Beg Gay Orlando Personal Essay - Orlando Shootg </tle><meta name="tle" ntent="Beg Gay Orlando Personal Essay - Orlando Shootg " /><meta name="scriptn" ntent=""Every time a name is released, I see how affects a muny that is near and ar to me."" /><meta name="keywords" ntent="News" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/elle/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="ELLE" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="364664413547847" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="fb:pag" ntent="31911516300" property="fb:pag" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@ELLEmagaze" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="W6SOBCzCmb2sA5l3z9YK1yO7I7bPYArVQCP09_e2zck" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Orlando Beme My Safe Space; What Is Now? 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data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Orlando Beme My Safe Space; What Is Now?" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Orlando Beme My Safe Space; What Is Now?</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="2" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css h82rm5">{font-fay:SaolDisplay,SaolDisplay-fallback,Geia,Tim,serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.375rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.37595rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.00002rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:-0.02rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.00002rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><h1 class="css-h82rm5 exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Orlando Beme My Safe Space; What Is Now?<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 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href="/thor/1615/elle/" class="css-1mt1pvh e1c1bym14">ELLE</a></span><style data-emotn="css yhqb27">{display:le-block;text-transform:upperse;marg-left:0.625rem;paddg-left:0.625rem;}</style><time class="css-yhqb27 exadjwu6">Published: Jun 14, 2016</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c exadjwu15"><style data-emotn="css 1hpjtwr">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;posn:relative;marg-top:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="ntent-hear-actns css-1hpjtwr exadjwu14"><style data-emotn="css 18104wr">{background-lor:#000000;lor:#ffffff;borr:th solid 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48rem){{marg-left:-50vw;marg-right:-50vw;width:100vw;left:50%;right:50%;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead css-trzem2 ewisyje6"><style data-emotn="css sm2oir">{height:to;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg:to lc(50% - 50vw);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg:to;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead-image css-sm2oir e5f9kgu2"><style data-emotn="css eag3eq">{posn:relative;height:to;}</style><div class="css-eag3eq e5f9kgu1"><style data-emotn="css p7qblm">{posn:relative;--posn:absolute;height:to;} img{max-width:100%;height:to;} a{posn:absolute;}</style><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><style data-emotn="css 335qep">{posn:relative;width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;vertil-align:top;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="Mourners Orlando" tle="Mourners Orlando" width="3000" height="2000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-335qep exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css 1i6sckr">{background:#c92228;bottom:0;paddg:.5rem;right:0;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg:0.39rem;}}</style><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><style data-emotn="css 1l3i1cl">{display:block;height:1rem;width:1rem;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:1.063rem;height:1.063rem;}}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div></div><style data-emotn="css 285vyd">{le-height:1;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0;}}</style><figptn class="css-285vyd enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css 1x75tyf">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;lor:#6F6F6F;font-fay:NeHaasUni,NeHaasUni-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.2;font-weight:500;text-transform:upperse;}</style><span class="css-1x75tyf e6iqd1">Getty Imag</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css woto36">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">Sean Sgh Chhan was a closeted teen when he grew up Orlando the 1990s. It was only when he left the cy that he beme, as he put , his "thentic self." But when he returned to Florida as an adult, plac like Pulse were the background, beans of possibily for a more hont, open life.</em></p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I moved to Orlando 1995 om Long Island. In high school and middle school, I was harassed on a day-to-day basis. People would ll me "faggot"; they would ll me horrible nam. I was ma to feel sred to exist. I would go home and I would jt thk, <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">What is this even worth? What is life about?</em> It sounds existential, and was. I jt didn't unrstand how this uld be happeng to me.</p><p data-no-id="4" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I remember Spanish class, kids would say a sort of a pig Lat "Sean is gay." I n kd of lgh at now bee 's so fuckg dumb. For the longt time, they would blurt this out, everyone would chuckle, and I would lgh, too, not realizg that I was the butt of this joke. But was bilatg. I thk set me back velopmentally.</p><div data-no-id="5" data-teractive="WatchNext-1" class="journey-unblur-ntent css-0 e10xr3vp6"><style data-emotn="css 1ujafpv">{clear:both;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;paddg:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:25rem;float:left;marg-right:1.25rem;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:0;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-left:max(512px - 50vw, -5%);paddg:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{marg-left:max(590px - 50vw, -20%);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:-40%;}}</style><div data-embed="watch-next" class="css-1ujafpv e10xr3vp5"><style data-emotn="css pcsn">{text-align:left;marg:0 to;max-width:60rem;borr:th solid #CCCCCC;}</style><div class="css-pcsn e10xr3vp4"><style data-emotn="css 1u1cssp">{marg-bottom:0rem;paddg:0rem;}</style><div class="css-1u1cssp e10xr3vp3"><style data-emotn="css gb8610">{marg:0rem;font-weight:normal;background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;font-fay:NeHaasUni,NeHaasUni-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;letter-spacg:0.02em;paddg:0.625rem;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-gb8610 e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">More From ELLE</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css h7te">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:SaolText,SaolText-fallback,Geia,Tim,serif;font-weight:normal;-webk-box-pack:left;-ms-flex-pack:left;-webk-jtify-ntent:left;jtify-ntent:left;marg:0rem;m-height:2.4rem;paddg:0.9375rem 0.625rem 0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><h6 class="css-h7te e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css 1ui7hop">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-1ui7hop e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css 1iiivv4">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;top:50%;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1iiivv4 e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in

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