When Gay Men (Mis)Marry Straight Women, Part 2 | Psychology Today

Contents:

• A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE
• HOST THE ULTIMATE CELEBRATN WH THE CREATIVE GAY WEDDG IAS
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• TOWLEROAD GAY NEWS
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN, PART 2

A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE

I had the opportuny to talk wh psychotherapist and thor Michael Dale Kimmel about his new book, The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage.

HOST THE ULTIMATE CELEBRATN WH THE CREATIVE GAY WEDDG IAS

MDK: I began offerg workshops for gay, bisexual, and transgenr men about eighteen years’ ago, and after a uple of years there were always a few guys who me up to me and said ( whispered ton), “You’ve got to put this stuff a book. While there are lots of books about how to plan your gay weddg, there were virtually none that addrs what to do after the honeymoon is over (lerally and figuratively). The Gay Man’s Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage dar to ask the qutn: is monogamy or an open relatnship (or a batn of both) the bt way to stcture your marriage?

Same-sex marriage has been a long time g – a few thoand years or so - and now that ’s fally here, many gay, bisexual and transgenr men may thk that ’s a bad ia to “rock the boat” by discsg the kds of ias that this book prents. I believe that now is the perfect time to qutn what gay marriage n, should and will be, while is still relatively new, h and malleable.

MDK: I have been givg workshops on “monogamy or open relatnship” for many years, long before gay marriage was legal. While marriage wasn’t a possibily then, the qutns those workshops were basilly the same as those this book: as gay men, do we choose the monogamy of heterosexual marriage as our mol, or do we prefer an open marriage? And yet, most gay marriag emulate whout much thought, assumg that ’s the “right” way to be married.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

As a psychotherapist for gay upl for many years’ now, ’s been que clear to me that “handbooks” for heterosexual marriage don’t really apply to our marriag several signifint ways: our marriag are more “signed” than “assumed. And yet, when I work wh young gay (and bi, straight and trans) men, I see a sea change ahead. I wrote the chapter about “refg genr rol, " bee we have an amazg opportuny as married gay men to terme who we are as two men, married to each other.

TOWLEROAD GAY NEWS

MDK: As gay people, we n create new stctur and paradigms that serve not only , but all people. This book enurag everyone, not jt gay men, to take a good look at that formidable stutn and beg to ask some big, meangful qutns, like:. The are not jt qutns for gay upl, they are qutns for all upl: my polyamoro straight clients are alg wh the very same stuff.

I’ve seen this kd of relatnship many of the gay marriag – both open and monogamo - that I’ve had the pleasure to work wh.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN, PART 2

Your gay marriage n be amazg, high-functng and extremely fulfillg…if you and your hband are willg to do the work. Sadly, most married, closeted gay men are manipulative, narcissistic n artists who only thk about themselv wh only ocsnal feelgs of guilt and remorse. Often is acpanied by doubt and self-blame, for example, "If I'd been enough of a woman (or man), he (or she) would not be gay.

Sce all men and women have been raised siar cultur, they have rporated the “ials” of masculy whether they are gay, straight, bisexual, or other. But toxic masculy is not a uniquely heterosexual problem, and some straight women are or were married to very toxic gay men.

My closeted gay hband looks at me wh rentment and disda, and he ab me physilly, emotnally, and verbally. Projectn is fundamental to toxic masculy, and one of the characteristics is a disda for homosexualy which generat shame, self-hatred, and even gay bashg.