Your Child Jt Told You He's Gay. Now What? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY
• WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND TELLS YOU HE'S {FONT-SIZE:20PX;LOR:#999;FONT-STYLE:ALIC;MARG:0PX;MARG-TOP:10PX;}THE EDUTN OF A STRAIGHT {GRID-ROW-START:2;GRID-LUMN-START:2;GRID-LUMN-END:3;}@MEDIA (MAX-WIDTH:950PX){{GRID-LUMN-START:1;GRID-LUMN-END:2;}}{BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;MAX-WIDTH:600PX;PADDG:0PX 20PX;MARG:0PX TO;FONT-FAY:'COLABORATE LIGHT','LUCIDA SANS UNI',SANS-SERIF;MARG-BOTTOM:5PX;} A{LOR:#7B1B18;} IMG{PADDG-RIGHT:7PX;}BY {LOR:#BA0600;}NATHAN S. {BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;MAX-WIDTH:600PX;PADDG:0PX 20PX;MARG:0PX TO;}{DISPLAY:NONE;}@MEDIA (MAX-WIDTH:950PX){{BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;MAX-WIDTH:600PX;PADDG:0PX 20PX;MARG:0PX TO;DISPLAY:BLOCK;PADDG-TOP:20PX;PADDG-BOTTOM:20PX;MARG-TOP:20PX;BORR-TOP:1PX SOLID #EBEBEB;BORR-BOTTOM:1PX SOLID #EBEBEB;}}{DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;-WEBK-FLEX-DIRECTN:LUMN;-MS-FLEX-DIRECTN:LUMN;FLEX-DIRECTN:LUMN;WIDTH:TO;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;POSN:-WEBK-STICKY;POSN:STICKY;TOP:70PX;-WEBK-FLEX-DIRECTN:ROW;-MS-FLEX-DIRECTN:ROW;FLEX-DIRECTN:ROW;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;POSN:UNSET;} {DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG:0PX;} > SPAN{WIDTH:35PX !IMPORTANT;HEIGHT:35PX !IMPORTANT;TEXT-ALIGN:CENTER;BORR-RADI:50%;} SVG{WIDTH:25PX !IMPORTANT;HEIGHT:35PX !IMPORTANT;} .ADDTHIS_BUTTON_EMAIL > SPAN, .ADDTHIS_BUTTON_PRT > SPAN, .ADDTHIS_BUTTON_LK > SPAN{BACKGROUND-LOR:#EBEBEB !IMPORTANT;} .ADDTHIS_UNTER .ADDTHIS_BUTTON_EXPAND{WIDTH:35PX;HEIGHT:35PX;MARG:0PX;PADDG:0PX;BACKGROUND:NONE;TEXT-ALIGN:CENTER;BORR:1PX SOLID #EBEBEB;BORR-RADI:50%;LOR:#EBEBEB !IMPORTANT;} .ADDTHIS_BUTTON_PACT{DISPLAY:NONE !IMPORTANT;} {MARG:0PX 5PX;}{POSN:RELATIVE;WIDTH:100%;} P{MAX-WIDTH:600PX;MARG:0PX TO;PADDG:0PX 20PX;BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;FONT:17PX/25PX GEIA,SERIF;MARG-TOP:1EM;MARG-BOTTOM:1EM;} OL{MAX-WIDTH:600PX;MARG:0PX TO;PADDG:0PX 20PX;BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;FONT:17PX/25PX GEIA,SERIF;PADDG-LEFT:80PX;} P A, OL A, P A:VISED, OL A:VISED{LOR:#BA0600;-WEBK-TRANSN:0.3S ALL;TRANSN:0.3S ALL;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} P A:HOVER, OL A:HOVER{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} H1, H2, H3, H4, H5, H6{MAX-WIDTH:600PX;MARG:0PX TO;PADDG:0PX 20PX;BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;MARG-TOP:1EM;MARG-BOTTOM:1EM;LOR:#7B1B18;}GAY PEOPLE ARE ENGAGED AN ONGOG STGGLE TO HAVE THEIR RIGHTS REGNIZED AND RPECTED. AS A STRAIGHT PERSON TALKG PRIMARILY TO OTHER STRAIGHTS. I HOPE TO SUPPORT ALL WHO ARE OPPRSED BEE OF THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN. THE FOC ON GAY MEN AS OPPOSED TO LBIANS IS ONLY A REFLECTN OF MY PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE.A YEAR AGO, NO ONE I KNEW WAS OPENLY GAY. MY NTACT WH HOMOSEXUALY UNTIL THEN WAS PROBABLY QUE STANDARD. WHEN I WAS SEVEN, MY MOTHER TALKED TO ME ABOUT PEOPLE LLED "FAIRI." SHE WARNED ME TO WATCH OUT FOR THEM, EXPLAG THAT THEIR EXISTENCE WAS A PY FOR THEM AND A NUISANCE FOR THE RT OF . FROM THEN ON, THE ISSUE WAS ABSENT OM NVERSATN AT HOME, EXCEPT WHEN SOMETHG ABOUT ANA BRYANT ME ON THE NEWS. WE ALL REGARD ANA AS SOMEWHAT OFF THE WALL, BUT NOT OUT OF ANY EPLY FELT VIEWS ON HOMOSEXUALY. AT SCHOOL, THE WORDS "GAY" AND "FAG" WERE ED ONLY AS SULTS TO STUNTS SO AWKWARD OR UNPOPULAR THAT THE TERM "WIMP" WOULD NOT DO. HOMOSEXUALY WAS SPOTLIGHTED ONLY ONCE: WHEN THE WOMEN'S STUDI CLASS VED A LBIAN TO SPEAK AND HALF THE PARENTS LLED UP TO PLA.THE FLUENC HELPED TO SHAPE MY VIEW OF HOMOSEXUALY. LIKE THE RT OF SOCIETY, I VIEWED THEM AS UNNATURAL AND DISGTG. I SAW HOMOSEXUALY AS RPTN OF "REAL" SEXUALY, AN UNFORTUNATE ELEMENT TO BE RTRICTED OR SUPRSED WHERE POSSIBLE. AND SPE THE STANDARD JOK, EP DOWN HOMOSEXUALY MA ME VERY UNFORTABLE.* * *ONE MORNG LAST SPRG, A POSTER ON MY DOOR SAID "DO YOU KNOW THAT SOMEONE YOU RE ABOUT IS GAY?" AS I WALKED TO BREAKFAST, I RAN MY MD OVER PEOPLE I RED ABOUT. CONCLUDG POSIVELY THAT NOT ONE WAS GAY. I DISMISSED THE SIGN AS PROPAGANDA FOR THE G GAY/LBIAN AWARENS DAY (GLAD).THAT NIGHT, ONE OF MY CLOST IENDS SAT ME DOWN TO TALK. THIS SELF WAS STRANGE, BEE WE UALLY TALKED QUE NATURALLY ON ANY SUBJECT. THE SUATN BEME MORE PECULIAR AS I WATCHED HIM. I HAD NEVER SEEN HIM SO NERVO. HE ULDN'T STICK TO ONE TOPIC OF NVERSATN. FALLY, AFTER A VERY LONG AND PAED TRODUCTN, HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY. HE HAD KNOWN THIS THROUGHOUT OUR IENDSHIP.I DID MY BT TO SEEM LLECTED, BUT SI I WAS A MASS OF SHOCK AND NFN. I TRIED TO APPEAR OL AND THEN TOOK THE FIRST OPPORTUNY TO LEAVE I NEED TIME TO THK ABOUT THIS ALONE. AS I SAT ON A BENCH AND TRIED TO RELAX, I BEGAN TO THK HERENTLY: "THIS IS AN ENORMO THG; HOW ULD I NOT HAVE KNOWN ?" "WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME BEFORE?" "HOW MUCH DO THIS AFFECT HIS THOUGHTS AND ACTNS?" "HOW DO THIS MEAN HE SE ME?" "I FD HOMOSEXUALY REPULSIVE; HOW N A CLOSE IEND BE HOMOSEXUAL?" "I KNOW WHAT GAYS ARE LIKE: HOW N HE BE ONE?"MY IEND'S FACE SUDNLY ME TO FOC. I ULD STILL SEE HIM RIGHT ONT OF RACE. I ULD SEE HIM QUIVER AS HE BRACED FOR ME TO REACT. THERE WAS MY OWN IEND, WAG FOR ME TO REJECT HIM. REJECT... THIS MA ME THK OF OUR IENDSHIP. I REMEMBERED TIM WE HAD SPENT TOGETHER; TAST WE HAD SHARED, NEEDS WE HAD FILLED FOR EACH OTHER. AND HE HAD BEEN GAY ALL THE WHILE... BUT HADN'T THE TIM BEEN JT AS GOOD? IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG TO REALIZE THEY HAD. AND ULDN'T THEY BE EQUALLY GOOD THE FUTURE? WHY NOT? THE ONLY DIFFERENCE NOW WAS THAT I KNEW SOMETHG THAT HAD ALWAYS BEEN TE.MY THOUGHTS TURNED TO HIS POT OF VIEW. I GRIMACED, REMEMBERG TIM THAT HOMOSEXUALY HAD E UP NVERSATN. WHAT AN ACTOR HE HAD BEEN! HE HAD LGHED AT THE SAME JOK AND PROFSED THE SAME ATTUS AS I HAD. IN GROUPS OF GUYS HE HAD RATED THE GIRLS ALONG WH EVERYONE ELSE.I REALIZED HOW ALONE HE OFTEN MT FEEL. UNABLE TO BE HIS TE SELF, ED NDNED TO HATE THAT TE SELF, HE HAS TO AL NSTANTLY PRETENS. SUDNLY, I WANTED TO TALK TO {DISPLAY:BLOCK;MARG:0PX TO;WIDTH:100%;MAX-WIDTH:100%;BACKGROUND:TRANSPARENT;PADDG:10PX 0PX;} {FONT-FAY:'COLABORATE LIGHT','LUCIDA SANS UNI',SANS-SERIF;LOR:#333333;TEXT-ALIGN:CENTER;FONT-SIZE:0.7EM;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;DISPLAY:BLOCK;} {WIDTH:-WEBK-F-NTENT;WIDTH:-MOZ-F-NTENT;WIDTH:F-NTENT;MARG:0PX TO;TEXT-ALIGN:CENTER;}ADVERTISEMENTWHEN I WENT TO SEE HIM THAT NIGHT, I KNEW THE ISSUE WOULD AFFECT ME OM THEN ON. I HAD TAKEN A STRONG FIRST STEP BY WORKG THROUGH MOST OF MY FEELGS ABOUT HIS HOMOSEXUALY. YET I STILL FELT THREATENED MYSELF. SOMETHG NAGGED EP SI THAT IF I THOUGHT OR TALKED ABOUT TOO MUCH, THIS GAYNS MIGHT SPREAD TO ME TOO, OR SRIER, EXPOSE SOMETHG ALREADY THERE. BUT IF I WANTED TO KEEP MY IEND, HOWEVER NERVO I WAS. I HAD TO FACE SUCH POSSIBILI.I AM LUCKY THAT I DID. LEARNG ABOUT THIS ISSUE CHANGED AND ENRICHED ME WAYS THAT I ULD NOT HAVE IMAGED. MY IEND, LIGHTED NOT ONLY THAT WE WERE AS CLOSE AS BEFORE, BUT THAT I WAS TERTED UNRSTANDG HOMOSEXUALY BETTER, TRODUCED ME TO HIS GAY IENDS. WH THIS NEW AWARENS, I DISVERED THAT SEVERAL HIGH SCHOOL IENDS WERE ALSO GAY AND HAD KNOWN ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL. THIS FLOOD OF NEW KNOWLEDGE STROYED MOST OF MY MISNCEPTNS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY. FEARS AND PREJUDIC, HOWEVER, TOOK LONGER; DISPELLG THEM REQUIR A URAGE AND EFFORT BEYOND SIMPLY ACQUIRG KNOWLEDGE. THIS WHOLE PROCS OF TN HAS LED ME TO THE FOLLOWG NCLNS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY.HOSTILY TO HOMOSEXUALY STEMS LARGELY OM SECURY AND IGNORANCE. LIKE ALL PREJUDICE, OURS AGAST GAYS IS NOT BASED ON RATNAL REASONG. I BELIEVE STEMS LARGELY OM SECURY, OM A EP FEAR THAT WE MAY BE OR BEE GAY OURSELV. FOR SOME, GREAT AFFECTN FOR A IEND OF THE SAME SEX MAY E THIS WORRY. FOR OTHERS, MAY BE LS NSC. BUT, SOCIAL ATTUS TOWARD HOMOSEXUALY MAGNIFY THIS WORRY TO A HORROR. SOME RPOND TO WH RISN OR HOSTILY TO GAYS, HOPG THIS WILL REAFFIRM THEIR HETEROSEXUALY. BUT MOST SIMPLY TRY TO CROWD ANY THOUGHT OF HOMOSEXUALY OUT OF THEIR HEADS. THAT CREAT ANOTHER SOURCE OF HOSTILY TO GAYS: IGNORANCE. SHUTTG HOMOSEXUALY OUT OF OUR WORLD FOSTERS THE SAME FEAR AND MISTST OF THE ALIEN THAT HAS ALWAYS LED PEOPLE TO HATE EACH OTHER. OUR PREJUDICE AGAST GAY PEOPLE WILL LGER AS LONG AS THEY ARE UNFAIAR. ONLY EE TERACTN WH THEM WILL SHOW THAT THEY ARE PEOPLE JT LIKE OURSELV.HOMOSEXUALY IS NOT NTAG. ASSOCIATG WH GAY PEOPLE WILL NOT MAKE YOU GAY; N ONLY BRG OUT HOMOSEXUAL TENNCI IF THEY ALREADY EXIST. FOR ME, LEARNG ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY STRENGTHENED RATHER THAN NFED MY SEXUAL INTY. BEE I UNRWENT SUCH AN TENSE EXAMATN OF THIS SUBJECT AND MY FEELGS ABOUT . I HAD LTLE DOUBT ONCE I HAD FISHED. HAD I BEEN GAY, SUCH HARD THKG WOULD ONLY HAVE HELPED ME UNRSTAND MYSELF. SO NTACT WH HOMOSEXUALY WILL NOT CHANGE OUR SEXUAL INTY, ONLY CLARIFY .HOMOSEXUALY IS A VALID FORM OF LOVE. WHAT STCK ME MOST LEARNG ABOUT HOMOSEXUAL RELATNSHIP IS THE AMAZG SIARY TO STRAIGHT ON THE FEELGS AND EMOTNS THEY VOLVE. WHOUT THE NAM AND PRONOUNS, A SCRIPTN OF A GAY AFFAIR IS LERALLY DISTGUISHABLE OM THAT OF A STRAIGHT ONE. ADVICE I MIGHT GIVE TO A GAY MAN ABOUT A ROMANCE IS EQUALLY APPLIBLE TO A STRAIGHT WOMAN. SEEG HOW NATURAL AND BETIFUL A GAY RELATNSHIP N BE HAS NVCED ME THAT IS NOT ANY WAY A PERVERSN, RPTN OR MISE OF SEXUALY. IT IS SIMPLY AN ALTERNATIVE. THERE IS A PACY TO LOVE ALL PEOPLE, AND A STANDARD LIMG SEXUAL NTACT TO OPPOSE SEX IS AT BT ARTIFICIAL, AT WORST VERY CEL TO THOSE WHO ARE NOT PART OF THE NORM THAT CREATED . ESPECIALLY THE PRSURED AND SOMETIM LONELY ATMOSPHERE OF LLEGE, ANY KD OF REAL AFFECTN IS VALUABLE. WE SHOULD RE MORE THAT EXISTS THAN BETWEEN WHOM.CRICS OF HOMOSEXUALY ADM MAY BE AS PERSONALLY FULFILLG AS HETEROSEXUALY. BUT THEY CLAIM IS SOCIALLY UNSIRABLE BEE THE GAY LIFTYLE PRECLUS THE JOY OF THE FAY AND UNRM A SOCIAL STCTURE BASED ON THE FAY UN. HOMOSEXUALY SHOULD TH BE DISURAGED LT ENTICE ANY HONT HETEROSEXUALS. THERE ARE TWO PROBLEMS WH THIS ARGUMENT. FIRST, IF FAY LIFE REALLY IS PREFERABLE, MOST PEOPLE WILL CHOOSE . OPPRSG SOMEONE TO AN UNWANTED LIFTYLE BEE HE WILL ENJOY MORE IS ILLOGIL. SEND, MANY OF TODAY'S HETEROSEXUAL UPL CI NOT TO HAVE FAI. ALTHOUGH THEY ARE AS GUILTY AS GAYS OF THREATENG THE FAY LIFTYLE, WE DO NOT PERSECUTE THEM.HOMOSEXUALY IS NOT A PHASE. MANY HETEROSEXUALS BELIEVE THAT GAY PEOPLE CHOOSE THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN OR ARE SIMPLY "GOG THROUGH A PHASE." THIS IS OFTEN ED TO JTIFY DISCRIMATN, HOPG WILL "BRG THEM AROUND" TO HETEROSEXUALY. IT WON'T. ALL THE GAY PEOPLE I HAVE QUTNED ON THIS KNEW THEY WERE GAY AT QUE A YOUNG AGE AND EXPECT ALWAYS TO REMA SO. THOUGH NONE N SAY IS BLOGILLY TERMED, THEY ALL REGARD THEIR HOMOSEXUALY AS MUCH MORE THAN A STATE OF MD. IT IS AN SENTIAL PART OF THEM. CLEARLY, PERSECUTG THEM WILL NOT DUCE THEM TO CHANGE, ONLY E THEM TO SUFFER.GAY PEOPLE DO NOT PLACE UNDO EMPHASIS ON SEX. HOMOSEXUALS ARE DIFFERENTIATED AS A GROUP BY THEIR SEXUAL HABS. UNFORTUNATELY, THIS FOSTERS THE IMPRSN THAT THEY ARE OVERSEXED OR SEXUALLY PERVERTED, SADO-MASOCHISTS, OR CHILD MOLTERS.THIS NOTN IS AS UNFOUND AS IS HARMFUL. GAY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FOUND STATISTILLY LS LIKELY TO MOLT CHILDREN THAN STRAIGHT PEOPLE, AND NO MORE VLENT OR UNBALANCED THAN ANYONE ELSE. NOR IS SEX THE FOC OF MOST GAYS' LIV. FOR THE ON I KNOW, HAS S PLACE AMONG AMICS, EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVI AND IENDSHIPS. ONCE WE INTIFY PEOPLE BY THEIR PERSONALI AND TERTS STEAD OF THEIR PRIVATE LIV, WE WILL PUT THIS ISSUE PROPER PERSPECTIVE.THE GAY STEREOTYPE IS DAMAGG. THE GREATT SHOCK TO MY NAIVETE ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY WAS FDG OUT HOW MON IS. STUDI TO TERME EXACTLY HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE GAY NSISTENTLY SETTLE AROUND 10 PER CENT OF THE POPULATN. THIS MEANS THERE ARE 20 TO 25 LN GAY AMERINS. THE 10-PER-CENT FIGURE AT FIRST SEEMED TO ME IMPOSSIBLE BEE SO FEW PEOPLE. I KNEW F THE IMAGE I HAD OF A GAY PERSON. I HAVE SCE REALIZED THAT THE VAST MAJORY OF GAY PEOPLE DO NOT F THIS IMAGE. THE ARE THE GAYS WE DO NOT PERCEIVE. THEY E OM ALL SECTORS OF SOCIETY AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHG MON SEXUAL PREFERENCE. ONLY A SMALL PERCENTAGE FEEL FORTABLE ENOUGH TO BE OPEN ABOUT THEIR HOMOSEXUALY. IT IS SENTIAL TO REALIZE HOW LARGE AND VAR A GROUP THE PEOPLE ARE, AND HOW MANY OF OUR IENDS ARE AMONG THEM. OTHERWISE WE WILL NOT UNRSTAND WHOM OUR PREJUDICE STRIK.ADVERTISEMENTTHE RELIG ARGUMENT AGAST HOMOSEXUALY IS HYPOCRIL. AMONG THE THOANDS OF L AND LAWS THE OLD TTAMENT IS FOUND, "THOU SHALT NOT LIE WH MANKD, AS WH WOMANKD: IS ABOMATN." (LEVIC 18:22). FOR SOME, THIS STATEMENT IS SUFFICIENT TO VOKE THE MORAL THORY OF GOD AGAST HOMOSEXUALY BUT THIS IS CLEARLY A SE OF SELECTIVE E OF HIS WORD. THE SAME BOOK OF THE BIBLE ALSO TEACH MEN NOT TO HARVT THE RNERS OF THEIR FIELDS AND NOT TO TOUCH A WOMAN FOR EIGHT DAYS AFTER SHE MENSTAT. YET WE NSIR THE LAWS "OUTDATED" AND IGNORE THEM--FOR GOOD REASON. RUL AGAST HOMOSEXUALY AND MASTURBATN ALSO PLAYED AN IMPORTANT ROLE PRERVG THE SPECI. BUT NOW THAT WE HAVE THE OPPOSE POPULATN PROBLEM, THE L SHOULD BE NSIRED AS OBSOLETE AS THE OTHERS.THE ISSUE OF BIRTH NTROL IS STCTIVE HERE. ITS PRACTICE IS ALSO FORBIDN BY A LERAL TERPRETATN OF THE BIBLE, YET WE DO NOT PERSECUTE THOSE WHO E . IN FACT, MANY ERS ARE THE SAME ON WHO NMN HOMOSEXUALY AS UNGODLY. THIS SELECTIVE PIETY IS THE BAST HYPOCRISY.GAYS ARE OPPRSED. THE EARLY LIFE OF EVERY GAY IS FILLED WH TNTS OF "FAG" AND "QUEER." THE TEACH HIM TO HATE WHAT HE IS. THEY MAKE ADMISSN OF HIS HOMOSEXUALY TO HIMSELF A CSHG BLOW. THE GAY WH ENOUGH URAGE TO STEP OUT OF HIS CLOSET IS ALSO OPPRSED. HE IS OSTRACIZED BY MANY OF HIS IENDS, OFTEN PLETELY REJECTED BY HIS IENDS, OFTEN PLETELY REJECTED BY HIS FAY, REGARD AS MISGUID OR MENTED BY THE RT OF SOCIETY, HARASSED, RIDICULED, AND SOMETIM EVEN PHYSILLY ATTACKED. EVEN IF A GAY IS ACCEPTED BY HIS FAY AND IENDS, HE STILL FAC VASTATG SOCIAL DISCRIMATN. HE N LEGALLY BE EXCLUD OM ANY KD OF EMPLOYMENT, PUBLIC OR PRIVATE, BARRED BY LABOR UNNS, NIED HOG, MORTGAGE, CRED SURANCE, EVEN PUBLIC ACODATNS. IN ALL 50 STAT HE IS EMED UNF TO TEACH SCHOOL. IN EACH SE, HE IS JUDGED AS A WORKER, TENANT OR CTOMER NOT BY HIS CRENTIALS FOR SUCH ACTIVI, BUT BY HOW HE NDUCTS HIS PRIVATE LIFE.THE SUATN AT HARVARD IS NO BETTER. THE MOTN PASSED CHUL THIS WEEK REMENDG AN OFFICIAL NON-DISCRIMATN CLSE UNIVERSY POLICY IS AN IMPORTANT STEP FORWARD. BUT WE STILL HAVE FAR TO GO. THE EPISO THIS FALL WHICH THE GAY STUNTS ASSOCIATN WAS NIED ACCS TO STUNT REGISTRATN PACKETS DRAMATIZED THE REALY OF STUTNAL DISCRIMATN.THE ADMISTRATN IS NOT THE ONLY PROBLEM. STUNTS CTOMARILY FACE AND RIP DOWN POSTERS FOR GAY AND LBIAN EVENTS. LAST SPRG THEY HURLED TNTS, SULTS AND EVEN FOOD AT OTHER STUNTS ANNOUNCG GLAD DAY THE DG HALLS. ONE STUNT WAS EVEN ATTACKED--FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN HIS HOMOSEXUALY--WHILE CLEANG UP AFTER A GAY/LBIAN DANCE LAST APRIL. IN A MUNY AS TED AS OURS IS, THIS KD OF ABE IS HARD TO UNRSTAND. FOR A LEADG UNIVERSY THE UNED STAT AND THE WORLD, IS UNACCEPTABLE. IT IS TIME FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE TO REALIZE THAT WE MT CHANGE. IT IS WE WHO E THE SUFFERG OF GAY PEOPLE. OUR ATTUS E GUILT, SHAME, AND LONELS, AND OUR ACTNS E FEAR AND ALIENATN. AS THE MAJORY, WE N CHANGE THE SUATN. PUBLICLY, WE MT SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS. PRIVATELY, WE MT REALIZE THAT WE KNOW GAY PEOPLE. REVISG OUR ATTUS, EVEN SUCH SMALL WAYS AS HOW WE REFER TO GAYS, WILL MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELV AND ABOUT . AS SUCH CHANGE OCCURS, NOT ONLY WILL THE GAY PEOPLE OUR MIDST BEE UNBURNED, BUT THE RT OF WILL EELY ENJOY THE ENERGY AND TALENTS OF A TREMENDO GROUP OF PEOPLE.NATHAN S. SZANTON '83 LIV SOUTH {FONT-SIZE:16.5PX;LE-HEIGHT:26PX;BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;MAX-WIDTH:600PX;PADDG:0PX 20PX;MARG:0PX TO;MARG:1EM TO;} A{LOR:#7B1B18;}WANT TO KEEP UP WH BREAKG NEWS? 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UNIVERSY DAILY, EST. {HEIGHT:-WEBK-M-NTENT;HEIGHT:-MOZ-M-NTENT;HEIGHT:M-NTENT;-WEBK-BOX-FLEX:1;-WEBK-FLEX-GROW:1;-MS-FLEX-POSIVE:1;FLEX-GROW:1;-WEBK-FLEX-BASIS:150PX;-MS-FLEX-PREFERRED-SIZE:150PX;FLEX-BASIS:150PX;MARG-BOTTOM:50PX;} H1{FONT-FAY:LATO;FONT-STYLE:NORMAL;FONT-WEIGHT:800;FONT-SIZE:13PX;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;LE-HEIGHT:0.95EM;MARG:0;PADDG-LEFT:16PX;PADDG-BOTTOM:5PX;PADDG-TOP:4PX;} UL{LIST-STYLE:NONE;PADDG:0;MARG:0;FONT-WEIGHT:300;} UL A{FONT-FAY:LATO;FONT-STYLE:NORMAL;FONT-WEIGHT:300;FONT-SIZE:14PX;LE-HEIGHT:20PX;} UL LI{PADDG:3PX 0;PADDG-LEFT:16PX;}@MEDIA (MAX-WIDTH:600PX){{TEXT-ALIGN:LEFT;-WEBK-FLEX-BASIS:0PX;-MS-FLEX-PREFERRED-SIZE:0PX;FLEX-BASIS:0PX;BORR-BOTTOM:1PX SOLID WHE;PADDG-TOP:15PX;PADDG-BOTTOM:15PX;MARG-BOTTOM:10PX;} H1{PADDG-LEFT:0;FONT-SIZE:15PX;CURSOR:POTER;} UL LI{PADDG-LEFT:0;}(:FIRST-OF-TYPE){BORR-LEFT:NONE;} {MAX-HEIGHT:0;OVERFLOW:HIDN;-WEBK-TRANSN:MAX-HEIGHT 0.2S EASE-OUT;TRANSN:MAX-HEIGHT 0.2S EASE-OUT;}}SECTNS
• HOW TO DISCREETLY FD OUT IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR IEND REVEALS HE'S GAY
• IS MY BT IEND TRYG TO TELL ME HE'S GAY/BI?
• 23 UNSEEN SIGNS YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY FOR HIS BT FRIEND
• IN LOVE WH MY BT IEND, BUT HE'S GAY
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY
• MY FRIEND CLAIMS SHE’S GAY — WHAT DO I SAY?

HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY

You may already know that your iend is gay, however, 's important to let them actually say to you. " If you want to talk about your iend to a parent or guardian, try askg "Would you be okay wh me mentng that you're gay to my parents if me up, or would you prefer that I keep quiet?

WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND TELLS YOU HE'S {FONT-SIZE:20PX;LOR:#999;FONT-STYLE:ALIC;MARG:0PX;MARG-TOP:10PX;}THE EDUTN OF A STRAIGHT {GRID-ROW-START:2;GRID-LUMN-START:2;GRID-LUMN-END:3;}@MEDIA (MAX-WIDTH:950PX){{GRID-LUMN-START:1;GRID-LUMN-END:2;}}{BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;MAX-WIDTH:600PX;PADDG:0PX 20PX;MARG:0PX TO;FONT-FAY:'COLABORATE LIGHT','LUCIDA SANS UNI',SANS-SERIF;MARG-BOTTOM:5PX;} A{LOR:#7B1B18;} IMG{PADDG-RIGHT:7PX;}BY {LOR:#BA0600;}NATHAN S. {BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;MAX-WIDTH:600PX;PADDG:0PX 20PX;MARG:0PX TO;}{DISPLAY:NONE;}@MEDIA (MAX-WIDTH:950PX){{BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;MAX-WIDTH:600PX;PADDG:0PX 20PX;MARG:0PX TO;DISPLAY:BLOCK;PADDG-TOP:20PX;PADDG-BOTTOM:20PX;MARG-TOP:20PX;BORR-TOP:1PX SOLID #EBEBEB;BORR-BOTTOM:1PX SOLID #EBEBEB;}}{DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;-WEBK-FLEX-DIRECTN:LUMN;-MS-FLEX-DIRECTN:LUMN;FLEX-DIRECTN:LUMN;WIDTH:TO;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;POSN:-WEBK-STICKY;POSN:STICKY;TOP:70PX;-WEBK-FLEX-DIRECTN:ROW;-MS-FLEX-DIRECTN:ROW;FLEX-DIRECTN:ROW;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;POSN:UNSET;} {DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG:0PX;} > SPAN{WIDTH:35PX !IMPORTANT;HEIGHT:35PX !IMPORTANT;TEXT-ALIGN:CENTER;BORR-RADI:50%;} SVG{WIDTH:25PX !IMPORTANT;HEIGHT:35PX !IMPORTANT;} .ADDTHIS_BUTTON_EMAIL > SPAN, .ADDTHIS_BUTTON_PRT > SPAN, .ADDTHIS_BUTTON_LK > SPAN{BACKGROUND-LOR:#EBEBEB !IMPORTANT;} .ADDTHIS_UNTER .ADDTHIS_BUTTON_EXPAND{WIDTH:35PX;HEIGHT:35PX;MARG:0PX;PADDG:0PX;BACKGROUND:NONE;TEXT-ALIGN:CENTER;BORR:1PX SOLID #EBEBEB;BORR-RADI:50%;LOR:#EBEBEB !IMPORTANT;} .ADDTHIS_BUTTON_PACT{DISPLAY:NONE !IMPORTANT;} {MARG:0PX 5PX;}{POSN:RELATIVE;WIDTH:100%;} P{MAX-WIDTH:600PX;MARG:0PX TO;PADDG:0PX 20PX;BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;FONT:17PX/25PX GEIA,SERIF;MARG-TOP:1EM;MARG-BOTTOM:1EM;} OL{MAX-WIDTH:600PX;MARG:0PX TO;PADDG:0PX 20PX;BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;FONT:17PX/25PX GEIA,SERIF;PADDG-LEFT:80PX;} P A, OL A, P A:VISED, OL A:VISED{LOR:#BA0600;-WEBK-TRANSN:0.3S ALL;TRANSN:0.3S ALL;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} P A:HOVER, OL A:HOVER{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} H1, H2, H3, H4, H5, H6{MAX-WIDTH:600PX;MARG:0PX TO;PADDG:0PX 20PX;BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;MARG-TOP:1EM;MARG-BOTTOM:1EM;LOR:#7B1B18;}GAY PEOPLE ARE ENGAGED AN ONGOG STGGLE TO HAVE THEIR RIGHTS REGNIZED AND RPECTED. AS A STRAIGHT PERSON TALKG PRIMARILY TO OTHER STRAIGHTS. I HOPE TO SUPPORT ALL WHO ARE OPPRSED BEE OF THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN. THE FOC ON GAY MEN AS OPPOSED TO LBIANS IS ONLY A REFLECTN OF MY PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE.A YEAR AGO, NO ONE I KNEW WAS OPENLY GAY. MY NTACT WH HOMOSEXUALY UNTIL THEN WAS PROBABLY QUE STANDARD. WHEN I WAS SEVEN, MY MOTHER TALKED TO ME ABOUT PEOPLE LLED "FAIRI." SHE WARNED ME TO WATCH OUT FOR THEM, EXPLAG THAT THEIR EXISTENCE WAS A PY FOR THEM AND A NUISANCE FOR THE RT OF . FROM THEN ON, THE ISSUE WAS ABSENT OM NVERSATN AT HOME, EXCEPT WHEN SOMETHG ABOUT ANA BRYANT ME ON THE NEWS. WE ALL REGARD ANA AS SOMEWHAT OFF THE WALL, BUT NOT OUT OF ANY EPLY FELT VIEWS ON HOMOSEXUALY. AT SCHOOL, THE WORDS "GAY" AND "FAG" WERE ED ONLY AS SULTS TO STUNTS SO AWKWARD OR UNPOPULAR THAT THE TERM "WIMP" WOULD NOT DO. HOMOSEXUALY WAS SPOTLIGHTED ONLY ONCE: WHEN THE WOMEN'S STUDI CLASS VED A LBIAN TO SPEAK AND HALF THE PARENTS LLED UP TO PLA.THE FLUENC HELPED TO SHAPE MY VIEW OF HOMOSEXUALY. LIKE THE RT OF SOCIETY, I VIEWED THEM AS UNNATURAL AND DISGTG. I SAW HOMOSEXUALY AS RPTN OF "REAL" SEXUALY, AN UNFORTUNATE ELEMENT TO BE RTRICTED OR SUPRSED WHERE POSSIBLE. AND SPE THE STANDARD JOK, EP DOWN HOMOSEXUALY MA ME VERY UNFORTABLE.* * *ONE MORNG LAST SPRG, A POSTER ON MY DOOR SAID "DO YOU KNOW THAT SOMEONE YOU RE ABOUT IS GAY?" AS I WALKED TO BREAKFAST, I RAN MY MD OVER PEOPLE I RED ABOUT. CONCLUDG POSIVELY THAT NOT ONE WAS GAY. I DISMISSED THE SIGN AS PROPAGANDA FOR THE G GAY/LBIAN AWARENS DAY (GLAD).THAT NIGHT, ONE OF MY CLOST IENDS SAT ME DOWN TO TALK. THIS SELF WAS STRANGE, BEE WE UALLY TALKED QUE NATURALLY ON ANY SUBJECT. THE SUATN BEME MORE PECULIAR AS I WATCHED HIM. I HAD NEVER SEEN HIM SO NERVO. HE ULDN'T STICK TO ONE TOPIC OF NVERSATN. FALLY, AFTER A VERY LONG AND PAED TRODUCTN, HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY. HE HAD KNOWN THIS THROUGHOUT OUR IENDSHIP.I DID MY BT TO SEEM LLECTED, BUT SI I WAS A MASS OF SHOCK AND NFN. I TRIED TO APPEAR OL AND THEN TOOK THE FIRST OPPORTUNY TO LEAVE I NEED TIME TO THK ABOUT THIS ALONE. AS I SAT ON A BENCH AND TRIED TO RELAX, I BEGAN TO THK HERENTLY: "THIS IS AN ENORMO THG; HOW ULD I NOT HAVE KNOWN ?" "WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME BEFORE?" "HOW MUCH DO THIS AFFECT HIS THOUGHTS AND ACTNS?" "HOW DO THIS MEAN HE SE ME?" "I FD HOMOSEXUALY REPULSIVE; HOW N A CLOSE IEND BE HOMOSEXUAL?" "I KNOW WHAT GAYS ARE LIKE: HOW N HE BE ONE?"MY IEND'S FACE SUDNLY ME TO FOC. I ULD STILL SEE HIM RIGHT ONT OF RACE. I ULD SEE HIM QUIVER AS HE BRACED FOR ME TO REACT. THERE WAS MY OWN IEND, WAG FOR ME TO REJECT HIM. REJECT... THIS MA ME THK OF OUR IENDSHIP. I REMEMBERED TIM WE HAD SPENT TOGETHER; TAST WE HAD SHARED, NEEDS WE HAD FILLED FOR EACH OTHER. AND HE HAD BEEN GAY ALL THE WHILE... BUT HADN'T THE TIM BEEN JT AS GOOD? IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG TO REALIZE THEY HAD. AND ULDN'T THEY BE EQUALLY GOOD THE FUTURE? WHY NOT? THE ONLY DIFFERENCE NOW WAS THAT I KNEW SOMETHG THAT HAD ALWAYS BEEN TE.MY THOUGHTS TURNED TO HIS POT OF VIEW. I GRIMACED, REMEMBERG TIM THAT HOMOSEXUALY HAD E UP NVERSATN. WHAT AN ACTOR HE HAD BEEN! HE HAD LGHED AT THE SAME JOK AND PROFSED THE SAME ATTUS AS I HAD. IN GROUPS OF GUYS HE HAD RATED THE GIRLS ALONG WH EVERYONE ELSE.I REALIZED HOW ALONE HE OFTEN MT FEEL. UNABLE TO BE HIS TE SELF, ED NDNED TO HATE THAT TE SELF, HE HAS TO AL NSTANTLY PRETENS. SUDNLY, I WANTED TO TALK TO {DISPLAY:BLOCK;MARG:0PX TO;WIDTH:100%;MAX-WIDTH:100%;BACKGROUND:TRANSPARENT;PADDG:10PX 0PX;} {FONT-FAY:'COLABORATE LIGHT','LUCIDA SANS UNI',SANS-SERIF;LOR:#333333;TEXT-ALIGN:CENTER;FONT-SIZE:0.7EM;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;DISPLAY:BLOCK;} {WIDTH:-WEBK-F-NTENT;WIDTH:-MOZ-F-NTENT;WIDTH:F-NTENT;MARG:0PX TO;TEXT-ALIGN:CENTER;}ADVERTISEMENTWHEN I WENT TO SEE HIM THAT NIGHT, I KNEW THE ISSUE WOULD AFFECT ME OM THEN ON. I HAD TAKEN A STRONG FIRST STEP BY WORKG THROUGH MOST OF MY FEELGS ABOUT HIS HOMOSEXUALY. YET I STILL FELT THREATENED MYSELF. SOMETHG NAGGED EP SI THAT IF I THOUGHT OR TALKED ABOUT TOO MUCH, THIS GAYNS MIGHT SPREAD TO ME TOO, OR SRIER, EXPOSE SOMETHG ALREADY THERE. BUT IF I WANTED TO KEEP MY IEND, HOWEVER NERVO I WAS. I HAD TO FACE SUCH POSSIBILI.I AM LUCKY THAT I DID. LEARNG ABOUT THIS ISSUE CHANGED AND ENRICHED ME WAYS THAT I ULD NOT HAVE IMAGED. MY IEND, LIGHTED NOT ONLY THAT WE WERE AS CLOSE AS BEFORE, BUT THAT I WAS TERTED UNRSTANDG HOMOSEXUALY BETTER, TRODUCED ME TO HIS GAY IENDS. WH THIS NEW AWARENS, I DISVERED THAT SEVERAL HIGH SCHOOL IENDS WERE ALSO GAY AND HAD KNOWN ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL. THIS FLOOD OF NEW KNOWLEDGE STROYED MOST OF MY MISNCEPTNS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY. FEARS AND PREJUDIC, HOWEVER, TOOK LONGER; DISPELLG THEM REQUIR A URAGE AND EFFORT BEYOND SIMPLY ACQUIRG KNOWLEDGE. THIS WHOLE PROCS OF TN HAS LED ME TO THE FOLLOWG NCLNS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY.HOSTILY TO HOMOSEXUALY STEMS LARGELY OM SECURY AND IGNORANCE. LIKE ALL PREJUDICE, OURS AGAST GAYS IS NOT BASED ON RATNAL REASONG. I BELIEVE STEMS LARGELY OM SECURY, OM A EP FEAR THAT WE MAY BE OR BEE GAY OURSELV. FOR SOME, GREAT AFFECTN FOR A IEND OF THE SAME SEX MAY E THIS WORRY. FOR OTHERS, MAY BE LS NSC. BUT, SOCIAL ATTUS TOWARD HOMOSEXUALY MAGNIFY THIS WORRY TO A HORROR. SOME RPOND TO WH RISN OR HOSTILY TO GAYS, HOPG THIS WILL REAFFIRM THEIR HETEROSEXUALY. BUT MOST SIMPLY TRY TO CROWD ANY THOUGHT OF HOMOSEXUALY OUT OF THEIR HEADS. THAT CREAT ANOTHER SOURCE OF HOSTILY TO GAYS: IGNORANCE. SHUTTG HOMOSEXUALY OUT OF OUR WORLD FOSTERS THE SAME FEAR AND MISTST OF THE ALIEN THAT HAS ALWAYS LED PEOPLE TO HATE EACH OTHER. OUR PREJUDICE AGAST GAY PEOPLE WILL LGER AS LONG AS THEY ARE UNFAIAR. ONLY EE TERACTN WH THEM WILL SHOW THAT THEY ARE PEOPLE JT LIKE OURSELV.HOMOSEXUALY IS NOT NTAG. ASSOCIATG WH GAY PEOPLE WILL NOT MAKE YOU GAY; N ONLY BRG OUT HOMOSEXUAL TENNCI IF THEY ALREADY EXIST. FOR ME, LEARNG ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY STRENGTHENED RATHER THAN NFED MY SEXUAL INTY. BEE I UNRWENT SUCH AN TENSE EXAMATN OF THIS SUBJECT AND MY FEELGS ABOUT . I HAD LTLE DOUBT ONCE I HAD FISHED. HAD I BEEN GAY, SUCH HARD THKG WOULD ONLY HAVE HELPED ME UNRSTAND MYSELF. SO NTACT WH HOMOSEXUALY WILL NOT CHANGE OUR SEXUAL INTY, ONLY CLARIFY .HOMOSEXUALY IS A VALID FORM OF LOVE. WHAT STCK ME MOST LEARNG ABOUT HOMOSEXUAL RELATNSHIP IS THE AMAZG SIARY TO STRAIGHT ON THE FEELGS AND EMOTNS THEY VOLVE. WHOUT THE NAM AND PRONOUNS, A SCRIPTN OF A GAY AFFAIR IS LERALLY DISTGUISHABLE OM THAT OF A STRAIGHT ONE. ADVICE I MIGHT GIVE TO A GAY MAN ABOUT A ROMANCE IS EQUALLY APPLIBLE TO A STRAIGHT WOMAN. SEEG HOW NATURAL AND BETIFUL A GAY RELATNSHIP N BE HAS NVCED ME THAT IS NOT ANY WAY A PERVERSN, RPTN OR MISE OF SEXUALY. IT IS SIMPLY AN ALTERNATIVE. THERE IS A PACY TO LOVE ALL PEOPLE, AND A STANDARD LIMG SEXUAL NTACT TO OPPOSE SEX IS AT BT ARTIFICIAL, AT WORST VERY CEL TO THOSE WHO ARE NOT PART OF THE NORM THAT CREATED . ESPECIALLY THE PRSURED AND SOMETIM LONELY ATMOSPHERE OF LLEGE, ANY KD OF REAL AFFECTN IS VALUABLE. WE SHOULD RE MORE THAT EXISTS THAN BETWEEN WHOM.CRICS OF HOMOSEXUALY ADM MAY BE AS PERSONALLY FULFILLG AS HETEROSEXUALY. BUT THEY CLAIM IS SOCIALLY UNSIRABLE BEE THE GAY LIFTYLE PRECLUS THE JOY OF THE FAY AND UNRM A SOCIAL STCTURE BASED ON THE FAY UN. HOMOSEXUALY SHOULD TH BE DISURAGED LT ENTICE ANY HONT HETEROSEXUALS. THERE ARE TWO PROBLEMS WH THIS ARGUMENT. FIRST, IF FAY LIFE REALLY IS PREFERABLE, MOST PEOPLE WILL CHOOSE . OPPRSG SOMEONE TO AN UNWANTED LIFTYLE BEE HE WILL ENJOY MORE IS ILLOGIL. SEND, MANY OF TODAY'S HETEROSEXUAL UPL CI NOT TO HAVE FAI. ALTHOUGH THEY ARE AS GUILTY AS GAYS OF THREATENG THE FAY LIFTYLE, WE DO NOT PERSECUTE THEM.HOMOSEXUALY IS NOT A PHASE. MANY HETEROSEXUALS BELIEVE THAT GAY PEOPLE CHOOSE THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN OR ARE SIMPLY "GOG THROUGH A PHASE." THIS IS OFTEN ED TO JTIFY DISCRIMATN, HOPG WILL "BRG THEM AROUND" TO HETEROSEXUALY. IT WON'T. ALL THE GAY PEOPLE I HAVE QUTNED ON THIS KNEW THEY WERE GAY AT QUE A YOUNG AGE AND EXPECT ALWAYS TO REMA SO. THOUGH NONE N SAY IS BLOGILLY TERMED, THEY ALL REGARD THEIR HOMOSEXUALY AS MUCH MORE THAN A STATE OF MD. IT IS AN SENTIAL PART OF THEM. CLEARLY, PERSECUTG THEM WILL NOT DUCE THEM TO CHANGE, ONLY E THEM TO SUFFER.GAY PEOPLE DO NOT PLACE UNDO EMPHASIS ON SEX. HOMOSEXUALS ARE DIFFERENTIATED AS A GROUP BY THEIR SEXUAL HABS. UNFORTUNATELY, THIS FOSTERS THE IMPRSN THAT THEY ARE OVERSEXED OR SEXUALLY PERVERTED, SADO-MASOCHISTS, OR CHILD MOLTERS.THIS NOTN IS AS UNFOUND AS IS HARMFUL. GAY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FOUND STATISTILLY LS LIKELY TO MOLT CHILDREN THAN STRAIGHT PEOPLE, AND NO MORE VLENT OR UNBALANCED THAN ANYONE ELSE. NOR IS SEX THE FOC OF MOST GAYS' LIV. FOR THE ON I KNOW, HAS S PLACE AMONG AMICS, EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVI AND IENDSHIPS. ONCE WE INTIFY PEOPLE BY THEIR PERSONALI AND TERTS STEAD OF THEIR PRIVATE LIV, WE WILL PUT THIS ISSUE PROPER PERSPECTIVE.THE GAY STEREOTYPE IS DAMAGG. THE GREATT SHOCK TO MY NAIVETE ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY WAS FDG OUT HOW MON IS. STUDI TO TERME EXACTLY HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE GAY NSISTENTLY SETTLE AROUND 10 PER CENT OF THE POPULATN. THIS MEANS THERE ARE 20 TO 25 LN GAY AMERINS. THE 10-PER-CENT FIGURE AT FIRST SEEMED TO ME IMPOSSIBLE BEE SO FEW PEOPLE. I KNEW F THE IMAGE I HAD OF A GAY PERSON. I HAVE SCE REALIZED THAT THE VAST MAJORY OF GAY PEOPLE DO NOT F THIS IMAGE. THE ARE THE GAYS WE DO NOT PERCEIVE. THEY E OM ALL SECTORS OF SOCIETY AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHG MON SEXUAL PREFERENCE. ONLY A SMALL PERCENTAGE FEEL FORTABLE ENOUGH TO BE OPEN ABOUT THEIR HOMOSEXUALY. IT IS SENTIAL TO REALIZE HOW LARGE AND VAR A GROUP THE PEOPLE ARE, AND HOW MANY OF OUR IENDS ARE AMONG THEM. OTHERWISE WE WILL NOT UNRSTAND WHOM OUR PREJUDICE STRIK.ADVERTISEMENTTHE RELIG ARGUMENT AGAST HOMOSEXUALY IS HYPOCRIL. AMONG THE THOANDS OF L AND LAWS THE OLD TTAMENT IS FOUND, "THOU SHALT NOT LIE WH MANKD, AS WH WOMANKD: IS ABOMATN." (LEVIC 18:22). FOR SOME, THIS STATEMENT IS SUFFICIENT TO VOKE THE MORAL THORY OF GOD AGAST HOMOSEXUALY BUT THIS IS CLEARLY A SE OF SELECTIVE E OF HIS WORD. THE SAME BOOK OF THE BIBLE ALSO TEACH MEN NOT TO HARVT THE RNERS OF THEIR FIELDS AND NOT TO TOUCH A WOMAN FOR EIGHT DAYS AFTER SHE MENSTAT. YET WE NSIR THE LAWS "OUTDATED" AND IGNORE THEM--FOR GOOD REASON. RUL AGAST HOMOSEXUALY AND MASTURBATN ALSO PLAYED AN IMPORTANT ROLE PRERVG THE SPECI. BUT NOW THAT WE HAVE THE OPPOSE POPULATN PROBLEM, THE L SHOULD BE NSIRED AS OBSOLETE AS THE OTHERS.THE ISSUE OF BIRTH NTROL IS STCTIVE HERE. ITS PRACTICE IS ALSO FORBIDN BY A LERAL TERPRETATN OF THE BIBLE, YET WE DO NOT PERSECUTE THOSE WHO E . IN FACT, MANY ERS ARE THE SAME ON WHO NMN HOMOSEXUALY AS UNGODLY. THIS SELECTIVE PIETY IS THE BAST HYPOCRISY.GAYS ARE OPPRSED. THE EARLY LIFE OF EVERY GAY IS FILLED WH TNTS OF "FAG" AND "QUEER." THE TEACH HIM TO HATE WHAT HE IS. THEY MAKE ADMISSN OF HIS HOMOSEXUALY TO HIMSELF A CSHG BLOW. THE GAY WH ENOUGH URAGE TO STEP OUT OF HIS CLOSET IS ALSO OPPRSED. HE IS OSTRACIZED BY MANY OF HIS IENDS, OFTEN PLETELY REJECTED BY HIS IENDS, OFTEN PLETELY REJECTED BY HIS FAY, REGARD AS MISGUID OR MENTED BY THE RT OF SOCIETY, HARASSED, RIDICULED, AND SOMETIM EVEN PHYSILLY ATTACKED. EVEN IF A GAY IS ACCEPTED BY HIS FAY AND IENDS, HE STILL FAC VASTATG SOCIAL DISCRIMATN. HE N LEGALLY BE EXCLUD OM ANY KD OF EMPLOYMENT, PUBLIC OR PRIVATE, BARRED BY LABOR UNNS, NIED HOG, MORTGAGE, CRED SURANCE, EVEN PUBLIC ACODATNS. IN ALL 50 STAT HE IS EMED UNF TO TEACH SCHOOL. IN EACH SE, HE IS JUDGED AS A WORKER, TENANT OR CTOMER NOT BY HIS CRENTIALS FOR SUCH ACTIVI, BUT BY HOW HE NDUCTS HIS PRIVATE LIFE.THE SUATN AT HARVARD IS NO BETTER. THE MOTN PASSED CHUL THIS WEEK REMENDG AN OFFICIAL NON-DISCRIMATN CLSE UNIVERSY POLICY IS AN IMPORTANT STEP FORWARD. BUT WE STILL HAVE FAR TO GO. THE EPISO THIS FALL WHICH THE GAY STUNTS ASSOCIATN WAS NIED ACCS TO STUNT REGISTRATN PACKETS DRAMATIZED THE REALY OF STUTNAL DISCRIMATN.THE ADMISTRATN IS NOT THE ONLY PROBLEM. STUNTS CTOMARILY FACE AND RIP DOWN POSTERS FOR GAY AND LBIAN EVENTS. LAST SPRG THEY HURLED TNTS, SULTS AND EVEN FOOD AT OTHER STUNTS ANNOUNCG GLAD DAY THE DG HALLS. ONE STUNT WAS EVEN ATTACKED--FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN HIS HOMOSEXUALY--WHILE CLEANG UP AFTER A GAY/LBIAN DANCE LAST APRIL. IN A MUNY AS TED AS OURS IS, THIS KD OF ABE IS HARD TO UNRSTAND. FOR A LEADG UNIVERSY THE UNED STAT AND THE WORLD, IS UNACCEPTABLE. IT IS TIME FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE TO REALIZE THAT WE MT CHANGE. IT IS WE WHO E THE SUFFERG OF GAY PEOPLE. OUR ATTUS E GUILT, SHAME, AND LONELS, AND OUR ACTNS E FEAR AND ALIENATN. AS THE MAJORY, WE N CHANGE THE SUATN. PUBLICLY, WE MT SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS. PRIVATELY, WE MT REALIZE THAT WE KNOW GAY PEOPLE. REVISG OUR ATTUS, EVEN SUCH SMALL WAYS AS HOW WE REFER TO GAYS, WILL MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELV AND ABOUT . AS SUCH CHANGE OCCURS, NOT ONLY WILL THE GAY PEOPLE OUR MIDST BEE UNBURNED, BUT THE RT OF WILL EELY ENJOY THE ENERGY AND TALENTS OF A TREMENDO GROUP OF PEOPLE.NATHAN S. SZANTON '83 LIV SOUTH {FONT-SIZE:16.5PX;LE-HEIGHT:26PX;BOX-SIZG:NTENT-BOX;MAX-WIDTH:600PX;PADDG:0PX 20PX;MARG:0PX TO;MARG:1EM TO;} A{LOR:#7B1B18;}WANT TO KEEP UP WH BREAKG NEWS? 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How do you know if you’re gay? Remember, beg gay don't change your iend's personaly.

Do beg gay nflict wh your relig beliefs? If you then don't have the nvictn that beg gay is natural and good, you may want to rensir the iendship. Maybe you're over the moon and you'll not only march gay pri paras, but you want to anise some right now!

Acceptance n make a huge different the liv of LGBTQIA (Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgenr, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual) people.

HOW TO DISCREETLY FD OUT IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS GAY

Your gay iend will need all the support he or she n get.

Article SummaryXIt might e as a b of a shock to fd out your bt iend is gay, but by supportg them and givg yourself time to get ed to , your iendship n be jt like was. It probably took a lot of urage for your iend to e out as gay, so tell them that you accept them for who they are to be a good iend.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

You should also avoid tellg anyone else that your iend is gay, sce should be their cisn who knows. My bt iend jt me out and told me that he is gay and has extreme feelgs for me.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR IEND REVEALS HE'S GAY

" whout any se or clue that he was takg the piss so I asked him if he was gay for me, and he said "yeah. I've had girliends the past and I thk he knows that I'm very straight (In a nversatn later that night he shyly said that he thought I was gay bee I watch "My Ltle Pony". He's a really, really good iend and I don't want to lose him and he said that he took such a long time to tell me bee he wasn't sure how I would react and thought I would go over the top and like cut all ti (he said he was rearchg on the ter how to tell someone you're gay and all the s said for him to be wary of that but I would never do that to this guy).

I'm very acceptant of gays the past and I don't have a nsc homophobic thought before. He's such a great mate and I'm not gay but I jt want thgs to return to how they were before. Gay people are engaged an ongog stggle to have their rights regnized and rpected.

IS MY BT IEND TRYG TO TELL ME HE'S GAY/BI?

The foc on gay men as opposed to lbians is only a reflectn of my personal knowledge.

A year ago, no one I knew was openly gay. My ntact wh homosexualy until then was probably que standard. We all regard Ana as somewhat off the wall, but not out of any eply felt views on homosexualy.

23 UNSEEN SIGNS YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY FOR HIS BT FRIEND

At school, the words "gay" and "fag" were ed only as sults to stunts so awkward or unpopular that the term "wimp" would not do. Homosexualy was spotlighted only once: when the women's studi class ved a lbian to speak and half the parents lled up to fluenc helped to shape my view of homosexualy.

I saw homosexualy as rptn of "real" sexualy, an unfortunate element to be rtricted or suprsed where possible. And spe the standard jok, ep down homosexualy ma me very unfortable. * * *One morng last sprg, a poster on my door said "Do you know that someone you re about is gay?

Concludg posively that not one was gay. I dismissed the sign as propaganda for the g Gay/Lbian Awarens Day (GLAD) night, one of my clost iends sat me down to talk.

IN LOVE WH MY BT IEND, BUT HE'S GAY

Fally, after a very long and paed troductn, he told me he was gay.

" "I fd homosexualy repulsive; how n a close iend be homosexual? " "I know what gays are like: how n he be one?

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

And he had been gay all the while... I grimaced, rememberg tim that homosexualy had e up nversatn. I had taken a strong first step by workg through most of my feelgs about his homosexualy.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY

Somethg nagged ep si that if I thought or talked about too much, this gayns might spread to me too, or srier, expose somethg already there.

My iend, lighted not only that we were as close as before, but that I was terted unrstandg homosexualy better, troduced me to his gay iends. Wh this new awarens, I disvered that several high school iends were also gay and had known all through high school. This flood of new knowledge stroyed most of my misnceptns about homosexualy.

This whole procs of tn has led me to the followg nclns about homosexualy. Hostily to homosexualy stems largely om secury and ignorance.

MY FRIEND CLAIMS SHE’S GAY — WHAT DO I SAY?

Like all prejudice, ours agast gays is not based on ratnal reasong.

I believe stems largely om secury, om a ep fear that we may be or bee gay ourselv.