For most kids, the social prsur of middle school are tough enough. But an creasg number of young teenagers, some as young 10 or 11, are g out as gay or lbian middle school. Beno Denizet-Lewis, who wrote about the trend the New York Tim Magaze, discs what social factors uld be leadg young people to e out earlier.
Contents:
- GAY YOUTH COMG OUT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL
- COMG OUT AS GAY IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
- GAY KIDS COMG OUT YOUNGER, BUT PARENTS ASK "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"
- WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
- I’M A BOY OF 13 AND I THK I’M GAY BUT I HAVEN’T TOLD ANYONE. WHAT BOOKS N I READ?
- GAY TT FOR MAL AG 12-16
- IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
- THE DIGAL SEX LIV OF YOUNG GAY TEENAGERS
GAY YOUTH COMG OUT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL
* gay 13 years old *
MARTIN: Now, how did you notice this trend of younger and younger children intifyg themselv as gay? I read a lot about youth culture and I was talkg to tors and, you know, lears of gay youth groups and they were all sayg the same thg. When realy, if you talk to a gay man, you know, many of them lookg back will say, you know, I noticed my same sex attractn, you know, at 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 that ballpark.
The other realy is that 's still very difficult for a lot of gay kids to be out middle school. I mean, one of the tertg thgs that we have to look at is this, is that much of the anti-gay bullyg and anti-gay harassment that's gog on middle schools and high school is more about genr non-nformy than really is about beg gay or lbian. But you say that when to kids who say that they are gay, 's almost like we want to talk them out of .
COMG OUT AS GAY IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
Gay kids are g out earlier — sometim middle school — and many are fdg acceptance. But some parents and teachers wonr if the kids are too young to really know their sexual orientatn. * gay 13 years old *
Is that beg gay or lbian is still enough of a pariah inty that parents want to take off the table as long as they n, or is jt that parents really feel that all kids are sexualized too early the days, and they don't want their kids at this age thkg about, you know, hookg up?
So was really - and a lot of parents, when they heard their kid, their 12-, 13-, 14-year-old say, you know, I'm gay, or I'm bisexual, or I'm lbian, they tomatilly went to oh my god, that means he's havg sex, when realy wasn't about that at all. DENIZET-LEWIS: I thk that there's no doubt that sort of as you have more posive portrayals and, I would say, accurate portrayals of gay and lbian life the media, and kids n go onle and fd all kds of rourc, that there's no doubt that that's gog to have an effect on kids, and that they're gog to possibly e out earlier bee of that. Now, I don't thk that those posive portrayals of gay life is gog to sort of make a kid who's not attracted to the same sex sudnly say, you know, hey, this seems really ol.
What I thk that the more posive portrayals popular culture has done is 's ma a ltle b safer for kids who do feel that they're gay or lbian to be able to e to their parents or school unselor and talk about the issu, which I thk is a real step forward bee for many years, kids who had same-sex attractn or were nfed, they uldn't talk to anyone about .
GAY KIDS COMG OUT YOUNGER, BUT PARENTS ASK "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"
You know, granted I lived San Francis, but none of my iends were gay, or none of the kids my age were gay.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
So, you know, nsequently I sort of went nial mo, which is what a lot of gay kids have done for many years, and then my early 20s and mid-20s and late 20s, as many gay men do who don't e out until late, we sort of try to relive our gay adolcence that we weren't allowed to live. And so what's remarkable, now, is I thk we're gog to see, as more and more kids e out younger and are sort of able to have a normal adolcence the sense that, you know, I talked to kids who were havg arguments wh their parents about gog on dat when they're 15 or 16 or 17 or gog to the prom or sort of, you know, havg their normal adolcence, I thk 's gog to create an entirely different kd of gay and lbian adult the next 10, 20, 30 years.
”Dannielle Owens-Reid and Krist Rso, -founrs of Everyone Is Gay and -thors of This Is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids, attribute lower g-out ag to the power of reprentatn.
I’M A BOY OF 13 AND I THK I’M GAY BUT I HAVEN’T TOLD ANYONE. WHAT BOOKS N I READ?
The next generatn is growg up wh gay characters on their televisns, pansexual rappers on their playlists, and queer micro-muni on their Tumblr the change also means that there is a new generatn of fai scramblg to raise LGBT kids who have specific needs and challeng — kids who are growg up a society that, while creasgly LGBT-tolerant, is still plagued by hate crim, job discrimatn, and the more banal, everyday sort of homophobia borne by sual ignorance. “Beg gay was somethg I never really qutned, ” said Chloe Charbonne, a 12-year-old om Stockbridge, Massachetts.
GAY TT FOR MAL AG 12-16
”Like Kate Ree, Chloe spent early childhood sred and nfed about cshg on girls, pecially after beg lled an anti-gay slur for the first time the fourth gra. They first intified as gay, then, a few months later, also began intifyg as genrls (as a rult, Chloe now prefers “they” and “them” pronouns). Amelia, a Midwtern mother of a 10-year-old boy who first began intifyg as gay when he was 7, said that her son’s unabashed outns tends to startle many adults who would rather not thk about children havg sexual sir.
”Amelia, through her blog and teractns wh the adults her gay son’s life, tri to battle this stigma. “As a society, if we n open up our ia to what gay means, we n be a lot ls unfortable wh the ia of children intifyg, ” she said.
IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
A lot of gay adults say, ‘I knew I was gay when I was krgarten, but I didn’t have the vobulary to scribe what I was. "A lot of gay adults say, ‘I knew I was gay when I was krgarten, but I didn’t have the vobulary to scribe what I was. ”A uple of years ago, when she was 11, Kate cycled through the non-straight possibili before g out to her fay — was she gay?
“Consirg how much more fluid the younger generatn is about sexualy, ” she said, “[Informatn about and accs to queer culture] shouldn’t only be ma available to gay intified children — should be [available] to all children. ” Kate’s mother, Ey, driv her to a LGBT youth group town, sce there’s no straight or gay alliance at her is proud of Kate for beg vol about her inty and passnate about LGBT issu.
”In Febary, Amelia blogged about the first time her son was met wh anti-gay sentiment: A boy his class told him that beg gay was illegal (somethg that boy picked up om his parents). ” In nversatn wh the Uned Stat Interagency Council on Homelsns, Krehely said that “ some ways, this is a good thg — means they are gettg societal cu that is OK to be gay — but they are not old enough to be able to live penntly yet, and they face rejectn by parents and fai, and emotnal and/or physil abe at school. ”Kate’s father me out as gay while Kate was still growg up; he and Ey, Kate’s mother, nsequently divorced.
THE DIGAL SEX LIV OF YOUNG GAY TEENAGERS
Ey, who wrote about beg the straight spoe of a recently out gay man, creds the experience wh her abily to be a better mother to Kate now than she otherwise might have been. Wh the World Wi Web at their disposal, many LGBT kids go beyond googlg gay search terms — some are also g technology to nnect wh, and support, queer youth om around the don’t have many queer iends at home Reno, Nevada, but she has plenty on the ter. Denizet-Lewis wr that when he started workg for the gay men's magaze XY 1998, "we received dozens of letters each week om teenagers the pths of spair.