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class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--cm-riser"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><div class="StickyHeroAdWrapper-eNLJUc gStsdY ad-stickyhero ad-stickyhero--standard ad-stickyhero-enable-mobile should-hold-space"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--hero"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--hero" data-no-id="lkyuap"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-hero" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs kaZCaf ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">There’s a way to burst through the shame gay men are ma to feel about homosexualy.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/alim-kheraj">Alim Kheraj</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-09-27T08:00:00-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">September 27, 2018</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP fEknXh lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck lead-asset--width-fullbleed" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ccdiSo"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>I was 19 when I first had full-on sex wh another man. I was at llege, livg dorms, and the experience—asi om the ual horrifyg awkwardns and somewhat spontaney of the ocsn—was pletely and utterly unremarkable asi om one thg: the guy I slept wh intified as straight.</p><p>The whole thg went down near the end of my hman year at a party, at which people om the whole dorm floor were dnk and celebratg, relsly streamg and out of each other’s rooms, followg the var different pop songs until one room took their fancy. I n remember, although I'd had some drks, stg alone my iend’s room on a sgle bed, the mattrs overly sprgy and wh a arse plastic atg, attemptg to stream a song over our dorm’s spotty Inter nnectn.</p><p>It was late (or early, pendg on your outlook on the world) when I was joed by the boy who was livg the room next to me, way back on the other si of the buildg. He was clearly toxited, but was a party after all and who was I, <em>que</em> dnk myself, to judge. The mutiae of exactly how thgs veloped om beg together that room to havg slightly unsuccsful sex a bathroom a <em>different</em> rridor have sce ped me. All I know is that one moment we were talkg and the next mute, well... we weren’t. I didn’t tell him that I’d never had sex wh someone before; stead, saturated wh vodka and flated by nerv, I was swept up the motns.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Before that night, I had hardly been a nun. When I was a teenager, I was prec and rtls. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experienc to my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and h the gay clubs. Out on the scene I had thrillg and, now lookg back, prer hook ups wh guys, gog far but never all the way. I know now as LGBTQ people we n fe exactly what nstut sex for ourselv, but when you’re young and your only sex tn the shape of illegally download Sean Cody vios, peratn seems like the end all be all.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Still, as I grew to my late-teens, venu started to crack down harr on unrage drkg, and soon beme creasgly difficult to go and hook up wh guys much olr than myself. I felt, my creasgly anx and flated state, that I was beg left behd. My first year at llege, apart om beg gelg mentally, was hardly a sexual smasbord of one-night-stands and hook-ups. Instead, I reverted to my teenage years, pg after straight boys who I knew I had no chance hell wh... <em>until</em> that night.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="r98khp"></div></div><p>I’d love to say that I felt empowered by fuckg my first guy, but the whole experience left a lot to be sired. While I knew wouldn’t be like a gay llege eroti I’d read on (gay non, really), I rather naively wasn’t expectg the fall out. The boy told his then-girliend (who I knew about), sayg I had e on to him but that nothg had really happened. Although one thg I n <em>vividly</em> remember was that was que lerally the other way around, the visceral shock of beg somewhat shoved back the closet and nied the celebratory expungement of my virgy was palpable.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="hmtkz"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="igbp"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>For the next year, we’d hook-up on and off, ually at 3 a.m. after we’d been out partyg. We’d meet surreptly dark and make out the ld Brish weather on a park bench before venturg back to his place to have sex. And while at the begng I felt like I had the upper hand the suatn—I was the one who was out and fortable my sexualy, right?—after each time we met beme more secretive and more dirty, I began to feel secretive, dirty, and most of all <em>shameful</em>. I’m not sure whether I really fell for the guy or not, but I do know that at the end of he was jt g me to get off.</p><p>I never learned whether the boy I lost my virgy to was stgglg wh his sexualy. I thk, when I look back now and ocsnally fd myself tumblg through his Facebook page, that he wasn’t. I believe was jt sex, or at least that’s what I have tell myself now to avoid slippg to a memory duced k-hole. I realize I fell to that old gay adage of placg my feelgs on a person who, for whatever reason, was never gog to vt them back me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for years.</p><p>It was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify,” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are <em>way</em> more mon than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the song.</p><p>More than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.” Bee as queer people, we’re buried lifetime’s worth of shame so vivid and searg that oftentim ’s cripplg. Burstg through that shame is our badge of honor, our betifully uned experience. And maybe, like the song says, that do sanctify our sex liv and mak jt a ltle b holy.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="rjbq46"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier 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Slate advice lumn Dear Pnce (which really is the pst ter advice lumn) field a tillatg qutn of dub veracy today, om a gay man a mted sexual relatnship wh his tw brother. Simmons, an active duty member of the Mare Corps Band, may be breathg a b easier today bee a ary urt led that was fe and dandy that he filmed some gay porn movi wearg piec of his Mare uniform. Through this reflectn, I arrive at the ncln that the time was right for an agg twk performer to be hened-up by a transn to bareback—siar transns of which have bee wispread across the gay porn landspe the terveng years between the 2015 Johnny Rapid Go Bareback event and the prent day, thanks no small part to advancements HIV preventn technologi.

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Keywords: Agg, Bareback, Cultural studi, Gay-for-pay, Gay pornography, Johnny RapidIntroductnJohnny Rapid began his porn reer at the start of the 2010s as a h-faced 18-year-old, shootg scen wh Boys First Time and Bkake Boys before signg wh Men as an exclive and releasg his first scene November 2011.

1 He was also named as the send most searched for gay porn star Pornhub’s 2017 “Year Review” annual analytics report (beaten to the top spot by relative new-er William Seed, also a Men exclive)2 and was the 2017 recipient of Str8UpGayPorn’s Bt Gay-4-Pay Performer award. Through reflectn, I arrive at the ncln that the time was right for an agg twk performer to be hened-up by a transn to bareback; siar transns of which have bee wispread across the gay porn landspe the years that have ticked over sce the 2015 Johnny Rapid Go Bareback event and our prent day (see Brennan, 2020a)—due to the wispread mastreamg of bareback mercial gay porn, which has been buoyed no small part by advancements HIV preventn Rapid Go BarebackJohnny Rapid’s bareback but served as the lnch event for Bromo; a se that shared a parent pany (MdGeek) wh Sean Cody and Men, the latter two s that 2018 held the distctn of beg the first and send most equented sourc of gay porn on the web, rpectively (Brennan, 2018). I observe that while Rapid’s first-time bareback performance is marketed as a up for viewers, the general nsens among Str8UpGayPorn’s rearship is more my readg of the disurse will show, the largt proportn of those mentg on the mpaign exprsed a cidly negative viewpot.

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Especially as this trend relat to the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback Barebackg CoupAnalysis of viewer receptivens to the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback mpaign offers particular sights to the functn of ‘bareback event marketg, ’ and wh the impact that the movement towards a “state of ndomlsns” (Brennan, 2020a, 131) gay porn has had on dience expectatns around what nstut a newsworthy performance—together wh dience views on the ethics of ndomls promotn self.

Jt as the 2010s hered the equent prentatns of acts that would have been nsired extreme pornography a earlier—such as anal creampi—on s that are generally nsired “vanilla” gay porn (Kiss Nielsen & Kiss, 2015, 132), Morris has himself been forced to gravate towards more extreme portrayals orr to mata his radil reputatn. This hook is employed pecially by gay-for-pay (see Mercer, 2011) s such as Broke Straight Boys and Ba B, together wh virgal twk properti such as Boys First Time (which is among Rapid’s first creds).

The ‘hook’ the se of Bromo’s lnch (and Morris’ attempts at ntued relevance an era where ndomls gay porn is the norm once more) is to be able to make some claim that what viewers are seeg is new. The novelty of the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback mpaign, therefore, through the prentatn of a sue of scen pictg a prolific, yet still young, gay-for-pay performer beg perated ‘raw, ’ and perhaps ‘seed’ for the first time on screen. ” (see Florênc, 2018) Also, as John Mercer (2017) not, the “first time” vice is “one of the key disurs of youth that is summoned up gay porn, ” (89) which is an unrstandg of the genre that helps expla the stg of Rapid for this particular re of passage.

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Consirg first the reactns to the news of Rapid’s bareback performance, the failure of Bromo to stir up tert—and for s tend msage to land wh Str8UpGayPorn rears—is surmised by two them; namely: bareback as self now mundane, and Rapid’s bareback but as dangero. ’” (C55) The more plited of the two them that emerged the wake of the announcement is the healthism 2: As DangeroOf urse, bareback sex was once the norm gay pornography—before the HIV/AIDS era—, and was mpaigns of another kd—namely for safer sex—that have created the opportuni for harsh judgement, even censure, here and more broadly. A perhaps more nuanced view is that barebackg as a practice and (as of 2021) a now domant ndn of gay pornography, as nsumed and experienced the 21th century, is a se of creasg negotiatn and tst.

Weeks wr that sexual inti are “necsary fictns” (1995, 98) shaped by historil circumstanc: the spread of HIV wh Wtern gay and queer male muni of which is a se pot, and a circumstance om which we vised a “grammar for safer sex.

” (98) Whether we as dividuals and nstuted inti, and the gay porn dtry as producers of reprentatns of sexual practic, nform to or mise this grammar, seems, remas ntted terra.

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21 We turn now to viewer asssment of the scen of Rapid’s barebackg but, such asssments that were thored the ments sectns of Str8UpGayPorn’s of the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback CampaignFour scen were released as part of the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback mpaign—one per week begng on Augt 6, 2015.

It lks the populary of barebackg gay pornography at the time—and mpaigns that promote (such as Johnny Rapid Go Bareback)—wh the glamoro advertisements of big tobac pani of yteryear. It is a view that regniz the potential of the ter promotg certa sexual practic (see Rosenberger et al., 2011); but also, pots to the “risky bs” of a regrsive trajectory followg a perceived cle the threat of HIV—whereby “agast all good medil advice, ” the porn dtry is puttg profs ahead of muny health by “showg healthy lookg people engagg unhealthy behavr, ” and “sendg a bad msage, pecially to young gay men, ” for many of whom porn, is assumed, plays an important role their inty formatn.

Not only do nfirm abundant e of pornography by gay men (also see Duggan & McCreary, 2004), but also, of the 20 participants who took part the study, three quarters of those terviewed attributed gay pornography as their primary means of learng about gay sex durg adolcence (Elr et al., 2015, 951) foregog viewer ment is ak to what Alex Carballo-Diéguez and José Bermeister (2004) found their paratively early ntent analysis of ments for and agast barebackg.

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Mercer mak the pot that while a theme of homophobia may be seen to unrsre certa scenars—such as sex prison (and perhaps hazg and gay-for-pay narrative settgs as well)—, to label such scenars as homophobic is “far too simplistic and rctive to acunt for the relatively plex range of disurs at play. Scene 3 b an alleged misogynist (Rapid) wh a perceived homophobe (Black) a pairg that those mentg regnize as a meetg of ntroversi:One asshole gettg FUCKED by another how origal (C20)The only upg scene I’d be terted watchg featurg Vadim Black (don’t that make him sound like some chey vampire?

(C29)32In addn to offensive signifieds that adjo the performers’ off-screen liv, one mentator also labels the men as probable racists, prumably le wh the whe-washed nature of much of gay porn:33 “As much as I dislike both of their personali, and that they both might be potentially racist as well, I’m watchg this maly for Vadim. Readgs of Rapid as a misogynist and of Black as a homophobe have sights to offer wh regard to gay pornography and class, particularly wh rpect to gay-for-pay performers.

In analyzg the reer, for stance, of one of the biggt gay porn stars at the time (Jeff Stryker), Richard Dyer (1994) argu for the “wir social reference porn stars’ imag. ” (56; also see Mercer, 2003, for a discsn of gay porn prototyp) A tailed discsn of Rapid and class would be worthwhile as part of a star study, somethg that is outsi the spe of the prent argument. However, what n be gleamed om the disurse regardg class is that Rapid’s gay-for-pay porn inty, bed wh his reputed treatment of women, merg wh his “power bottom” performanc to create a distctly workg-class nstctn that was central to his narrative at the time.

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” (C5) Yet the nsens seems to be that Rapid’s bareback but as an ‘event’ is the scene self together wh the promotnal imag that acpany are cricized as overly staged—“There’s some[thg] cidly unsexy about a group of guys stoppg to pose for the mera mid-fuck” (C14)—, unr erotic—“he’s the most borg and passnls gay porn performer I’ve ever seen, no matter how many dicks he n take at the same time.

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For Mark Kiss ( Nielsen & Kiss, 2015) the performance of “double anal peratns, ” and even “graphic cream pi, ” while once an ditor of “‘extreme’ gay pornography” and “relegated to shady, dim backrooms studs” such as TIM, “are now somewhat mon place; perhaps even yawn worthy to pecially jad gay porn nnoissrs. ” ( Nielsen & Kiss, 2015, 126) In other words, for many there is a sire for specific and personally-practised gay sex acts to be exaggerated follows that if bareback is sirable, or perhaps practised as part of a nsumer’s sex life—as recent advanc HIV preventative technologi have ma possible whout beg necsarily acts of ristance—then there is an expectatn that pornography will take this portrayal further. Crsey was g the se of female “taxi hall” dancers to set out the term, which Jefey Esffier (2007) later appli to male sex workers, cludg gay porn is an apt monstratn of the retrogrsive dynamic.

In fact, Mercer (2017) nomat Rapid as one of three performers who typify “the specific physily and athetic of the boy-next-door and the sexy kid” (85) his monograph on gay porn, which serv to illtrate how Rapid, aged c25 at time of Mercer’s monograph, ntu to enjoy “kid”-oriented appreciatns, spe his age.

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