Turns out, Barbieland isn't as gay as s queer fans had hoped

Contents:

• DADDY AND HIS SLAVE BOY GAY PORN TUBE
• TURNS OUT, BARBIELAND ISN'T AS GAY AS S QUEER FANS HAD HOPED
• BARBIE’S WEIRDO DOLLS: ALL ABOUT MIDGE, EARRG MAGIC KEN, AND MOREGRETA GERWIG’S MOVIE CLUS WKY MEOS OM SOME OF MATTEL’S MOST FAMO DISNTUED PRODUCTS—AND AT LEAST ONE THAT’S STILL AVAILABLE STOR.BY HILLARY BISJULY 21, 2023COURTY OF MATTEL INC.SAVE THIS STORYSAVESAVE THIS STORYSAVEALAS, YOU NNOT BUY A WEIRD BARBIE DOLL WHO LOOKS LIKE KATE MCKNON—YOU’LL JT HAVE TO CHOP OFF A REGULAR DOLL’S HAIR AND SCRIBBLE ON HER FACE YOURSELF. BUT YOU N BUY A VERSN OF THE POOPG BARBIE DOG THAT WEIRD BARBIE LIV WH GRETA GERWIG’S BARBIE. THE PLASTIC PET PACKAGED WH A BARBIE WEARG A STRIPED SWEATER AND SPORTY SNEAKERS; S OFFICIALLY SANCTNED NAME IS THE BARBIE WALK AND POTTY PUP. “WHEN ’S TIME FOR A POTTY BREAK, PH ON THE PUPPY’S TAIL,” THE AD PY READS. “BARBIE DOLL N CLEAN UP G THE BROOM AND SOPER.” CONGRATULATNS, KID. HERE’S A PILE OF CRAP!BARBIE IS A MERCHANDISER’S DREAM, A GENERALLY WELL-RECEIVED, ENARGLY SUBVERSIVE PRODUCT THAT’S STILL, AT HEART, A GLORIFIED TWO-HOUR TOY MERCIAL. BUT TO THE FILM’S CRED, DON’T SHY AWAY OM REFERENCG SOME OF MATTEL’S ODR OFFERGS. ACRDG TO A NEW YORKER ARTICLE, THE FETG DOG IS ACTUALLY BASED ON TANNER, A BARBIE ACCSORY OM THE GHTS THAT ATE S OWN POOP—Y!—AND WAS EVENTUALLY RELLED NOT FOR BEG DISGTG, BUT BEE THE MAG SI BARBIE’S POOPER SOPER ULD E LOOSE AND BE SWALLOWED BY A CHILD. (THE WALK AND POTTY PUP APPEARS TO BE SENTIALLY THE SAME TOY, M MAGS.) BELOW, WE TAKE STOCK OF MORE TOYS LIKE TANNER: THE REAL-LIFE WEIRD BARBI THAT DREW PLATS, RISN, AND CELEBRATN AS ACCINTAL GAY INS. PROT BARBIE IS NOT AMONG THEM—AT LEAST, NOT YET.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.MIDGEEMERALD FENNELL HAS A GLORIFIED MEO BARBIE AS MIDGE, A REDHEAD DOLL WH A BUN THE OVEN. Y, THAT’S RIGHT: MIDGE IS PREGNANT. THAT DIFFERENTIAT THE MOVIE’S VERSN OF THE DOLL OM HER ORIGAL RNATN, LNCHED 1963 AS BARBIE’S MORE APPROACHABLE BT PAL. SHE WAS DISNTUED 1967, THEN RETRODUCED 1987, AGA THE ’90S, AND, MOST FAMOLY, ONE MORE TIME THE GHTS, AS PART OF THE “HAPPY FAY” SET—WHICH GAVE MIDGE A TY DOLL BABY THAT ULD BE PLACED EHER A BULGG STOMACH (WHICH GIRLS ULD MAGILLY ATTACH AND TACH OM MIDGE’S MIDDLE) OR “BORN” OUT OF THAT SAME PLASTIC DOME. HER HBAND AND THREE-YEAR-OLD SON WERE SOLD SEPARATELY.GGER GAETZ, WIFE OF MATT, ANNOUNCED TUDAY THAT SHE HAD SEEN THE BARBIE MOVIE, AND WAS DISAPPOTED BY PART DUE TO THE FILM’S “UNFAIR TREATMENT OF PREGNANT BARBIE MIDGE.” IRONIC, SCE NSERVATIVE IRE WAS STMENTAL GETTG HAPPY FAY MIDGE NCELED. “IT’S A BAD IA. IT PROMOT TEENAGE PREGNANCY. WHAT WOULD AN 8-YEAR-OLD OR 12-YEAR-OLD GET OUT OF THAT DOLL BABY?” ONE MOTHER ASKED THE ASSOCIATED PRS 2002. THE DOLL WAS PULLED OM WAL-MART DUE TO PLATS; JT AS NARRATOR HELEN MIRREN TELLS BARBIE, SHE WAS EVENTUALLY AXED OM THE MATTEL LP ALTOGETHER FOR BEG “TOO WEIRD.” BUT PERHAPS MIDGE GETS THE LAST LGH: ACRDG TO AT LEAST ONE LLECTOR, SHE’S NOW WORTH UP TO $400 MT NDN.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.ALLANREMEMBER HOW MIDGE HAD A HBAND? THAT WOULD BE ALLAN, PLAYED THE MOVIE BY A VERY GAME MICHAEL CERA. ORIGALLY TRODUCED 1964, HE WAS CREATED TO BE KEN’S BT BUDDY. (BARBIE WAS NAMED FOR CREATOR RUTH HANDLER’S DGHTER, AND KEN FOR HER SON; ALLAN WAS NAMED FOR HER THEN-SON--LAW, ALLEN SEGAL.) KEN AND ALLAN ARE VERY CLOSE; AS CERA TELLS THE MOVIE, “ALL HIS CLOTH F ME” (A LE STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MERCIALS). LIKE MIDGE, ALLAN’S BEEN AND OUT OF THE BARBIE UNIVERSE FOR NEARLY 60 YEARS—MOSTLY OUT. MATTEL HASN’T YET RELEASED AN ALLAN BARBIE TIE- DOLL, BUT GIVEN HOW FUNNY CERA IS THE FILM, THEY REALLY SHOULD.MOST POPULARVANY FAIR’S “IT’S RAG TEENS” COVER AT 20: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?BY SAVANNAH WALSHSOUND OF FREEDOM: THE WILD TE STORY BEHD 2023’S MOST CONTROVERSIAL FILMBY EVE BATEYIS THIS THE BEGNG OF THE END OF THE WRERS STRIKE?BY NATALIE JARVEYCOURTY OF MATTEL, INC.VIO GIRL BARBIEDEEP WH WEIRD BARBIE’S GONZO DREAMHOE LURKS VIO GIRL BARBIE (METTE NARRATIVE), WHO LOOKS LIKE AN ODDY OM THE 90S BUT WAS ACTUALLY TRODUCED JT 13 YEARS AGO. AS THE WALL STREET JOURNAL WROTE AT THE TIME, VIO GIRL “HAS A GAPG HOLE HER CHT, DISGUISED AS A FASHN PENDANT, THAT NTAS A MERA LENS.” IT’S NNECTED TO THE VIO SCREEN EMBEDD TO HER BACK. THE IA WAS THAT GIRLS ULD E THE DOLLS TO RERD AND PLAY THEIR OWN HOME MOVI. (THIS WAS 2010, REMEMBER, YEARS BEFORE WAS POSSIBLE TO SHOOT A WELL-RECEIVED DIE MOVIE ENTIRELY ON AN IPHONE.) WH THE PACY TO PTURE ABOUT 25 MUT OF FOOTAGE, USB PATIBILY, AND EE EDG SOFTWARE, YOU N IMAGE THE DOLL BEG A H WH FUTURE GRETA GERWIGS. INSTEAD, VIO GIRL WAS CENSURED BY—AND THIS IS TE—THE FBI, WHICH ISSUED AN ADVISORY SAYG THAT THE DOLL ULD POTENTIALLY BE ED TO RERD CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. PERHAPS NEEDLS TO SAY, MATTEL NO LONGER SELLS VIO GIRL BARBIE.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.GROWG UP SKIPPERANOTHER ONE OM THE BAD IA FIL, THIS DOLL—ALSO BANISHED TO WEIRD BARBIE’S HOE OF NIGHTMAR THE FILM, WHERE SHE’S PLAYED BY HANNAH KHALIQUE-BROWN—IS THE VERSN OF BARBIE’S LTLE SISTER RELEASED 1975 THAT “GROWS AS HER FIGURE MATUR.” MEANG WHEN YOU TURN HER ARM, SHE GETS TALLER…AND HER BOOBS SWELL. NOPE!MOST POPULARVANY FAIR’S “IT’S RAG TEENS” COVER AT 20: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?BY SAVANNAH WALSHSOUND OF FREEDOM: THE WILD TE STORY BEHD 2023’S MOST CONTROVERSIAL FILMBY EVE BATEYIS THIS THE BEGNG OF THE END OF THE WRERS STRIKE?BY NATALIE JARVEYCOURTY OF MATTEL, INC.TEEN TALK BARBIERELEASED 1992 (AND PLAYED ONSCREEN BY MARISA ABELA), TEEN TALK BARBIE HAD A VOICE BOX THAT SHE ED TO SAY THGS LIKE “LET’S PLAN OUR DREAM WEDDG!” AND “MATH CLASS IS TOUGH!” FEMISTS RAILED AT THE DOLL, SPIRG A CLASSIC EPISO OF THE SIMPSONS THAT READS SORT OF LIKE A FIRST DRAFT FOR GERWIG’S BARBIE MOVIE.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.EARRG MAGIC KENWHEN BARBIE (MARGOT ROBBIE) AND KEN (RYAN GOSLG) ROLLERBLA TO VENICE BEACH, KEN MOMENTARILY FDS HIMSELF RECEIVG APPRECIATIVE GLANC OM TWO QUEER-D BYSTANRS. THOSE GUYS MAY HAVE BEEN EVEN MORE EXCED TO MEET ANOTHER WEIRD BARBIE PAL: EARRG MAGIC KEN (TOM STOURTON THE MOVIE), RELEASED 1993. HE WAS CLAD PURPLE LEATHER AND MH; HE HAD, OF URSE, A SGLE GLEAMG HOOP EARRG. MOST POPULARVANY FAIR’S “IT’S RAG TEENS” COVER AT 20: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?BY SAVANNAH WALSHSOUND OF FREEDOM: THE WILD TE STORY BEHD 2023’S MOST CONTROVERSIAL FILMBY EVE BATEYIS THIS THE BEGNG OF THE END OF THE WRERS STRIKE?BY NATALIE JARVEYHE WAS PART OF THE PANY’S NEW EARRG MAGIC LE, BUT IMMEDIATELY STOOD APART AFTER BEG UNOFFICIALLY ADOPTED BY THE GAY MUNY—NOT LEAST BEE OF THE STUNNG SILVER PENDANT HE WORE AROUND HIS NECK. (FANS LIKE SEX ADVICE LUMNIST DAN SAVAGE TERPRETED THE JEWELRY UH, DIFFERENTLY THAN MATTEL DID. “IT’S A NECKLACE. IT HOLDS CHARMS HE N SHARE WH BARBIE,” A SPOKWOMAN TOLD HIM AT THE TIME. “C’MON, THIS IS A DOLL SIGNED FOR LTLE GIRLS.”) HE WAS MEANT TO MAKE GIRLS THK KEN WAS OL. INSTEAD, HE GOT A BUNCH OF OL MEN TO THK KEN WAS OL, WHICH IS HONTLY A MORE IMPRSIVE ACHIEVEMENT.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.SUGAR’S DADDY (OR IS IT SUGAR DADDY?) KENBY 2009—11 YEARS AFTER WILL & GRACE BUTED!—ONE MIGHT EXPECT MATTEL TO HAVE GROWN WISER TO THE WAYS S PRODUCTS WOULD BE TERPRETED BY ADULTS. THAT WAS THE YEAR THE PANY RELEASED SUGAR’S DADDY KEN (NOTE THE POSSSIVE NOUN!), PART OF S PALM BEACH LE OF TOYS AIMED AT GROWN-UP LLECTORS. SUGAR’S DADDY (PLAYED BY ROB BRYDON THE FILM) ME WH A WELL-TAILORED PAISLEY BLAZER, A SMART PAIR OF WHE LOAFERS, AND A TEENY WHE TERRIER ON A PK LEASH. THAT WOULD BE SUGAR. “THE LTLE DOG’S NAME IS ACTUALLY SUGAR,” A MATTEL SPOKWOMAN TOLD THE NEW YORK POST AT THE TIME. “THAT’S WHERE THE NAME OM. HE’S SUGAR’S DADDY, AS A REFERENCE TO THE DOG.” UH HUH. SPEAKG TO ABC NEWS, THE PANY SEEMED SLIGHTLY MORE SELF-AWARE. “AT THE END OF THE DAY, THIS LLECTN IS TARGETED TOWARD ADULTS,” A SPOKWOMAN TOLD THE OUTLET. “WHILE THE NAME OF THE DOLL DO REFER BACK TO THE DOG, I THK PEOPLE ARE GOG TO TERPRET AS THEY WANT TO TERPRET .” SO THIS SE, AT LEAST, THE JOKE MAY HAVE BEEN ON THE RT OF .MORE GREAT STORI FROM VANY FAIR“IT’S RAG TEENS” AT 20: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?THE BT TV SHOWS OF 2023, SO FARSEX TOYS, FANCIAL CRIM, AND THE ORIG OF BARBIETHAT SOUND YOU HEAR IS DONALD TMP SCREAMG, CRYG, AND THROWG UP A MAR-A-LAGO BATHROOMIVANKA TMP IS NOT LETTG HER DAD’S MOUNTG LEGAL WO RU HER SUMMERINSI THE ACTORS STRIKE PRS APOLYPSE: “THE CELEBRY FACTORY HAS SHUT DOWN”IS ALL THIS AMATR THERAPY-SPEAK JT MAKG US LONELIER?FROM THE ARCHIVE: TOO HEPBURN FOR HOLLYWOOD (2006)HILLARY BIS
• CALIFORNIA SCHOOL BOARD ADOPTS SOCIAL STUDI TEXTBOOKS THAT CLU GAY RIGHTS AFTER WARNGS OM ERNOR
• JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ACH OUT AS GAY
• TURNS OUT, BARBIELAND ISN'T AS GAY AS S QUEER FANS HAD HOPED
• BARBIE’S WEIRDO DOLLS: ALL ABOUT MIDGE, EARRG MAGIC KEN, AND MOREGRETA GERWIG’S MOVIE CLUS WKY MEOS OM SOME OF MATTEL’S MOST FAMO DISNTUED PRODUCTS—AND AT LEAST ONE THAT’S STILL AVAILABLE STOR.BY HILLARY BISJULY 21, 2023COURTY OF MATTEL INC.SAVE THIS STORYSAVESAVE THIS STORYSAVEALAS, YOU NNOT BUY A WEIRD BARBIE DOLL WHO LOOKS LIKE KATE MCKNON—YOU’LL JT HAVE TO CHOP OFF A REGULAR DOLL’S HAIR AND SCRIBBLE ON HER FACE YOURSELF. BUT YOU N BUY A VERSN OF THE POOPG BARBIE DOG THAT WEIRD BARBIE LIV WH GRETA GERWIG’S BARBIE. THE PLASTIC PET PACKAGED WH A BARBIE WEARG A STRIPED SWEATER AND SPORTY SNEAKERS; S OFFICIALLY SANCTNED NAME IS THE BARBIE WALK AND POTTY PUP. “WHEN ’S TIME FOR A POTTY BREAK, PH ON THE PUPPY’S TAIL,” THE AD PY READS. “BARBIE DOLL N CLEAN UP G THE BROOM AND SOPER.” CONGRATULATNS, KID. HERE’S A PILE OF CRAP!BARBIE IS A MERCHANDISER’S DREAM, A GENERALLY WELL-RECEIVED, ENARGLY SUBVERSIVE PRODUCT THAT’S STILL, AT HEART, A GLORIFIED TWO-HOUR TOY MERCIAL. BUT TO THE FILM’S CRED, DON’T SHY AWAY OM REFERENCG SOME OF MATTEL’S ODR OFFERGS. ACRDG TO A NEW YORKER ARTICLE, THE FETG DOG IS ACTUALLY BASED ON TANNER, A BARBIE ACCSORY OM THE GHTS THAT ATE S OWN POOP—Y!—AND WAS EVENTUALLY RELLED NOT FOR BEG DISGTG, BUT BEE THE MAG SI BARBIE’S POOPER SOPER ULD E LOOSE AND BE SWALLOWED BY A CHILD. (THE WALK AND POTTY PUP APPEARS TO BE SENTIALLY THE SAME TOY, M MAGS.) BELOW, WE TAKE STOCK OF MORE TOYS LIKE TANNER: THE REAL-LIFE WEIRD BARBI THAT DREW PLATS, RISN, AND CELEBRATN AS ACCINTAL GAY INS. PROT BARBIE IS NOT AMONG THEM—AT LEAST, NOT YET.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.MIDGEEMERALD FENNELL HAS A GLORIFIED MEO BARBIE AS MIDGE, A REDHEAD DOLL WH A BUN THE OVEN. Y, THAT’S RIGHT: MIDGE IS PREGNANT. THAT DIFFERENTIAT THE MOVIE’S VERSN OF THE DOLL OM HER ORIGAL RNATN, LNCHED 1963 AS BARBIE’S MORE APPROACHABLE BT PAL. SHE WAS DISNTUED 1967, THEN RETRODUCED 1987, AGA THE ’90S, AND, MOST FAMOLY, ONE MORE TIME THE GHTS, AS PART OF THE “HAPPY FAY” SET—WHICH GAVE MIDGE A TY DOLL BABY THAT ULD BE PLACED EHER A BULGG STOMACH (WHICH GIRLS ULD MAGILLY ATTACH AND TACH OM MIDGE’S MIDDLE) OR “BORN” OUT OF THAT SAME PLASTIC DOME. HER HBAND AND THREE-YEAR-OLD SON WERE SOLD SEPARATELY.GGER GAETZ, WIFE OF MATT, ANNOUNCED TUDAY THAT SHE HAD SEEN THE BARBIE MOVIE, AND WAS DISAPPOTED BY PART DUE TO THE FILM’S “UNFAIR TREATMENT OF PREGNANT BARBIE MIDGE.” IRONIC, SCE NSERVATIVE IRE WAS STMENTAL GETTG HAPPY FAY MIDGE NCELED. “IT’S A BAD IA. IT PROMOT TEENAGE PREGNANCY. WHAT WOULD AN 8-YEAR-OLD OR 12-YEAR-OLD GET OUT OF THAT DOLL BABY?” ONE MOTHER ASKED THE ASSOCIATED PRS 2002. THE DOLL WAS PULLED OM WAL-MART DUE TO PLATS; JT AS NARRATOR HELEN MIRREN TELLS BARBIE, SHE WAS EVENTUALLY AXED OM THE MATTEL LP ALTOGETHER FOR BEG “TOO WEIRD.” BUT PERHAPS MIDGE GETS THE LAST LGH: ACRDG TO AT LEAST ONE LLECTOR, SHE’S NOW WORTH UP TO $400 MT NDN.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.ALLANREMEMBER HOW MIDGE HAD A HBAND? THAT WOULD BE ALLAN, PLAYED THE MOVIE BY A VERY GAME MICHAEL CERA. ORIGALLY TRODUCED 1964, HE WAS CREATED TO BE KEN’S BT BUDDY. (BARBIE WAS NAMED FOR CREATOR RUTH HANDLER’S DGHTER, AND KEN FOR HER SON; ALLAN WAS NAMED FOR HER THEN-SON--LAW, ALLEN SEGAL.) KEN AND ALLAN ARE VERY CLOSE; AS CERA TELLS THE MOVIE, “ALL HIS CLOTH F ME” (A LE STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MERCIALS). LIKE MIDGE, ALLAN’S BEEN AND OUT OF THE BARBIE UNIVERSE FOR NEARLY 60 YEARS—MOSTLY OUT. MATTEL HASN’T YET RELEASED AN ALLAN BARBIE TIE- DOLL, BUT GIVEN HOW FUNNY CERA IS THE FILM, THEY REALLY SHOULD.MOST POPULARAND JT LIKE THAT… PREPAR FOR ITS LAST SUPPERBY CHRIS MURPHYRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE TV MOVIE IS MAKG A WEIRD, WONRFUL COMEBACKBY DAVID CANFIELDCOURTY OF MATTEL, INC.VIO GIRL BARBIEDEEP WH WEIRD BARBIE’S GONZO DREAMHOE LURKS VIO GIRL BARBIE (METTE NARRATIVE), WHO LOOKS LIKE AN ODDY OM THE 90S BUT WAS ACTUALLY TRODUCED JT 13 YEARS AGO. AS THE WALL STREET JOURNAL WROTE AT THE TIME, VIO GIRL “HAS A GAPG HOLE HER CHT, DISGUISED AS A FASHN PENDANT, THAT NTAS A MERA LENS.” IT’S NNECTED TO THE VIO SCREEN EMBEDD TO HER BACK. THE IA WAS THAT GIRLS ULD E THE DOLLS TO RERD AND PLAY THEIR OWN HOME MOVI. (THIS WAS 2010, REMEMBER, YEARS BEFORE WAS POSSIBLE TO SHOOT A WELL-RECEIVED DIE MOVIE ENTIRELY ON AN IPHONE.) WH THE PACY TO PTURE ABOUT 25 MUT OF FOOTAGE, USB PATIBILY, AND EE EDG SOFTWARE, YOU N IMAGE THE DOLL BEG A H WH FUTURE GRETA GERWIGS. INSTEAD, VIO GIRL WAS CENSURED BY—AND THIS IS TE—THE FBI, WHICH ISSUED AN ADVISORY SAYG THAT THE DOLL ULD POTENTIALLY BE ED TO RERD CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. PERHAPS NEEDLS TO SAY, MATTEL NO LONGER SELLS VIO GIRL BARBIE.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.GROWG UP SKIPPERANOTHER ONE OM THE BAD IA FIL, THIS DOLL—ALSO BANISHED TO WEIRD BARBIE’S HOE OF NIGHTMAR THE FILM, WHERE SHE’S PLAYED BY HANNAH KHALIQUE-BROWN—IS THE VERSN OF BARBIE’S LTLE SISTER RELEASED 1975 THAT “GROWS AS HER FIGURE MATUR.” MEANG WHEN YOU TURN HER ARM, SHE GETS TALLER…AND HER BOOBS SWELL. NOPE!MOST POPULARAND JT LIKE THAT… PREPAR FOR ITS LAST SUPPERBY CHRIS MURPHYRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE TV MOVIE IS MAKG A WEIRD, WONRFUL COMEBACKBY DAVID CANFIELDCOURTY OF MATTEL, INC.TEEN TALK BARBIERELEASED 1992 (AND PLAYED ONSCREEN BY MARISA ABELA), TEEN TALK BARBIE HAD A VOICE BOX THAT SHE ED TO SAY THGS LIKE “LET’S PLAN OUR DREAM WEDDG!” AND “MATH CLASS IS TOUGH!” FEMISTS RAILED AT THE DOLL, SPIRG A CLASSIC EPISO OF THE SIMPSONS THAT READS SORT OF LIKE A FIRST DRAFT FOR GERWIG’S BARBIE MOVIE.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.EARRG MAGIC KENWHEN BARBIE (MARGOT ROBBIE) AND KEN (RYAN GOSLG) ROLLERBLA TO VENICE BEACH, KEN MOMENTARILY FDS HIMSELF RECEIVG APPRECIATIVE GLANC OM TWO QUEER-D BYSTANRS. THOSE GUYS MAY HAVE BEEN EVEN MORE EXCED TO MEET ANOTHER WEIRD BARBIE PAL: EARRG MAGIC KEN (TOM STOURTON THE MOVIE), RELEASED 1993. HE WAS CLAD PURPLE LEATHER AND MH; HE HAD, OF URSE, A SGLE GLEAMG HOOP EARRG. MOST POPULARAND JT LIKE THAT… PREPAR FOR ITS LAST SUPPERBY CHRIS MURPHYRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE TV MOVIE IS MAKG A WEIRD, WONRFUL COMEBACKBY DAVID CANFIELDHE WAS PART OF THE PANY’S NEW EARRG MAGIC LE, BUT IMMEDIATELY STOOD APART AFTER BEG UNOFFICIALLY ADOPTED BY THE GAY MUNY—NOT LEAST BEE OF THE STUNNG SILVER PENDANT HE WORE AROUND HIS NECK. (FANS LIKE SEX ADVICE LUMNIST DAN SAVAGE TERPRETED THE JEWELRY UH, DIFFERENTLY THAN MATTEL DID. “IT’S A NECKLACE. IT HOLDS CHARMS HE N SHARE WH BARBIE,” A SPOKWOMAN TOLD HIM AT THE TIME. “C’MON, THIS IS A DOLL SIGNED FOR LTLE GIRLS.”) HE WAS MEANT TO MAKE GIRLS THK KEN WAS OL. INSTEAD, HE GOT A BUNCH OF OL MEN TO THK KEN WAS OL, WHICH IS HONTLY A MORE IMPRSIVE ACHIEVEMENT.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.SUGAR’S DADDY (OR IS IT SUGAR DADDY?) KENBY 2009—11 YEARS AFTER WILL & GRACE BUTED!—ONE MIGHT EXPECT MATTEL TO HAVE GROWN WISER TO THE WAYS S PRODUCTS WOULD BE TERPRETED BY ADULTS. THAT WAS THE YEAR THE PANY RELEASED SUGAR’S DADDY KEN (NOTE THE POSSSIVE NOUN!), PART OF S PALM BEACH LE OF TOYS AIMED AT GROWN-UP LLECTORS. SUGAR’S DADDY (PLAYED BY ROB BRYDON THE FILM) ME WH A WELL-TAILORED PAISLEY BLAZER, A SMART PAIR OF WHE LOAFERS, AND A TEENY WHE TERRIER ON A PK LEASH. THAT WOULD BE SUGAR. “THE LTLE DOG’S NAME IS ACTUALLY SUGAR,” A MATTEL SPOKWOMAN TOLD THE NEW YORK POST AT THE TIME. “THAT’S WHERE THE NAME OM. HE’S SUGAR’S DADDY, AS A REFERENCE TO THE DOG.” UH HUH. SPEAKG TO ABC NEWS, THE PANY SEEMED SLIGHTLY MORE SELF-AWARE. “AT THE END OF THE DAY, THIS LLECTN IS TARGETED TOWARD ADULTS,” A SPOKWOMAN TOLD THE OUTLET. “WHILE THE NAME OF THE DOLL DO REFER BACK TO THE DOG, I THK PEOPLE ARE GOG TO TERPRET AS THEY WANT TO TERPRET .” SO THIS SE, AT LEAST, THE JOKE MAY HAVE BEEN ON THE RT OF .MORE GREAT STORI FROM VANY FAIRRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, INHERG GRACELAND, AND MORETE CRIME, TE FAH: THE SERIAL KILLER AND THE TEXAS MOM WHO STOPPED HIMTHE TAN SUBMERSIBLE DISASTER WAS YEARS THE MAKG, NEW DETAILS REVEALWHY THE GEIA INDICTMENT AGAST TMP AND HIS ALLI IS THE MOST SWEEPG YETIVANKA TMP IS NOT LETTG HER DAD’S MOUNTG LEGAL WO RU HER SUMMERA NEW SLIM AARONS BOOK CAPTUR A LOST WORLDTHE 25 BT SHOWS ON NETFLIX TO WATCH RIGHT NOWFROM THE ARCHIVE: TOO HEPBURN FOR HOLLYWOOD (2006)HILLARY BIS
• JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ACH OUT AS GAY

DADDY AND HIS SLAVE BOY GAY PORN TUBE

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TURNS OUT, BARBIELAND ISN'T AS GAY AS S QUEER FANS HAD HOPED

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BARBIE’S WEIRDO DOLLS: ALL ABOUT MIDGE, EARRG MAGIC KEN, AND MOREGRETA GERWIG’S MOVIE CLUS WKY MEOS OM SOME OF MATTEL’S MOST FAMO DISNTUED PRODUCTS—AND AT LEAST ONE THAT’S STILL AVAILABLE STOR.BY HILLARY BISJULY 21, 2023COURTY OF MATTEL INC.SAVE THIS STORYSAVESAVE THIS STORYSAVEALAS, YOU NNOT BUY A WEIRD BARBIE DOLL WHO LOOKS LIKE KATE MCKNON—YOU’LL JT HAVE TO CHOP OFF A REGULAR DOLL’S HAIR AND SCRIBBLE ON HER FACE YOURSELF. BUT YOU N BUY A VERSN OF THE POOPG BARBIE DOG THAT WEIRD BARBIE LIV WH GRETA GERWIG’S BARBIE. THE PLASTIC PET PACKAGED WH A BARBIE WEARG A STRIPED SWEATER AND SPORTY SNEAKERS; S OFFICIALLY SANCTNED NAME IS THE BARBIE WALK AND POTTY PUP. “WHEN ’S TIME FOR A POTTY BREAK, PH ON THE PUPPY’S TAIL,” THE AD PY READS. “BARBIE DOLL N CLEAN UP G THE BROOM AND SOPER.” CONGRATULATNS, KID. HERE’S A PILE OF CRAP!BARBIE IS A MERCHANDISER’S DREAM, A GENERALLY WELL-RECEIVED, ENARGLY SUBVERSIVE PRODUCT THAT’S STILL, AT HEART, A GLORIFIED TWO-HOUR TOY MERCIAL. BUT TO THE FILM’S CRED, DON’T SHY AWAY OM REFERENCG SOME OF MATTEL’S ODR OFFERGS. ACRDG TO A NEW YORKER ARTICLE, THE FETG DOG IS ACTUALLY BASED ON TANNER, A BARBIE ACCSORY OM THE GHTS THAT ATE S OWN POOP—Y!—AND WAS EVENTUALLY RELLED NOT FOR BEG DISGTG, BUT BEE THE MAG SI BARBIE’S POOPER SOPER ULD E LOOSE AND BE SWALLOWED BY A CHILD. (THE WALK AND POTTY PUP APPEARS TO BE SENTIALLY THE SAME TOY, M MAGS.) BELOW, WE TAKE STOCK OF MORE TOYS LIKE TANNER: THE REAL-LIFE WEIRD BARBI THAT DREW PLATS, RISN, AND CELEBRATN AS ACCINTAL GAY INS. PROT BARBIE IS NOT AMONG THEM—AT LEAST, NOT YET.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.MIDGEEMERALD FENNELL HAS A GLORIFIED MEO BARBIE AS MIDGE, A REDHEAD DOLL WH A BUN THE OVEN. Y, THAT’S RIGHT: MIDGE IS PREGNANT. THAT DIFFERENTIAT THE MOVIE’S VERSN OF THE DOLL OM HER ORIGAL RNATN, LNCHED 1963 AS BARBIE’S MORE APPROACHABLE BT PAL. SHE WAS DISNTUED 1967, THEN RETRODUCED 1987, AGA THE ’90S, AND, MOST FAMOLY, ONE MORE TIME THE GHTS, AS PART OF THE “HAPPY FAY” SET—WHICH GAVE MIDGE A TY DOLL BABY THAT ULD BE PLACED EHER A BULGG STOMACH (WHICH GIRLS ULD MAGILLY ATTACH AND TACH OM MIDGE’S MIDDLE) OR “BORN” OUT OF THAT SAME PLASTIC DOME. HER HBAND AND THREE-YEAR-OLD SON WERE SOLD SEPARATELY.GGER GAETZ, WIFE OF MATT, ANNOUNCED TUDAY THAT SHE HAD SEEN THE BARBIE MOVIE, AND WAS DISAPPOTED BY PART DUE TO THE FILM’S “UNFAIR TREATMENT OF PREGNANT BARBIE MIDGE.” IRONIC, SCE NSERVATIVE IRE WAS STMENTAL GETTG HAPPY FAY MIDGE NCELED. “IT’S A BAD IA. IT PROMOT TEENAGE PREGNANCY. WHAT WOULD AN 8-YEAR-OLD OR 12-YEAR-OLD GET OUT OF THAT DOLL BABY?” ONE MOTHER ASKED THE ASSOCIATED PRS 2002. THE DOLL WAS PULLED OM WAL-MART DUE TO PLATS; JT AS NARRATOR HELEN MIRREN TELLS BARBIE, SHE WAS EVENTUALLY AXED OM THE MATTEL LP ALTOGETHER FOR BEG “TOO WEIRD.” BUT PERHAPS MIDGE GETS THE LAST LGH: ACRDG TO AT LEAST ONE LLECTOR, SHE’S NOW WORTH UP TO $400 MT NDN.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.ALLANREMEMBER HOW MIDGE HAD A HBAND? THAT WOULD BE ALLAN, PLAYED THE MOVIE BY A VERY GAME MICHAEL CERA. ORIGALLY TRODUCED 1964, HE WAS CREATED TO BE KEN’S BT BUDDY. (BARBIE WAS NAMED FOR CREATOR RUTH HANDLER’S DGHTER, AND KEN FOR HER SON; ALLAN WAS NAMED FOR HER THEN-SON--LAW, ALLEN SEGAL.) KEN AND ALLAN ARE VERY CLOSE; AS CERA TELLS THE MOVIE, “ALL HIS CLOTH F ME” (A LE STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MERCIALS). LIKE MIDGE, ALLAN’S BEEN AND OUT OF THE BARBIE UNIVERSE FOR NEARLY 60 YEARS—MOSTLY OUT. MATTEL HASN’T YET RELEASED AN ALLAN BARBIE TIE- DOLL, BUT GIVEN HOW FUNNY CERA IS THE FILM, THEY REALLY SHOULD.MOST POPULARVANY FAIR’S “IT’S RAG TEENS” COVER AT 20: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?BY SAVANNAH WALSHSOUND OF FREEDOM: THE WILD TE STORY BEHD 2023’S MOST CONTROVERSIAL FILMBY EVE BATEYIS THIS THE BEGNG OF THE END OF THE WRERS STRIKE?BY NATALIE JARVEYCOURTY OF MATTEL, INC.VIO GIRL BARBIEDEEP WH WEIRD BARBIE’S GONZO DREAMHOE LURKS VIO GIRL BARBIE (METTE NARRATIVE), WHO LOOKS LIKE AN ODDY OM THE 90S BUT WAS ACTUALLY TRODUCED JT 13 YEARS AGO. AS THE WALL STREET JOURNAL WROTE AT THE TIME, VIO GIRL “HAS A GAPG HOLE HER CHT, DISGUISED AS A FASHN PENDANT, THAT NTAS A MERA LENS.” IT’S NNECTED TO THE VIO SCREEN EMBEDD TO HER BACK. THE IA WAS THAT GIRLS ULD E THE DOLLS TO RERD AND PLAY THEIR OWN HOME MOVI. (THIS WAS 2010, REMEMBER, YEARS BEFORE WAS POSSIBLE TO SHOOT A WELL-RECEIVED DIE MOVIE ENTIRELY ON AN IPHONE.) WH THE PACY TO PTURE ABOUT 25 MUT OF FOOTAGE, USB PATIBILY, AND EE EDG SOFTWARE, YOU N IMAGE THE DOLL BEG A H WH FUTURE GRETA GERWIGS. INSTEAD, VIO GIRL WAS CENSURED BY—AND THIS IS TE—THE FBI, WHICH ISSUED AN ADVISORY SAYG THAT THE DOLL ULD POTENTIALLY BE ED TO RERD CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. PERHAPS NEEDLS TO SAY, MATTEL NO LONGER SELLS VIO GIRL BARBIE.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.GROWG UP SKIPPERANOTHER ONE OM THE BAD IA FIL, THIS DOLL—ALSO BANISHED TO WEIRD BARBIE’S HOE OF NIGHTMAR THE FILM, WHERE SHE’S PLAYED BY HANNAH KHALIQUE-BROWN—IS THE VERSN OF BARBIE’S LTLE SISTER RELEASED 1975 THAT “GROWS AS HER FIGURE MATUR.” MEANG WHEN YOU TURN HER ARM, SHE GETS TALLER…AND HER BOOBS SWELL. NOPE!MOST POPULARVANY FAIR’S “IT’S RAG TEENS” COVER AT 20: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?BY SAVANNAH WALSHSOUND OF FREEDOM: THE WILD TE STORY BEHD 2023’S MOST CONTROVERSIAL FILMBY EVE BATEYIS THIS THE BEGNG OF THE END OF THE WRERS STRIKE?BY NATALIE JARVEYCOURTY OF MATTEL, INC.TEEN TALK BARBIERELEASED 1992 (AND PLAYED ONSCREEN BY MARISA ABELA), TEEN TALK BARBIE HAD A VOICE BOX THAT SHE ED TO SAY THGS LIKE “LET’S PLAN OUR DREAM WEDDG!” AND “MATH CLASS IS TOUGH!” FEMISTS RAILED AT THE DOLL, SPIRG A CLASSIC EPISO OF THE SIMPSONS THAT READS SORT OF LIKE A FIRST DRAFT FOR GERWIG’S BARBIE MOVIE.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.EARRG MAGIC KENWHEN BARBIE (MARGOT ROBBIE) AND KEN (RYAN GOSLG) ROLLERBLA TO VENICE BEACH, KEN MOMENTARILY FDS HIMSELF RECEIVG APPRECIATIVE GLANC OM TWO QUEER-D BYSTANRS. THOSE GUYS MAY HAVE BEEN EVEN MORE EXCED TO MEET ANOTHER WEIRD BARBIE PAL: EARRG MAGIC KEN (TOM STOURTON THE MOVIE), RELEASED 1993. HE WAS CLAD PURPLE LEATHER AND MH; HE HAD, OF URSE, A SGLE GLEAMG HOOP EARRG. MOST POPULARVANY FAIR’S “IT’S RAG TEENS” COVER AT 20: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?BY SAVANNAH WALSHSOUND OF FREEDOM: THE WILD TE STORY BEHD 2023’S MOST CONTROVERSIAL FILMBY EVE BATEYIS THIS THE BEGNG OF THE END OF THE WRERS STRIKE?BY NATALIE JARVEYHE WAS PART OF THE PANY’S NEW EARRG MAGIC LE, BUT IMMEDIATELY STOOD APART AFTER BEG UNOFFICIALLY ADOPTED BY THE GAY MUNY—NOT LEAST BEE OF THE STUNNG SILVER PENDANT HE WORE AROUND HIS NECK. (FANS LIKE SEX ADVICE LUMNIST DAN SAVAGE TERPRETED THE JEWELRY UH, DIFFERENTLY THAN MATTEL DID. “IT’S A NECKLACE. IT HOLDS CHARMS HE N SHARE WH BARBIE,” A SPOKWOMAN TOLD HIM AT THE TIME. “C’MON, THIS IS A DOLL SIGNED FOR LTLE GIRLS.”) HE WAS MEANT TO MAKE GIRLS THK KEN WAS OL. INSTEAD, HE GOT A BUNCH OF OL MEN TO THK KEN WAS OL, WHICH IS HONTLY A MORE IMPRSIVE ACHIEVEMENT.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.SUGAR’S DADDY (OR IS IT SUGAR DADDY?) KENBY 2009—11 YEARS AFTER WILL & GRACE BUTED!—ONE MIGHT EXPECT MATTEL TO HAVE GROWN WISER TO THE WAYS S PRODUCTS WOULD BE TERPRETED BY ADULTS. THAT WAS THE YEAR THE PANY RELEASED SUGAR’S DADDY KEN (NOTE THE POSSSIVE NOUN!), PART OF S PALM BEACH LE OF TOYS AIMED AT GROWN-UP LLECTORS. SUGAR’S DADDY (PLAYED BY ROB BRYDON THE FILM) ME WH A WELL-TAILORED PAISLEY BLAZER, A SMART PAIR OF WHE LOAFERS, AND A TEENY WHE TERRIER ON A PK LEASH. THAT WOULD BE SUGAR. “THE LTLE DOG’S NAME IS ACTUALLY SUGAR,” A MATTEL SPOKWOMAN TOLD THE NEW YORK POST AT THE TIME. “THAT’S WHERE THE NAME OM. HE’S SUGAR’S DADDY, AS A REFERENCE TO THE DOG.” UH HUH. SPEAKG TO ABC NEWS, THE PANY SEEMED SLIGHTLY MORE SELF-AWARE. “AT THE END OF THE DAY, THIS LLECTN IS TARGETED TOWARD ADULTS,” A SPOKWOMAN TOLD THE OUTLET. “WHILE THE NAME OF THE DOLL DO REFER BACK TO THE DOG, I THK PEOPLE ARE GOG TO TERPRET AS THEY WANT TO TERPRET .” SO THIS SE, AT LEAST, THE JOKE MAY HAVE BEEN ON THE RT OF .MORE GREAT STORI FROM VANY FAIR“IT’S RAG TEENS” AT 20: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?THE BT TV SHOWS OF 2023, SO FARSEX TOYS, FANCIAL CRIM, AND THE ORIG OF BARBIETHAT SOUND YOU HEAR IS DONALD TMP SCREAMG, CRYG, AND THROWG UP A MAR-A-LAGO BATHROOMIVANKA TMP IS NOT LETTG HER DAD’S MOUNTG LEGAL WO RU HER SUMMERINSI THE ACTORS STRIKE PRS APOLYPSE: “THE CELEBRY FACTORY HAS SHUT DOWN”IS ALL THIS AMATR THERAPY-SPEAK JT MAKG US LONELIER?FROM THE ARCHIVE: TOO HEPBURN FOR HOLLYWOOD (2006)HILLARY BIS

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BARBIE’S WEIRDO DOLLS: ALL ABOUT MIDGE, EARRG MAGIC KEN, AND MOREGRETA GERWIG’S MOVIE CLUS WKY MEOS OM SOME OF MATTEL’S MOST FAMO DISNTUED PRODUCTS—AND AT LEAST ONE THAT’S STILL AVAILABLE STOR.BY HILLARY BISJULY 21, 2023COURTY OF MATTEL INC.SAVE THIS STORYSAVESAVE THIS STORYSAVEALAS, YOU NNOT BUY A WEIRD BARBIE DOLL WHO LOOKS LIKE KATE MCKNON—YOU’LL JT HAVE TO CHOP OFF A REGULAR DOLL’S HAIR AND SCRIBBLE ON HER FACE YOURSELF. BUT YOU N BUY A VERSN OF THE POOPG BARBIE DOG THAT WEIRD BARBIE LIV WH GRETA GERWIG’S BARBIE. THE PLASTIC PET PACKAGED WH A BARBIE WEARG A STRIPED SWEATER AND SPORTY SNEAKERS; S OFFICIALLY SANCTNED NAME IS THE BARBIE WALK AND POTTY PUP. “WHEN ’S TIME FOR A POTTY BREAK, PH ON THE PUPPY’S TAIL,” THE AD PY READS. “BARBIE DOLL N CLEAN UP G THE BROOM AND SOPER.” CONGRATULATNS, KID. HERE’S A PILE OF CRAP!BARBIE IS A MERCHANDISER’S DREAM, A GENERALLY WELL-RECEIVED, ENARGLY SUBVERSIVE PRODUCT THAT’S STILL, AT HEART, A GLORIFIED TWO-HOUR TOY MERCIAL. BUT TO THE FILM’S CRED, DON’T SHY AWAY OM REFERENCG SOME OF MATTEL’S ODR OFFERGS. ACRDG TO A NEW YORKER ARTICLE, THE FETG DOG IS ACTUALLY BASED ON TANNER, A BARBIE ACCSORY OM THE GHTS THAT ATE S OWN POOP—Y!—AND WAS EVENTUALLY RELLED NOT FOR BEG DISGTG, BUT BEE THE MAG SI BARBIE’S POOPER SOPER ULD E LOOSE AND BE SWALLOWED BY A CHILD. (THE WALK AND POTTY PUP APPEARS TO BE SENTIALLY THE SAME TOY, M MAGS.) BELOW, WE TAKE STOCK OF MORE TOYS LIKE TANNER: THE REAL-LIFE WEIRD BARBI THAT DREW PLATS, RISN, AND CELEBRATN AS ACCINTAL GAY INS. PROT BARBIE IS NOT AMONG THEM—AT LEAST, NOT YET.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.MIDGEEMERALD FENNELL HAS A GLORIFIED MEO BARBIE AS MIDGE, A REDHEAD DOLL WH A BUN THE OVEN. Y, THAT’S RIGHT: MIDGE IS PREGNANT. THAT DIFFERENTIAT THE MOVIE’S VERSN OF THE DOLL OM HER ORIGAL RNATN, LNCHED 1963 AS BARBIE’S MORE APPROACHABLE BT PAL. SHE WAS DISNTUED 1967, THEN RETRODUCED 1987, AGA THE ’90S, AND, MOST FAMOLY, ONE MORE TIME THE GHTS, AS PART OF THE “HAPPY FAY” SET—WHICH GAVE MIDGE A TY DOLL BABY THAT ULD BE PLACED EHER A BULGG STOMACH (WHICH GIRLS ULD MAGILLY ATTACH AND TACH OM MIDGE’S MIDDLE) OR “BORN” OUT OF THAT SAME PLASTIC DOME. HER HBAND AND THREE-YEAR-OLD SON WERE SOLD SEPARATELY.GGER GAETZ, WIFE OF MATT, ANNOUNCED TUDAY THAT SHE HAD SEEN THE BARBIE MOVIE, AND WAS DISAPPOTED BY PART DUE TO THE FILM’S “UNFAIR TREATMENT OF PREGNANT BARBIE MIDGE.” IRONIC, SCE NSERVATIVE IRE WAS STMENTAL GETTG HAPPY FAY MIDGE NCELED. “IT’S A BAD IA. IT PROMOT TEENAGE PREGNANCY. WHAT WOULD AN 8-YEAR-OLD OR 12-YEAR-OLD GET OUT OF THAT DOLL BABY?” ONE MOTHER ASKED THE ASSOCIATED PRS 2002. THE DOLL WAS PULLED OM WAL-MART DUE TO PLATS; JT AS NARRATOR HELEN MIRREN TELLS BARBIE, SHE WAS EVENTUALLY AXED OM THE MATTEL LP ALTOGETHER FOR BEG “TOO WEIRD.” BUT PERHAPS MIDGE GETS THE LAST LGH: ACRDG TO AT LEAST ONE LLECTOR, SHE’S NOW WORTH UP TO $400 MT NDN.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.ALLANREMEMBER HOW MIDGE HAD A HBAND? THAT WOULD BE ALLAN, PLAYED THE MOVIE BY A VERY GAME MICHAEL CERA. ORIGALLY TRODUCED 1964, HE WAS CREATED TO BE KEN’S BT BUDDY. (BARBIE WAS NAMED FOR CREATOR RUTH HANDLER’S DGHTER, AND KEN FOR HER SON; ALLAN WAS NAMED FOR HER THEN-SON--LAW, ALLEN SEGAL.) KEN AND ALLAN ARE VERY CLOSE; AS CERA TELLS THE MOVIE, “ALL HIS CLOTH F ME” (A LE STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MERCIALS). LIKE MIDGE, ALLAN’S BEEN AND OUT OF THE BARBIE UNIVERSE FOR NEARLY 60 YEARS—MOSTLY OUT. MATTEL HASN’T YET RELEASED AN ALLAN BARBIE TIE- DOLL, BUT GIVEN HOW FUNNY CERA IS THE FILM, THEY REALLY SHOULD.MOST POPULARAND JT LIKE THAT… PREPAR FOR ITS LAST SUPPERBY CHRIS MURPHYRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE TV MOVIE IS MAKG A WEIRD, WONRFUL COMEBACKBY DAVID CANFIELDCOURTY OF MATTEL, INC.VIO GIRL BARBIEDEEP WH WEIRD BARBIE’S GONZO DREAMHOE LURKS VIO GIRL BARBIE (METTE NARRATIVE), WHO LOOKS LIKE AN ODDY OM THE 90S BUT WAS ACTUALLY TRODUCED JT 13 YEARS AGO. AS THE WALL STREET JOURNAL WROTE AT THE TIME, VIO GIRL “HAS A GAPG HOLE HER CHT, DISGUISED AS A FASHN PENDANT, THAT NTAS A MERA LENS.” IT’S NNECTED TO THE VIO SCREEN EMBEDD TO HER BACK. THE IA WAS THAT GIRLS ULD E THE DOLLS TO RERD AND PLAY THEIR OWN HOME MOVI. (THIS WAS 2010, REMEMBER, YEARS BEFORE WAS POSSIBLE TO SHOOT A WELL-RECEIVED DIE MOVIE ENTIRELY ON AN IPHONE.) WH THE PACY TO PTURE ABOUT 25 MUT OF FOOTAGE, USB PATIBILY, AND EE EDG SOFTWARE, YOU N IMAGE THE DOLL BEG A H WH FUTURE GRETA GERWIGS. INSTEAD, VIO GIRL WAS CENSURED BY—AND THIS IS TE—THE FBI, WHICH ISSUED AN ADVISORY SAYG THAT THE DOLL ULD POTENTIALLY BE ED TO RERD CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. PERHAPS NEEDLS TO SAY, MATTEL NO LONGER SELLS VIO GIRL BARBIE.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.GROWG UP SKIPPERANOTHER ONE OM THE BAD IA FIL, THIS DOLL—ALSO BANISHED TO WEIRD BARBIE’S HOE OF NIGHTMAR THE FILM, WHERE SHE’S PLAYED BY HANNAH KHALIQUE-BROWN—IS THE VERSN OF BARBIE’S LTLE SISTER RELEASED 1975 THAT “GROWS AS HER FIGURE MATUR.” MEANG WHEN YOU TURN HER ARM, SHE GETS TALLER…AND HER BOOBS SWELL. NOPE!MOST POPULARAND JT LIKE THAT… PREPAR FOR ITS LAST SUPPERBY CHRIS MURPHYRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE TV MOVIE IS MAKG A WEIRD, WONRFUL COMEBACKBY DAVID CANFIELDCOURTY OF MATTEL, INC.TEEN TALK BARBIERELEASED 1992 (AND PLAYED ONSCREEN BY MARISA ABELA), TEEN TALK BARBIE HAD A VOICE BOX THAT SHE ED TO SAY THGS LIKE “LET’S PLAN OUR DREAM WEDDG!” AND “MATH CLASS IS TOUGH!” FEMISTS RAILED AT THE DOLL, SPIRG A CLASSIC EPISO OF THE SIMPSONS THAT READS SORT OF LIKE A FIRST DRAFT FOR GERWIG’S BARBIE MOVIE.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.EARRG MAGIC KENWHEN BARBIE (MARGOT ROBBIE) AND KEN (RYAN GOSLG) ROLLERBLA TO VENICE BEACH, KEN MOMENTARILY FDS HIMSELF RECEIVG APPRECIATIVE GLANC OM TWO QUEER-D BYSTANRS. THOSE GUYS MAY HAVE BEEN EVEN MORE EXCED TO MEET ANOTHER WEIRD BARBIE PAL: EARRG MAGIC KEN (TOM STOURTON THE MOVIE), RELEASED 1993. HE WAS CLAD PURPLE LEATHER AND MH; HE HAD, OF URSE, A SGLE GLEAMG HOOP EARRG. MOST POPULARAND JT LIKE THAT… PREPAR FOR ITS LAST SUPPERBY CHRIS MURPHYRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, LOSG LISA MARIE, AND INHERG GRACELANDBY BRT HENNEMUTHTHE TV MOVIE IS MAKG A WEIRD, WONRFUL COMEBACKBY DAVID CANFIELDHE WAS PART OF THE PANY’S NEW EARRG MAGIC LE, BUT IMMEDIATELY STOOD APART AFTER BEG UNOFFICIALLY ADOPTED BY THE GAY MUNY—NOT LEAST BEE OF THE STUNNG SILVER PENDANT HE WORE AROUND HIS NECK. (FANS LIKE SEX ADVICE LUMNIST DAN SAVAGE TERPRETED THE JEWELRY UH, DIFFERENTLY THAN MATTEL DID. “IT’S A NECKLACE. IT HOLDS CHARMS HE N SHARE WH BARBIE,” A SPOKWOMAN TOLD HIM AT THE TIME. “C’MON, THIS IS A DOLL SIGNED FOR LTLE GIRLS.”) HE WAS MEANT TO MAKE GIRLS THK KEN WAS OL. INSTEAD, HE GOT A BUNCH OF OL MEN TO THK KEN WAS OL, WHICH IS HONTLY A MORE IMPRSIVE ACHIEVEMENT.COURTY OF MATTEL, INC.SUGAR’S DADDY (OR IS IT SUGAR DADDY?) KENBY 2009—11 YEARS AFTER WILL & GRACE BUTED!—ONE MIGHT EXPECT MATTEL TO HAVE GROWN WISER TO THE WAYS S PRODUCTS WOULD BE TERPRETED BY ADULTS. THAT WAS THE YEAR THE PANY RELEASED SUGAR’S DADDY KEN (NOTE THE POSSSIVE NOUN!), PART OF S PALM BEACH LE OF TOYS AIMED AT GROWN-UP LLECTORS. SUGAR’S DADDY (PLAYED BY ROB BRYDON THE FILM) ME WH A WELL-TAILORED PAISLEY BLAZER, A SMART PAIR OF WHE LOAFERS, AND A TEENY WHE TERRIER ON A PK LEASH. THAT WOULD BE SUGAR. “THE LTLE DOG’S NAME IS ACTUALLY SUGAR,” A MATTEL SPOKWOMAN TOLD THE NEW YORK POST AT THE TIME. “THAT’S WHERE THE NAME OM. HE’S SUGAR’S DADDY, AS A REFERENCE TO THE DOG.” UH HUH. SPEAKG TO ABC NEWS, THE PANY SEEMED SLIGHTLY MORE SELF-AWARE. “AT THE END OF THE DAY, THIS LLECTN IS TARGETED TOWARD ADULTS,” A SPOKWOMAN TOLD THE OUTLET. “WHILE THE NAME OF THE DOLL DO REFER BACK TO THE DOG, I THK PEOPLE ARE GOG TO TERPRET AS THEY WANT TO TERPRET .” SO THIS SE, AT LEAST, THE JOKE MAY HAVE BEEN ON THE RT OF .MORE GREAT STORI FROM VANY FAIRRILEY KEOUGH ON GROWG UP PRLEY, INHERG GRACELAND, AND MORETE CRIME, TE FAH: THE SERIAL KILLER AND THE TEXAS MOM WHO STOPPED HIMTHE TAN SUBMERSIBLE DISASTER WAS YEARS THE MAKG, NEW DETAILS REVEALWHY THE GEIA INDICTMENT AGAST TMP AND HIS ALLI IS THE MOST SWEEPG YETIVANKA TMP IS NOT LETTG HER DAD’S MOUNTG LEGAL WO RU HER SUMMERA NEW SLIM AARONS BOOK CAPTUR A LOST WORLDTHE 25 BT SHOWS ON NETFLIX TO WATCH RIGHT NOWFROM THE ARCHIVE: TOO HEPBURN FOR HOLLYWOOD (2006)HILLARY BIS

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