India's First Openly Gay Prce Turned His Palace Into a Safe Haven for the LGBTQ+ Communy

Contents:

• WHAT MEANS TO BE GAY RAL INDIA
• LGBT INDIA: WHAT 'S LIKE SIX MONTHS AFTER GAY SEX WAS CRIMALISED
• WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A GAY COUPLE IN INDIA
• WHAT IS LIKE TO BE GAY INDIA.DHVAM SHARMA·FOLLOW5 M READ·MAR 6, 2021--3LISTENSHARESOURCE — HOW LGBT LERATURE INDIA HAS FARED SCE HOMOSEXUALY BEME LAWFULLOVE IS NOT GENRLS. AFFECTN IS NOT GENRLS. MARRIAGE IS NOT GENRLS AND SURELY, SEX IS NOT GENRLS. ALL OF THEM ARE TO BE EQUATED BETWEEN A BLOGIL MAN AND A BLOGIL WOMAN. THEY DO NOT FALL UNR THE “INDIAN FAY UN CONCEPT”. THIS WAS THE STATEMENT BY THE INDIAN GOVERNMENT ON PLEAS REQUTG EQUALY MARRIAG. AND THIS WAS THE YEAR 2021.WHILE THERE HAVE BEEN MANY CHANG AND ADVANCEMENTS REGARDS TO THE ACCEPTANCE OF S OWN PEOPLE INDIA, THE UNTRY AND THE GOVERNMENT IS STILL NOT READY TO FULLY ACCEPT THAT PEOPLE N BE DIFFERENT. THAT THE MOULD N BE DIFFERENT. THAT PEOPLE N ACTUALLY LOVE SOMEONE OTHER THAN WHAT THEY FEEL IS THE “RRECT WAY TO LOVE”.INDIAN GOVERNMENT, WHEN FORMED AFTER INPENNCE, 1950 UPHELD MANY OF THE L OM UNR BRISH IMPERIALISM. HOMOSEXUALY HAS BEEN PREVALENT THROUGHOUT THE HISTORY OF INDIA AND THERE HAVE BEEN MANY TEXTS SUPPORTG . EVEN THEN, INDIA UPHELD THE CRIMALIZATN OF HOMOSEXUALY.THE ISSUE OF NOT ACCEPTG HOMOSEXUALY AS A NCEPTWHILE A SMALL PART HAS PROGRSED A LOT TERMS OF ACCEPTANCE, MANY ARE STILL THE STONE AGE. THERE ARE PROBABLY 3 ISSU THAT THIS WHOLE SUATN N BE CIRCLED TO, WHICH ARE:SEX IS A TABOOLACK OF TRODUCTN OF HOMOSEXUALY SCHOOL TEXTBOOKSLACK OF EMPATHY FAITHE ARE THE GREDIENTS OF A REPRSIVE CULTURE MAKG.THE HARSH TTHBEG GAY INDIA IS SUPPRSN OF ONE'S OWN FEELGS, SIR AND TE SELF. FOR PEOPLE WHO NNOT RELATE, FOR MY IENDS AND RELATIV, THK OF LIKE YOU ARE BEG TOLD TO SIRE A PARTICULAR GENR THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY FEEL FATUATED TO. YOU ARE TOLD TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVUR, YOUR ACTNS AND HI.IF YOU ARE STILL NOT ABLE TO RELATE, IMAGE YOU ARE ABED PHYSILLY AND EMOTNALLY AND SEXUALLY. AND YOU HAVE TO HI THE FACT THAT YOU WERE ABED.I UNRSTAND THAT HOMOSEXUALY HAS BEEN A TABOO INDIA AND THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. BUT YOU ARE SELF-AWARE NOW. YOU ARE ABLE TO MAKE YOUR OWN CISNS. SO YOU NOW NEED TO BE UT OF OTHER MEMBERS OF SOCIETY. YOU NNOT JOKE AROUND LLG PEOPLE NAM THAT YOU THK IS AMG BUT FACT, IS MAKG THE OTHER PERSON QUTN ALL OF THEIR ACTNS.DPE RECENT POLIL MOVEMENTS FAVOUR OF LGBT RIGHTS, THERE REMAS A SIGNIFINT AMOUNT OF HOMOPHOBIA PRENT AMONG THE INDIAN POPULATN, WH AROUND HALF OF INDIANS OBJECTG TO SAME-SEX RELATNSHIPS ACRDG TO A 2019 OPN POLL. (SOURCE)A LTLE POLL
• WHAT’S LIKE TO BE GAY RPORATE INDIA?
• WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE OPENLY QUEER AND EXIST WH AN INDIAN FAYBY RAJVI DAI SEP 26, 2019SHARE IMAGE CRED: EK LADKI KO DEKHA TO AISA LAGA (VOD CHOPRA FILMS)COMG OUT OF THE CLOSET — SELF-DISCLOSG ONE’S SEXUAL AND/OR GENR INTY — FOR MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQIA+ MUNY IS OFTEN A DNTG PROCS REPLETE WH UNCERTATI. IN A QUEERPHOBIC OR QUEER-IGNORANT SOCIETY, G OUT TO IENDS, FAY, OR ON PUBLIC PLATFORMS N CE A RANGE OF RPONS — OM ABSOLUTE ANTIPATHY TO NDNAL OR UNWTG ACCEPTANCE TO A LOVG AND WELG EMBRACE. EVEN IF THE RPONSE IS RELATIVELY POSIVE, FAIAL ACCEPTANCE OF QUEERNS EXISTS ON A SPECTM — OFTEN TERMED BY HOW EVERYDAY ROUT AND TERACTNS ARE HANDLED BY ALL PARTI VOLVED.WHAT HAPPENS AFTER A QUEER PERSON OUT? THE HARD PART MAY BE OVER, BUT WHAT FOLLOWS IS A DAILY, UNRELENTG NEGOTIATN ASKG FOR PLETE EEDOM AND UNRSTANDG — ONE WHICH OFTEN F FAIAL RELATNSHIPS FOR LIFE. WE ASKED QUEER INDIANS ABOUT THEIR RELATNSHIPS WH THEIR FAI AND WHAT THEIR ROUT LOOK LIKE.*K.D., 36, KNEW HE WAS GAY SCE HE WAS A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY. GROWG UP A FAY THAT STRSED AMIC EXCELLENCE, HOWEVER, LED HIM DOWN A PATH OF ACCUMULATG GRE AND GAG PROFSNAL EXPERIENCE, WHICH LEFT LTLE TIME FOR EXPLORG HIS SEXUALY WH OTHERS. AT 27, WHEN HE MOVED BACK HOME AFTER STUDYG ABROAD, HIS PARENTS STARTED PRSURG HIM TO GET MARRIED. UNR THE PRETEXT OF FDG HIM A JOB, HIS PARENTS WRANGLED HIS RUME OUT OF HIM, WHICH, TURNED OUT, THEY ED TO SEND TO POTENTIAL MATCH FOR HIS MARRIAGE.AT A LOSS OF WHAT TO SAY TO HIS NSERVATIVE PARENTS, HE ASKED FOR A BUFFER TIME OF TWO YEARS, HOPG HIS MOTHER WOULD FET ABOUT FDG HIM A WIFE. TWO YEARS PASSED, BUT HIS MOTHER DIDN’T BACK DOWN. K.D. THOUGHT, “GAME OVER.” HE ME OUT TO HIS SISTER, HOPG SHE WOULD HELP HIM WH HIS PARENTS. “SHE SAID SHE WOULD SUPPORT ME BUT IS NOT GOG TO DO MY ‘DIRTY WORK’ FOR ME.” FALLY, K.D. TOLD HIS PARENTS HE ULDN’T MARRY, BEE HE WAS GAY. HIS MOTHER’S FIRST REACTN WAS FLAT OUT NIAL, WHERE SHE PARED HIM TO HIJRAS SHE HAD SEEN PUBLIC, MISTAKG THEM FOR HOMOSEXUAL MEN. HIS FATHER, K.D. RELLS, WHILE EXPRSG NONCHALANCE AT HIS SON’S WISH TO NOT GET MARRIED, ASKED K.D., “DO YOU NOT GET AN ERECTN?”FORTUNATELY, BY THEN, K.D. WAS LIVG BY HIMSELF AND ULD ENJOY CERTA SOCIAL EEDOMS WHOUT NEEDG HIS PARENTS’ PERMISSN. HIS MOTHER, HOWEVER, K.D. SAYS, WAS RELENTLS — SHE NSTANTLY PTERED HIM TO BE LIKE OTHER GAY MEN SHE KNEW WHO WERE OLR, HAD BEEN FORCED TO SUPPRS THEIR SEXUALY, MARRY WOMEN AND HAVE CHILDREN. THEN, K.D. RELLS, SHE NSULTED A “HOMOSEXUALY SPECIALIST,” WHO ADVISED HER TO TELL K.D. TO “NOT BE GAY” FOR TWO YEARS, AFTER WHICH K.D. WOULD BEE STRAIGHT. “SHE WAS ASKG ME TO BE CELIBATE FOR TWO YEARS. I TOLD HER, ‘I’LL BE CELIBATE FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I WILL STILL BE GAY.'” THEN, “SHE SAID, ‘YOU BE GAY; KEEP AS A HOBBY. BUT YOU GET MARRIED.'”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:PARENTS EVERYWHERE STGGLE TO TALK TO LGBTQ KIDS ABOUT SEXWHEN K.D. TOLD HER HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO NSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE AND THAT HE HAD NO SIRE TO ANOTHER WOMAN’S LIFE, SHE FOUND A GIRL WHO WAS OKAY WH A SEX-LS MARRIAGE AND ASKED HIM TO JT “SHOW UP” AT THE WEDDG, K.D. REUNTS, ADDG SHE TOLD HIM TO PRRIZE HER HAPPS BEE SHE HAD RAISED HIM AND PROVID HIM WH CLOTHG AND A GOOD TN. “IT’S TYPIL SI BULLSH — TREATG CHILDREN AS [AN] VTMENT. I DIDN’T REALIZE THAT THIS WAS A NTRACT OF TERMS AND NDNS,” K.D. SAID. “I WAS ALSO FEELG BAD FOR HER — THROUGHOUT ALL THE VAR TACTICS WAS HER TRYG TO MAKE SENSE OF HER LIFE. [MY SEXUALY] WAS NOT SOMETHG SHE HAD EVER THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN TO HER. SHE SAW THIS AS SOMETHG THAT WAS HAPPENG TO HER. IT WAS LIKE ‘WHY ME, WHY ME?'”AFTER YEARS OF NEGOTIATNS, DURG WHICH K.D.’S MENTAL AND PHYSIL HEALTH NSIRABLY WORSENED, HE ME TO AN AGREEMENT WH HIS MOTHER — SHE WOULD TELL EVERYONE WHO ASKED AFTER HIS MARRIAGE THAT K.D. WAS ASE AND WOULD FD SOMEONE BY HIMSELF, WHILE K.D. AGREED NOT TO DISCLOSE HIS SEXUALY TO ANYBODY THEIR CIRCLE OF IENDS.“SHE HAS BLOCKED OFF THE ORIENTATN PART; SHE HAS MA PEACE WH THE FACT THAT I’M NOT GETTG MARRIED. MY PARENTS KNOW NOTHG ABOUT MY LIFE. MY EMOTNAL SI IS NOT SOMETHG THEY ARE PRIVY TO OR TERTED .”FOR K.D., THE PERD AFTER G OUT EVENTUALLY SETTLED TO A ‘DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL’ DYNAMIC WH HIS PARENTS — A SEMI-PEACEFUL SUATN THAT AROSE AFTER YEARS OF DOG MENTAL LABOR — BOTH ON HIS, AND HIS PARENTS’, PARTS.*TANYA, 31, HAS ALWAYS HAD A CLOSE RELATNSHIP WH HER PARENTS — SHE SCRIB HER FAY AS A “STRONG, TIGHT UN.” AS A 20-YEAR-OLD, TANYA WAS HER FIRST-EVER RELATNSHIP WH A WOMAN — UNTIL THEY GOT UGHT BY BOTH OF THEIR PARENTS. “IT JT SORT OF BLEW OUT OF PROPORTN. THEY MA CHANGE OUR PHONE NUMBERS AND BANNED OM SEEG EACH OTHER.” DPE THE STRICT MEASUR, TANYA SAID HER PARENTS STILL HAD HER BACK, RELLG AN STANCE WHEN HER GIRLIEND’S MOTHER WAS TO HER, AND HER PARENTS STEPPED , CHIDG THE WOMAN FOR MISTREATG THEIR DGHTER.FOR A UPLE OF YEARS, TANYA SAYS HER FATHER CHALKED OFF HER RELATNSHIP AS A MISTAKE. DURG THAT TIME, TANYA SAYS SHE DIDN’T ENTERTA ANY RELATNSHIPS WH WOMEN — PARTLY DUE TO HER PARENTS’ REACTNS THE LAST TIME SHE HAD, AND PARTLY BEE SHE WAS STILL TRYG TO FIGURE OUT HER SEXUALY. BUT, “THERE WAS HUGE GUILT ME, THAT MY PARENTS HAD STOOD BY ME. I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT THEM THROUGH THE WHOLE ‘WHAT WOULD PEOPLE SAY’ THOUGHT PROCS. I WANTED TO BE MARRIED TO A GUY, FOR THEM.”EVENTUALLY, TANYA STARTED TO WRE FOR GAYSI, AN INDIAN QUEER MEDIA OUTLET, AND STARTED MEETG OTHER QUEER PEOPLE. WHEN SHE ATTEND HER FIRST PRI THE U.S., SHE FELT PELLED TO HAVE A NVERSATN WH HER PARENTS — WHICH EVERYONE HAD BEEN AVOIDG UNTIL THAT MOMENT. WHEN TANYA ME OUT, HER MOTHER SAID SHE WAS HEARTBROKEN; HER FATHER TOLD HER BEG GAY WAS NOTHG TO BE PROUD OF. TANYA RELLS RPONDG, “IT’S NOTHG TO BE ASHAMED OF, EHER.” SHE SAYS AFTER A FEW HOURS, WHEN HER PARENTS HAD TIME TO PROCS HER G OUT, THEY HAD SAID, “‘ARE WE ECSTATIC ABOUT THIS? NO. BUT ARE WE GOG TO GET YOUR WAY? NO.’ THEY EVEN TOLD ME TO GO TO THE U.S. BEE THEY THOUGHT LIFE WOULD BE EASIER FOR ME THERE.”SCE G OUT, TANYA HAS NCERTEDLY REVEALED TAILS ABOUT HER RELATNSHIPS TO HER PARENTS; SHE HAS HAD BAT ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY WH HER MOTHER AND HAS ATTEMPTED TO EXPLA WHY G OUT TO THE LARGER POPULATN IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO HER. “I TOLD HER, YOU DON’T NEED TO GO AND SHOUT OM THE ROOFTOPS THAT YOU’RE STRAIGHT. YOU START OM GROUND ZERO, AND WE START OM THE NEGATIVE. FOR MY RIGHT TO EXIST, TO BE ABLE TO MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN, I NEED TO FIGHT AND SPEAK OUT ALL THE TIME.”IN HER PARENTS’ IEND CIRCL, TANYA OFTEN ENUNTERS QUEERPHOBIC AND QUEER-IGNORANT PEOPLE, SHE SAYS, BUT STRS THAT ’S NOT HER PLACE TO E OUT TO HER PARENTS’ IENDS, NOR IS HER PLACE TO SCHOOL ANYONE. “AS MUCH AS IS MY RIGHT TO MUNITE AND ACT THE WAY I WANT TO, SO IS THEIRS,” SHE SAYS, ADDG SHE N WA UNTIL THEY FEEL FORTABLE TELLG THEIR OWN CIRCLE ABOUT HER SEXUALY. IN THE MEANTIME, HOWEVER, TANYA REERAT THAT HER FAY HAS NEVER STOOD HER WAY; THAT THEY HAVE HAD HER BACK. EARLIER THIS YEAR, TANYA SAYS SHE ME OUT PUBLICLY AND EVEN APPEARED A VIO WHICH SHE TALKED ABOUT HER SEXUALY.“THEY’VE NEVER E BACK AND SAID ‘WHY DID YOU DO THIS?’ THEY’VE NEVER SAID THIS IS WRONG; THE EXTEND FAY HAS PUT SO MUCH PRSURE ON THEM, ASKG THEM ‘WHY AREN’T YOU GETTG TANYA MARRIED.’ THEY READ UP ON HOMOSEXUALY; THEY FOLLOW THE NEWS,” TANYA SAYS. “I’VE BEEN LUCKY TO BE BORN TO THIS FAY.”FOR TANYA, A SLOW AND STEADY PROCS OF ASSERTG HERSELF AND CREATG SPACE FOR HER SEXUALY HER FAY ULTIMATELY LED TO A KD OF ACCEPTANCE THAT MIGHT NOT BE FULLY RMED BUT HAS CREASGLY BEE FORTABLE TO EXIST WH.*MKAN VARMA WAS 21 WHEN HER FATHER SAT HER DOWN AND ASKED IF SHE HAD A BOYIEND. WHEN VARMA SAID NO, HER FATHER ASKED IF SHE WAS GAY. “I DODGED THE QUTN SOMEHOW. AN HOUR LATER, HE ME BACK TO ASK ME IF I HAD A GIRLIEND, WHICH I DID BACK THEN. I WAS DREADG BEE HE IS AN EX-ARMY OFFICER. BUT I WENT FOR AND ALL HE SAID WAS ‘OKAY.’ NO QUTNS ASKED…. I THK THAT WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIT DAYS OF MY LIFE.”SCE, VARMA SAYS HER PARENTS REGARD HER SEXUALY AS NO DIFFERENT OM IF SHE HAD BEEN HETEROSEXUAL, ADDG THEY ARE ALSO ACMODATG OF HER GIRLIEND. “AFTER MY LAST BREAKUP, WHICH WAS ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO, THEY HAVE BEEN WORRIED BEE WAS A BTER ONE AND I WAS QUE BROKEN; THEY HAVE SEEN ME GO THROUGH AND THEY DON’T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN AGA.”WHEN HER CURRENT GIRLIEND MET VARMA’S FATHER, VARMA RELLED HER FATHER BEG “EXTREMELY SWEET; HE ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED A DRK. HE DID ASK HER A FEW QUTNS, LIKE ANY FATHER WOULD. [HE WAS] TRYG TO UNRSTAND WHERE SHE IS G OM, TRYG TO CIPHER IF THERE ARE ANY RED FLAGS; HE FOUND NONE. THEN MY GIRLIEND AND I FLEW TO DELHI BEE SHE REALLY WANTED TO MEET MY MOTHER AND MY DOG. THAT TERACTN WAS ALSO EXTREMELY WARM; THEY BOTH SPOKE AND BOND. MY DOG LOV HER, THANK GOD.”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:GENR AND SEXUALY TERMS: A SENSIVE GLOSSARY FOR PARENTSVARMA SAYS HER PARENTS HAVE CREATED A SPACE FOR HER AND HER GIRLIEND TO EXIST FORTABLY — “[MY GIRLIEND] IS VERY RG TOWARDS MY PARENTS; SHE MEETS MY FATHER OVER THE WEEKENDS; WE GO FOR MOVI AND GO OUT FOR LUNCH. SHE ASKS HIM HOW HE IS DOG. MY FATHER EVERY MORNG SENDS HER ‘GOOD MORNG’ MSAG, WHICH IS EXTREMELY CUTE. SHE AND MY MOTHER DO VIO LLS.”SULAGNA CHATTERJEE, 23, ALSO BOASTS OF A SIARLY WELG ATMOSPHERE AT HOME. FOR CHATTERJEE, HER MOTHER WAS A BIG PART OF THE PROCS OF HER G TO TERMS WH HER BISEXUALY. IN 2016, CHATTERJEE SAID SHE WAS STGGLG WH BEG BISEXUAL, DURG WHICH TIME HER MOTHER WAS THE GREATT SOURCE OF EMOTNAL SUPPORT. WHEN CHATTERJEE WAS FALLY READY TO OFFICIALLY E OUT — CINTALLY ON THE SAME DAY THE SUPREME COURT CRIMALIZED HOMOSEXUALY SEPTEMBER 2018 — HER MOTHER’S RPONSE WAS “ANTICLIMACTIC,” CHATTERJEE REUNTS; “SHE JT SAID, ‘COOL.'”“EVEN WHEN I WAS DATG BOYS; I TOLD [MY MOTHER] ABOUT MY FIRST KISS, MY FIRST RELATNSHIP, MY FIRST HEARTBREAK … MY MOTHER IS SOMEONE WHO GIV ME A LOT OF REALY CHECKS LIFE. … AS A QUEER WOMAN WHO IS NAVIGATG HER WAY THROUGH DATG WOMEN, WE DON’T HAVE REFERENCE POTS WHEN TO WHAT IS HEALTHY OR UNHEALTHY BEHAVR; THE ONLY NO-NO IS DON’T BE A TRASHY GUY; … WHAT WOULD A GUY DO THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL UNFORTABLE, DON’T DO THAT,” CHATTERJEE SAID, ADDG HER MOTHER HAS OFTEN LLED HER OUT ON UNHEALTHY BEHAVRS RELATNSHIPS.WHEN CHATTERJEE WENT THROUGH A ROUGH HEARTBREAK, SHE SAYS HER MOTHER WAS THERE FOR HER — SOMETIM WH A SHOULR TO CRY ON AND A GLASS OF VODKA AFTER. DPE THE CLOSENS, CHATERJEE ADMS, “IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO OPEN UP TO THEM EVEN THOUGH I’VE BEEN CLOSE WH THEM — THERE WAS SOME KD OF A MENTAL BLOCK FOR ME.”*WHILE G OUT AND BEG OPEN AND FORTABLE WH ONE’S OWN SEXUALY OR GENR INTY N BE NAVIGATED BY SOME, ’S ALSO NOT AN OPTN FOR MANY.“SOME OF NEGOTIATE ACCEPTANCE AND FEARS OF REJECTN MORE AMBIGUO WAYS,” G.V., 21, WHO INTIFI AS NON-BARY AND PANSEXUAL, SAID. “I THK SOME OF N’T E OUT. WE ARE ALREADY DIFFERENT THE WORLD’S EY; PEOPLE AROUND SEE , EVEN IF THEY DON’T HAVE THE VOBULARY TO REGNIZE OR UNRSTAND AT THE TIME. … INSTEAD OF DRAMATIC GS-OUT, I THK MANY OF TT THE WATERS — REJECTG CERTA FORMS OF MASCULE PERFORMANCE, FOR EXAMPLE.”IN LLEGE, G.V. WORE LIPSTICK, KAJAL AND HAD SHOULR-LENGTH HAIR — ONLY THE HAIR REMAED WHEN THEY MOVED BACK HOME. EVEN THEN, G.V. WAS TOLD BY THEIR PARENTS NOT TO “LOOK LIKE A GIRL.” “I MA A BUNDLE OF MY LIPSTICK, NAIL POLISH, AND KAJAL, AND GAVE THEM AWAY. I RETREATED TO THE STRANGE, UNCERTA SAFETY OF THE CLOSET,” G.V. SAID, ADDG THAT THEIR PARENTS HAVE HAD SPICNS OVER THE YEARS REGARDG THEIR MASCULY, WHICH THEY HAVE FEND OFF BY GROWG A MTACHE OR A BEARD.“OF URSE SO MANY OF LIVE DOUBLE LIV, LIV MANY MULTIPL,” WHICH G.V. LLS WATERTIGHT PARTMENTS. “MAYBE THEY’LL LLAPSE TO EACH OTHER SOMEDAY.”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:CAN PARENTG LGBTQ KIDS BE 100% SUPPORTIVE INDIA?A MAJOR PART OF NOT DISCLOSG THEIR INTY TO THEIR FAY IS ALSO ABOUT G.V.’S NTEMPLATN OF MASCULY, THEY SAY. “I THK I FLED OM HETERO-ISH ENUNTERS BEE I ULD NEVER FEEL MASCULE ENOUGH. … FOR WHATEVER REASON, I’M A B SRED OF DRIVG; SO MY BROTHER DRIV, OR RIS SHOTGUN. … I DON’T KNOW IF I’M READG TO THIS, BUT I ALMOST ALWAYS KNOW THAT MY PLACE IS ALWAYS SOMEHOW GOG TO BE AS LS OF A MAN.”WHEN G.V.’S PARENTS ASK THEM IF THEY HAVE “ANY ODD TENNCI” OR IF THEY ARE “ONE OF THOSE ODDBALLS,” OR EVEN WHEN THEIR PARENTS TELL THEM THEY WOULD BE “LOVED NO MATTER WHAT” — THEIR “REACTN WAS MOSTLY KNEE-JERK NIAL.” COMG OUT IS UNRSTOOD A “PAFULLY UNIDIMENSNAL WAY,” G.V. SAYS, WHICH “RARELY ACUNTS FOR HOW THE NEWLY EMERGENT TTHS GRAPPLE WH EXISTG, AND OFTEN TOXIC, FAY DYNAMICS.”“THERE’S A WORLD OF NFED, BLEAK GREY BETWEEN THE RABOW-TTED FAY ACCEPTANCE, AND GETTG DISHERED AND THROWN OUT.”SHARE TAGS FAY | FAY MATTERS | HOMOPHOBIA | LGBTQIA+ | QUEER BEAT | SEXUALY WRTEN BY RAJVI DAI RAJVI DAI IS THE SWADDLE’S CULTURE EDOR. AFTER GRADUATG OM NYU AS A JOURNALISM AND POLICS MAJOR, SHE VERED BREAKG NEWS AND POLICS NEW YORK CY, AND DABBLED SIGN AND ENTERTAMENT JOURNALISM. BACK THE HOMELAND, SHE’S TERTED TACKLG BETY, SPORTS, POLICS AND HUMAN RIGHTS HER GENR-FOCED WRG, WHILE ALSO -MANAGG THE SWADDLE TEAM’S PODST, RPECTFULLY DISAGREE. SEE ALL ARTICL BY RAJVILATT CULTURE ARTICL CONSTANT CRICISMWOE IS ME! “I BCH ABOUT PEOPLE I LOVE, THEN LOSE THEM. HOW DO I STOP?”
• THE NATNS WHERE 'S STILL CRIMAL TO BE GAY (AS INDIA MARKS AN AWKWARD ANNIVERSARY)
• INDIA'S FIRST OPENLY GAY PRCE ENDURED YEARS OF TORTURO NVERSN THERAPY. NOW, HE'S FIGHTG TO MAKE THE PRACTICE ILLEGAL.
• THIS MAN EXPLAS WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAY INDIAN THE US
• A PERSONAL ACUNT OF WHAT MEANS TO BE GAY INDIA

WHAT MEANS TO BE GAY RAL INDIA

The Supreme Court's cisn to make gay sex legal India has been hailed as the realy for members of the LGBT muny ral India is different. They believe will take a long time to change regrsive attus towards three gay people om ral India tell their Kumar, 28, northern state of Uttar PrashI am really happy wh the urt's cisn.

No matter how nice I am or how much I help people, once they fd out I am gay, they n om people sympathise wh but they still thk 's a disease that needs to treated. Image ptn, Nish Anand - known to his iends as Tish - is believed to be India's youngt drag queen at the age of 20Up until six months ago, 20-year-old Tish felt like a faced long-term prison time India bee he was an out and proud gay man, but then his life sex was crimalised by the Indian Supreme Court on 6 September overturned a 2013 judgement that upheld a 157-year-old law datg back to Brish source, Getty ImagImage ptn, People holdg an LGBT rabow flag at Mumbai's first ever pri marchThere were celebratns across India when the lg me through but Tish was cryg - bee he'd jt spl up wh his boyiend. It's the basement of a five-star hotelTish regularly parti at gay club Kty Su but says he's sometim nervo when he leav the venue as homophobic people know "what we are" so uld attack him surroundg club is owned by by Kehav Suri - a proment gay bsman - who was one of the the Supreme Court petners that helped change sectn 377, the lonial-era law.

Image ptn, Kiran works at the Naz Foundatn Delhi which supports members of the LGBT munySectn 377 led that gay sex was an "unnatural offence", but the urt led discrimatn on the basis of sexual orientatn is a fundamental vlatn of rights. "Image ptn, Kiran, who is transgenr, says she don't always feel safe Delhi as most people thk she's a sex workerThe change law do mean "many lbian and gay people are startg to disclose their sexualy to their parents", Kiran explas.

LGBT INDIA: WHAT 'S LIKE SIX MONTHS AFTER GAY SEX WAS CRIMALISED

We spoke to Saptarshi and Adil and asked them what is like to live as a gay uple India and if the si mentaly has ed unrgone a swch.

WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A GAY COUPLE IN INDIA

On 6 September 2018, the Supreme Court of India led that the applitn of Sectn 377 to nsensual homosexual sex between adults was unnstutnal. Wh this landmark judgment that was passed by the Apex Court, the rights of the LGBTQ muny were regnized and gay nsensual sex was no longer a crime. Though the lg has crimalized Sectn 377, th allowg homosexuals to lead a dignified life and have the basic right to pannship, the lg do not allow same-sex marriage.

”In an article by the BBC, followg the cisn by the Supreme Court, noted historian Harbans Mhia says one has to know India's history to unrstand why the Brish ma gay sex illegal. The Court cisn has taken India back to s roots, " he experts are of the view that India’s culture and mythology poted to a more open attu towards homosexualy. Speakg about the task is to navigate through the homophobic society, they say “there are numero challeng which we face bee to many (a gay uple India) is still an alien ncept or they would like to behave so.

”Saptarshi and Adil | What It Is Like To Be A Gay Couple In IndiaSaptarshi thks the mentaly of people and society needs a great al of improvement. Even then, India upheld the crimalizatn of issue of not acceptg Homosexualy as a nceptWhile a small part has progrsed a lot terms of acceptance, many are still the Stone Age. There are probably 3 issu that this whole suatn n be circled to, which are:Sex is a TabooLack of troductn of Homosexualy School TextbooksLack of Empathy faiThe are the gredients of a reprsive culture harsh tthBeg gay India is supprsn of one's own feelgs, sir and te self.

WHAT IS LIKE TO BE GAY INDIA.DHVAM SHARMA·FOLLOW5 M READ·MAR 6, 2021--3LISTENSHARESOURCE — HOW LGBT LERATURE INDIA HAS FARED SCE HOMOSEXUALY BEME LAWFULLOVE IS NOT GENRLS. AFFECTN IS NOT GENRLS. MARRIAGE IS NOT GENRLS AND SURELY, SEX IS NOT GENRLS. ALL OF THEM ARE TO BE EQUATED BETWEEN A BLOGIL MAN AND A BLOGIL WOMAN. THEY DO NOT FALL UNR THE “INDIAN FAY UN CONCEPT”. THIS WAS THE STATEMENT BY THE INDIAN GOVERNMENT ON PLEAS REQUTG EQUALY MARRIAG. AND THIS WAS THE YEAR 2021.WHILE THERE HAVE BEEN MANY CHANG AND ADVANCEMENTS REGARDS TO THE ACCEPTANCE OF S OWN PEOPLE INDIA, THE UNTRY AND THE GOVERNMENT IS STILL NOT READY TO FULLY ACCEPT THAT PEOPLE N BE DIFFERENT. THAT THE MOULD N BE DIFFERENT. THAT PEOPLE N ACTUALLY LOVE SOMEONE OTHER THAN WHAT THEY FEEL IS THE “RRECT WAY TO LOVE”.INDIAN GOVERNMENT, WHEN FORMED AFTER INPENNCE, 1950 UPHELD MANY OF THE L OM UNR BRISH IMPERIALISM. HOMOSEXUALY HAS BEEN PREVALENT THROUGHOUT THE HISTORY OF INDIA AND THERE HAVE BEEN MANY TEXTS SUPPORTG . EVEN THEN, INDIA UPHELD THE CRIMALIZATN OF HOMOSEXUALY.THE ISSUE OF NOT ACCEPTG HOMOSEXUALY AS A NCEPTWHILE A SMALL PART HAS PROGRSED A LOT TERMS OF ACCEPTANCE, MANY ARE STILL THE STONE AGE. THERE ARE PROBABLY 3 ISSU THAT THIS WHOLE SUATN N BE CIRCLED TO, WHICH ARE:SEX IS A TABOOLACK OF TRODUCTN OF HOMOSEXUALY SCHOOL TEXTBOOKSLACK OF EMPATHY FAITHE ARE THE GREDIENTS OF A REPRSIVE CULTURE MAKG.THE HARSH TTHBEG GAY INDIA IS SUPPRSN OF ONE'S OWN FEELGS, SIR AND TE SELF. FOR PEOPLE WHO NNOT RELATE, FOR MY IENDS AND RELATIV, THK OF LIKE YOU ARE BEG TOLD TO SIRE A PARTICULAR GENR THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY FEEL FATUATED TO. YOU ARE TOLD TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVUR, YOUR ACTNS AND HI.IF YOU ARE STILL NOT ABLE TO RELATE, IMAGE YOU ARE ABED PHYSILLY AND EMOTNALLY AND SEXUALLY. AND YOU HAVE TO HI THE FACT THAT YOU WERE ABED.I UNRSTAND THAT HOMOSEXUALY HAS BEEN A TABOO INDIA AND THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. BUT YOU ARE SELF-AWARE NOW. YOU ARE ABLE TO MAKE YOUR OWN CISNS. SO YOU NOW NEED TO BE UT OF OTHER MEMBERS OF SOCIETY. YOU NNOT JOKE AROUND LLG PEOPLE NAM THAT YOU THK IS AMG BUT FACT, IS MAKG THE OTHER PERSON QUTN ALL OF THEIR ACTNS.DPE RECENT POLIL MOVEMENTS FAVOUR OF LGBT RIGHTS, THERE REMAS A SIGNIFINT AMOUNT OF HOMOPHOBIA PRENT AMONG THE INDIAN POPULATN, WH AROUND HALF OF INDIANS OBJECTG TO SAME-SEX RELATNSHIPS ACRDG TO A 2019 OPN POLL. (SOURCE)A LTLE POLL

Dpe recent polil movements favour of LGBT rights, there remas a signifint amount of homophobia prent among the Indian populatn, wh around half of Indians objectg to same-sex relatnships acrdg to a 2019 opn poll. The readg down of Sectn 377 by the Supreme Court 2018 led to a fundamental shift the rights of India’s LGBTQ cizens and necsated policy chang across the board - not least the world of Indian Queeristan, Parmh Shahani, Vice Print at Godrej Indtri Ltd, draws om his -long journey the rporate world as an out and proud gay man, to make a gent se for LGBTQ cln and rhapg India’s office thor begs by sharg his life’s experienc towards beg an advote for LGBTQ cln. Through our own viss and those of the handful of LGBTQ+ tour operators who lead trips there, India is hospable and welg to all visors – cludg gay or lbian upl or groups.

We terviewed several gay tour operators cludg Bryan Herb om Zoom Vatns (listed as a rource below), Robert Sharp om Out Adventur, and Zach Mos om HE Travel, who have equently traveled to India, and they all report feelg credibly wele. However, is a socially nservative untry and the suatn wh LGBT rights India has been changg que rapidly, wh progrs and setbacks happeng every few years; so ’s unrstandable that gay travellers might wonr whether ’s the bt statn for them to choose. In a landmark judgement on 6 September 2018, India’s Supreme Court led to crimalize gay sex, somethg LGBT activists had been battlg for for 20 years.

WHAT’S LIKE TO BE GAY RPORATE INDIA?

Until September 2018 those ught engagg homosexual sex uld be punished by up to 10 years prison unr Sectn 377 of the penal , a haner om the Brish Empire Victorian tim. Although was not often ed to arrt, the law was regularly ed to timidate and reprs the gay muny and LGBT rights India were mimal.

The historic cisn September 2018 clud not only crimalisatn but also an apology to the gay muny and was weled by the LGBT muny India and beyond.

WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE OPENLY QUEER AND EXIST WH AN INDIAN FAYBY RAJVI DAI SEP 26, 2019SHARE IMAGE CRED: EK LADKI KO DEKHA TO AISA LAGA (VOD CHOPRA FILMS)COMG OUT OF THE CLOSET — SELF-DISCLOSG ONE’S SEXUAL AND/OR GENR INTY — FOR MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQIA+ MUNY IS OFTEN A DNTG PROCS REPLETE WH UNCERTATI. IN A QUEERPHOBIC OR QUEER-IGNORANT SOCIETY, G OUT TO IENDS, FAY, OR ON PUBLIC PLATFORMS N CE A RANGE OF RPONS — OM ABSOLUTE ANTIPATHY TO NDNAL OR UNWTG ACCEPTANCE TO A LOVG AND WELG EMBRACE. EVEN IF THE RPONSE IS RELATIVELY POSIVE, FAIAL ACCEPTANCE OF QUEERNS EXISTS ON A SPECTM — OFTEN TERMED BY HOW EVERYDAY ROUT AND TERACTNS ARE HANDLED BY ALL PARTI VOLVED.WHAT HAPPENS AFTER A QUEER PERSON OUT? THE HARD PART MAY BE OVER, BUT WHAT FOLLOWS IS A DAILY, UNRELENTG NEGOTIATN ASKG FOR PLETE EEDOM AND UNRSTANDG — ONE WHICH OFTEN F FAIAL RELATNSHIPS FOR LIFE. WE ASKED QUEER INDIANS ABOUT THEIR RELATNSHIPS WH THEIR FAI AND WHAT THEIR ROUT LOOK LIKE.*K.D., 36, KNEW HE WAS GAY SCE HE WAS A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY. GROWG UP A FAY THAT STRSED AMIC EXCELLENCE, HOWEVER, LED HIM DOWN A PATH OF ACCUMULATG GRE AND GAG PROFSNAL EXPERIENCE, WHICH LEFT LTLE TIME FOR EXPLORG HIS SEXUALY WH OTHERS. AT 27, WHEN HE MOVED BACK HOME AFTER STUDYG ABROAD, HIS PARENTS STARTED PRSURG HIM TO GET MARRIED. UNR THE PRETEXT OF FDG HIM A JOB, HIS PARENTS WRANGLED HIS RUME OUT OF HIM, WHICH, TURNED OUT, THEY ED TO SEND TO POTENTIAL MATCH FOR HIS MARRIAGE.AT A LOSS OF WHAT TO SAY TO HIS NSERVATIVE PARENTS, HE ASKED FOR A BUFFER TIME OF TWO YEARS, HOPG HIS MOTHER WOULD FET ABOUT FDG HIM A WIFE. TWO YEARS PASSED, BUT HIS MOTHER DIDN’T BACK DOWN. K.D. THOUGHT, “GAME OVER.” HE ME OUT TO HIS SISTER, HOPG SHE WOULD HELP HIM WH HIS PARENTS. “SHE SAID SHE WOULD SUPPORT ME BUT IS NOT GOG TO DO MY ‘DIRTY WORK’ FOR ME.” FALLY, K.D. TOLD HIS PARENTS HE ULDN’T MARRY, BEE HE WAS GAY. HIS MOTHER’S FIRST REACTN WAS FLAT OUT NIAL, WHERE SHE PARED HIM TO HIJRAS SHE HAD SEEN PUBLIC, MISTAKG THEM FOR HOMOSEXUAL MEN. HIS FATHER, K.D. RELLS, WHILE EXPRSG NONCHALANCE AT HIS SON’S WISH TO NOT GET MARRIED, ASKED K.D., “DO YOU NOT GET AN ERECTN?”FORTUNATELY, BY THEN, K.D. WAS LIVG BY HIMSELF AND ULD ENJOY CERTA SOCIAL EEDOMS WHOUT NEEDG HIS PARENTS’ PERMISSN. HIS MOTHER, HOWEVER, K.D. SAYS, WAS RELENTLS — SHE NSTANTLY PTERED HIM TO BE LIKE OTHER GAY MEN SHE KNEW WHO WERE OLR, HAD BEEN FORCED TO SUPPRS THEIR SEXUALY, MARRY WOMEN AND HAVE CHILDREN. THEN, K.D. RELLS, SHE NSULTED A “HOMOSEXUALY SPECIALIST,” WHO ADVISED HER TO TELL K.D. TO “NOT BE GAY” FOR TWO YEARS, AFTER WHICH K.D. WOULD BEE STRAIGHT. “SHE WAS ASKG ME TO BE CELIBATE FOR TWO YEARS. I TOLD HER, ‘I’LL BE CELIBATE FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I WILL STILL BE GAY.'” THEN, “SHE SAID, ‘YOU BE GAY; KEEP AS A HOBBY. BUT YOU GET MARRIED.'”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:PARENTS EVERYWHERE STGGLE TO TALK TO LGBTQ KIDS ABOUT SEXWHEN K.D. TOLD HER HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO NSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE AND THAT HE HAD NO SIRE TO ANOTHER WOMAN’S LIFE, SHE FOUND A GIRL WHO WAS OKAY WH A SEX-LS MARRIAGE AND ASKED HIM TO JT “SHOW UP” AT THE WEDDG, K.D. REUNTS, ADDG SHE TOLD HIM TO PRRIZE HER HAPPS BEE SHE HAD RAISED HIM AND PROVID HIM WH CLOTHG AND A GOOD TN. “IT’S TYPIL SI BULLSH — TREATG CHILDREN AS [AN] VTMENT. I DIDN’T REALIZE THAT THIS WAS A NTRACT OF TERMS AND NDNS,” K.D. SAID. “I WAS ALSO FEELG BAD FOR HER — THROUGHOUT ALL THE VAR TACTICS WAS HER TRYG TO MAKE SENSE OF HER LIFE. [MY SEXUALY] WAS NOT SOMETHG SHE HAD EVER THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN TO HER. SHE SAW THIS AS SOMETHG THAT WAS HAPPENG TO HER. IT WAS LIKE ‘WHY ME, WHY ME?'”AFTER YEARS OF NEGOTIATNS, DURG WHICH K.D.’S MENTAL AND PHYSIL HEALTH NSIRABLY WORSENED, HE ME TO AN AGREEMENT WH HIS MOTHER — SHE WOULD TELL EVERYONE WHO ASKED AFTER HIS MARRIAGE THAT K.D. WAS ASE AND WOULD FD SOMEONE BY HIMSELF, WHILE K.D. AGREED NOT TO DISCLOSE HIS SEXUALY TO ANYBODY THEIR CIRCLE OF IENDS.“SHE HAS BLOCKED OFF THE ORIENTATN PART; SHE HAS MA PEACE WH THE FACT THAT I’M NOT GETTG MARRIED. MY PARENTS KNOW NOTHG ABOUT MY LIFE. MY EMOTNAL SI IS NOT SOMETHG THEY ARE PRIVY TO OR TERTED .”FOR K.D., THE PERD AFTER G OUT EVENTUALLY SETTLED TO A ‘DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL’ DYNAMIC WH HIS PARENTS — A SEMI-PEACEFUL SUATN THAT AROSE AFTER YEARS OF DOG MENTAL LABOR — BOTH ON HIS, AND HIS PARENTS’, PARTS.*TANYA, 31, HAS ALWAYS HAD A CLOSE RELATNSHIP WH HER PARENTS — SHE SCRIB HER FAY AS A “STRONG, TIGHT UN.” AS A 20-YEAR-OLD, TANYA WAS HER FIRST-EVER RELATNSHIP WH A WOMAN — UNTIL THEY GOT UGHT BY BOTH OF THEIR PARENTS. “IT JT SORT OF BLEW OUT OF PROPORTN. THEY MA CHANGE OUR PHONE NUMBERS AND BANNED OM SEEG EACH OTHER.” DPE THE STRICT MEASUR, TANYA SAID HER PARENTS STILL HAD HER BACK, RELLG AN STANCE WHEN HER GIRLIEND’S MOTHER WAS TO HER, AND HER PARENTS STEPPED , CHIDG THE WOMAN FOR MISTREATG THEIR DGHTER.FOR A UPLE OF YEARS, TANYA SAYS HER FATHER CHALKED OFF HER RELATNSHIP AS A MISTAKE. DURG THAT TIME, TANYA SAYS SHE DIDN’T ENTERTA ANY RELATNSHIPS WH WOMEN — PARTLY DUE TO HER PARENTS’ REACTNS THE LAST TIME SHE HAD, AND PARTLY BEE SHE WAS STILL TRYG TO FIGURE OUT HER SEXUALY. BUT, “THERE WAS HUGE GUILT ME, THAT MY PARENTS HAD STOOD BY ME. I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT THEM THROUGH THE WHOLE ‘WHAT WOULD PEOPLE SAY’ THOUGHT PROCS. I WANTED TO BE MARRIED TO A GUY, FOR THEM.”EVENTUALLY, TANYA STARTED TO WRE FOR GAYSI, AN INDIAN QUEER MEDIA OUTLET, AND STARTED MEETG OTHER QUEER PEOPLE. WHEN SHE ATTEND HER FIRST PRI THE U.S., SHE FELT PELLED TO HAVE A NVERSATN WH HER PARENTS — WHICH EVERYONE HAD BEEN AVOIDG UNTIL THAT MOMENT. WHEN TANYA ME OUT, HER MOTHER SAID SHE WAS HEARTBROKEN; HER FATHER TOLD HER BEG GAY WAS NOTHG TO BE PROUD OF. TANYA RELLS RPONDG, “IT’S NOTHG TO BE ASHAMED OF, EHER.” SHE SAYS AFTER A FEW HOURS, WHEN HER PARENTS HAD TIME TO PROCS HER G OUT, THEY HAD SAID, “‘ARE WE ECSTATIC ABOUT THIS? NO. BUT ARE WE GOG TO GET YOUR WAY? NO.’ THEY EVEN TOLD ME TO GO TO THE U.S. BEE THEY THOUGHT LIFE WOULD BE EASIER FOR ME THERE.”SCE G OUT, TANYA HAS NCERTEDLY REVEALED TAILS ABOUT HER RELATNSHIPS TO HER PARENTS; SHE HAS HAD BAT ABOUT HOMOSEXUALY WH HER MOTHER AND HAS ATTEMPTED TO EXPLA WHY G OUT TO THE LARGER POPULATN IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO HER. “I TOLD HER, YOU DON’T NEED TO GO AND SHOUT OM THE ROOFTOPS THAT YOU’RE STRAIGHT. YOU START OM GROUND ZERO, AND WE START OM THE NEGATIVE. FOR MY RIGHT TO EXIST, TO BE ABLE TO MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN, I NEED TO FIGHT AND SPEAK OUT ALL THE TIME.”IN HER PARENTS’ IEND CIRCL, TANYA OFTEN ENUNTERS QUEERPHOBIC AND QUEER-IGNORANT PEOPLE, SHE SAYS, BUT STRS THAT ’S NOT HER PLACE TO E OUT TO HER PARENTS’ IENDS, NOR IS HER PLACE TO SCHOOL ANYONE. “AS MUCH AS IS MY RIGHT TO MUNITE AND ACT THE WAY I WANT TO, SO IS THEIRS,” SHE SAYS, ADDG SHE N WA UNTIL THEY FEEL FORTABLE TELLG THEIR OWN CIRCLE ABOUT HER SEXUALY. IN THE MEANTIME, HOWEVER, TANYA REERAT THAT HER FAY HAS NEVER STOOD HER WAY; THAT THEY HAVE HAD HER BACK. EARLIER THIS YEAR, TANYA SAYS SHE ME OUT PUBLICLY AND EVEN APPEARED A VIO WHICH SHE TALKED ABOUT HER SEXUALY.“THEY’VE NEVER E BACK AND SAID ‘WHY DID YOU DO THIS?’ THEY’VE NEVER SAID THIS IS WRONG; THE EXTEND FAY HAS PUT SO MUCH PRSURE ON THEM, ASKG THEM ‘WHY AREN’T YOU GETTG TANYA MARRIED.’ THEY READ UP ON HOMOSEXUALY; THEY FOLLOW THE NEWS,” TANYA SAYS. “I’VE BEEN LUCKY TO BE BORN TO THIS FAY.”FOR TANYA, A SLOW AND STEADY PROCS OF ASSERTG HERSELF AND CREATG SPACE FOR HER SEXUALY HER FAY ULTIMATELY LED TO A KD OF ACCEPTANCE THAT MIGHT NOT BE FULLY RMED BUT HAS CREASGLY BEE FORTABLE TO EXIST WH.*MKAN VARMA WAS 21 WHEN HER FATHER SAT HER DOWN AND ASKED IF SHE HAD A BOYIEND. WHEN VARMA SAID NO, HER FATHER ASKED IF SHE WAS GAY. “I DODGED THE QUTN SOMEHOW. AN HOUR LATER, HE ME BACK TO ASK ME IF I HAD A GIRLIEND, WHICH I DID BACK THEN. I WAS DREADG BEE HE IS AN EX-ARMY OFFICER. BUT I WENT FOR AND ALL HE SAID WAS ‘OKAY.’ NO QUTNS ASKED…. I THK THAT WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIT DAYS OF MY LIFE.”SCE, VARMA SAYS HER PARENTS REGARD HER SEXUALY AS NO DIFFERENT OM IF SHE HAD BEEN HETEROSEXUAL, ADDG THEY ARE ALSO ACMODATG OF HER GIRLIEND. “AFTER MY LAST BREAKUP, WHICH WAS ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO, THEY HAVE BEEN WORRIED BEE WAS A BTER ONE AND I WAS QUE BROKEN; THEY HAVE SEEN ME GO THROUGH AND THEY DON’T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN AGA.”WHEN HER CURRENT GIRLIEND MET VARMA’S FATHER, VARMA RELLED HER FATHER BEG “EXTREMELY SWEET; HE ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED A DRK. HE DID ASK HER A FEW QUTNS, LIKE ANY FATHER WOULD. [HE WAS] TRYG TO UNRSTAND WHERE SHE IS G OM, TRYG TO CIPHER IF THERE ARE ANY RED FLAGS; HE FOUND NONE. THEN MY GIRLIEND AND I FLEW TO DELHI BEE SHE REALLY WANTED TO MEET MY MOTHER AND MY DOG. THAT TERACTN WAS ALSO EXTREMELY WARM; THEY BOTH SPOKE AND BOND. MY DOG LOV HER, THANK GOD.”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:GENR AND SEXUALY TERMS: A SENSIVE GLOSSARY FOR PARENTSVARMA SAYS HER PARENTS HAVE CREATED A SPACE FOR HER AND HER GIRLIEND TO EXIST FORTABLY — “[MY GIRLIEND] IS VERY RG TOWARDS MY PARENTS; SHE MEETS MY FATHER OVER THE WEEKENDS; WE GO FOR MOVI AND GO OUT FOR LUNCH. SHE ASKS HIM HOW HE IS DOG. MY FATHER EVERY MORNG SENDS HER ‘GOOD MORNG’ MSAG, WHICH IS EXTREMELY CUTE. SHE AND MY MOTHER DO VIO LLS.”SULAGNA CHATTERJEE, 23, ALSO BOASTS OF A SIARLY WELG ATMOSPHERE AT HOME. FOR CHATTERJEE, HER MOTHER WAS A BIG PART OF THE PROCS OF HER G TO TERMS WH HER BISEXUALY. IN 2016, CHATTERJEE SAID SHE WAS STGGLG WH BEG BISEXUAL, DURG WHICH TIME HER MOTHER WAS THE GREATT SOURCE OF EMOTNAL SUPPORT. WHEN CHATTERJEE WAS FALLY READY TO OFFICIALLY E OUT — CINTALLY ON THE SAME DAY THE SUPREME COURT CRIMALIZED HOMOSEXUALY SEPTEMBER 2018 — HER MOTHER’S RPONSE WAS “ANTICLIMACTIC,” CHATTERJEE REUNTS; “SHE JT SAID, ‘COOL.'”“EVEN WHEN I WAS DATG BOYS; I TOLD [MY MOTHER] ABOUT MY FIRST KISS, MY FIRST RELATNSHIP, MY FIRST HEARTBREAK … MY MOTHER IS SOMEONE WHO GIV ME A LOT OF REALY CHECKS LIFE. … AS A QUEER WOMAN WHO IS NAVIGATG HER WAY THROUGH DATG WOMEN, WE DON’T HAVE REFERENCE POTS WHEN TO WHAT IS HEALTHY OR UNHEALTHY BEHAVR; THE ONLY NO-NO IS DON’T BE A TRASHY GUY; … WHAT WOULD A GUY DO THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL UNFORTABLE, DON’T DO THAT,” CHATTERJEE SAID, ADDG HER MOTHER HAS OFTEN LLED HER OUT ON UNHEALTHY BEHAVRS RELATNSHIPS.WHEN CHATTERJEE WENT THROUGH A ROUGH HEARTBREAK, SHE SAYS HER MOTHER WAS THERE FOR HER — SOMETIM WH A SHOULR TO CRY ON AND A GLASS OF VODKA AFTER. DPE THE CLOSENS, CHATERJEE ADMS, “IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO OPEN UP TO THEM EVEN THOUGH I’VE BEEN CLOSE WH THEM — THERE WAS SOME KD OF A MENTAL BLOCK FOR ME.”*WHILE G OUT AND BEG OPEN AND FORTABLE WH ONE’S OWN SEXUALY OR GENR INTY N BE NAVIGATED BY SOME, ’S ALSO NOT AN OPTN FOR MANY.“SOME OF NEGOTIATE ACCEPTANCE AND FEARS OF REJECTN MORE AMBIGUO WAYS,” G.V., 21, WHO INTIFI AS NON-BARY AND PANSEXUAL, SAID. “I THK SOME OF N’T E OUT. WE ARE ALREADY DIFFERENT THE WORLD’S EY; PEOPLE AROUND SEE , EVEN IF THEY DON’T HAVE THE VOBULARY TO REGNIZE OR UNRSTAND AT THE TIME. … INSTEAD OF DRAMATIC GS-OUT, I THK MANY OF TT THE WATERS — REJECTG CERTA FORMS OF MASCULE PERFORMANCE, FOR EXAMPLE.”IN LLEGE, G.V. WORE LIPSTICK, KAJAL AND HAD SHOULR-LENGTH HAIR — ONLY THE HAIR REMAED WHEN THEY MOVED BACK HOME. EVEN THEN, G.V. WAS TOLD BY THEIR PARENTS NOT TO “LOOK LIKE A GIRL.” “I MA A BUNDLE OF MY LIPSTICK, NAIL POLISH, AND KAJAL, AND GAVE THEM AWAY. I RETREATED TO THE STRANGE, UNCERTA SAFETY OF THE CLOSET,” G.V. SAID, ADDG THAT THEIR PARENTS HAVE HAD SPICNS OVER THE YEARS REGARDG THEIR MASCULY, WHICH THEY HAVE FEND OFF BY GROWG A MTACHE OR A BEARD.“OF URSE SO MANY OF LIVE DOUBLE LIV, LIV MANY MULTIPL,” WHICH G.V. LLS WATERTIGHT PARTMENTS. “MAYBE THEY’LL LLAPSE TO EACH OTHER SOMEDAY.”RELATED ON THE SWADDLE:CAN PARENTG LGBTQ KIDS BE 100% SUPPORTIVE INDIA?A MAJOR PART OF NOT DISCLOSG THEIR INTY TO THEIR FAY IS ALSO ABOUT G.V.’S NTEMPLATN OF MASCULY, THEY SAY. “I THK I FLED OM HETERO-ISH ENUNTERS BEE I ULD NEVER FEEL MASCULE ENOUGH. … FOR WHATEVER REASON, I’M A B SRED OF DRIVG; SO MY BROTHER DRIV, OR RIS SHOTGUN. … I DON’T KNOW IF I’M READG TO THIS, BUT I ALMOST ALWAYS KNOW THAT MY PLACE IS ALWAYS SOMEHOW GOG TO BE AS LS OF A MAN.”WHEN G.V.’S PARENTS ASK THEM IF THEY HAVE “ANY ODD TENNCI” OR IF THEY ARE “ONE OF THOSE ODDBALLS,” OR EVEN WHEN THEIR PARENTS TELL THEM THEY WOULD BE “LOVED NO MATTER WHAT” — THEIR “REACTN WAS MOSTLY KNEE-JERK NIAL.” COMG OUT IS UNRSTOOD A “PAFULLY UNIDIMENSNAL WAY,” G.V. SAYS, WHICH “RARELY ACUNTS FOR HOW THE NEWLY EMERGENT TTHS GRAPPLE WH EXISTG, AND OFTEN TOXIC, FAY DYNAMICS.”“THERE’S A WORLD OF NFED, BLEAK GREY BETWEEN THE RABOW-TTED FAY ACCEPTANCE, AND GETTG DISHERED AND THROWN OUT.”SHARE TAGS FAY | FAY MATTERS | HOMOPHOBIA | LGBTQIA+ | QUEER BEAT | SEXUALY WRTEN BY RAJVI DAI RAJVI DAI IS THE SWADDLE’S CULTURE EDOR. AFTER GRADUATG OM NYU AS A JOURNALISM AND POLICS MAJOR, SHE VERED BREAKG NEWS AND POLICS NEW YORK CY, AND DABBLED SIGN AND ENTERTAMENT JOURNALISM. BACK THE HOMELAND, SHE’S TERTED TACKLG BETY, SPORTS, POLICS AND HUMAN RIGHTS HER GENR-FOCED WRG, WHILE ALSO -MANAGG THE SWADDLE TEAM’S PODST, RPECTFULLY DISAGREE. SEE ALL ARTICL BY RAJVILATT CULTURE ARTICL CONSTANT CRICISMWOE IS ME! “I BCH ABOUT PEOPLE I LOVE, THEN LOSE THEM. HOW DO I STOP?”

Even before the change law, gay travellers uld feel nfint that a trip to India would be safe and enjoyable, if they were aware of their surroundgs and were reful about public displays of affectn.

As many non-gay-iendly untri, tourists and travellers tend to be exempt om the same prsur as lols (although, havg said that, the Pk Rupee tourism market has been growg for a while). In any se, the hope is that now gay sex has been crimalized, full acceptance and prehensive LGBT rights India – pl all the fun eedoms attached – are sure to follow. For the time beg, avoidg public displays of affectn is advised, which is the se for homosexual and heterosexual upl socially nservative unti anyway.

THE NATNS WHERE 'S STILL CRIMAL TO BE GAY (AS INDIA MARKS AN AWKWARD ANNIVERSARY)

For a more relaxed trip, plac like Kerala and Goa are chilled areas where people are likely to let gay travellers do their thg and there are some gay-iendly acmodatn optns. It do not mean people will not be iendly, but gay travellers should be more aware of their behavur and stay tune wh the surroundgs. As discsed above, the gay tourism market, both lol and ternatnal, is beg creasgly lucrative for hotels and tour operators and so staff are beg traed to be more open md.

Apart om the many magil thgs there are to do for all visors to India, there are also plenty of gay events happeng throughout the year. Mumbai, as the enomic pal, and Bangalore, wh s ternatnal and young populatn, naturally lend themselv to gay meet-ups and anisatns arrangg events. We have put together a list of our favoure gay hook up apps to e while travelg, but you might also want to bsh up on your gay sna etiquette if you want some simple, steamy fun….

INDIA'S FIRST OPENLY GAY PRCE ENDURED YEARS OF TORTURO NVERSN THERAPY. NOW, HE'S FIGHTG TO MAKE THE PRACTICE ILLEGAL.

The untry at the moment is a fascatg statn for gay travellers, not jt bee ’s a fascatg statn generally but bee of the changg nature of LGBT rights India. Gay travellers will still need to be aware of how ral the areas they are visg are, what the potential attus might be and how to adjt their behavur acrdgly.

However, what India needs currently is support and visibily om the LGBT muny and if feels safe, perhaps bigger and more liberal ci, gay travellers n feel more relaxed to be themselv. Says, was relentls — she nstantly ptered him to be like other gay men she knew who were olr, had been forced to supprs their sexualy, marry women and have children. ”Sce g out, Tanya has ncertedly revealed tails about her relatnships to her parents; she has had bat about homosexualy wh her mother and has attempted to expla why g out to the larger populatn is also important to her.

When Chatterjee was fally ready to officially e out — cintally on the same day the Supreme Court crimalized homosexualy September 2018 — her mother’s rponse was “anticlimactic, ” Chatterjee reunts; “she jt said, ‘Cool. Unlike Sourav, who nfintly asserts himself as a gay man spe the phback om his loved on, back the 1980s and 1990s, I had no termology to scribe what I was. There was emotnal blackmail, cludg beg blamed for his mother’s illns; beg taken by his parents to nsult a homophobic nropsychiatrist who diagnosed him wh a “sexual disorr”, prcribed meditn for and remend unsellg to rrect his ways; and opprsive parental surveillance, aid by the lack of privacy their two-room home.

THIS MAN EXPLAS WHAT ’S LIKE TO BE GAY INDIAN THE US

Tuday marks 10 years sce India crimalised gay sex, but 's unlikely the tone will be 's bee the 2009 lower urt lg was short-lived; overturned wh a few years by the natn's Supreme 2012 judgment effectively re-tablished the Brish lonial-era law Sectn 377, which saw gay sex punished by up to 10 years took another six years - September 2018 - before India's top urt fally brought the natn le wh the majory of the world and stck down the there are still dozens of untri where same-sex relatnships are the world is still crimal to be gay? The Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn (ILGA) listed the followg natns s 2019 map of crimalisatn of nsensual same-sex sexual acts between shas of yellow ( facto crimalisatn) through to brown (effective or possible ath penalty) show the natns which still outlaw gay relatnships 2019.

Cred: ILGASome untri have varyg levels of punishments bee of regnal differenc Facto crimalisatn: 2Iraq, EgyptUp to eight years imprisonment: 31Moroc, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Chad, Cameroon, Togo, Ghana, Liberia, Guea, Senegal, Namibia, Botswana*, Zimbabwe, Ethpia, Errea, Somalia, Oman, Syria, Lebanon, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kuwa, Comoros, Mri, Eswati, Bhutan, Sgapore, Papua New Guea, Samoa, Cook Islands10 years to life prison: 26Jamai, Antigua and Barbuda, St Kts and Nevis, Domi, St Vcent and Grenad, St Lucia, Grenada, Barbados, Guyana, Sierra Leone, Nigeria, South Sudan, Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania, Malawi, Zambia, Banglash, Myanmar, Sri Lanka, Malaysia, Bnei, Soloman Islands, Kiribati, Tuvalu, TongaEffective ath penalty: 6Nigeria, Sudan, Somalia, Sdi Arabia, Yemen, IranPossible ath penalty: 5Mrania, UAE, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Gambia*Sce the list was published Botswana scrapped s law, banng gay sex June.

"Our inty n be challenged bee of the motherland, " she told ITV Loi is CEO of Gaysians, which overseas a UK alliance of more than 20 Brish Asian LGBT+ said even those not born India still "hold onto whatever piece you have of your homeland", so remembers the 2012 reversg of the crimalisatn as "terrible, horrifyg (and) heartbreakg that you're not accepted for beg who you are.

A PERSONAL ACUNT OF WHAT MEANS TO BE GAY INDIA

"India has moved on so many ways but diaspora muni haven't, " she law changed 2018 after a petn of gay people who said they were livg fear of beg harassed and prosecuted by police.

"A timele of India's difficult relatnship wh homosexualy 1861: Brish India troduc sectn 377, based on 16th century law lled the Buggery Act. 2015: A member of the Indian Natnal Congrs party, Shashi Tharoor, troduc a bill to crimalise homosexualy and is voted down twice. But he uld only live his tth three s publicly me out an terview to a lol newspaper 2006, beg the first openly gay royal the untry.

He was 41 at the 2018, homosexualy was illegal India, punishable unr Sectn 377, a lonial-era dranian law that mand up to life imprisonment for anyone mtg sexual acts "agast the orr of nature. In 2018, the year that the Supreme Court crimalized homosexualy a landmark lg, Gohil opened up a 15-acre palace grounds to build a shelter for vulnerable members of the muny.