Dear Abby: I’m a gay man, and no straight men want to be iends wh me

Contents:

• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• 17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)
• FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"
• I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN
• AM I GAY?
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY
• JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH MAJOR U.S. PRO LEAGUE TO E OUT AS GAY
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.
• DEAR ABBY: I’M A GAY MAN, AND NO STRAIGHT MEN WANT TO BE IENDS WH ME
• AM I GAY? QUIZ – 100% RELIABLE TT
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• HOW TO TELL A FRIEND YOU'RE GAY AND YOU LOVE THEM

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

Particularly when young, some people may ask, "How do I know if I am gay?

When down to , there is no reliable "Am I Gay tt", so the only way to know that you are gay (fn of gay) is to look wh yourself to terme your own thoughts and feelgs towards others of the same sex. You might also want to nsir the possibily that you are neher gay nor straight and are bisexual or jt cur.

There are also signs that you might be gay to nsir. There is no one way that gay people act or look – gay people are jt as diverse as straight people.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Jt bee you are a man who is effemate or a woman who is boyish, that do not mean that you're necsarily gay.

When lookg at the signs you are gay, you might want to ask yourself the qutns:1. The feelgs may give you signs that you are gay.

17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)

There is no need to sh to a cisn or tell anyone about your exploratn or e out gay. And if do turn out that you are gay, remember that there is nothg wrong wh beg gay – is jt part of who you are. There are many gay men who say "I'm not part of the scene" -- men who hate gay bars and, prumably, crowds of queer people general.

FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"

Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant. " Y, there are some good reasons to rce your participatn gay bars (time, money, health).

But you mt spend time wh others, whether that means havg a group of gay movie iends or queer gamers or playg on a gay sports team. Go to gay bars, even if they make you unfortable.

This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci. AIDS vastated muni of gay men and transgenr women, particularly gay men and trans women of lor.

I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN

Read the numbers: In four years, more than 5, 596 people the Uned Stat had died of AIDS, many of them gay men and transgenr women.

But if I hadn't experienced all that adversy, I wouldn't be so furly proud to be gay. Fd a gay elr who's been where you are and r for your well-beg, someone who unrstands you and never pass judgment, someone who lets you make the mistak you need to make.

Tmp has repeatedly attacked transgenr servicemembers, and gay men are still beg hunted and murred Chechnya. There would be no ternalized self-hatred if no one had ever told you that beg gay is wrong, or that gay sex is disgtg, or that gay men n't feel real love, or that beg transgenr is fake, or that beg nonbary is a mental illns or a ll for attentn. If you thk a word like "gay" or "queer" works for you right now (aga, don't have to work for you forever -- labels do not e wh lifetime ntracts) and you're not ready to tell everyone, simply say out loud to yourself.

AM I GAY?

In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

If the sufferer is heterosexual, then the thought may be that they are homosexual.

If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obss about the possibily that they might really be straight.

” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). For those wh thoughts of beg homosexual, part of the distrs mt surely be social orig.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY

Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng. I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt. Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg.

Observg themselv for evince of “lookg, ” talkg, walkg, drsg, or gturg like someone who is eher gay or straight. Compulsively reviewg and analyzg past teractns wh other men or women to see if they have acted like a gay or straight person. Readg articl on the ter about how an dividual n tell if they are gay or straight to see which group they might be most siar to.

Can you sudnly turn to a homosexual (or heterosexual) even if you have never felt or acted that that way? If I get sexual sensatns when viewg sexual material of an oppose orientatn do mean I am gay (or straight)? A typil example would be a heterosexual man who experienc an erectn while lookg at gay eroti.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH MAJOR U.S. PRO LEAGUE TO E OUT AS GAY

This reactn is strengthened by the rrect belief that homosexual cu never stimulate heterosexuals.

Avoidg standg close to, touchg or bshg agast members of the same sex (or oppose sex if the sufferer is gay). Not readg or lookg at vios news reports books or articl havg anythg to do wh gay people or other sexual subjects. Never sayg the words “gay, ” “homosexual, ” (or “straight”) or any other related term.

Tryg to not look or act effemately (if a man), or a mascule way (if a woman), (or vice versa if the sufferer is gay).

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Not drsg ways that would make one look effemate (if a man), or mascule (if a woman), (aga vice versa if the sufferer is gay). Avoidg associatg wh anyone who may be gay or who seems to lean that directn (if the sufferer is heterosexual).

The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight).

Watchg vios on gay them or about gay characters.

I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.

Visg gay meetgs shops, browsg gay bookstor, or visg areas of town that are more predomantly gay.

Wearg a T-shirt at home wh the word ‘gay’ on .

Dog a seri of wrg assignments of a uple of pag each that suggt more and more that you actually are gay or wish to be.

DEAR ABBY: I’M A GAY MAN, AND NO STRAIGHT MEN WANT TO BE IENDS WH ME

Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you).

Avoid observg yourself to see if you behaved a way you image a homosexual or member of the oppose sex would. It’s the twenty first century and if someone’s gog to be a judgmental ltle hoe, then they don’t serve to be your v gay life. So if you n relate to the signs then you’re actually gay (you jt don’t know yet).

AM I GAY? QUIZ – 100% RELIABLE TT

One of your top ten experienc was at a Pri para where you were surround by the most tertg, fun strangers you have ever enuntered, and no one you knew was there to judge you, or the only people you knew there were gay.

You sometim thk about what would be like to tell your parents, extend fay, and iends that you are gay. You believe equaly, love diversy, have liberal views, and are mted to seeg gay marriage legalized every untry. Even if every em on the list applied to you, don’t mean you’re gay.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

Remember that sexualy is not limed to gay and straight.

If you are gay, I really, really hope you know , and enurage you to be your te self. You might take some fort knowg that both your same-sex mutual masturbatn experience, and your "gay thoughts" when masturbatg alone, are shared by many.

HOW TO TELL A FRIEND YOU'RE GAY AND YOU LOVE THEM

Some younger and olr men feel strongly about publicly intifyg themselv, some way, as gay, straight, or bi, while others are ntent wh livg their happy liv private. We also heard all the time that men uldn't be feme bee supposedly meant you were gay, but we knew we were attracted to girls and received attentn om them, though neher of dated much until llege. Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr.

Sce genr inty and sexual orientatn are separate, transgenr people n intify as straight, gay, lbian, bisexual, etc. Most people the LGBTQ+ muny know om experience that acceptg your sexualy will lead to your beg a happier, more open this gui, the term gay has been ed to clu all forms of non-heterosexual attractn, whether that be people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, or otherwise not straight.

Consir takg an onle sexualy quiz, like this one, to see if intifyg as gay feels right for you. There isn't any need to change yourself - beg gay is jt another way of simply existg, and there is nothg wrong wh at all.