Gay & Sober MISSION STATEMENT

Contents:

• I'M GAY AND SOBER: HERE'S HOW I SURVIVED ANOTHER TEMPTG SUMMERFIRE ISLAND. THE HAMPTONS. PRI. WHEN DRKG IS SYNONYMO WH CELEBRATN, QUEER NON-DRKERS MT STAY ON HIGH {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY DAVID TOSATAUGT 30, 2019/8:35 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:2130PX;WIDTH:3000PX;}GETTYPORTRA OF A YOUNG MAN RELAXG THE SWIMMG POOLBY DAVID TOSATAUGT 30, 2019 / 8:35 AM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"I'M GAY AND SOBER: HERE'S HOW I SURVIVED ANOTHER TEMPTG SUMMER","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2019-08-30T12:35:54.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2019-08-30T12:35:54.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"DAVID TOSAT","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ON A BETIFUL SUMMER NIGHT A UPLE OF WEEKS AGO, A IEND OF ME NSOLED ME AS I PLAED ABOUT BEG A NON-PRACTICG ALHOLIC. HE ASKED, SYMPATHETILLY, "SO WHY IS THAT YOU LIKED TO DRK?" WE WERE STG OUTSI AT A TRENDY CHELSEA RTRANT, WHERE FLAVORED MARGARAS WERE FLOWG AS EELY AS SPIKED LGHTER, AND MY IEND HAD JT ORRED HIS SEND CHARDONNAY. I WAS NURSG A DIET {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I TOOK A MOMENT, THEN SAID, “THERE ARE ABOUT FIVE BARS ON THE THREE-BLOCK WALK TO MY GYM AND ONE LIQUOR STORE. EVERYONE I SEE ON TV DRKS. MY IENDS WHO GO TO THE HAMPTONS AND FIRE ISLAND E BACK AND TELL ME ABOUT FABULO CKTAIL PARTI. DRKS ARE EXPECTED TO MEMORATE EVERY HOLIDAY, PROMOTN, NEW JOB, WEDDG, PRETTY MUCH ANY TIME YOU’VE HAD A ROUGH DAY. OH YEAH, AND THE THREE BT HIGHS I’VE EVER EXPERIENCED THE WORLD ARE SEX, ACTG ONT OF A LIVE DIENCE, AND ALHOL. BUT THE FIRST TWO DGS AREN’T ALWAYS ACCSIBLE. WHY WOULDN’T I LIKE TO DRK?”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HE GOT THE POT, FISHED HIS WE, AND ORRED THE CHECK. CHEERS!{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ACCEPTG THAT YOU’RE AN ALHOLIC IS NOT AN EASY TASK—TST ME—AND NVCG YOURSELF TO STOP IS AN EVEN HARR ONE—TST ME. BUT WH APPROXIMATELY 14 LN ALHOLIC ADULTS THE UNED STAT ALONE, NOT UNTG OTHER ADDICTNS, ’S AN ISSUE THAT MT BE NTUALLY ADDRSED, NOT HIDN THE SHADOWS. WH THE LGBTQ MUNY, THE NUMBER OF ALHOLICS LANDS AT ABOUT 1 4, MORE THAN DOUBLE THE TIMATED STAT FOR NON-QUEER FOLK. SHAME, ISOLATN, SELF-MEDITN, SYSTEMIC DISCRIMATN, AND FAIAL ABANDONMENT ARE AMONG MANY FACTORS THAT NTRIBUTE TO THIS STATISTIL LEAP. HELL, OUR MUNY IS SO ALHOL-ABSORBENT THAT GRDR HAS ADD “SOBER” TO S LIST OF {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I’VE OFTEN SAID THAT QUEER CY LIFE IS LIKE THOSE GAY PUBLITNS WE ED TO PICK UP AT, WELL, BARS. THE VER PHOTO SHOWED YOU AN IMAGE OF THE PERFECT MAN HOSTG THE PERFECT PARTY (HALF-PRICE SHOTS TILL MIDNIGHT!), SI WERE ENDLS ADVERTISEMENTS FOR CLUBS AND DRKG AND CIS AND DRKG AND PRI AND DRKG, AND THE FAL PAG CLUD LISTS OF SOBER OPTNS AND NUMBERS TO LL ONCE YOU’VE H BOTTOM. THE STONEWALL INN WAS OUR LIBERATN AND WE’VE BEEN LIQUID LOVE EVER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LIKE MOST MEN WHO ARRIVED NEW YORK THE 1980S, DRKG CULTURE WAS AS PROMENT AS GYM CULTURE, TWO MEANS TO AN END OF FEELG FABULO AND MEETG LIKE-MD FOLKS. CLUBS WERE EVERYWHERE, AND IF YOU NEED TO PE THOSE BIGOTED PEOPLE BACK HOME OR THE STRAIGHT-CENTRIC STREETS OF 9-TO-5 LIFE OR THAT UNWELE HIV TT RULT, THE HATCH LAY A GLASS.ERI BERGER/NEWSDAY RM VIA GETTY IMAGNEW YORK, N.Y.: TRAFFIC VICE WORKER DARRYL BECKL CHANG THE STREET SIGN ON CHRISTOPHER STREET GREENWICH VILLAGE MANHATTAN TO CHRISTOPHER STREET/STONEWALL PLACE ON JUNE 6, 1989. THE SIGN MEMORATED THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE STONEWALL RTS. (PHOTO BY ERI BERGER/NEWSDAY RM VIA GETTY IMAG){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}DEALG WH G OUT AND HOMOPHOBIA, PECIALLY THE AGE OF AIDS AND BTAL BASHGS, BROUGHT THE MUNY CLOSER TOGETHER, BUT ALSO MA ALHOL TO A KD OF MEDITN. WATCH A SGLE EPISO OF POSE IF YOU NEED TO BE REMD OF HOW HARD-H THE 1980S TRANSGENR MUNY WAS WHEN ME TO HATRED AND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WE’RE STILL AT BATTLE, JT WH BETTER BODY ARMOR AND MORE PROMENT IENDS. ABOUT 80% OF THE YOUNG GAY MEN I MEET TODAY WHO HAVE DRKG PROBLEMS CE BOTH G OUT AND THE ISOLATN OF ADAPTG TO GAY LIFE AS THE MA FOR ALHOL ABE. SOME CE FDG OUT THEY WERE HIV-POSIVE; OTHERS CE GETTG VOLVED WH THE WRONG CROWD/BOYIEND A TOWN THAT, AT TIM, STILL PRETENDS TO BE THE MALE VERSN OF SEX AND THE CY: DRK ALL NIGHT, WAKE UP HANER-EE, RSE THE STENCH OF ALHOL OFF, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}FOR ME, AND MANY OF MY QUEER IENDS, SUMMER IS BY FAR THE HARST SEASON TO STAY SOBER, AND NOT JT BEE OF EVENTS LIKE PRI. LIKE SO MANY GAY KIDS, I GREW UP WATCHG NEW YORK MOVI ON TELEVISN, EDI MOSTLY, WHERE EVERYONE DRANK, DAY AND NIGHT, AND WAS AS GLAMORO AND SCTIVE AS ROCK HUDSON ROMANCG DORIS DAY. WHAT ULD GO WRONG WH THIS PICTURE? I ULDN’T WA TO GET HERE, AMONG THE PENTHOE TERRAC AND VILLAGE JAZZ CLUBS AND ROOFTOP PARTI. AND I ULDN’T WA TO DRK THE VIBRATG SUMMER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}BY THE TIME I WAS LIVG HERE MY 20S, THE PARTICULARS CHANGED, BUT THE THRILL OF ALHOL REMAED. FIRE ISLAND TRIPS MEANT STARTG TO DRK WH IENDS ON THE TRA, THEN THE FERRY BAR, THE ISLAND, HIGH TEA. THE HAMPTONS WAS ONE BETIFUL MARTI AFTER ANOTHER, ONE SUNSET GLASS OF WE AFTER ANOTHER, ONE FUCKG HANER AFTER ANOTH—WHAT? BELLIS AT 10 THE MORNG? I WON'T SAY NO...{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT GOT BAD, THEN GOT WORSE, AND I’LL SPARE YOU THE TAILS, MOSTLY BEE I DON’T REMEMBER THEM. BUT NOW THAT SUMMER’S OVER, AND I MA THROUGH THE SOBER WILRNS (HUMOR ALWAYS HELPS), I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU’RE NOT ALONE, AND THAT IF YOU NEED SUPPORT, ’S HERE. FALL’S G, AND THAT MEANS HALLOWEEN AND THE SLUTTY DNK (AND THAT’S NOT EVEN YOUR STUME); THANKSGIVG AND THANKG THE WE TO HELP YOU SURVIVE YOUR RELATIV; CHRISTMAS PARTI AND M KE (AFTER YOU CHUG M WH , THAT IS) THEN SPIKED EGGNOG; AND, FALLY, CHAMPAGNE AT MIDNIGHT ON THE VERY LAST DAY OF THE YEAR. UNLIKE SMOKG CIGARETT, ALHOL IS STILL ENURAGED OUR EVERYDAY LIV. FIVE YOURSELF IF YOU SLIP UP AND ACCEPT SOCIETY’S VATN TO THE PARTY.SCOTT MORGAN /PATRICK MCMULLAN VIA GETTY IMAG)- JULY 4: BOARDG TO VA ATTENDS INDEPENDENCE DAY &THE INVASION OF THE PINES AT CHERRY GROVE AND FIRE ISLAND P ON JULY 4, 2010 BROOKHAVEN, NEW YORK. (PHOTO BY SCOTT MORGAN /PATRICK MCMULLAN VIA GETTY IMAG){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I’M NOT ONE TO PRAISE J OVER ALHOLICS ANONYMO, AND I FD THE GOD ASPECT OFF-PUTTG AT BT, NSCENDG AT WORST. IS A CULT? ONLY FOR THE MEMBERS WHO THK EVERYONE THE WORLD NEEDS TO ATTEND, AND WILL DIE TRYG TO NVERT THE NON-BELIEVERS. I DO GO, I DON’T PRAY, AND I TEND TO THK MY HIGHER POWER IS THE DONUT I GRAB ON MY WAY OUT OF THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}TO STOP DRKG, I THK YOU NEED SUPPORT, AND THE BT PART ABOUT AA FOR ME IS THE PEOPLE I LISTEN TO WHO HAVE SIAR EXPERIENC. IT HELPS TO KNOW YOU’RE NOT ALONE, AND HELPS TREMENDOLY TO HAVE A NTACT OR FIVE IF YOU FEEL THE URGE. ALSO, THERE ARE SECULAR AND AGNOSTIC MEETGS NOW MOST CI, CLUDG NEW YORK, WHERE GOD IS NEHER ENDORSED NOR DISMISSED. SOMETIM PEOPLE TELL ME THE PLAC ARE NOT “REAL MEETGS,” TO WHICH I RPOND, “I THK YOU MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}OTHER IENDS I KNOW HAVE SUCCSFULLY STOPPED DRKG WH THE HELP OF A THERAPIST, EHER A GROUP SETTG OR SOLO, WHILE OTHERS HAVE MA A NSC CISN TO STOP DRKG AND THEN JT QU LD TURKEY. THE DIFFICULT PART ABOUT GOG SOLO IS THAT NO ONE’S THERE WHEN THE FORMER DRKG BUDDI DISAPPEAR (AND THEY, AND THEIR IENDSHIP, PROBABLY WILL). YOU GET ED TO , AND ’S A GOOD CHANCE TO RE-EVALUATE WHO YOUR REAL IENDS ARE. WHILE THE MON NOMATOR OF ALHOLISM UN , OUR METHODS OF QUTG VARY. IF WORKS FOR YOU, NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU YOU’RE DOG THE WRONG WAY.JOHN VAN HASSELT/CORBIS VIA GETTY IMAGALHOLICS ANONYMO CELEBRAT S 75TH ANNIVERSARY. ALSO KNOWN AS AA WAS FOUND BY BILL WILSON AND DR BOB SMH JUNE 1935 AKRON OH. IT HAS BEE A WORLDWI MOVEMENT SPREAD OUT WH OVER 100,000 GROUPS WH 2 LN MEMBERS 150 UNTRI. THE TWO BOOKS PRIMARILY ED ARE LLED ALHOLICS ANONYMO (THE "BIG BOOK ") AND TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADNS, EXPLAG AA"S FUNDAMENTAL PRCIPL. MEETGS ARE RMAL SUCH AS THE ONE STARTED PARIS 1960 AT THE AMERIN CHURCH AT 65 QUAI DÕORSAY FOR ENGLISH SPEAKERS SUCH AS THE US ARY WHICH LED TO THE FIRST FRENCH SPEAKG GROUP 50 YEARS AGO THE SAME ROOM (PHOTO). THE WHO TIMAT THAT OVER 140 LN PEOPLE GLOBALLY ARE AFFECTED BY ALHOLISM. THE INTERNATNAL AA CONVENTN WILL BE HELD JULY 1-4, 2010 SAN ANTON,TEXAS. (PHOTO BY JOHN VAN HASSELT/CORBIS VIA GETTY IMAG){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHETHER YOU WANT TO LL ALHOLISM A DISEASE, AN ADDICTN, AN ALLERGY, OR A ROYAL PA THE ASS, ’S OUT TO GET YOU AND PUTS UP A GOOD FIGHT. IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS, LEARN THEM LIKE YOU LEARNED THE ALPHABET GRA SCHOOL. UNLIKE ALGEBRA, KNOWG WHAT MAK YOU CRAVE ALHOL WILL ACTUALLY HELP YOU REAL LIFE. SOMETIM THOSE TRIGGERS ARE BARS OR VATN SPOTS (I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME TRAVELG SOBER), SOMETIM ’S IENDS OR LOVED ON—BOUNDARI!—SOMETIM ’S YOUR OWN ISOLATN OR EVEN YOUR OWN {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IF YOU STGGLED THIS SUMMER SEASON—MY HIGH-ALERT TIME—AND SPENT MOST OF THE MONTHS DNK, OR IF YOU’RE SEEKG ALTERNATIV FOR NEXT YEAR AND ARE WORRIED ’D REQUIRE CHAG YOURSELF TO YOUR BED, KNOW THAT OTHER OPTNS AWA. MOCKTAILS ARE A TOTAL THG NOW, AND WHEREVER YOU ARE—BE FIRE ISLAND, THE HAMPTONS, ASBURY PARK, PROVCETOWN—THERE’S AN AA MEETG NEARBY. ABOVE ALL ELSE, REMEMBER THIS: THE GUYS WHO ARE ENURAGG YOU TO DRK, RATHER THAN ENURAGG YOU TO MAKE THE BT, HEALTHIT CHOIC FOR YOU, MAY NEED TO LOOK THEIR OWN G-OSTED {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SAVE YOUR WORKOUTS TILL NIGHT IF HELPS, AND REMEMBER THAT SUMMER BODI AREN’T MA WH ALHOL FN AND HANERS, AND THAT ALHOL IS STLY MORE WAYS THAN ONE. SEX IS SO MUCH BETTER IF YOU’RE SOBER ENOUGH TO STILL GET UP AND AWAKE TO SOMEONE YOU ACTUALLY THK IS ATTRACTIVE THE MORNG LIGHT. SPEAKG OF LIGHT, I MUCH PREFER TO GET UP AT FIVE THEN TO GO TO BED AT THAT TIME. AND IF THE PLAC OR THE PEOPLE OFFER TOO MUCH TEMPTATN—I NIXED A GROUP OF FUNCTNG-ALHOLIC FIRE ISLAND IENDS—THEN SEEK OUT NEW STATNS, LERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. THERE’S YOUR LIVER TO THK ABOUT. IT NEEDS A VATN, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I UALLY ATTEND AN AA MEETG ON MONDAY NIGHTS, PECIALLY DURG THE TEMPTG SUMMER EVENGS. IT’S A CHURCH OFF PARK AVENUE, AND DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET IS AN UPPER EAST SI HIGH RISE WH EXPANSIVE TERRAC, THE KD OF PLACE I ED TO PICTURE MARILYN MONROE PLOTTG HER FUTURE WHILE SIPPG CKTAILS HOW TO MARRY A {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I ALWAYS GLANCE OVER AND GET A LTLE DOWN THAT I’M NOT UP THERE, SIPPG DRKS OUTSI WH GLAMORO IENDS WHO FEEL BUZZED BUT NEVER DNK. NEW YORK SKYL SPARKLE SO MUCH MORE WHEN VIEWED THROUGH A MARTI GLASS. THEN I WALK SI THE CHURCH, S DOWN, AND REMEMBER HOW MUCH THAT VISN ALMOST KILLED {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS
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I'M GAY AND SOBER: HERE'S HOW I SURVIVED ANOTHER TEMPTG SUMMERFIRE ISLAND. THE HAMPTONS. PRI. WHEN DRKG IS SYNONYMO WH CELEBRATN, QUEER NON-DRKERS MT STAY ON HIGH {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY DAVID TOSATAUGT 30, 2019/8:35 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:2130PX;WIDTH:3000PX;}GETTYPORTRA OF A YOUNG MAN RELAXG THE SWIMMG POOLBY DAVID TOSATAUGT 30, 2019 / 8:35 AM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"I'M GAY AND SOBER: HERE'S HOW I SURVIVED ANOTHER TEMPTG SUMMER","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2019-08-30T12:35:54.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2019-08-30T12:35:54.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"DAVID TOSAT","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ON A BETIFUL SUMMER NIGHT A UPLE OF WEEKS AGO, A IEND OF ME NSOLED ME AS I PLAED ABOUT BEG A NON-PRACTICG ALHOLIC. HE ASKED, SYMPATHETILLY, "SO WHY IS THAT YOU LIKED TO DRK?" WE WERE STG OUTSI AT A TRENDY CHELSEA RTRANT, WHERE FLAVORED MARGARAS WERE FLOWG AS EELY AS SPIKED LGHTER, AND MY IEND HAD JT ORRED HIS SEND CHARDONNAY. I WAS NURSG A DIET {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I TOOK A MOMENT, THEN SAID, “THERE ARE ABOUT FIVE BARS ON THE THREE-BLOCK WALK TO MY GYM AND ONE LIQUOR STORE. EVERYONE I SEE ON TV DRKS. MY IENDS WHO GO TO THE HAMPTONS AND FIRE ISLAND E BACK AND TELL ME ABOUT FABULO CKTAIL PARTI. DRKS ARE EXPECTED TO MEMORATE EVERY HOLIDAY, PROMOTN, NEW JOB, WEDDG, PRETTY MUCH ANY TIME YOU’VE HAD A ROUGH DAY. OH YEAH, AND THE THREE BT HIGHS I’VE EVER EXPERIENCED THE WORLD ARE SEX, ACTG ONT OF A LIVE DIENCE, AND ALHOL. BUT THE FIRST TWO DGS AREN’T ALWAYS ACCSIBLE. WHY WOULDN’T I LIKE TO DRK?”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HE GOT THE POT, FISHED HIS WE, AND ORRED THE CHECK. CHEERS!{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ACCEPTG THAT YOU’RE AN ALHOLIC IS NOT AN EASY TASK—TST ME—AND NVCG YOURSELF TO STOP IS AN EVEN HARR ONE—TST ME. BUT WH APPROXIMATELY 14 LN ALHOLIC ADULTS THE UNED STAT ALONE, NOT UNTG OTHER ADDICTNS, ’S AN ISSUE THAT MT BE NTUALLY ADDRSED, NOT HIDN THE SHADOWS. WH THE LGBTQ MUNY, THE NUMBER OF ALHOLICS LANDS AT ABOUT 1 4, MORE THAN DOUBLE THE TIMATED STAT FOR NON-QUEER FOLK. SHAME, ISOLATN, SELF-MEDITN, SYSTEMIC DISCRIMATN, AND FAIAL ABANDONMENT ARE AMONG MANY FACTORS THAT NTRIBUTE TO THIS STATISTIL LEAP. HELL, OUR MUNY IS SO ALHOL-ABSORBENT THAT GRDR HAS ADD “SOBER” TO S LIST OF {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I’VE OFTEN SAID THAT QUEER CY LIFE IS LIKE THOSE GAY PUBLITNS WE ED TO PICK UP AT, WELL, BARS. THE VER PHOTO SHOWED YOU AN IMAGE OF THE PERFECT MAN HOSTG THE PERFECT PARTY (HALF-PRICE SHOTS TILL MIDNIGHT!), SI WERE ENDLS ADVERTISEMENTS FOR CLUBS AND DRKG AND CIS AND DRKG AND PRI AND DRKG, AND THE FAL PAG CLUD LISTS OF SOBER OPTNS AND NUMBERS TO LL ONCE YOU’VE H BOTTOM. THE STONEWALL INN WAS OUR LIBERATN AND WE’VE BEEN LIQUID LOVE EVER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LIKE MOST MEN WHO ARRIVED NEW YORK THE 1980S, DRKG CULTURE WAS AS PROMENT AS GYM CULTURE, TWO MEANS TO AN END OF FEELG FABULO AND MEETG LIKE-MD FOLKS. CLUBS WERE EVERYWHERE, AND IF YOU NEED TO PE THOSE BIGOTED PEOPLE BACK HOME OR THE STRAIGHT-CENTRIC STREETS OF 9-TO-5 LIFE OR THAT UNWELE HIV TT RULT, THE HATCH LAY A GLASS.ERI BERGER/NEWSDAY RM VIA GETTY IMAGNEW YORK, N.Y.: TRAFFIC VICE WORKER DARRYL BECKL CHANG THE STREET SIGN ON CHRISTOPHER STREET GREENWICH VILLAGE MANHATTAN TO CHRISTOPHER STREET/STONEWALL PLACE ON JUNE 6, 1989. THE SIGN MEMORATED THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE STONEWALL RTS. (PHOTO BY ERI BERGER/NEWSDAY RM VIA GETTY IMAG){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}DEALG WH G OUT AND HOMOPHOBIA, PECIALLY THE AGE OF AIDS AND BTAL BASHGS, BROUGHT THE MUNY CLOSER TOGETHER, BUT ALSO MA ALHOL TO A KD OF MEDITN. WATCH A SGLE EPISO OF POSE IF YOU NEED TO BE REMD OF HOW HARD-H THE 1980S TRANSGENR MUNY WAS WHEN ME TO HATRED AND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WE’RE STILL AT BATTLE, JT WH BETTER BODY ARMOR AND MORE PROMENT IENDS. ABOUT 80% OF THE YOUNG GAY MEN I MEET TODAY WHO HAVE DRKG PROBLEMS CE BOTH G OUT AND THE ISOLATN OF ADAPTG TO GAY LIFE AS THE MA FOR ALHOL ABE. SOME CE FDG OUT THEY WERE HIV-POSIVE; OTHERS CE GETTG VOLVED WH THE WRONG CROWD/BOYIEND A TOWN THAT, AT TIM, STILL PRETENDS TO BE THE MALE VERSN OF SEX AND THE CY: DRK ALL NIGHT, WAKE UP HANER-EE, RSE THE STENCH OF ALHOL OFF, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}FOR ME, AND MANY OF MY QUEER IENDS, SUMMER IS BY FAR THE HARST SEASON TO STAY SOBER, AND NOT JT BEE OF EVENTS LIKE PRI. LIKE SO MANY GAY KIDS, I GREW UP WATCHG NEW YORK MOVI ON TELEVISN, EDI MOSTLY, WHERE EVERYONE DRANK, DAY AND NIGHT, AND WAS AS GLAMORO AND SCTIVE AS ROCK HUDSON ROMANCG DORIS DAY. WHAT ULD GO WRONG WH THIS PICTURE? I ULDN’T WA TO GET HERE, AMONG THE PENTHOE TERRAC AND VILLAGE JAZZ CLUBS AND ROOFTOP PARTI. AND I ULDN’T WA TO DRK THE VIBRATG SUMMER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}BY THE TIME I WAS LIVG HERE MY 20S, THE PARTICULARS CHANGED, BUT THE THRILL OF ALHOL REMAED. FIRE ISLAND TRIPS MEANT STARTG TO DRK WH IENDS ON THE TRA, THEN THE FERRY BAR, THE ISLAND, HIGH TEA. THE HAMPTONS WAS ONE BETIFUL MARTI AFTER ANOTHER, ONE SUNSET GLASS OF WE AFTER ANOTHER, ONE FUCKG HANER AFTER ANOTH—WHAT? BELLIS AT 10 THE MORNG? I WON'T SAY NO...{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT GOT BAD, THEN GOT WORSE, AND I’LL SPARE YOU THE TAILS, MOSTLY BEE I DON’T REMEMBER THEM. BUT NOW THAT SUMMER’S OVER, AND I MA THROUGH THE SOBER WILRNS (HUMOR ALWAYS HELPS), I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU’RE NOT ALONE, AND THAT IF YOU NEED SUPPORT, ’S HERE. FALL’S G, AND THAT MEANS HALLOWEEN AND THE SLUTTY DNK (AND THAT’S NOT EVEN YOUR STUME); THANKSGIVG AND THANKG THE WE TO HELP YOU SURVIVE YOUR RELATIV; CHRISTMAS PARTI AND M KE (AFTER YOU CHUG M WH , THAT IS) THEN SPIKED EGGNOG; AND, FALLY, CHAMPAGNE AT MIDNIGHT ON THE VERY LAST DAY OF THE YEAR. UNLIKE SMOKG CIGARETT, ALHOL IS STILL ENURAGED OUR EVERYDAY LIV. FIVE YOURSELF IF YOU SLIP UP AND ACCEPT SOCIETY’S VATN TO THE PARTY.SCOTT MORGAN /PATRICK MCMULLAN VIA GETTY IMAG)- JULY 4: BOARDG TO VA ATTENDS INDEPENDENCE DAY &THE INVASION OF THE PINES AT CHERRY GROVE AND FIRE ISLAND P ON JULY 4, 2010 BROOKHAVEN, NEW YORK. (PHOTO BY SCOTT MORGAN /PATRICK MCMULLAN VIA GETTY IMAG){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I’M NOT ONE TO PRAISE J OVER ALHOLICS ANONYMO, AND I FD THE GOD ASPECT OFF-PUTTG AT BT, NSCENDG AT WORST. IS A CULT? ONLY FOR THE MEMBERS WHO THK EVERYONE THE WORLD NEEDS TO ATTEND, AND WILL DIE TRYG TO NVERT THE NON-BELIEVERS. I DO GO, I DON’T PRAY, AND I TEND TO THK MY HIGHER POWER IS THE DONUT I GRAB ON MY WAY OUT OF THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}TO STOP DRKG, I THK YOU NEED SUPPORT, AND THE BT PART ABOUT AA FOR ME IS THE PEOPLE I LISTEN TO WHO HAVE SIAR EXPERIENC. IT HELPS TO KNOW YOU’RE NOT ALONE, AND HELPS TREMENDOLY TO HAVE A NTACT OR FIVE IF YOU FEEL THE URGE. ALSO, THERE ARE SECULAR AND AGNOSTIC MEETGS NOW MOST CI, CLUDG NEW YORK, WHERE GOD IS NEHER ENDORSED NOR DISMISSED. SOMETIM PEOPLE TELL ME THE PLAC ARE NOT “REAL MEETGS,” TO WHICH I RPOND, “I THK YOU MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}OTHER IENDS I KNOW HAVE SUCCSFULLY STOPPED DRKG WH THE HELP OF A THERAPIST, EHER A GROUP SETTG OR SOLO, WHILE OTHERS HAVE MA A NSC CISN TO STOP DRKG AND THEN JT QU LD TURKEY. THE DIFFICULT PART ABOUT GOG SOLO IS THAT NO ONE’S THERE WHEN THE FORMER DRKG BUDDI DISAPPEAR (AND THEY, AND THEIR IENDSHIP, PROBABLY WILL). YOU GET ED TO , AND ’S A GOOD CHANCE TO RE-EVALUATE WHO YOUR REAL IENDS ARE. WHILE THE MON NOMATOR OF ALHOLISM UN , OUR METHODS OF QUTG VARY. IF WORKS FOR YOU, NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU YOU’RE DOG THE WRONG WAY.JOHN VAN HASSELT/CORBIS VIA GETTY IMAGALHOLICS ANONYMO CELEBRAT S 75TH ANNIVERSARY. ALSO KNOWN AS AA WAS FOUND BY BILL WILSON AND DR BOB SMH JUNE 1935 AKRON OH. IT HAS BEE A WORLDWI MOVEMENT SPREAD OUT WH OVER 100,000 GROUPS WH 2 LN MEMBERS 150 UNTRI. THE TWO BOOKS PRIMARILY ED ARE LLED ALHOLICS ANONYMO (THE "BIG BOOK ") AND TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADNS, EXPLAG AA"S FUNDAMENTAL PRCIPL. MEETGS ARE RMAL SUCH AS THE ONE STARTED PARIS 1960 AT THE AMERIN CHURCH AT 65 QUAI DÕORSAY FOR ENGLISH SPEAKERS SUCH AS THE US ARY WHICH LED TO THE FIRST FRENCH SPEAKG GROUP 50 YEARS AGO THE SAME ROOM (PHOTO). THE WHO TIMAT THAT OVER 140 LN PEOPLE GLOBALLY ARE AFFECTED BY ALHOLISM. THE INTERNATNAL AA CONVENTN WILL BE HELD JULY 1-4, 2010 SAN ANTON,TEXAS. (PHOTO BY JOHN VAN HASSELT/CORBIS VIA GETTY IMAG){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHETHER YOU WANT TO LL ALHOLISM A DISEASE, AN ADDICTN, AN ALLERGY, OR A ROYAL PA THE ASS, ’S OUT TO GET YOU AND PUTS UP A GOOD FIGHT. IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS, LEARN THEM LIKE YOU LEARNED THE ALPHABET GRA SCHOOL. UNLIKE ALGEBRA, KNOWG WHAT MAK YOU CRAVE ALHOL WILL ACTUALLY HELP YOU REAL LIFE. SOMETIM THOSE TRIGGERS ARE BARS OR VATN SPOTS (I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME TRAVELG SOBER), SOMETIM ’S IENDS OR LOVED ON—BOUNDARI!—SOMETIM ’S YOUR OWN ISOLATN OR EVEN YOUR OWN {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IF YOU STGGLED THIS SUMMER SEASON—MY HIGH-ALERT TIME—AND SPENT MOST OF THE MONTHS DNK, OR IF YOU’RE SEEKG ALTERNATIV FOR NEXT YEAR AND ARE WORRIED ’D REQUIRE CHAG YOURSELF TO YOUR BED, KNOW THAT OTHER OPTNS AWA. MOCKTAILS ARE A TOTAL THG NOW, AND WHEREVER YOU ARE—BE FIRE ISLAND, THE HAMPTONS, ASBURY PARK, PROVCETOWN—THERE’S AN AA MEETG NEARBY. ABOVE ALL ELSE, REMEMBER THIS: THE GUYS WHO ARE ENURAGG YOU TO DRK, RATHER THAN ENURAGG YOU TO MAKE THE BT, HEALTHIT CHOIC FOR YOU, MAY NEED TO LOOK THEIR OWN G-OSTED {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SAVE YOUR WORKOUTS TILL NIGHT IF HELPS, AND REMEMBER THAT SUMMER BODI AREN’T MA WH ALHOL FN AND HANERS, AND THAT ALHOL IS STLY MORE WAYS THAN ONE. SEX IS SO MUCH BETTER IF YOU’RE SOBER ENOUGH TO STILL GET UP AND AWAKE TO SOMEONE YOU ACTUALLY THK IS ATTRACTIVE THE MORNG LIGHT. SPEAKG OF LIGHT, I MUCH PREFER TO GET UP AT FIVE THEN TO GO TO BED AT THAT TIME. AND IF THE PLAC OR THE PEOPLE OFFER TOO MUCH TEMPTATN—I NIXED A GROUP OF FUNCTNG-ALHOLIC FIRE ISLAND IENDS—THEN SEEK OUT NEW STATNS, LERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. THERE’S YOUR LIVER TO THK ABOUT. IT NEEDS A VATN, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I UALLY ATTEND AN AA MEETG ON MONDAY NIGHTS, PECIALLY DURG THE TEMPTG SUMMER EVENGS. IT’S A CHURCH OFF PARK AVENUE, AND DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET IS AN UPPER EAST SI HIGH RISE WH EXPANSIVE TERRAC, THE KD OF PLACE I ED TO PICTURE MARILYN MONROE PLOTTG HER FUTURE WHILE SIPPG CKTAILS HOW TO MARRY A {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I ALWAYS GLANCE OVER AND GET A LTLE DOWN THAT I’M NOT UP THERE, SIPPG DRKS OUTSI WH GLAMORO IENDS WHO FEEL BUZZED BUT NEVER DNK. NEW YORK SKYL SPARKLE SO MUCH MORE WHEN VIEWED THROUGH A MARTI GLASS. THEN I WALK SI THE CHURCH, S DOWN, AND REMEMBER HOW MUCH THAT VISN ALMOST KILLED {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

I’ve often said that queer cy life is like those gay publitns we ed to pick up at, well, bars.

‘GAY TRIB’ ON GRDR: WHY ’S TIME TO STOP TEGORISG EACH OTHER

Dealg wh g out and homophobia, pecially the age of AIDS and btal bashgs, brought the muny closer together, but also ma alhol to a kd of meditn. About 80% of the young gay men I meet today who have drkg problems ce both g out and the isolatn of adaptg to gay life as the ma for alhol abe.

Like so many gay kids, I grew up watchg New York movi on televisn, edi mostly, where everyone drank, day and night, and was as glamoro and sctive as Rock Hudson romancg Doris Day. When I say the term ‘gay tribe’, probably njur up imag of a somehow still survivg, digeno race of homosexuals.

Yet perhaps even more ridiculoly, a 'gay tribe' refers to a way of differentiatg between men on the gay datg app 'Grdr', and somethg which has found s way to our everyday disurse about gay men. So what do I mean when I say ‘gay trib’? Basilly, they’re social groupgs of gay men by our key physil characteristics.

AN ILLTRATED GUI TO REGNIZG YOUR GAY STEREOTYP

A gay man's shoppg list. And then jt scends to a natnal geographic subscriber’s paradise: scendg orr of size/ amount of hair (hair really is a theme the gay world apparently), you've got a bear, an otter, a wolf – WOLF!

In orr to shed light on this phenomenon, Rebel Circ last year wrote an article to ‘-mystify’ the ia of the gay tribe. The article nclud by sayg, ‘The ia of “trib” don’t have anythg to do wh discrimatn wh the gay muny, ’ attributg any lack of acceptance of one’s tribe to the ‘issu’ of an dividual. We’re already labelled as gay as somethg that distguish ; I don’t thk any of are that fsed by beg ‘the gay one’.

WHICH GAY TRIBE DO YOU BELONG TO?

Havg a circle of artists around you who are also foced on revery n be perhaps you're lbian or gay. In 1969, The AT Center began after 6 gay men met for an Alholics Anonymo (AA) meetg and cid to ll themselv "Alholics Together". In fact, throughout Southern California and even ci far away such as Boston and New York, the acronym “AT” beme synonymo wh gay AA.

Today, the gay Los Angel sober livg muny now knows The AT Center as a signifint place for refuge. MISSION: Gay & Sober's missn is simple – to provi a safe, fun, and enrichg experience to the sober LGBTQ muny. We realize that there is a direct rrelatn wh dg e and HIV fectn rat amongst gay and queer men and others the LGBTQ+ muny.

A GAY UPLE RAN A RAL RTRANT PEACE. THEN NEW NEIGHBORS ARRIVED.

ORIGINS: What started as a private group on Facebook lled Gay & Sober Men the summer of 2009, Gay & Sober has mhroomed to what is now the largt revery group of s kd on social media. Gay & Sober has expand to offer nightly onle meetgs, monthly ee LGBTQ muny programmg, a nference, and an official ponent natnal pri ftivi. Gay & Sober, the umbrella nonprof anizatn that operat and overse the nference holds regular meetgs of AA, and is a part of the fellowship - however we wele and embrace members and iends om all fellowships - cludg the fellowships of Nartics Anonymo, Crystal Meth Anonymo and AL-Anon and secular revery.

OUR WORK: Gay & Sober sponsors s ma events durg Pri Weekend New York Cy and satelle events Tennsee, and Florida. Gay & Sober will have a prence at the Canal Para durg Amsterdam Pri.