7 Reasons Why My Beg Gay And Over 50 Is Tragic, Acrdg To Everyone Else | HuffPost Voic

Contents:

• AT 60 YEARS OLD, I BEME VISIBLE. GETTG OLD AS A GAY MAN STKS.
• GAY MEN AND AGG
• HOW TO EMBRACE AGG AS A GAY MAN
• 7 REASONS WHY MY BEG GAY AND OVER 50 IS TRAGIC, ACRDG TO EVERYONE ELSE
• THE GAY MAN'S GUI TO DATG AFTER 50
• SGLE SENR GAY MAN LOOKG FOR VATN I THE USA - LGBTQIA+ TRAVEL FOM

AT 60 YEARS OLD, I BEME VISIBLE. GETTG OLD AS A GAY MAN STKS.

At s base, the joltg fear now is the realizatn of how limed that future is beg and about the chang I'm visibly, attentively, and subnscly regnizg, and perhaps beg more sensive to them as a gay man.

GAY MEN AND AGG

"50 is the new 40" -- that is still a popular mantra the gay muny that I always felt was more about nvcg onelf that 50 isn't so bad. Am I the only gay man who feels fear at 55? He has been unguard about his openns as a gay lumnist, his stggl wh weight, and the recent loss of visn his right eye.

"But I know where you're g om and what you're gettg at: The celebratn of youth and bety is tense among many gay men, makg emotnally and psychologilly difficult to age. Is that some of might be too nsumed by the "youth and bety" syndrome Bni refers to for gay men?

Part of the ia of lookg healthy and mcled stems our generatn om the early years of HIV, and wh gay men who rried the vis termed not to be perceived as sick. Why are we noticg this now more at 55, and why do make some of feel even more vulnerable beg gay? "We grew up whout many public mols of mted gay upl agg happily and gracefully together: If they were out there, they were as often as not closeted, and they certaly weren't public life.

HOW TO EMBRACE AGG AS A GAY MAN

"Whether you're gay or straight, if you're sgle at 55, that do feel different om beg sgle at 45 or 35; you're likelier to ask yourself if you're ever gog to fd a sgle romantic partner to travel the distance wh?

"Occupatnal HazardIn the past year, four of my ntemporari have been laid off, and ightened me -- two of them sgle and gay. More ncern shown for keepg ls expensive youth vers an agg old gay man -- that's how I felt. "Workplace ageism is workplace ageism: a very real thg and ighteng event, but somethg that affects people straight and gay.

It's not a sgularly gay phenomenon, " Bni said. "What may be different for gay men above a certa age -- let's say 50, randomly -- is the bed effects of profsnal agg and romantic agg, by which I mean that I thk that we're more nsc of and hnted by lost youth and changed looks than straight men are, for many different reasons. Were iends, fay, and strangers lookg at me as an agg gay man?

7 REASONS WHY MY BEG GAY AND OVER 50 IS TRAGIC, ACRDG TO EVERYONE ELSE

It's almost as if I'm tryg to act more "straight" so as not to be perceived as an aged gay. I am fightg , though, wh a foced termatn to jt be myself, whether that's noticed as gay, straight, old, young, or different.

"If you mean some new fear of beg gay bee of the state of the world or suggtg that as we age, we get more timid about beg out, I thk the trajectory this untry is still toward greater equaly for LGBTQ people, spe the actns of the print and his admistratn, " Bni said. ""Regardg the latter, no, I don't feel some new fear of beg openly or outwardly gay bee of my age, " he went on. I n't speak for other gay men our age, but I spect many, like me, rema que fortable our gay sks.

THE GAY MAN'S GUI TO DATG AFTER 50

"What sr me most at 55 has nothg to do wh beg gay. SternAs a gay man who recently turned 60, I’m pretty sure my life is over.

Even so, the virtual visibily wh which I n currently walk through a gay gym or neighborhood is a new experience, and feels like a forced retirement. Last week, as I slathered myself wh anti-wrkle cream, I examed my body expectg to fd a tattooed expiratn date announcg that I’d joed the club of olr gay men who have small dner parti, where they reunt their glory days and pla about the current generatn of their unterparts who fail to give them the rpect they serve.

The gay culture is unfivg of agg.

SGLE SENR GAY MAN LOOKG FOR VATN I THE USA - LGBTQIA+ TRAVEL FOM

Many gay men will have endured homophobic bullyg at school whilst teachers turned a bld eye; havg parents not unrstandg or acceptg their sexual orientatn; or a difficult and paful g out procs. In the here and now, there is still much homophobia our society: beg looked at an timidatg or shamg way when holdg their same-sex partner’s hand the streets; hearg homophobic people makg plats when gay characters appear on televisn; beg asked appropriate sexual qutns at a party that would never be asked to a heterosexual person; havg to refully select a holiday statn that is gay-iendly.

This is what we ll "mory strs, " the chronic strs that occurs every day for beg gay a heterosexual world. As a rult, gay men (and others the LGBTQ muni) have to velop a shield to protect themselv.

One way that gay men n create a sense of safety and protect themselv agast more woundg is by feelg wanted and sexually sired, which wh lookg perfect, showg no signs of vulnerabili and beg young.

For gay men, for some reason, 40 years of age seems to be the thrhold when gay men flip om beg sirable and sexy to beg visible and even sometim an object of disgt. Watchg the Channel 4 seri It’s A S remd me that we didn’t get the chance to see gay men agg when we were growg up bee many of them died their 20s durg the AIDS epimic. The gay male populatn is missg a generatn of olr men who uld have been mentors and teachers offerg guidance this homophobic world.

Wh the absence of the olr wisdom the gay muny, youth beme the only safety: As long as one is young and betiful, they will be sired and therefore they won’t be alone.