Can Someone Be Homosexual and Not Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• AM I GAY?
• AS A GAY MAN, I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL
• HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)
• LONGEST GAY TEST!
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

I like guys but I don’t want to be gay. How do I stop beg gay? You don’t need to be certa you are gay before talkg to someone or attendg an LGBTQ+ meetg.

I am a gay male.

I have been out nearly 7 years now (age 16, sophomore year of HS). That week I told my iends and fay I was gay.

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

It is very homogeneo/ hetero-normative and beg a tholic stutn is not the easit environment for queer stunts. 14 Ways To Defeat Your Fears of Beg Gay. There are many gay men who say "I'm not part of the scene" -- men who hate gay bars and, prumably, crowds of queer people general.

Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant. " Y, there are some good reasons to rce your participatn gay bars (time, money, health). But you mt spend time wh others, whether that means havg a group of gay movie iends or queer gamers or playg on a gay sports team.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

Go to gay bars, even if they make you unfortable. Fd gay iends. This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci.

AIDS vastated muni of gay men and transgenr women, particularly gay men and trans women of lor. Read the numbers: In four years, more than 5, 596 people the Uned Stat had died of AIDS, many of them gay men and transgenr women. But if I hadn't experienced all that adversy, I wouldn't be so furly proud to be gay.

AM I GAY?

Fd a gay elr who's been where you are and r for your well-beg, someone who unrstands you and never pass judgment, someone who lets you make the mistak you need to make. Tmp has repeatedly attacked transgenr servicemembers, and gay men are still beg hunted and murred Chechnya. Are you gay or bisexual?

AS A GAY MAN, I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL

There would be no ternalized self-hatred if no one had ever told you that beg gay is wrong, or that gay sex is disgtg, or that gay men n't feel real love, or that beg transgenr is fake, or that beg nonbary is a mental illns or a ll for attentn. If you thk a word like "gay" or "queer" works for you right now (aga, don't have to work for you forever -- labels do not e wh lifetime ntracts) and you're not ready to tell everyone, simply say out loud to yourself. So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label.

HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)

Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia. For example, gay men the Mormon fah are moral nflict.

LONGEST GAY TEST!

Durg the’90s, I beme a “gay-affirmative therapist. I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. Beg a gay man, I was tryg to brg them to where I was at.

Durg this time, a man don’t see himself as gay, only homosexual. The term gay is too affirmative, and they are not ready to accept .

I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology. Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg. Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such.

Hetero-Emotnal and Homosexual. I thk of them as beg hetero-emotnal homosexuals. So many gay men grow up believg there is somethg “wrong” wh bee we are different om other supposedly “normal” mal.