Denver Water is proud of s diverse workforce. June is known as Pri Month for the LGBTQ+ muni honor of the 1969 Stonewall Uprisg Manhattan, nsired a ccial event the LGBTQ+ rights movement. In honor of Pri Month, we’re sharg the story of Chris Fikan, a member of Denver Water’s Admistrative Servic divisn. Read , and go here for more stori about our diverse team that ensur the livery of clean, safe water to 1.5 ln people. Chris Fikan joed Denver Water 2006, where he works as a fancial analyst. Photo cred: Chris Fikan. The summer of 1981 was a major turng pot Chris Fikan’s life. That summer Fikan, who now works as a fancial analyst at Denver Water, had jt graduated om a Denver-area high school. He sat wh his childhood iend as the iend me out to his mother. And that was also the summer when Fikan cid he too would tell his own parents he was gay. Fikan grew up an average, Amerin middle-class home Englewood, Colorado. “My parents had me when they were much olr. My brother and sister were already grown and out of the hoe before I fished elementary school,” said Fikan, who joed Denver Water Augt 2006. “I was what you would ll an ‘accint.’ Some may say I was a ‘surprise.’” Chris Fikan durg his senr year high school. The summer after graduatn, Fikan told his parents he was gay. Photo cred: Chris Fikan. His parents died years ago, and he looks back wh fond memori of a happy upbrgg. For most of his childhood, Fikan’s mother was a homemaker and his father worked nstctn. His mother was relig. She read the Bible and regularly watched church programmg on televisn. “My parents were good people. They were patient, supportive and unrstandg,” said Fikan. When Fikan was his early teens, he began noticg other boys. His first thought: This isn’t right. “I knew society said I should be attracted to girls. It felt like I was dog somethg wrong,” he said. But, Fikan had a close group of iends who accepted him for who he was. “Hontly, my iends and the people around me probably knew I was gay even before I knew myself,” he said. Chris Fikan (left) wh step-dghter Sara and his hband, Bob, Manou Sprgs. Photo cred: Chris Fikan. The summer of ’81, after high school graduatn, Fikan’s childhood iend me out to his own mother. “I was wh him his livg room when he told his mom, and that gave me the spiratn I need to tell my parents,” he said. Fikan’s parents were raised a generatn that was not typilly acceptg of homosexualy. And the early ‘80s, the gay muny faced signifint stigma and discrimatn. Dpe those circumstanc, Fikan was not aaid to tell his parents. “We were always hont wh each other. I knew they would support and love me no matter what,” Fikan said. And they did. Chris Fikan (right) and Bob vised the happit place on Earth 2016 - Disney World! Photo cred: Chris Fikan. “My parents told me they really jt wanted me to be happy and to be proud of who I was,” he said. Fikan remembers his mother sayg that she would pray for him. And he remembers his father’s immediate reply: “Why do you need to pray for him? There is nothg wrong wh him. He’s happy and that is all we’ve ever wanted for any of our children, isn’t ?” “My dad wasn’t really an overly emotnal or sentimental guy. His rponse showed me his heart. I felt so much more nnected to him after that,” Fikan said. His mother soon renciled her relign wh Fikan’s homosexualy, believg God loved all good people, no matter what. Chris Fikan, left, and Bob shortly after they began datg. Photo cred: Chris Fikan. Comg out to his parents brought Fikan closer to them and gave him the nfince he need to be te to himself as he grew to adulthood. More than a after that fateful summer, on an early summer day 1994, Fikan met a man named Bob at Cheman Park Denver. The two chatted for a b and then went their separate ways. A year later, they ran to each other aga, a chance enunter that sparked a new relatnship. After datg for about six months, Fikan was troduced to Sara, Bob’s 5-year-old dghter om his prev marriage. “Growg up, Sara was wh every weekend when she wasn’t at her mom’s hoe. She’s 32 now and ’s been a joy to watch her grow up,” said Fikan. After more than 20 years together, Fikan and Bob put an official stamp on their relatnship the summer of 2015, when they were married on June 12. Pragmatic by nature, the uple’s unn was unrstated and unceremon. “It’s funny bee when you’re wh someone for so long, and you’re mted to him, marriage don’t really seem necsary. But one eveng Bob and I were talkg about tax and cid ma fancial sense to make official and get married. So that’s what we did. “We went down to the urthoe and got married,” said Fikan. The days the two spend their time workg their yard and are self-proclaimed “foodi.” They love travelg to Las Vegas and spendg their ee time checkg out mol hom and open ho. Chris Fikan, left, and Bob on a recent trip to New Orleans. Photo cred: Chris Fikan. For Fikan, the key to life is happs. “I know there are so many people out there who are not as lucky as I have been. When I hear the stori of other people who have been fearful of beg gay, have experienced vlence or who have been discrimated agast, I almost feel guilty that my life has been so easy,” he said. “I’ve always had a strong sense of inty and beg te to myself has always e easily, but I realize that’s not the se for everyone. I know ’s easier said than done, but no matter what suatn life puts you , be proud of who you are. If you’re happy, then nothg else really matters.”
Contents:
- HOW TO BE HAPPY AS A GAY MAN
- WHO ARE THE HAPPIT? STRAIGHTS AND GAYS, BUT NOT BISEXUALS
- BEG GAY AND INCREDIBLY HAPPYKEAY NIGEL·FOLLOWPUBLISHED THE MEANG OF LIFE IS TO GIVE LIFE A MEANG.·8 M READ·APR 15, 2015--LISTENSHARE25 AND I’M PERHAPS AT MY HAPPIT. EVER!YOU MAY BE ASKG, WHAT’S THE BIG AL? WELL, I THK MOST PEOPLE DON’T EXPECT A GAY PERSON TO BE HAPPY. OR TO BE LEADG A LIFE THAT HE OR SHE IS SUFFICIENTLY HAPPY OR NFINT OF TO TALK OPENLY ABOUT.TOO MANY A TIME THE NEWS THAT WE HEAR ABOUT THE LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL AND TRANSGENR (LGBT) MUNY OR AN LGBT PERSON TEND TO BE SOMETHG BAD OR NEGATIVE. SUICIS, DISCRIMATN, JTICE, BULLYG, JT TO NAME A FEW. WE SELDOM HEAR SOMETHG GOOD OR POSIVE.IT IS IRONIC THAT THE WORD “GAY” ALSO MEANS CHEERFUL AND REEE, BEE MANY GAY PEOPLE ARE LIVG THE DIRECT OPPOSE.WELL, LET ME START MY STORY HERE:I WAS LTLE WHEN I BEGAN LEARNG THAT BEG EFFEMATE IS NO GOOD FOR A BOY.AT FIRST, PEOPLE HTED AT , MY LACK OF OBSSN WH TOY RS AND MY TERT DRSG UP BARBIE DOLLS. I WAS JT A CHILD AT THAT POT, SO I DIDN’T RE MUCH.BUT THEN PEOPLE STARTED DROPPG TERMS LIKE “SISSY,” “GAY” AND OTHER EQUIVALENTS. AT SOME POT, I REALISED THAT THOSE WORDS WERE ED TO SHAME MY BEHAVUR.BUT AS A KID, YOU DON’T REALLY UNRSTAND MUCH, DO YOU? YOU DON’T/N’T PROCS WHAT’S A PERSONAL ATTACK, WHAT’S A CRICISM, AND WHAT’S A HONT, SCERE ADVICE. AS A KID, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHG THAT HURTS YOUR FEELGS, YOU JT FEEL BAD. YOU DON’T EVALUATE WHETHER ’S NSTCTIVE CRICISM OR NOT. SIARLY, WHEN SOMEONE THROWS YOU A PLIMENT, YOU FEEL GOOD AND HAPPY. YOU DON’T DOUBLE GUS OR TRY TO READ BETWEEN THE L TO SEE IF ’S SARSM OR NOT.LIFE SEEMED SIMPLER. BEE YOU WERE SIMPLER.GROWG UP, I THK WE ALL HAD OUR EQUAL SHARE OF GOOD THGS AND BAD THGS THAT HAD BEEN SAID TO . AND THE THGS HAD EHER MA FEEL GOOD OR BAD ABOUT OURSELV. THEY ARE WHAT THAT BUILT TO THE PERSON THAT WE ARE TODAY.FOR ME, A LOT OF THE THGS THAT HAD BEEN SAID TO ME THE PAST HURT ME EPLY. I DON’T BLAME WHOEVER THOUGH — I DIDN’T EXACTLY VOICE OUT WHAT WORDS HAD HURT MY FEELGS.HERE’S ANOTHER THG ABOUT KIDS — THEY DON’T OFTEN VOLISE THEIR NER WORLD METICULO TAILS. THAT DON’T MEAN THEY WILL FET ABOUT ALL THOUGH.IN MY SUBNSC, I KNEW THAT SOMETHG WAS AMISS. WHILE I NTUED DOG MY THG, PLAYG WH BARBIE DOLLS, PLAYG HOE, PLAYG PRETEND AS A MERMAID AND ETC., I STARTED TO FEEL GUILTY. I KNEW THAT I WAS BEHAVG A WAY THAT THE ADULTS EMED AS WRONG. AS APPROPRIATE. AS SHAMEFUL. AS GAY.YOU SEE, WHEN YOU’RE TOLD AGA AND AGA THAT WHAT YOU FD TO BE SO NATURAL AND SO STCTIVE TO BE WRONG AND SHAMEFUL, YOU N’T HELP BUT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF. NOT JT YOUR BEHAVUR, THE THGS YOU DO, BUT ALSO, THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE.HAVE YOU EVER FAILED A TT OR AN EXAM AND FELT REALLY BAD ABOUT ? AND WHEN YOU WENT BACK HOME AND TOLD YOUR PARENTS ABOUT , THEY THEN MA WORSE BY LECTURG YOU?THERE WAS A TIME WHEN MY LIFE WAS A NEVER-ENDG, ALL DAY, 24 HOURS TT OF WHETHER I F TO GENR STEREOTYP.SOME PARENTS MAY ARGUE THAT THEM RMG OR TG THEIR CHILD ABOUT EXISTG GENR STEREOTYP IS ACTUALLY DONE GOOD FAH. IT’S TO HELP THEIR CHILD TO AVOID BULLYG. LIKE TELLG THEIR SON NOT TO TAKE ON THE ROLE OF A PRCS OR A FAIRY WHEN PLAYG PRETEND WOULD TURN HELP HIM AVOID BEG BULLIED OR DISCRIMATED AGAST.“BUT HOW LONG DO YOU TEND TO GO ON WH THIS PROTECTIVE ACT?FOREVER?”SO YOU ARE GOG TO TEACH YOUR SON OR DGHTER THAT ORR TO AVOID BEG HATED OR DISLIKED, HE OR SHE SHOULD PURSUE THE ABSOLUTE NFORMATN TO SOCIAL AND GENR STEREOTYP?AND FOR WHAT? TO BE HAPPY? TO BE ACCEPTABLE TO OTHER PEOPLE AND TURN FEEL A SENSE OF JOY ABOUT ?THAT I TELL YOU N BE ONE OF THE SADST WAYS TO LIVE: TO BASE YOUR HAPPS ON OTHERS’ OPN OF YOU, AND NOT YOUR OWN OPN OF YOURSELF.I N STILL REMEMBER A PARTICULAR CINT OM MY CHILDHOOD WHERE I WAS TOLD BY MY MOM TO STOP “WALKG LIKE A GIRL.” SHE ADD THAT ’S SHAMEFUL FOR ME TO ACT THAT WAY AND I WOULD BE LGHED AT BY OTHER PEOPLE IF I NTUED SO. I WAS OF URSE GREATLY UPSET BY THE MENT. AND GREATLY EMBARRASSED.THAT WAS ALSO ONE OF THOSE FEW MOMENTS WHERE I LEARNED SOMETHG ABOUT SOCIAL RELATNS, THAT I NEED TO ACT A CERTA WAY SO THAT I WOULD BE ACCEPTED BY OTHER PEOPLE. THAT I SHOULDN’T ACT WAYS THAT MIGHT MAKE PEOPLE REJECT ME…BUT WH THAT, I HAD ALSO STARTED TO REJECT MYSELF, SLOWLY, B BY B.I WOULD TRY TO “RRECT” MYSELF. I LEARNED TO BE HYPERCRIL OF MYSELF, TO NICK-PICK. I WOULD TRY TO INTIFY PARTS OF MYSELF THAT PEOPLE MIGHT POSSIBLY DISLIKE, EVEN BEFORE I WAS EVER TOLD THAT THEY WERE DISLIKED.THROUGH THIS PROCS, I LEARNED MUCH ABOUT TROSPECTN ED. BUT I HAD ALSO E TO BELIEVE THAT MY NATURAL SELF ULDN’T BE TSTED. IT’S GOG TO BETRAY ME ONE DAY.SO I GOT TO FIGHT . I HAD GOT TO… NOT BE MYSELF.I SPECT AT SOME POT OF MY TEENAGE-HOOD, I HAD LOST TRACK OF WHETHER SUPPRSG MY TE SELF WAS ALL DONE FOR MY OWN BENEF, OR FOR THE BENEFS OF OTHERS.I HAD STOPPED LIVG TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY, BUT TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY.I WAS NEVER TGHT TO STAND UP TO BULLI. WELL, I NEVER TOLD MY PARENTS OR PLAED TO ANYONE THAT I WAS BULLIED SCHOOL. SO I ME UP WH MY OWN SOLUTN: I STAYED SILENT.IN FACT, I WAS ALWAYS FEAR OF SOMEONE DROPPG A HURTFUL MENT. JT SO YOU KNOW, ’S ALWAYS THE MOST NOCENT MENT DROPPED THAT HURT THE MOST — THE ARROW THAT WAS SHOT BEFORE MY FENSIVE GEAR WAS UP.I WOULD TRY TO PUT UP A BRAVE ONT, BUT ON SI I WAS CMBLG FEAR AND SHAME. AND I WOULD THEN TURN MY BACK AGAST MY OWN SELF. I WOULD PUT ON MY OWN SET OF TATED LENS, WHICH I HAD REFED B BY B THROUGH THE YEARS, AND BEE MY OWN JUDGE.I HAD THOUGHT THAT I NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY THAT I WAS SO AS TO AVOID THE HURT. THERE WAS NOTHG I ULD DO ABOUT THE BULLI; ALL I HAD TO WORK ON WAS MYSELF. AND SO I TRIED TO MAKE MYSELF SMALLER, TO STAND OUT LS. TO BE MORE… VISIBLE.IN THE END, I BEME MY OWN WORST CRIQUE.IT WAS LIKE HAVG ANOTHER VOICE MY HEAD WHICH I WAS SUPPOSED TO FEAR AND ABI TO. IT WAS MY OTHER SELF WHOM I HAD BELIEVED TO BE THE “MORE RIGHT” VERSN OF MYSELF. THE VERSN WHO WOULD BE DOG ALL THE RIGHT THGS, MAKG EVERYONE LIKE HIM. HE WHOM MY PARENTS AND RELATIV WOULD BE EXCEEDGLY PROUD OF.HE WAS THE ONE I TSTED THE MOST. AND I KNEW THAT HE’S NSTANTLY TRYG TO IMPROVE HIMSELF AT THE SAME TIME TO BE EVEN MORE SHREWD DIFFERENT SOCIAL SETTGS, AND MORE SENSIVE AND TELLIGENT PICKG UP SOCIAL CU, SO AS TO HELP ME AVOID SUATNS THAT MIGHT E ME TO EMBARRASS MYSELF.FOR YEARS I HAD LIVED LIKE THAT. AND EVEN NOW, I STILL HAVE HIM MY HEAD — THAT PART OF ME. THE ONE WHOM I THOUGHT WOULD KNOW BETTER.BUT NO.THE TTH IS, HE DON’T KNOW BETTER.HE DO NOT KNOW ANYTHG ABOUT LIVG A HONT, OPEN LIFE.HE KNOWS NOTHG ABOUT FREEDOM, OR ABOUT LIVG A LIFE WHICH IS WHOUT SHAME OR FEAR.HE IS FACT A WARD WHO N’T LIVE WHOUT PEOPLE’S APPROVAL OF HIM. THEIR S, THEIR PRAIS AND THEIR ACCEPTANCE.HE IS A PEOPLE PLEASER WHO THRIV ON OTHERS’ ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF HIM BEE HE NEVER HAD THE PACY TO LOVE HIMSELF REGARDLS.HE NEVER HAD THE URAGE TO BE WHO HE REALLY IS. BEE HE WAS NOT TGHT TO BE BRAVE. HE WAS TOLD TO FEAR NSTANTLY AND BE WARY ALWAYS.AND HE WAS ME, AND I WAS HIM.I WAS MY WORST ENEMY.I HAVE E A LONG WAY. A LONG, LONG WAY TO WHO I AM TODAY.I WAS LIVG THE FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT MO FOR AS LONG AS I N REMEMBER. IF I WASN’T FIGHTG OTHERS, I WAS FIGHTG MYSELF.BUT NOW, I AM NO LONGER AAID OF BEG LLED OUT FOR BEG GAY. YOU N PASS A JOKE ABOUT ME AND MY “GAYNS,” I DON’T RE. OR RATHER, I AM GLAD THAT YOU BOTHER TALKG ABOUT ME. BEE THAT MOMENT, I WOULD HAVE MEANT SOMETHG TO YOU. AND YOU? YOU WOULD MEAN NOTHG MORE THAN THE OLD VERSN OF ME WHOM I’VE BUT GROWN OUT OF.THE FIGHT IS OVER.TWO S WORTH OF .LIFE SUCKS SOMETIM. AND WILL BE A WHOLE LOT WORSE IF YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THE WRONGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY YOU HAVE.
- ARE GAY MEN HAPPIER THAN STRAIGHT MEN?
- GAY (HOMOSEXUAL) AND GAY (HAPPY)
- WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT BEG GAY?: PERSPECTIV OM YOUTH
- GAY
HOW TO BE HAPPY AS A GAY MAN
You may be askg, What’s the big al? Well, I thk most people don’t expect a gay person to be happy. Or to be leadg a life that he or she is sufficiently happy or nfint of to talk openly… * being gay and happy *
Most people the LGBTQ+ muny know om experience that acceptg your sexualy will lead to your beg a happier, more open person.In this gui, the term gay has been ed to clu all forms of non-heterosexual attractn, whether that be people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, or otherwise not straight. The laws the Bible were maly for health purpos - shunng homosexualy is right next to not gettg tattoos, not eatg pork, and not wearg mixed lens, but you n bet your bottom dollar all your neighbors do those thgs.
Article SummaryXIf you stggle wh acceptg your attractn to the same sex, know that beg gay is pletely normal and you n be proud of who you are by fdg support and embracg your dividualy. Counter to mon sense, over a third of those wh lifelong same-sex partners and nearly half of those wh lifelong both-sex partners intified not as gay or bisexual but as straight.
Bee the vast majory of dividuals who intify as bisexual are women (equently the 60% to 80% range), any study that b gays/lbians wh bisexuals and fds negative mental or physil health problems likely distorts our unrstandg of sexual mori and th tells ltle about male bisexuals, gay mal, and lbians. Or to be leadg a life that he or she is sufficiently happy or nfint of to talk openly many a time the news that we hear about the Lbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgenr (LGBT) muny or an LGBT person tend to be somethg bad or negative.
WHO ARE THE HAPPIT? STRAIGHTS AND GAYS, BUT NOT BISEXUALS
* being gay and happy *
We seldom hear somethg good or is ironic that the word “gay” also means cheerful and reee, bee many gay people are livg the direct, let me start my story here:I was ltle when I began learng that beg effemate is no good for a first, people hted at , my lack of obssn wh toy rs and my tert drsg up Barbie dolls. Alas, none of this good news for gays and spankg fetishists is really backed up by the data the origal study, which, while trigug, is hardly evince that is beg out and gay that mak men happier (let alone women).
BEG GAY AND INCREDIBLY HAPPYKEAY NIGEL·FOLLOWPUBLISHED THE MEANG OF LIFE IS TO GIVE LIFE A MEANG.·8 M READ·APR 15, 2015--LISTENSHARE25 AND I’M PERHAPS AT MY HAPPIT. EVER!YOU MAY BE ASKG, WHAT’S THE BIG AL? WELL, I THK MOST PEOPLE DON’T EXPECT A GAY PERSON TO BE HAPPY. OR TO BE LEADG A LIFE THAT HE OR SHE IS SUFFICIENTLY HAPPY OR NFINT OF TO TALK OPENLY ABOUT.TOO MANY A TIME THE NEWS THAT WE HEAR ABOUT THE LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL AND TRANSGENR (LGBT) MUNY OR AN LGBT PERSON TEND TO BE SOMETHG BAD OR NEGATIVE. SUICIS, DISCRIMATN, JTICE, BULLYG, JT TO NAME A FEW. WE SELDOM HEAR SOMETHG GOOD OR POSIVE.IT IS IRONIC THAT THE WORD “GAY” ALSO MEANS CHEERFUL AND REEE, BEE MANY GAY PEOPLE ARE LIVG THE DIRECT OPPOSE.WELL, LET ME START MY STORY HERE:I WAS LTLE WHEN I BEGAN LEARNG THAT BEG EFFEMATE IS NO GOOD FOR A BOY.AT FIRST, PEOPLE HTED AT , MY LACK OF OBSSN WH TOY RS AND MY TERT DRSG UP BARBIE DOLLS. I WAS JT A CHILD AT THAT POT, SO I DIDN’T RE MUCH.BUT THEN PEOPLE STARTED DROPPG TERMS LIKE “SISSY,” “GAY” AND OTHER EQUIVALENTS. AT SOME POT, I REALISED THAT THOSE WORDS WERE ED TO SHAME MY BEHAVUR.BUT AS A KID, YOU DON’T REALLY UNRSTAND MUCH, DO YOU? YOU DON’T/N’T PROCS WHAT’S A PERSONAL ATTACK, WHAT’S A CRICISM, AND WHAT’S A HONT, SCERE ADVICE. AS A KID, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHG THAT HURTS YOUR FEELGS, YOU JT FEEL BAD. YOU DON’T EVALUATE WHETHER ’S NSTCTIVE CRICISM OR NOT. SIARLY, WHEN SOMEONE THROWS YOU A PLIMENT, YOU FEEL GOOD AND HAPPY. YOU DON’T DOUBLE GUS OR TRY TO READ BETWEEN THE L TO SEE IF ’S SARSM OR NOT.LIFE SEEMED SIMPLER. BEE YOU WERE SIMPLER.GROWG UP, I THK WE ALL HAD OUR EQUAL SHARE OF GOOD THGS AND BAD THGS THAT HAD BEEN SAID TO . AND THE THGS HAD EHER MA FEEL GOOD OR BAD ABOUT OURSELV. THEY ARE WHAT THAT BUILT TO THE PERSON THAT WE ARE TODAY.FOR ME, A LOT OF THE THGS THAT HAD BEEN SAID TO ME THE PAST HURT ME EPLY. I DON’T BLAME WHOEVER THOUGH — I DIDN’T EXACTLY VOICE OUT WHAT WORDS HAD HURT MY FEELGS.HERE’S ANOTHER THG ABOUT KIDS — THEY DON’T OFTEN VOLISE THEIR NER WORLD METICULO TAILS. THAT DON’T MEAN THEY WILL FET ABOUT ALL THOUGH.IN MY SUBNSC, I KNEW THAT SOMETHG WAS AMISS. WHILE I NTUED DOG MY THG, PLAYG WH BARBIE DOLLS, PLAYG HOE, PLAYG PRETEND AS A MERMAID AND ETC., I STARTED TO FEEL GUILTY. I KNEW THAT I WAS BEHAVG A WAY THAT THE ADULTS EMED AS WRONG. AS APPROPRIATE. AS SHAMEFUL. AS GAY.YOU SEE, WHEN YOU’RE TOLD AGA AND AGA THAT WHAT YOU FD TO BE SO NATURAL AND SO STCTIVE TO BE WRONG AND SHAMEFUL, YOU N’T HELP BUT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF. NOT JT YOUR BEHAVUR, THE THGS YOU DO, BUT ALSO, THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE.HAVE YOU EVER FAILED A TT OR AN EXAM AND FELT REALLY BAD ABOUT ? AND WHEN YOU WENT BACK HOME AND TOLD YOUR PARENTS ABOUT , THEY THEN MA WORSE BY LECTURG YOU?THERE WAS A TIME WHEN MY LIFE WAS A NEVER-ENDG, ALL DAY, 24 HOURS TT OF WHETHER I F TO GENR STEREOTYP.SOME PARENTS MAY ARGUE THAT THEM RMG OR TG THEIR CHILD ABOUT EXISTG GENR STEREOTYP IS ACTUALLY DONE GOOD FAH. IT’S TO HELP THEIR CHILD TO AVOID BULLYG. LIKE TELLG THEIR SON NOT TO TAKE ON THE ROLE OF A PRCS OR A FAIRY WHEN PLAYG PRETEND WOULD TURN HELP HIM AVOID BEG BULLIED OR DISCRIMATED AGAST.“BUT HOW LONG DO YOU TEND TO GO ON WH THIS PROTECTIVE ACT?FOREVER?”SO YOU ARE GOG TO TEACH YOUR SON OR DGHTER THAT ORR TO AVOID BEG HATED OR DISLIKED, HE OR SHE SHOULD PURSUE THE ABSOLUTE NFORMATN TO SOCIAL AND GENR STEREOTYP?AND FOR WHAT? TO BE HAPPY? TO BE ACCEPTABLE TO OTHER PEOPLE AND TURN FEEL A SENSE OF JOY ABOUT ?THAT I TELL YOU N BE ONE OF THE SADST WAYS TO LIVE: TO BASE YOUR HAPPS ON OTHERS’ OPN OF YOU, AND NOT YOUR OWN OPN OF YOURSELF.I N STILL REMEMBER A PARTICULAR CINT OM MY CHILDHOOD WHERE I WAS TOLD BY MY MOM TO STOP “WALKG LIKE A GIRL.” SHE ADD THAT ’S SHAMEFUL FOR ME TO ACT THAT WAY AND I WOULD BE LGHED AT BY OTHER PEOPLE IF I NTUED SO. I WAS OF URSE GREATLY UPSET BY THE MENT. AND GREATLY EMBARRASSED.THAT WAS ALSO ONE OF THOSE FEW MOMENTS WHERE I LEARNED SOMETHG ABOUT SOCIAL RELATNS, THAT I NEED TO ACT A CERTA WAY SO THAT I WOULD BE ACCEPTED BY OTHER PEOPLE. THAT I SHOULDN’T ACT WAYS THAT MIGHT MAKE PEOPLE REJECT ME…BUT WH THAT, I HAD ALSO STARTED TO REJECT MYSELF, SLOWLY, B BY B.I WOULD TRY TO “RRECT” MYSELF. I LEARNED TO BE HYPERCRIL OF MYSELF, TO NICK-PICK. I WOULD TRY TO INTIFY PARTS OF MYSELF THAT PEOPLE MIGHT POSSIBLY DISLIKE, EVEN BEFORE I WAS EVER TOLD THAT THEY WERE DISLIKED.THROUGH THIS PROCS, I LEARNED MUCH ABOUT TROSPECTN ED. BUT I HAD ALSO E TO BELIEVE THAT MY NATURAL SELF ULDN’T BE TSTED. IT’S GOG TO BETRAY ME ONE DAY.SO I GOT TO FIGHT . I HAD GOT TO… NOT BE MYSELF.I SPECT AT SOME POT OF MY TEENAGE-HOOD, I HAD LOST TRACK OF WHETHER SUPPRSG MY TE SELF WAS ALL DONE FOR MY OWN BENEF, OR FOR THE BENEFS OF OTHERS.I HAD STOPPED LIVG TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY, BUT TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY.I WAS NEVER TGHT TO STAND UP TO BULLI. WELL, I NEVER TOLD MY PARENTS OR PLAED TO ANYONE THAT I WAS BULLIED SCHOOL. SO I ME UP WH MY OWN SOLUTN: I STAYED SILENT.IN FACT, I WAS ALWAYS FEAR OF SOMEONE DROPPG A HURTFUL MENT. JT SO YOU KNOW, ’S ALWAYS THE MOST NOCENT MENT DROPPED THAT HURT THE MOST — THE ARROW THAT WAS SHOT BEFORE MY FENSIVE GEAR WAS UP.I WOULD TRY TO PUT UP A BRAVE ONT, BUT ON SI I WAS CMBLG FEAR AND SHAME. AND I WOULD THEN TURN MY BACK AGAST MY OWN SELF. I WOULD PUT ON MY OWN SET OF TATED LENS, WHICH I HAD REFED B BY B THROUGH THE YEARS, AND BEE MY OWN JUDGE.I HAD THOUGHT THAT I NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY THAT I WAS SO AS TO AVOID THE HURT. THERE WAS NOTHG I ULD DO ABOUT THE BULLI; ALL I HAD TO WORK ON WAS MYSELF. AND SO I TRIED TO MAKE MYSELF SMALLER, TO STAND OUT LS. TO BE MORE… VISIBLE.IN THE END, I BEME MY OWN WORST CRIQUE.IT WAS LIKE HAVG ANOTHER VOICE MY HEAD WHICH I WAS SUPPOSED TO FEAR AND ABI TO. IT WAS MY OTHER SELF WHOM I HAD BELIEVED TO BE THE “MORE RIGHT” VERSN OF MYSELF. THE VERSN WHO WOULD BE DOG ALL THE RIGHT THGS, MAKG EVERYONE LIKE HIM. HE WHOM MY PARENTS AND RELATIV WOULD BE EXCEEDGLY PROUD OF.HE WAS THE ONE I TSTED THE MOST. AND I KNEW THAT HE’S NSTANTLY TRYG TO IMPROVE HIMSELF AT THE SAME TIME TO BE EVEN MORE SHREWD DIFFERENT SOCIAL SETTGS, AND MORE SENSIVE AND TELLIGENT PICKG UP SOCIAL CU, SO AS TO HELP ME AVOID SUATNS THAT MIGHT E ME TO EMBARRASS MYSELF.FOR YEARS I HAD LIVED LIKE THAT. AND EVEN NOW, I STILL HAVE HIM MY HEAD — THAT PART OF ME. THE ONE WHOM I THOUGHT WOULD KNOW BETTER.BUT NO.THE TTH IS, HE DON’T KNOW BETTER.HE DO NOT KNOW ANYTHG ABOUT LIVG A HONT, OPEN LIFE.HE KNOWS NOTHG ABOUT FREEDOM, OR ABOUT LIVG A LIFE WHICH IS WHOUT SHAME OR FEAR.HE IS FACT A WARD WHO N’T LIVE WHOUT PEOPLE’S APPROVAL OF HIM. THEIR S, THEIR PRAIS AND THEIR ACCEPTANCE.HE IS A PEOPLE PLEASER WHO THRIV ON OTHERS’ ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF HIM BEE HE NEVER HAD THE PACY TO LOVE HIMSELF REGARDLS.HE NEVER HAD THE URAGE TO BE WHO HE REALLY IS. BEE HE WAS NOT TGHT TO BE BRAVE. HE WAS TOLD TO FEAR NSTANTLY AND BE WARY ALWAYS.AND HE WAS ME, AND I WAS HIM.I WAS MY WORST ENEMY.I HAVE E A LONG WAY. A LONG, LONG WAY TO WHO I AM TODAY.I WAS LIVG THE FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT MO FOR AS LONG AS I N REMEMBER. IF I WASN’T FIGHTG OTHERS, I WAS FIGHTG MYSELF.BUT NOW, I AM NO LONGER AAID OF BEG LLED OUT FOR BEG GAY. YOU N PASS A JOKE ABOUT ME AND MY “GAYNS,” I DON’T RE. OR RATHER, I AM GLAD THAT YOU BOTHER TALKG ABOUT ME. BEE THAT MOMENT, I WOULD HAVE MEANT SOMETHG TO YOU. AND YOU? YOU WOULD MEAN NOTHG MORE THAN THE OLD VERSN OF ME WHOM I’VE BUT GROWN OUT OF.THE FIGHT IS OVER.TWO S WORTH OF .LIFE SUCKS SOMETIM. AND WILL BE A WHOLE LOT WORSE IF YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THE WRONGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY YOU HAVE.
What’s take to be a genuely happy gay man? This is a qutn gay men have stggled wh for generatns. Here are 3 tips to get you started. * being gay and happy *
While gay men the study seemed to experience ls strs and prsn than straight men, there are a variety of alternative explanatns that might expla this fact (like whether they worked out or not; whether they had children or not; e level and stabily). It seems like more than jt bad reportg to tell gay men and women that happs is up to them, not the world at large, and happs will rive om disclosure when that very disclosure n be dangero.
ARE GAY MEN HAPPIER THAN STRAIGHT MEN?
I personally examed thoands of obuari of gay men to support the claim that homosexualy is not a healthy liftyle. * being gay and happy *
Until then homosexual actors, micians, athlet or anyone the public eye had two choic life: to keep their homosexualy a secret, pecially om the media, or adopt the mannerisms and a of drs which were very mp but at the same time (ironilly) never admtg their sexual preferenc publicly. Tom Robson released a very succsful song entled (Sg if you're) Glad to be Gay, was the mid-70s, and I was still at a Catholic primary school when I remember que distctly hearg gay beg ed for the first time to unteract the BrEng rogatory terms such as: poofter, poof, queer, not normal, fairy and queen that were rife at the time. In the send verse, pots to the hypocrisy of Gay News beg prosecuted for obsceny stead of porn magaz like magaz Playboy or the tabloid The Sun which publish photographs of topls girls on Page 3.
For me, a young child livg London at the time, the term gay (meang homosexual and not "happy") was ed much more equently by the media and the general public after the release of "Glad to be Gay". Published fal eded form as:PMCID: PMC3326393NIHMSID: NIHMS358675AbstractThis article explor gay and bisexual male adolcents’ posive perceptns of their sexual orientatn inty.
Addnal primary them and sub-them were intified wh each tegory that further illtrate how gay/bisexual youth were able to velop posive nceptualizatns of their sexual orientatn spe experiencg negative societal msag about beg gay/bisexual. Keywords: Bisexual, gay, male, riliency, sexual orientatn, youthAdolcence is a velopmental perd where young people are maturg physilly, emotnally and socially as they transn to adulthood (Erikson, 1980; Hill, 1983).
GAY (HOMOSEXUAL) AND GAY (HAPPY)
When the fluenc are negative, psychologil distrs among adolcents may rult, pecially for those youth who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual (Almeida, Johnson, Corliss, Molnar & Azrael, 2009; Hershberger & D’Augelli, 1995; Ueno, 2005).
Th, this article tak a rilience-based approach to examg sexual orientatn inty among gay/bisexual male adolcents by sharg their perceptns regardg the posive aspects of beg gay/bisexual.
WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT BEG GAY?: PERSPECTIV OM YOUTH
One study that addrsed this topic prented riliency strategi among lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBT) young people North Wt England and South Wal wh the ntext of hetero-normative environments (Surfield, Roen & McDermott, 2008). The thors assert that even though the young men were livg a hetero-normative Puerto Rin culture wh pervasive homophobia and cultural stigma, they veloped riliency strategi that helped them to overe potential obstacl.
This was one of the few studi found to prent riliency strategi veloped by gay/bisexual adolcents to bat negative social and cultural ntug rearch is need on the velopmental challeng faced by LGB adolcents, pecially those who are also members of other opprsed groups such as youth of lor, a parallel le of scientific quiry is also need to explore the strengths and rilienci monstrated by LGB youth.
Such limatns do not allow for a more nuanced unrstandg of the current lived experienc of LGB youth’s inty exploratn procs, as has been seen more recent qualative studi of sexual orientatn inty (Ja, Harper, Fernanz, & the ATN, 2009)The purpose of the current study is to provi sights to the posive nceptualizatns that gay/bisexual male adolcents posss regardg their sexual orientatn inty utilizg qualative phenomenologil and nstctivist ameworks. Although we did quire about the full range of perceptns and experienc related to sexual orientatn inty the larger study om which the data were extracted, we chose to foc solely on the posive aspects of posssg a gay/bisexual sexual orientatn inty for the current vtigatn given the lack of empiril data foced specifilly on riliency-related factors among gay/bisexual male adolcents.
GAY
We unrstand and acknowledge that gay/bisexual youth are also nonted wh challeng related to their sexual orientatn inty and enurage rears to exame prr lerature prented earlier for an exploratn of such factors.
Sce prr rearch also has monstrated that sexual orientatn inty velopment for female adolcents and adults is different than that of male adolcents and adults (Diamond, 2005; Diamond & Sav-Williams, 2000; Schneir, 2001), we also foc this vtigatn exclively on gay/bisexual male adolcents.