What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• OUR SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON TOLD HE WAS GAY
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• A DAD’S ADVICE TO NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS: DON’T E GAY AS AN SULT
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY
• THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

OUR SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON TOLD HE WAS GAY

He took a be of chicken and announced, his matter-of-fact way, “I hope you know I’m gay. In a flood of words, he told me he wanted to tell his iends that he was gay— felt like he was keepg a secret om them, and when he thought about too much, ma him feel heart ached, and I wished I uld rewd to the time when kiss and cuddl fixed absolutely everythg. So when another stunt said somethg to him like, “Well, at least I’m not gay!

In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. If the sufferer is heterosexual, then the thought may be that they are homosexual. If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obss about the possibily that they might really be straight.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). For those wh thoughts of beg homosexual, part of the distrs mt surely be social orig.

Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng. I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt. Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg.

Observg themselv for evince of “lookg, ” talkg, walkg, drsg, or gturg like someone who is eher gay or straight. Compulsively reviewg and analyzg past teractns wh other men or women to see if they have acted like a gay or straight person.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

Readg articl on the ter about how an dividual n tell if they are gay or straight to see which group they might be most siar to.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Can you sudnly turn to a homosexual (or heterosexual) even if you have never felt or acted that that way? If I get sexual sensatns when viewg sexual material of an oppose orientatn do mean I am gay (or straight)?

A typil example would be a heterosexual man who experienc an erectn while lookg at gay eroti.

This reactn is strengthened by the rrect belief that homosexual cu never stimulate heterosexuals. Avoidg standg close to, touchg or bshg agast members of the same sex (or oppose sex if the sufferer is gay). Not readg or lookg at vios news reports books or articl havg anythg to do wh gay people or other sexual subjects.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Never sayg the words “gay, ” “homosexual, ” (or “straight”) or any other related term. Tryg to not look or act effemately (if a man), or a mascule way (if a woman), (or vice versa if the sufferer is gay).

A DAD’S ADVICE TO NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS: DON’T E GAY AS AN SULT

Not drsg ways that would make one look effemate (if a man), or mascule (if a woman), (aga vice versa if the sufferer is gay). Avoidg associatg wh anyone who may be gay or who seems to lean that directn (if the sufferer is heterosexual).

The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight). Watchg vios on gay them or about gay characters. Visg gay meetgs shops, browsg gay bookstor, or visg areas of town that are more predomantly gay.

Dog a seri of wrg assignments of a uple of pag each that suggt more and more that you actually are gay or wish to be. Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you). Avoid observg yourself to see if you behaved a way you image a homosexual or member of the oppose sex would.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have fensively said "No!

THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH

San Berland, the mother of a gay son who ach parents of LGBTQ kids, utn, "It's not a good ia to ask. Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this. Mol acceptance by not g gay slurs and never tellg gay jok.

Watch gay-themed shows together such as "The Fosters" and "Will and Grace. React kdly to gay people the news or on televisn. In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay.

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

"For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead.