Explorg Who Is And What Mak A Gay "Daddy" - The Randy Report

Contents:

• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
• THE CURSE OF AN ATTRACTN TO OLR GAY MEN
• EXPLORG WHO IS AND WHAT MAK A GAY “DADDY”
• I’M A GAY MAN WH DADDY ISSU
• THE CURSE OF AN ATTRACTN TO OLR GAY MEN
• IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

Do Your Father Hunger Make You Gay? From the ffee shop to the rearch lab, people have been tryg to figure out why men are gay for years. Are people born gay or do the feelgs velop over time?

It's still a mystery, but that don't stop rearchers and laymen alike om askg if our environments are to blame, as if beg gay is an afflictn that needs to be solved like a cycle of psychologists and ex-gay therapy groups often throw the claim that gay men long for other men out of a subnsc need to nnect wh an absent or lackg father. Acrdg to theori, this "father hunger" is so strong that gay men ny their "natural" attractns and head toward the boy's room. Let me answer before I'm misquoted (aga) by anti-gay groups: Not a chance!

Real's work foc maly on male-female relatnships, but his study of straight men and father issu is key to knockg back claims that fatherls environments -- both leral and figurative -- breed gay men.

THE CURSE OF AN ATTRACTN TO OLR GAY MEN

"It illtrat that straight men have problems wh their fathers siar to those that gay men face. In other words, the father issu gay men face have ltle to do wh beg gay, but everythg to do wh growg up mal whout appropriate father figur. Unlike some gay men, I me out to him as retaliatn.

I saw hetero men through the ey of my father and other gay men through the ey of myself: perpetrator vers sence, my emotnally and often physilly missg and homophobic daddy ma me not want to be gay more than to fd a boy's hand to hold.

EXPLORG WHO IS AND WHAT MAK A GAY “DADDY”

Dpe longgs for closer relatnships wh their fathers, sex role theorist Michael Kimmel pots out that men (y, that's you, too, gay! Straight men and some closeted gay men will try to prove that they are mascule and th not gay by overpensatg and attemptg to sleep wh women -- society's ultimate proof of manhood. What Kimmel is sentially sayg is that ias of masculy drive men to be homophobic.

I’M A GAY MAN WH DADDY ISSU

The straight man choos hyper-mascule behavr to reject any ia that he is gay, and gay men may sleep wh women as a rejectn of their sexualy. No wonr so many gay men ntue to rry around buckets of ternalized homophobia, which manifts as eher a blatant refal of sexualy (DL anyone!

In his article "Gay Men and Their Fathers: Hurt and Healg" on, Dr. ""Neverthels, " LaSala says, " is important to regnize that father-son antagonism uld be particularly woundg for a gay man.

"To plite thgs further, opposg views say men are sexually attracted to their fathers as young boys and that the father distanc himself bee he is ndned to fear homosexualy. The views by psychologist Richard Isay regnize how homophobia stras father-son relatnships, LaSala not, but they fall short of blamg dads for gay sons.

THE CURSE OF AN ATTRACTN TO OLR GAY MEN

If anythg, my childhood environment urged me to go the other directn, away om my gay feelgs. Perhaps my father removed his role my life as a homophobic rponse, as Isay suggts.

Ultimately, however, for as many studi that seek the holy grail of homosexualy, there are as many of self-acceptg gays who feel strongly that although there were environmental fluenc, the oute of who we tly are is the same.

It’s often ed as a negative term toward women and gay men, particularly those who date people 10+ years olr than themselv.

IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?

Fathers many fai are myster, distant, timidatg figur—even more so for boys wh homosexual attractns. They are the fay torchbearers of manls, and, as mal young and old know, homosexualy is nsired the dread oppose of masculy. Acrdg to Michael Kimmel, a soclogist and expert on male sex rol, men monstrate their masculy by repudiatg all that is feme and monstratg an ever-ready willgns to engage sexual terurse wh women whenever the opportuny aris- a nutshell, to prove they are not gay.

To be gay is to be powerls, weak, unable to break ee om Mommy, and the characteristics are patible wh real manls.

Inially, the assertn that homophobia plays center stage men's mascule self-ncept may seem rather extreme. " "That's so gay. A boy growg to a gay man will get the msage loud and clear that he is weak, dirty, and, perhaps worst of all, ls than a man.

Th is no wonr that the boys the study for my book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, relled beg so reactive and fearful of the rpons of their fathers—the very people who were expectg them to receive and rry the torch of masculy.