Can Someone Be Homosexual and Not Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• IM NOT GAY
• I'M NOT GAY, BUT
• I'M NOT GAY ED MEANG
• I’M NOT GAY, BUT THAT DON’T MEAN I CAN’T SUPPORT IT
• YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD
• I’M NOT GAY, BUT MY BOYIEND SURE IS
• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• SYNONYMS FOR NOT GAY
• THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia. For example, gay men the Mormon fah are moral nflict. Durg the’90s, I beme a “gay-affirmative therapist.

I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. Beg a gay man, I was tryg to brg them to where I was at. Durg this time, a man don’t see himself as gay, only homosexual.

IM NOT GAY

The term gay is too affirmative, and they are not ready to accept . I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology.

Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man. They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight.

I'M NOT GAY, BUT

Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg. Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such.

I'M NOT GAY ED MEANG

I thk of them as beg hetero-emotnal homosexuals. In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all.

I’M NOT GAY, BUT THAT DON’T MEAN I CAN’T SUPPORT IT

If the sufferer is heterosexual, then the thought may be that they are homosexual.

YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obss about the possibily that they might really be straight.

I’M NOT GAY, BUT MY BOYIEND SURE IS

” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight).

For those wh thoughts of beg homosexual, part of the distrs mt surely be social orig. Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng. I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg. Observg themselv for evince of “lookg, ” talkg, walkg, drsg, or gturg like someone who is eher gay or straight.

SYNONYMS FOR NOT GAY

Compulsively reviewg and analyzg past teractns wh other men or women to see if they have acted like a gay or straight person.

Readg articl on the ter about how an dividual n tell if they are gay or straight to see which group they might be most siar to.

Can you sudnly turn to a homosexual (or heterosexual) even if you have never felt or acted that that way? If I get sexual sensatns when viewg sexual material of an oppose orientatn do mean I am gay (or straight)?

THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH

A typil example would be a heterosexual man who experienc an erectn while lookg at gay eroti. This reactn is strengthened by the rrect belief that homosexual cu never stimulate heterosexuals.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

Avoidg standg close to, touchg or bshg agast members of the same sex (or oppose sex if the sufferer is gay).

Not readg or lookg at vios news reports books or articl havg anythg to do wh gay people or other sexual subjects. Never sayg the words “gay, ” “homosexual, ” (or “straight”) or any other related term. Tryg to not look or act effemately (if a man), or a mascule way (if a woman), (or vice versa if the sufferer is gay).