Vio shows man htg Geia boy wh ‘gay’ etched to his haircut. Now 3 people charged wh child abe. - The Washgton Post

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Are they abed bee they’re gay or bee of their “appropriate” genr?

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JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ACH OUT AS GAY

Jacksonville Jaguars ach Kev Maxen has e out as gay, makg him the first out male ach a pro men's league. NBC Sports' Corey Robson explas why this is a big step for football. * boy abused gay *

Fally, when the aber is male (and even sometim when she is female), many boys—whether straight or gay—velop fears and ncerns about sexual orientatn. Conventnal wisdom says sexual abe turns boys gay, although there's no persuasive evince that premature sexual activy fundamentally chang sexual orientatn. A homosexual boy may feel shed to nsirg himself gay or may hate his homosexualy bee he believ was ed by his abe.

A BOY HAD THE WORD ‘GAY’ SHAVED TO HIS HAIR. NOW THREE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CHARGED WH CHILD ABE.

Whether boys are gay or straight, the manipulative troductns to sexualy n set lifetime patterns of exploatn and self-stctive behavr. Was I gay? Hband admted showg the material to boys his re, but argued that he was terted child pornography only bee he was nductg rearch to homosexualy.

The urageo acts of the men and women who refed to be silenced by the stigma and pa associated wh AIDS and wh beg gay end up forcg the U. ” the boy man, a woman rerdg the vio, which was taken June, and a third woman n then be heard sldg the boy as the vio zooms to reveal the word shaved to the left si of the boy’s head: “Gay. “As a Black queer man, I have experienced some of the same homophobia and some of the same abe by the hands of people that I love as a child, ” Barrgton-Ward said.

THREE CHARGED WH ABE AFTER VIO SHOWS BOY WH ‘GAY’ SHAVED TO HAIR

Back the day—before ex-gay advot began nfsg their own same-sex attractns—nversn therapists argued that, among a lany of al agents, beg abed as a child one to bee a sissy boy or a tomboy girl and through this procs the viant genr behavr be homosexualy.

To cure or nvert gays to heterosexualy one simply unters the abe by gettg rid of the unorthodox genr behavr—give the girls their Barbi and the boys their tcks. Behavral Risk Factor Surveillance System: Anrson and Blosnich reported that gay, lbian, and bisexual dividuals have higher odds of adverse childhood experienc pared to their heterosexual peers. Do the not-straight children elic sexual enunters wh same-sex adults bee of their homosexual clatns?

The larger qutn this rearch rais is whether the genr-nonnformg child is abed bee of the associatn parents and peers are makg between genr nonnformy and gayns or bee they jt nnot stand their child or iend exprsg a nonstandard genr. Given the associatns between childhood genr nonnformy and childhood trma (often by an adult fay member), sex and genr profsor Henny Bos and lleagu remend: “terventns aimed at creasg the social acceptance of genr nonnformy might also lower the levels of childhood trma and sexual victimizatn, pecially among gay and bisexual men. Lbian, gay, and bisexual adults: Childhood genr nonnformy, childhood trma, and sexual victimizatn.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* BOY ABUSED GAY

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class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs hbOl ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp kjLxCB"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT hsydfY"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX eNRqSb bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture/opn"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Opn</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd bwDymH isouMH">I Was Sexually Abed as a Boy—Here’s What I Know About Abed and Abive Men</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB eDhhwT ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH uMYIE byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd hHRAkO haUSoQ eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/elias-altman">Elias Altman</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-01-11T07:30:00-05:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd eNpMLJ jDQNvc">January 11, 2018</time></div></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP cAlrhp lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc bjtV lead-asset--width-small" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz kkPlIE"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Image may nta Human Person Silhouette and Wdow" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE bViSGz ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN dWhfyS"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd ftKqkn fNaHcW ptn__cred">Photo: © Eli Reed/Magnum Photos</span></div></div></figure><div data-ttid="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor" class="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor-jYVcDc djtEof"></div></div></div></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kbAoLA article-body__ntent"><div class="ActnBarWrapperContent-lasBkU cAHp"><div class="ActnBarWrapperComponent-cjwxLS bEeSLb"><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="ActnBarWrapper-dhxmQh SFwwF viewport-monor-anchor"><button id="bookmark" aria-label="Save" class="ActnBarButton-dyFOZU dPbgNk bookmark large-screen"><span class="ActnBarSendaryButtonPrimaryIn-isbvyN cAwccV bookmark-button-in"><svg class="in in-bookmark" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Save this story</tle><path class="in-bookmark-stroke" d="M11.7661 16.3228L4.5 20.1695V3.5H19.5V20.1695L12.2339 16.3228L12 16.199L11.7661 16.3228Z" stroke-lep="square"/></svg></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ActnBarButtonText-bYXYuh iUEiRd fcKlBk gkccfO">Save</span></button></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="ActnBarWrapper-dhxmQh fOiOQm viewport-monor-anchor"><button id="bookmark" aria-label="Save" class="ActnBarButton-dyFOZU gdCxmM bookmark mobile"><span class="ActnBarSendaryButtonPrimaryIn-isbvyN cAwccV bookmark-button-in"><svg class="in in-bookmark" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Save this story</tle><path class="in-bookmark-stroke" d="M11.7661 16.3228L4.5 20.1695V3.5H19.5V20.1695L12.2339 16.3228L12 16.199L11.7661 16.3228Z" stroke-lep="square"/></svg></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ActnBarButtonText-bYXYuh iUEiRd fcKlBk gkccfO">Save</span></button></div></div></div><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dUONRr body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>I ed to thk I was special. I ed to thk I me om great Amerin fai, where the relativ up and down my fay tree did wonrful and tertg thgs. My parents loved me. We were middle-class and well-ted. That is the tth. I was sexually abed as a child. I e om fai wh long histori of substance e disorr. I am now a 32-year-old man who has spent 28 years wag to pe the maximum secury lockup of the trmatized self bee of what was done to me by two people whom I tsted, whom my parents tsted, and who betrayed . That is also the tth.</p><p>My olst livg relative is my grandmother, who me om the Midwt and is a Quaker, a peaceful sect of Christians who honor simplicy, reflectn, and silence. Grammy, please know I am only dog what you tght me: I have reflected silently, and now I am standg up to share my tth. What I do here, tellg this story for the first time, I am dog homage to the ials for which members of my fay have given their liv—law, tn, psychology, therapy, wrg, history—and I’m proud of my fay’s acplishments.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>But make no mistake: Love should never be rrelated wh acplishments. A child shouldn’t feel that he or she needs to acplish thgs to be worthy of love. All the wonrful and tertg nversatns and acplishments the world will never fill the void left by abe or neglect, nor will offer absolutn for your trpass.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="9urojv"></div></div><hr/><p>It’s often said that <em>everythg happens for a reason</em>. That’s a lie. Everythg happens for two reasons, but we ually blame one thg, turng a bld eye to the other. Both sis of my fay spoke openly about the alholism to which they had a predisposn—sometim raised voic, g blossoms bloomg—but never did anyone talk about abe, whether physil, sexual, or emotnal. This is classic misdirectn. Alholism and abe are symbtic, e and effect.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Abe is often tergeneratnal and stutnal, thrivg hierarchil power stctur, such as primate groups—or human fai. Payback is almost always paid forward, down the cha of mand om the alpha to the beta, all the way to the most vulnerable. That’s how go: Be hurt, hurt, <em>hurt</em>. But evolutn n be slow. There always will be a pull to protect our own, whether our schools, at our workplac, or our fay.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="zul2dp"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="mhgqo7"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dUONRr body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>We know the stak of speakg out are high and the upsi is opaque at bt. To name abe feels like a betrayal of the hight orr—not only do shatter the illns to which we all clg pole society, but reopens up to another asslt. But this is wrong. We mt bear md two thgs: Nothg is as bad as the origal trma, which we survived, and the trma we endured now has a real meang the send time around. It mt.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>As my favore wrer Jam Baldw surmised 1962: “Pa is trivial except sofar as you n e to nnect wh other people’s pa; and sofar as you n do that wh your pa, you n be released om , and then hopefully works the other way around too; sofar as I n tell you what is to suffer, perhaps I n help you to suffer ls.” That is a betiful formula—first for healg, send for salvatn, and third for actn.</p><hr/><p>Abe is always a vert operatn, and is always hypnotic. You n be tricked to thkg that you are crazy, that you are the problem, that your memori are false. You n bee mmerized by what is wrong seemg right, even though you know is not. The aber emanat power, beg a kd of vengeful god, holdg sway over even your self-nceptn.</p><p>To the aber, power is the abily to huiate. But abg others will never satisfy the aber until he nonts the huiatn he himself suffered: that is why abe is serial and pulsive. Payback is paid forward. The only other rponse to abe—when not open rebelln—is to vt that abe back to the self, the form of self-hatred, self-meditn, and self-harm, and I know om experience that even the ward-facg rpons hurt those you love, your girliends and iends.</p><p>This is all very new to me. When a young md and body are trmatized, they go to a kd of shock. The events that have occurred are too far outsi the wdow of experience, and so the md tak over, bent on protectn and survival. Memori n be formed, reprsed, and stored away, like the Ark of the Covenant at the end of the <em>Indiana Jon</em> movie. I revered me only recently, and they me back first my body—twch and bis, ach and pas—the meat of myself tryg to make sense of the actns that the md never procsed fully, like a movie where the sound and motn are out of sync.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="7tyddj"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG 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class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff iDAxyG summary-em summary-em--has-borr summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-si-by-si summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-33-66 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw cWJwCN" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa 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class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">This Untradnal Bri Wore a Bright Yellow Drs and Bows for Her Savannah Weddg</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY kLWdHC summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH epKWKp byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Elise Taylor</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff iDAxyG summary-em summary-em--has-borr summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-si-by-si summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-33-66 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw cWJwCN" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="See Insi Gwyh Paltrow’s Monteco Gut Hoe" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX eNRqSb bric SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Hom</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM jRfyII summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ bfdOCB summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">See Insi Gwyh Paltrow’s Monteco Gut Hoe</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY kLWdHC summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH epKWKp byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Elise Taylor</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw fkGtfq ad ad--asi"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--asi" data-no-id="urmnnl"></div></div></li></ul><div class="RecircMostPopularFooter-enPjgs laPXdt"></div></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="ye6x1"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dUONRr body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>The days, I’ve been rebuildg, tryg to synchronize, bee when workg properly the md and body are the same: We are one anism wh five sens. Sometim, I thk I have answers. I don’t. I ed to thk abe happened to other people, not me. I ed to thk other people hurt people, not me. I was sure of . I am pable of great feats of self-ln. In all of this, I am not alone.</p><hr/><p>Men know, but often fet, that when they say no, people hear . Women say no, or a rigned y due to circumstanc, or rema silent to survive (often out of fear of a reprisal), and we proceed wh the grace and goodwill of a two-ton wreckg ball. Throughout human history, men have nscly and unnscly acted out their malice and anger, their own feelgs of ferry, upon women—often, mt be said, aid and abetted by alhol. Payback is paid forward.</p><p>But woke, sober, and righteo men n be the most self-lud of all. “We are not like the bt,” we say. “We hate the bt!” To , the bt are the guys who got the girls junr high bee their voic epened before ours, the guys who secreted hormon while we still had no pubic hair. The bt also huiated <em></em>.</p><p>So, once we get elected to office, or produce an Osr-wng movie, or rise to edor chief, or fill Madison Square Garn wh thoands of people to hear our jok, we feel that we have won, that we are entled to a ltle fun. <em>We are better than the bt. We serve somethg too.</em> We act through willful ignorance, an fensible spensn of morals and a byproduct of a culture, of fai, and of stutns that fail to set the proper boundari, still the proper valu, or mete out proper reprimands when they’re early enough to take, or late enough to matter.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Preachg is not my job. As a lerary agent, I try to fd people who n change the way we thk about the world, often applyg the lsons of the past to make sense of the prent for a better future. So I feel on firmer ground when I paraphrase om David France’s <em>How to Survive a Plague</em>, a book another agent I know helped to shepherd to beg.</p><p>In the 1980s, an illns lled AIDS scend predomantly upon a group of people this untry who had done no harm to anyone; they loved, that is all. Millns died, while others slept, postured, or turned away. The urageo acts of the men and women who refed to be silenced by the stigma and pa associated wh AIDS and wh beg gay end up forcg the U.S. ernment, the medil muny, and the culture to rpect their needs. They fought for and won their rights. They saved liv.</p><p>The revolutn began by breakg the silence. Silence equals ath. My silence is over. I choose life.</p><p><em>Elias Altman is a lerary agent New York Cy.</em></p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="hl0b29"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier 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