Fear, secrecy and danger a way of life For Afghan gays | AP News

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — To be homosexual Afghanistan is to live fear. Naveed and Rameen, young gay men the pal Kabul have lost unt of the number of tim they've been lured to dangero suatns on what they believed to be dat. Both men scribe beg robbed, beaten up and blackmailed, and receivg ath threats. They've even elud police "honey traps" that uld have seen them thrown prison whout charge, simply on spicn of beg gay. They know they uld be killed, wh impuny, if they reveal their sexualy. Rameen, 31, tells the story of his iend, Zabi, who was killed by his fay after g out as gay, a so-lled "honor killg" ually rerved for young women. "He was shamg the fay by beg open about . They stabbed him so many tim," Rameen said. "It was a warng for , for other gays. Now we keep to ourselv; we live a hidn life. And a hidn life is no life at all." Both men e fake nam among gay iends, and said none of their relativ or lleagu know the tth about their sexualy. Meetg other gay men is difficult as there are no regular gatherg plac, and the need to be discreet means velopg relatnships is almost impossible, they said. As a rult, most enunters are for sual sex, which n lead to treachero terra. Naveed, 24, said he recently turned up at one of Kabul's major hotels to get together wh a man he'd met a doctor's wag room who had asked for his phone number. "He seemed nice, and he was que handsome, so I thought: why not?" Naveed said. "But was a set up; he tried to kidnap me. He drove me to a place where a gang of men were wag wh guns — I'm sure they would have killed me, but I ran away." In Afghanistan's nservative, relig society, sex outsi marriage and same-sex sexual activy are illegal. "Perasty," which is unrstood to refer to sodomy or sex between an adult man and a boy, is punishable by 5 to 20 years prison, acrdg to the Jtice Mistry. The ath sentence n be applied if the subject di as a rult of the act. Prsure to nform n e profound distrs, and "creat a lot of psychologil problems for the person themselv and their fai," said Khalil Rahman Sarwary, a psychology lecturer at Kabul Universy. "It is difficult for homosexuals to fd partners, and if they do, both parti are aaid of beg found out," Sarwary said. "When the exact needs of a person are not beg fulfilled, when a homosexual man is forced to marry and have children, n lead to terrible unhapps, divorce, even vlence wh the fay. I know of s where the tratn has built to the pot where the man has even killed his wife." Same-sex sexual activy is not unual Afghanistan's strictly segregated society. "Bacha bazi" is a culturally-sanctned form of pedophilia, which pre-teen boys — many om poor fai, often sold to the practice — are sponsored by powerful and wealthy men to drs as girls and dance for parti of mostly middle-aged men. The boys ually live wh their sponsors, who also abe them for sex until they are their teens, when they are disrd. Yet the "bacha baz," as the sponsors are known, are rarely punished for the years of abe they m agast the dancg boys, and is not unual to see olr men public wh their young sex slav. The practice pre-dat Islam, and is believed to volve boys bee of the general accsibily of girls. While the boys themselv n rry the stigma of their dancg days throughout their liv, their sponsors, most of them married wh children, are not regard as homosexual, and their actns are often jtified wh the sayg "women are for children, boys are for fun." Openly proclaimg to be gay Afghanistan, however, n rry severe nsequenc. The few gay Afghan men who dared to speak of their sexualy scribed a stggle of nfn and guilt as they grew up tryg to pe wh feelgs they didn't unrstand. And once they did, not only uld they not share them, they had to supprs them for their own safety. Hamid Zaher, 43, said that when he was growg up Kabul, "nobody knew what gay was and all gay people were supprsed. They uld never accept themselv or talk to anyone about their feelgs." Like the other gay men who spoke to The Associated Prs, he said that as a young man he felt that he wanted to be "normal," and ncealed his sexualy, until jt beme too difficult. In 2008, Zaher left the untry and settled Toronto, Canada where he works the nstctn dtry. He scrib the transn as om "zero percent eedom to 100 percent." He wrote a book that beme his g-out manifto and said "acrdgly, my fay disowned me." Sce the Taliban's extremist regime was overthrown the U.S. vasn of 2001, the flow of rmatn to Afghanistan has helped boost awarens, but unrstandg and tolerance of homosexualy are still a long way off, even pared to regnal neighbors. Rsia is notorly tolerant toward homosexuals, but the practice self is legal. In Cha, homosexualy was legalized 1997 and removed om the official list of mental illns 2001. Young gay men Afghanistan still largely grow up wh inty cris, wag for perplexg feelgs to subsi and make way for "normaly." Rameen said that om the age of 4 he was "feelg very strange. I liked playg wh girls, wh girls' toys, I liked fashn, and people ed to make jok about me." When he enrolled universy to study journalism, he thought the "strange feelgs" he had toward men would leave him "bee I didn't know what gay is," he said. He ved to prsure om classmat to fd a girliend, but said "It was not realistic. Nothg changed." After hearg a iend talkg about homosexualy, Rameen went to an ter fe and looked up what means to be gay. "I read so many stori, and I realized that is somethg real wh me. It will never change. It is natural." That led him to a gay datg webse, through which he met an expat workg Afghanistan. "That opened up a new wdow on life for me. "In a way, I am lucky," he said. "Thk of the generatns who me before me who had no ia what even meant to be gay." ___ Associated Prs wrer Karim Sharifi Kabul, Afghanistan ntributed to this report.