Follow a gay uple’s lead as to how to refer to one spoe. And when doubt, “partner” ually satisfi everyone.
Contents:
- WHY DO GAY UPL E THE TERMS ‘HBAND’ AND ‘WIFE,’ RATHER THAN ‘PARTNER’?
- GAY MARRIAGE QUANDARY: AM I THE BRI OR GROOM?
- GAY MARRIAGE QUTN: ARE THEY BOTH LLED "WIFE" OR "HBAND"?
- IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
- HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
- THE LANGUAGE OF GAY MARRIAGE
- THE LBIAN WRER AND HER FLAMBOYANT GAY HBAND
- GAY MARRIAGE AND THE EVOLVG LANGUAGE OF LOVE
WHY DO GAY UPL E THE TERMS ‘HBAND’ AND ‘WIFE,’ RATHER THAN ‘PARTNER’?
As New York gay and lbian upl prepare to sh for marriage licens, the cy may be unprepared for genr qutns. * gay couples husband and wife *
Dear Civili: My wife (female) and I are supporters of gay marriage, but we are puzzled about gay upl g the terms “wife” and “hband.
(Still, I uldn’t help but notice that the boyiend of Michael Sam, the first openly gay football player to be drafted by an NFL team, was rrectly lled out by some as Sam’s “wife” and “trophy wife” on social media, highlightg the tradnal stereotyp of “hband/wife” rol. A gay man, engaged to his fiance, spoke for many on my Facebook page when he posted this rponse to your qutn: “When we marry I will ll him my hband bee he will be, and I will be his. ” In short, once legally wed, spo — whether straight or gay — have earned the tl “hbands” and “wiv.
” That don’t mean that every gay or lbian uple will embrace those terms, jt as some oppose-sex upl prefer partner or spoe spe their legal stat. Take a look at this lovely vio of a young boy talkg to his newly married gay dad.
GAY MARRIAGE QUANDARY: AM I THE BRI OR GROOM?
So, I was workg on a tax return for a gay uple (I'm an acuntant). Now, assume that they were married and was two men, would they say "This is my... * gay couples husband and wife *
Every other week, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” addrs qutns about LGBT and straight etiquette his new lumn, Civili. "Clerks at cy hall told baffled upl to wa until onle applitn forms uld be adjted to acmodate same-sex upl, who ptured the right to marry July 24 after New York joed five other stat and the District of Columbia to legally sanctn gay the right to marry gas momentum across the Uned Stat, same-sex upl are refg the tradnal rol of hband and wife, and burecrats are scramblg to keep pace wh the social revolutn. "This kd of thg don't set well wh [Mayor] Michael Bloomberg, " said Richard Soris, print of the natnal advocy group Equaly Matters and former advisor to Print Bill Clton on issu affectg gays and only took Bloomberg -- one of the most vol supporters of the gay marriage bill -- 24 hours to straighten out the ms, orrg the cy clerk to update the onle applitns to rephrase the personal rmatn tegori to "Bri/Groom/Spoe A" and "Bri/Groom/Spoe B.
""I thk 's important not to try to put gay upl tradnal heterosexual married rol, " said Soris.
"But even as morn heterosexual upl are movg beyond stereotyp, cultural perceptns of gay upl -- one is assertive and mascule, the other more feme and submissive -- still persist. "Stonewall Uprisg Refed Gay MovementHistorilly, same-sex upl lived on the g of Amerin society and never thought they uld aspire to maral rights.
GAY MARRIAGE QUTN: ARE THEY BOTH LLED "WIFE" OR "HBAND"?
* gay couples husband and wife *
All that changed after the Stonewall Uprisg, the 1969 police raid of Greenwich Village's Stonewall Inn and the six-day vlent street protts that that, gay upl "anized themselv along heterosexual genr l, " acrdg to New York Cy psychiatrist Jack Drcher. " "Gay upl talked about their stggl that emerged out of not havg clear genr guil, " said Drcher.
"But today, both heterosexual and homosexual relatnships, there is a "blurrg of the boundari, " he said. Men are creasgly takg on childrearg rponsibili that were once legated to gay upl marry the stat were is legal -- Connecticut, Vermont, Iowa, Massachetts, New Hampshire, District of Columbia and now New York -- they have more choic, llg themselv, "wife and wife" or "hband and hband, " or the ntral term, "spoe. "I hear of people referrg to themselv as hbands and wiv, and even though I am gay myself 's somethg that startl me, " he said.
IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
An Army sergeant asks how to troduce his girliend to a married gay uple, one of whom is an officer. * gay couples husband and wife *
"In the early psychiatric lerature, one of the early crics of homosexualy was a major theorizer about homosexualy as an illns, like a lot of 20th century thkg, " said Drcher. "Instead, both gays and straights, genr rol overlap.
HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
If anyone uld scribe what is like for a gay Christian man to be married to a woman — and then to a man — would be me. People keep tellg me, “Mike, you have lived the most unual gay… * gay couples husband and wife *
If you intify wh those terms, go ahead and adopt them for your queer, LGBTQ+, gay or lbian weddg ceremony language.
” To make the change for your queer, LGBTQ+, gay or lbian weddg ceremony, you uld change “man and wife” to: wife and wife, hbands together, spo, partners for life, equal partners marriage, or jt married! The bottom le for planng your queer, gay or lbian weddg ceremony.
For upl planng a queer, LGBTQ+, gay or lbian weddg ceremony – or any non-cis non-hetero ceremony for that matter – you tomatilly are nonted wh cisns that cisgenr, heterosexual upl don’t have to make. Boomg|Is It Gay Hband?
THE LANGUAGE OF GAY MARRIAGE
Gay marriage: Can a man be a wife? Can a woman be a hband? * gay couples husband and wife *
27, 2012Every other Tuday, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” (Workman, 2011), addrs qutns about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age dience.
" I am a straight man my 50s, and most same-sex upl of my age group e “partner” to refer to each other although younger gay male iends speak of their “hbands” wh lbian upl routely g “wife. Given today’s crazy-quilt mix of state marriage laws (ma even more so by the Electn Day victori for gay weddgs), ’s no wonr you are nfed about how to refer to our signifint others. The other day I heard about a recently married gay man who mentned his “hband” passg to a woman of a certa age (meang ours!
THE LBIAN WRER AND HER FLAMBOYANT GAY HBAND
Durg arguments this week at the Supreme Court over gay marriage, Jtice Samuel Alo poted out that the stutn is "newer than cellphon or the Inter." That means the language ed to scribe same-sex relatnships is new, too. And even lguists say they're still learng. * gay couples husband and wife *
It’s tertg to me that you rrectly intify the generatnal difference among your gay, lbian and bisexual iends (two snaps for payg attentn! ) and I’ll bet you’re likely to rell when other terms were vogue — “longtime pann” was obuary for “gay” – and back the day the sexually suggtive “lover” was the mon moniker for many a practil level what I suggt dog is listeng to how a uple troduc or refers to each other. For stance, I recently overheard a gay iend a long-term relatnship refer to his better half as his “spoe” only to hear one of the straight folks ask him mut later what kd of work his “iend” did.
GAY MARRIAGE AND THE EVOLVG LANGUAGE OF LOVE
I’d love to see Endora st a spell on Congrs and get to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which prohibs Feral regnn of gay and lbian weddgs (and ni more than 1, 100 benefs like Social Secury for survivg spo or hospal visatn rights).
If you need advice about gay/straight suatns or issu (geared to a boomer-aged dience), send them to Mr.