCY-EE AND RECKLS![KURT'S DAD]THEY SWG UPON THE PEARLY GAT—[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION]AND WEAR A PEARLY NECKLACE![CONGREGATION]WHOO![BOTH DADS]THEY WERE NOT DIRTY![CONGREGATION]NO![BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION]THEY WERE GOOD MEN!AND NOW THEY'RE HAPPY BEAR CUBS THE LORD'S BIG N![BOTH DADS]GO FORTH AND LOVE EACH OTHER NOWLIKE OUR BOYS WOULD HAVE DONEWE'LL TEACH THE WORLD TO LOVE...[CONGREGATION]THE WORLD TO LOVE...[ALL]THE WORLD TO LOVE...[BOTH DADS OVERLAPPG WH NGREGATN]I LOVE MY AD GAY SON!MY SON! MY SON![CONGREGATION]NOT HALF BAD, YOUR AD GAY SON!WISH I HAD YOUR AD GAY SON!THANK YOU, DAD, FOR YOUR...[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION]DEAD! GAY! SON!5EMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUT

” The tth, though, is that I lacked the urage to stand all the way up for my father and his ras agast a homophobic and different world. I probably left my "I LOVE MY GAY DAD" T-shirt next to the box had e out of, though I might have taken home wh me and buried a drawer. Even when I was an obnox 22-year-old and wouldn’t put on a T-shirt to clare, unashamed, unembarrassed and unapologetic, that I love my gay dad.

This was found to be te for many of the mothers and sons I terviewed for the study scribed the book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child ().

Neverthels, this closens uld have a downsi, at least temporarily, as many mothers ially blame themselv and the close relatnships for their sons' homosexualy. So, perhaps is not pletely surprisg that once they learned their sons were gay, some of the mothers I terviewed felt that they had done somethg to damage them. Even though rearch sce the 1950's has bunked , this theory persists people's mds and rears s ugly head for mothers when they ially learn their sons are gay.

MY DEAD GAY SONLRENCE O’KEEFE & KEV MURPHYTRACK 11 ON HEATHERS THE MIL (ORIGAL WT END CAST RERDG) FEATURGHEATHERS THE MIL ENSEMBLE, JON BOYDON & 1 MOREMAR. 1, 20191 VIEWER12.9K VIEWS16 CONTRIBUTORSMY DEAD GAY SON LYRICS[RAM'S DAD, SPOKEN]YOU WA JT A MUTE, PL! IT IS IGNORANT, HATEFUL TALK LIKE YOURS THAT MAK THIS WORLD A PLACE OUR BOYS ULD NOT LIVE !THEY WERE NOT DIRTY!THEY WERE NOT WRONG!(SUNG)THEY WERE TWO LONELY VERSIN THE LORD'S GREAT SONG![KURT'S DAD, SPOKEN]OUR BOYS WERE PANSI, BILL![RAM'S DAD]Y!MY BOY'S A HOMOSEXUALAND THAT DON'T SRE ME NONE—I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW...I LOVE MY AD GAY SON!(SPOKEN)I'VE BEEN THKG. PRAYG. READG SOME MAGAZ. AND 'S TIME WE OPENED OUR EY!(SUNG)WELL, THE GOOD LORD MA GAY PENGUSAND GAY BONOBO CHIMPANZEI’VE SEEN GAY LNS SHOW THEIR PRI DOCUMENTARIIF NATURE GETS HER ORRSHAND DOWN OM GOD ABOVETHEN ANIMAL OR HUMANYOU N’T HELP THE ONE YOU LOVETHEY WERE NOT DIRTY—THEY WERE NOT US!THEY WERE JT TWO STRONG LAC THE LORD'S BIG BOOTSWELL, I NEVER RED FOR HOMOS MUCH UNTIL I REARED ME ONEYOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE[RAM’S DAD & CONGREGATION]BUT NOW I'VE LEARNED TO LOVE…[RAM’S DAD]I LOVE MY AD GAY SON![CONGREGATION]HE LOV HIS SONHE LOV HIS SONHIS AD GAY SON![RAM'S DAD]NOW, I SAY MY BOY'S HEAVEN!AND HE'S TANNG BY THE POOLTHE CHEBIM WALK HIM AND HIM, AND J SAYS 'S OL!THEY DON'T HAVE CRIME OR HATRED, THERE'S NO BIGOTRY OR CURS' -JT IENDLY FELLOWS DRSED UP LIKE THEIR FAV'RE VILLAGE PERSON!THEY WERE NOT DIRTY—[CONGREGATION]WHOA![RAM’S DAD]THEY JT HAD FLAIR![CONGREGATION]WHOA![RAM’S DAD]THEY WERE TWO BRIGHT RED RIBBONS THE LORD'S LONG HAIRWELL, I ED TO SEE A HOMO AND GO REACH' FOR MY GUN[RAM’S DAD & CONGREGATION]BUT NOW I'VE LEARNED TO LOVE…[RAM’S DAD]AND FURTHERMORE!THE BOYS WALKED HAND HAND!THE BOYS, THEY TOOK A STAND!THEY ULD NOT WAONE SEND LONGER TO BE EE!THEY ST OFF THEIR DISGUISENO SHAME, NO PROMISE!PL, I N'T BELIEVE THAT YOUSTILL REFE TO GET A CLUEAFTER ALL THAT WE BEEN THROUGH—(SPOKEN)I'M TALK’ YOU AND ME!(CONGREGATION GASP)IN THE SUMMER OF '83!(CONGREGATION GASP AGA)[KURT'S DAD, SPOKEN]THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A FISHG TRIP[CONGREGATION]WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOAWHOA, WHOA, WHOA!THEY WERE NOT DIRTY—WHOA!AND NOT PERVERSE—NO, NO!THEY WERE JT TWO SHY RHTONON THE LORD'S BIG PURSE![BOTH DADS]OUR JOB IS NOW NTUG THE WORK THAT THEY BEGUN![CONGREGATION]'CSE NOW WE LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!WE LOVE YOUR AD—[RAM’S DAD]THEY'RE UP THERE DIS DANCG TO THE THUMP OF ANGEL WGS!THEY GRAB A MATEAND ROLLER SKATEWHILE JUDY GARLAND SGS!THEY LIVE A JOYFUL AFTERLIFE THAT'S FANCY-EE AND RECKLS!THEY SWG UPON THE PEARLY GAT—AND WEAR A PEARLY NECKLACE![CONGREGATION]WHOO![BOTH DADS]THEY WERE NOT DIRTY![CONGREGATION]NO![BOTH DADS (CONGREGATION)]THEY WERE GOOD MEN! (WHOA!)AND NOW THEY'RE HAPPY BEAR CUBS THE LORD'S BIG N![BOTH DADS]GO FORTH AND LOVE EACH OTHER NOWLIKE OUR BOYS WOULD HAVE DONE[ALL]WE'LL TEACH THE WORLD TO LOVE...[BOTH DADS OVERLAPPG WH NGREGATN]I LOVE MY AD GAY SON!MY SON! MY SON![CONGREGATION]NOT HALF BAD, YOUR AD GAY SON!WISH I HAD YOUR AD GAY SON!THANK YOU, DAD, FOR YOUR...[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION]DEAD! GAY! SON!EMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUT

Fortunately, for many mothers of gay son—wh time and tn, they learn that the ia that they had somehow ma their son gay is ad wrong This was te of the mothers my study who also me to see the benefs havg a gay son as will be scribed later this post. My rearch, clil and personal experienc suggt that there is ed a al lk between male homosexualy and a close maternal relatnship but flows the oppose directn than what was prevly thought. I thk personally [beg gay] ma me a more emotnal person, more sensive, more touch wh both the male and female sis of myself, but allowg me to even acknowledge that other si ma me closer to my mother.

Once mothers this study got over their feelgs of guilt and got ed to the ia that their sons were gay, they were able to regnize the benefs of havg a gay son. However, we get to hot water when we allow stereotyp to get the way of unrstandg the uniquens of dividuals and their circumstanc—so is important to remember that not all mothers and gay sons are close.

HOW DO I LOVE MY GAY SON?

Sadly, some mothers simply nnot adjt to their sons' homosexualy, due to their guilt, relig ncerns, or abily to "let go" and accept the ways they live their liv. She was rryg a piece of orange poster board wh a msage hand-lettered black marker: “PARENTS of GAYS: UNITE SUPPORT fOR oUR CHILDREN. They asked if they uld kiss her; they asked if she would talk to their parents; they told her that they uldn’t image their own mothers and fathers supportg them so publicly, or supportg them at woman’s name was Jeanne Manford, and she was marchg alongsi her twenty-one-year-old gay son, Morty.

The anizatn they dreamed up that day, which started as a sgle support group Manhattan, was ially lled Parents of Gays; later, was renamed Parents FLAG, for Parents and Friends of Lbians and Gays; nowadays, is known only as PFLAG.

The same year Avril was born, Morty’s psychiatrist summoned Jeanne and Jul to his office and rmed them that their beloved goln boy and sole survivg son was the bt of her knowledge, Jeanne Manford had never known anyone who was gay. Polil anizg was virtually impossible—one early gay-rights group that attempted to officially rporate New York was told that s mere existence would vlate state sodomy laws—and posive cultural reprentatn was all but nonexistent; there were no openly gay or lbian policians, punds, relig lears, actors, athlet, or micians the mastream. Newspapers ed the words “homosexual” and “pervert” terchangeably, and the handful of gay people who appeared on televisn to discs their “life style” almost always had their fac hidn shadows or otherwise obscured.

SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?

In 1974, when “The Pat Colls Show” aired a segment on parents of gay children, the host troduced by sayg, “Even if he mted murr, I gus you’d say, ‘Well, he’s still my child, no matter what. ”You uld f most of the solar system to the chasm between how the average Amerin of the era would have reacted that hypothetil suatn and how Jeanne Manford rpond upon learng that Morty was gay. Later, after he went to llege at Columbia and me to terms wh beg gay, the steady, unfsy love of his fay seemed tepid pared wh his own creasg radilism.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* LOVE MY GAY SON

Reflectns On Why I Love My Gay Son .

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