Is lonels the gay man’s curse, or a product of 21st century life?

In a survey of gay men who recently arrived New York Cy, three-quarters suffered om anxiety or prsn, abed dgs or alhol or were havg risky sex—or some batn of the three.

5 SYMPTOMS OF GAY LONELS

“Marriage equaly and the chang legal stat were an improvement for some gay men, ” says Christopher Stults, a rearcher at New York Universy who studi the differenc mental health between gay and straight men. In the Netherlands, where gay marriage has been legal sce 2001, gay men rema three tim more likely to suffer om a mood disorr than straight men, and 10 tim more likely to engage “suicidal self-harm.

TTravis Salway, a rearcher wh the BC Centre for Disease Control Vanuver, has spent the last five years tryg to figure out why gay men keep killg themselv. By the late 2000s, he was a social worker and epimlogist and, like me, was stck by the growg distance between his straight and gay iends. When the dispary first me to light the ’50s and ’60s, doctors thought was a symptom of homosexualy self, jt one of many maniftatns of what was, at the time, known as “sexual versn.

LONELS AND SELF-RATED PHYSIL HEALTH AMONG GAY, BISEXUAL AND OTHER MEN WHO HAVE SEX WH MEN VANUVER, CANADA

“That was the ia I had, too, ” Salway says, “that gay suici was a product of a bygone era, or was ncentrated among adolcents who didn’t see any other way out.

He found that gay men everywhere, at every age, have higher rat of rdvascular disease, ncer, ntence, erectile dysfunctn, ⁠ allergi and asthma—you name , we got . “We see gay men who have never been sexually or physilly asslted wh siar post-trmatic strs symptoms to people who have been bat suatns or who have been raped, ” says Alex Kroghlian, a psychiatrist at the Fenway Instute’s Center for Populatn Rearch LGBT Health. And I kept nyg was a problem bee I had always told myself, ‘I’ve e out, I moved to San Francis, I’m done, I did what I had to do as a gay person.

SO, YOU'RE LONELY AND GAY. WHAT'S NEXT?

For s, this is what psychologists thought, too: that the key stag inty formatn for gay men all led up to g out, that once we were fally fortable wh ourselv, we uld beg buildg a life wh a muny of people who’d gone through the same thg.

LONELS AND GAY MEN

It got so bad that I ed to go to the grocery store that was 40 mut away stead of the one that was 10 mut away jt bee I was so aaid to walk down the gay street. Several studi have found that livg gay neighborhoods predicts higher rat of risky sex and meth e and ls time spent on other muny activi like volunteerg or playg sports.

Acrdg to Dane Whicker, a clil psychologist and rearcher at De, most gay men report that they want to date someone mascule, and that they wished they acted more mascule themselv.

THE BTAL REALY OF ‘GAY LONELS’THE INVISIBLE BATTLE WH THE RABOWSNATHAN CHEN·FOLLOWPUBLISHED COUNTER ARTS·6 M READ·JUL 18--1SHAREPHOTO BY RON LACH OM PEXELSWHAT’S UP, FOLKS? NOW, DON’T GET FOOLED BY THE CHEEKY TONE, TODAY WE’RE DIVG EP. WE’RE TALKG ABOUT SOMETHG WAY TOO REAL AND ’S THE “BTAL REALY” OF GAY LONELS. SO, S BACK, GRAB A CUP OF FFEE OR A GLASS OF WE (I DON’T JUDGE), AND BUCKLE UP!NOW, LET ME START WH A TTH BOMB: BEG GAY IS NOT ALL RABOWS AND UNIRNS, NO PUN TEND. THERE’S A DARKER SI TO , A SI THAT’S OFTEN SWEPT UNR THE BETIFULLY WOVEN RPET OF PRI PARAS. THAT SI IS LONELS. AND MAN, N BE AS BTAL AS AN UNEXPECTED TAX BILL.1. THE MONIKER: ‘GAY LONELS’HERE’S THE THG: GAY LONELS ISN’T ABOUT NOT HAVG IENDS, OR ABOUT STG ALONE AT HOME ON A SATURDAY NIGHT WATCHG RENS OF “FRIENDS” (ALTHOUGH, I MEAN, WHO HASN’T?). NO, ’S THIS UNIQUE, GUT-WRENCHG FEELG OF ISOLATN AND DISNNECTN. IT’S THIS PSYCHOLOGIL STATE THAT N MAKE YOU FEEL ALONE EVEN A CROWD. CAN YOU IMAGE THE NUNDM? IT’S LIKE BEG STARVG WHILE STG AT AN ALL-YOU-N-EAT BUFFET, BUT YOU N’T BRG YOURSELF TO PICK UP THE FORK. CRAZY, RIGHT?BUT GETS MORE PLITED. SEE, GAY LONELS ISN’T JT ABOUT BEG PHYSILLY ALONE, ’S ALSO ABOUT FEELG DISNNECTED OM YOUR OWN MUNY. IMAGE ATTENDG A DRAG SHOW OR PRI EVENT, SURROUND BY YOUR FELLOW QUEER FOLK, BUT STILL FEELG THAT HNTG SENSE OF ISOLATN.2. THE UNFAIR SOCIETAL EXPECTATNSNOW, LET’S TALK ABOUT SOMETHG REALLY IMPORTANT. BEG GAY OFTEN WH CERTA EXPECTATNS. FROM SOCIETY, OM YOUR OWN MUNY, EVEN OM YOURSELF. IT’S LIKE WHEN MY MOM EXPECTS ME TO CHANGE THE LIGHTBULB BEE I’M TALL — NOT OL, RIGHT?GAY MEN ARE EXPECTED TO BE EXTROVERTED, WTY, FUN-LOVG, PARTY ANIMALS. WE’RE ALL SUPPOSED TO HAVE A FABULOLY RATED APARTMENT, AN ADORG JACK RSELL TERRIER, AND A ‘RI OR DIE’ GROUP OF IENDS, A LA “SEX AND THE CY.” AND IF WE DON’T MEET THE EXPECTATNS? WELL, N OFTEN LEAD TO SELF-DOUBT, TRATN, AND YOU GUSED , LONELS.3. THE DOUBLE WHAMMY: HOMOPHOBIA AND INTERNALIZED…

Rearchers say this kd of trag, liberately tryg to appear more mascule and takg on a different sex role, is jt one of the ways gay men prsure each other to atta “sexual pal, ” the equivalent of gog to the gym or pluckg our eyebrows. Usually when you hear about the shockg primacy of hookup apps gay life—Grdr, the most popular, says s average er spends 90 mut per day on —’s some panicked media story about murrers or homophob trawlg them for victims, or about the troublg “chemsex” scen that have spng up London and New York.

Are Most Gay Men Lonely?

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HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY

5 TTHS ABOUT GAY LONELS