Gay parentg: 's plited | Parents and parentg | The Guardian

Contents:

• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• 10 TIPS FOR PARENTS OF GAY KIDS
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
• “MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE
• DEAR PARENT OF A GAY CHILD
• WHY -- AND HOW -- WE ACCEPT OUR GAY SON AS DEVOUT MORMON PARENTS
• LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG
• COMG OUT: A PARENTS GUI TO SUPPORTG YOUR GAY TEEN
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• GAY PARENTG: 'S PLITED
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

"Maybe you always had an klg that your kid was gay or transgenr, maybe you noticed your kid's affectn for a certa someone before they even regnized what those feelgs were, or you noticed certa role mols that they chose and ma some assumptns about what that meant about their inty... That n be as simple as speakg kdly about the LGBTQ+ muny, makg a pot to support LGBTQ+ and legislatn, or simply havg gay, lbian, bisexual and trans Not Hate to Seek HelpWhile Van Eck works wh children, she not that many tim she remends therapy for parents.

They believe that if you experience same-sex attractns, then you're gay, " Doyle told the negative rpons parents have, acrdg to Doyle, are avoidg the issue by barrg their child om talkg about SSA or their gay inty; believg that 's a passg phase; or threateng to kick their olr teen or 20-somethg child out of the hoe. "We know, our clil rearch over the last 25 years, that fay culture, environment and other non-blogil factors play a signifint role the velopment of same-sex attractn, " he asserted, addg that parents shouldn't seek therapy as an attempt to change their the book, Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Fay Healg, wrten by Richard Cohen, executive director of IHF, Doyle said 12 prcipl are discsed to help fai navigate through SSA and s . "Regardg sleepovers and big life events such as parents' attendg a child's same-sex weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that parents treat their homosexual child the same as they would their heterosexual the se of sleepovers, parents should mata the same standards for every child and not allow their gay intified or SSA child to have somone they're attracted to spend the night wh them.

10 TIPS FOR PARENTS OF GAY KIDS

"The same l should apply to heterosexual upl and homosexual upl, " he when down to attendg a child's gay weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that attendg the ceremony don't necsarily reflect that the parents agree wh same-sex marriage, their prence merely shows their love for their child. Seegher rearch helped give the urage and permissn to celebrateWill for the credibly strong and brave person that he is -- exactlyas he FAP is releasg a new versn of the origal pamphlet thathelped , Supportive Fai, Healthy Children, aimed specifilly at LDSfai of lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBT) pamphlet enabl LDS fai to keep their foc on thewell-beg of their kids by lettg them know the nsequenc of thetheir acceptance or lack thereof, wrten language that will befaiar to LDS rears.

Unlike heterosexual parents and their children, however, lbian and gay parents and their children are often subject to prejudice bee of their sexual orientatn that n turn judg, legislators, profsnals, and the public agast them, sometim rultg negative out, such as loss of physil ctody, rtrictns on visatn, and prohibns agast adoptn (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Appell, 2003; Patterson, Fulcher, & Waright, 2002). The relevance of this cricism has been greatly rced as rearch has expand to explore life a wir array of lbian mother and gay father fai (many of which have never lived through the divorce of a heterosexual uple), and as newer studi beg to clu a wir array of ntrol groups. Other cricisms have been that most studi have been based on relatively small sampl, that there have been difficulti wh asssment procr employed some studi, and that the classifitn of parents as lbian, gay, or heterosexual has been problematic.

An expert readg of the Sarantakos article reveals that certa characteristics of s methodology and sample are highly likely to have skewed the rults and renred them an valid ditor of the well-beg of children raised by gay and lbian parents at least three rpects:. The children raised by gay and lbian parents experienced unually high levels of extreme social ostracism and overt hostily om other children and parents, which probably acunted for the former's lower levels of teractn and social tegratn wh peers (see pp. Some nonscientific anizatns have attempted to nvce urts that there is an actual scientific dispute this area by cg rearch performed by Pl Cameron as supportg the existence of fics gay and lbian parents or their children pared to heterosexual parents or their children.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

Three ncerns have historilly been associated wh judicial cisn makg ctody ligatn and public polici erng foster re and adoptn: the belief that lbians and gay men are mentally ill, that lbians are ls maternal than heterosexual women, and that lbians' and gay men's relatnships wh sexual partners leave ltle time for ongog parent-child teractns (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Falk, 1989, 1994; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996). Many years ago, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn removed "homosexualy" om s list of mental disorrs, statg that "homosexualy per se impli no impairment judgment, stabily, reliabily, or general social or votnal pabili" (Amerin Psychiatric Associatn, 1974).

The cisn to remove homosexual orientatn om the list of mental disorrs reflects extensive rearch nducted over three s showg that homosexual orientatn is not a psychologil maladjtment (Gonsrek, 1991; Hart, Roback, Ttler, Wez, Walston, & McKee, 1978; Reiss, 1980). There is no reliable evince that homosexual orientatn per se impairs psychologil functng, although the social and other circumstanc which lbians and gay men live, cludg exposure to wispread prejudice and discrimatn, often e acute distrs (Cochran, 2001; Freedman, 1971; Gonsrek, 1991; Hart et al., 1978; Hooker, 1957; Meyer, 2003; Reiss, 1980).

Beliefs that lbian and gay adults are not f parents likewise have no empiril foundatn (Anrssen, Amlie, & Ytteroy, 2002; Brewaeys & van Hall, 1997; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 2000; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999; Victor & Fish, 1995). A recent study of 256 lbian and gay parent fai found that, ntrast to patterns characterizg the majory of Amerin parents, very few lbian and gay parents reported any e of physil punishment (such as spankg) as a disciplary technique; stead, they were likely to report e of posive techniqu such as reasong (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002). Certaly, rearch has found no reasons to believe lbian mothers or gay fathers to be unf parents (Armto, 2002; Barret & Robson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jabsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Wton, 1991).

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

For stance, one such ncern is that children brought up by lbian mothers or gay fathers will show disturbanc genr inty and/or genr role behavr (Falk, 1989, 1994; Hchens & Kirkpatrick, 1985; Kleber, Howell, & Tibbs-Kleber, 1986; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996). For example, urts have exprsed fears that children the ctody of gay or lbian parents will be more vulnerable to mental breakdown, will exhib more adjtment difficulti and behavr problems, and will be ls psychologilly healthy than other children. Three aspects of sexual inty are nsired the rearch: genr inty, which ncerns a person's self-intifitn as male or female; genr-role behavr, which ncerns the extent to which a person's activi, occupatns, and the like are regard by the culture as mascule, feme, or both; and sexual orientatn, which refers to a person's choice of sexual partners, who may be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual (Money & Ehrhardt, 1972; Ste, 1993).

Although some children have scribed enunters wh anti-gay remarks om peers (Gartrell et al., 2005), young adult offsprg of divorced lbian mothers did not rell beg the targets of any more childhood teasg or victimizatn than did the offsprg of divorced heterosexual mothers (Tasker & Golombok, 1995, 1997). Studi of the relatnships wh adults among the children of lbian and gay parents have also rulted a generally posive picture (Brewaeys et al., 1997; Golombok et al., 1983; Harris & Turner, 1985/86; Kirkpatrick et al., 1981; Waright et al., 2004).

Much of the existg rearch on lbian mothers, gay fathers, and their children was iated to addrs ncerns that arose for such fai the ntext of child ctody disput, and was apparently signed at least part to exame the veracy of mon stereotyp that have been voiced legal proceedgs.

“MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE

Bee young adolcents are often preoccupied wh their own emergg sexualy, is wily agreed that early adolcence is a particularly difficult time for youth to learn that a mother is lbian or a father is gay (Bozett, 1980; Penngton, 1987; Schulenberg, 1985). In summary, rearch on diversy among fai wh lbian and gay parents and on the potential effects of such diversy on children is still sparse (Mart, 1993, 1998; Patterson, 1995b, 2000, 2001, 2004; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999). It is clear that existg rearch provis no basis for believg that children's bt terts are served by fay nflict or secrecy about a parent's lbian or gay inty, or by requirements that a lbian or gay parent mata a hoehold separate om that of a same-sex partner.

Although those om lbian fai were more likely to explore same-sex relatnships, particularly if their childhood fay environment was characterized by an openns and acceptance of lbian and gay relatnships, the large majory of children who grew up lbian fai intified as heterosexual. Subjects evaluated vigt pictg eher a gay male uple or heterosexual uple and their adopted son along the dimensns of parentg abily, gree to which the child's problems were attributable to the parental relatnship, distrs of the child (cludg genr and sexual inty nfn), and the extent to which ctody reassignment was perceived to be beneficial. A sgle qutn on relatnship satisfactn revealed no signifint difference between groups reported satisfactn, while the 32-em DAS revealed the gay parentg upl to be signifintly more satisfied wh their relatnships than the heterosexual upl, pecially the area of dyadic hn and affective exprsn.

DEAR PARENT OF A GAY CHILD

Four issu equently raised ctody s are discsed: Do gay fathers have children to ver their homosexualy, do they molt their children, do their children turn out to be gay disproportnate numbers, and do havg a gay father expose a child to homophobic harassment.

WHY -- AND HOW -- WE ACCEPT OUR GAY SON AS DEVOUT MORMON PARENTS

Gay liberatn and fay polics, and the theoretil and empiril work on the hoehold divisn of labor by genr, this qualative analysis of 34 Northern California fai suggts that equable practic-a pattern of equal sharg-among the lbian parents are the norm.

A review of rearch on children of lbian and gay parents intifi some of the sourc of diversy wh lbian and gay parentg muni / prent rearch on those who beme parents the ntext of heterosexual relatnships, before g out as lbian or gay / scribe studi of lbians who beme parents after g out [prent] rearch on children born the ntext of heterosexual relatnships... The amework foc on (1) whether selectn effects produced by homophobia acunt for associatns between parental sexual orientatns and child out; (2) the role of parental genr vis-à-vis sexual orientatn fluencg children's genr velopment; and (3) the relatnship between parental sexual orientatns and children's sexual preferenc and behavrs. The studi reviewed and the fdgs this chapter ought to be the touchstone of further theory and rearch the study of homosexualy, bee they reprent the most refully signed, reliable, valid, and objective measur of adjtment the armamentarium of the behavral scienc.

LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

Although is clear that homosexualy is not and of self related to psychopathology, there are persistent suggtns that the particular strs endured by gay men and lbians, pecially adolcence and young adulthood, may e an upsurge attempted suici and perhaps chemil abe, perhaps temporary or perhaps a segment of homosexuals. The paper foc on (a) methodologil problems rearch on homosexualy; (b) studi parg adjtment levels of male homosexuals and male heterosexuals, effemate and noneffemate male homosexuals, and female homosexuals and female heterosexuals; (c) the relatnship between gree of homosexualy and adjtment; (d) homosexual subculture; and (e) the relatnship between homosexualy and psychopathology. (From the chapter) social science theory and empiril rearch to scribe and expla psychologil heterosexism the US today / addrs the attudal and belief ponents of psychologil heterosexism, wh special attentn to gnive and motivatnal procs / behavral aspects of psychologil heterosexism-specifilly, acts of vlence agast lbians and gay men-are discsed / the nsequenc of psychologil heterosexism are nsired.

Too High a Price: The Case Agast Rtrictg Gay Parentg is a 118-page paperback book that provis a prehensive analysis of legal and policy issu regardg gay parentg, tailg the many rtrictns and bias agast gay parents that ultimately dispt fai and hurt children. (From the chapter) child ctody / sexual orientatn and liftyle on their children / ctodial gay fathers / children's reactns to havg a gay father / social ntrol strategi / boundary ntrol fluencg factors / mutualy / father's reactns / protective strategi / role molg / children's velopment of sexual inty / homonegative reactns of children.

This text featur iativ to improve the procs of clil re for gay and lbian dividuals and their fai, as well as the muny as a whole; mon scenars enuntered clil practice, along wh a discsn of their meang and re; and explic suggtns for child health profsnals to direct efforts to change the ntext of medil tn.

COMG OUT: A PARENTS GUI TO SUPPORTG YOUR GAY TEEN

Divid to three segments, the book tak an unflchg and entirely new look at motherg: "New Lsons" exam the way which sons of lbians grow up to be different men; "Makg a Fay" looks at fay nstcts and "Facg Loss" reveals the heart-breakg realy that many women have had to nont when their fai were threatened by homophobic urts and tradns. (From the chapter) gay fatherhood has emerged to public awarens and brought qutns / who are gay fathers, and how do they bee parents / what kd of parents do gay men make, and how do their children velop / what special challeng and strs do gay fathers and their children face daily life, and how do they pe wh them / what n acquatance wh gay fathers and their children offer to the unrstandg of parenthood, child velopment, and fay life / although rearch leratur bearg on such qutns are que new and relatively sparse, existg studi addrs some issu raised by the existence of gay fathers. “There is no evince to suggt or support that parents wh a gay, lbian, or bisexual orientatn are per se different om or ficient parentg skills, child-centered ncerns and parent-child attachments, when pared to parents wh a heterosexual orientatn.

The Amerin Amy of Pediatrics regniz that a nsirable body of profsnal lerature provis evince that children wh parents who are homosexual n have the same advantag and the same expectatns for health, adjtment, and velopment as n children whose parents are heterosexual. “WHEREAS, The legislative protectn afford to children of parents homosexual relatnships vari om state to state, wh some stat enactg or nsirg legislatn sanctng -parent or send parent adoptn by partners of the same sex, several stat clg to nsir legislatn, and at least one state altogether banng adoptn by the send parent; and.

“Homosexualy per se impli no impairment judgment, stabily, reliabily, or general social and votnal pabili; Further, the Amerin Psychologil Associatn urg all mental health profsnals to take the lead removg the stigma of mental illns that has long been associated wh homosexual orientatns. “The Amerin Psychologil Associatn plor all public and private discrimatn such areas as employment, hog, public acmodatn, and licensg agast those who engage or have engaged homosexual activi and clar that no burn of proof of such judgment, pacy, or reliabily shall be placed upon the dividuals greater than that imposed on any other persons.

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

Further, the Amerin Psychologil Associatn supports and urg the enactment of civil rights legislatn at the lol, state, and feral levels that would offer cizens who engage acts of homosexualy the same protectns now guaranteed to others on the basis of race, creed, lor, etc. “WHEREAS people who also experience discrimatn based on age, race, ethnicy, disabily, genr and genr inty, relign, and socenomic stat may pecially benef om accs to marriage for same-sex upl (Divisn 44/Commtee on Sexual Orientatn and Genr Diversy Jot Task Force on Guil for Psychotherapy wh Lbian, Gay, and Bisexual Clients, 2000);.

“WHEREAS there is no scientific evince that parentg effectivens is related to parental sexual orientatn: Lbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provi supportive and healthy environments for their children (Patterson, 2000, 2004; Perr, 2002; Tasker, 1999);. “WHEREAS rearch has shown that the adjtment, velopment, and psychologil well-beg of children is unrelated to parental sexual orientatn and that the children of lbian and gay parents are as likely as those of heterosexual parents to flourish (Patterson, 2004; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001);.

Sexual and genr mory youth experience unique and ongog strsors specific to their LGBT inti, cludg direct stutnal discrimatn and terpersonal victimizatn, expectatns and fears of rejectn and harm, and the ternalizatn of homonegativy (DiPlacido, 1998; Meyer, 2003). Although, for some youth, the acknowledgement of their same-sex attractn or non-cisgenr inty is gradual and posively rporated to a secure sense of self (Eliason, 1996), the experience of beg distct om heteronormative expectatns leads to a sense of viancy for many, g ternalized homonegativy, maladaptive behavrs, and hidg their LGBT inti om fay and iends (Bransbe, Ellemers, Spears, & Doosj, 1999; Meyer, 1995). Furthermore, bee parents rema unaware of their children’s sexual or genr inti, they may ntue to poe heterosexist, homophobic or transphobic beliefs that adolcents may ternalize as homonegativy, which may turn promise the nsolidatn of their LGBT inty and unrme their mental and physil health and well-beg.

GAY PARENTG: 'S PLITED

This may be particularly important the 21st century as children e out earlier life, durg a velopmental perd when they report more experienc of homophobia (Poteat & Anrson, 2012) and may be more sceptible to negative peer behavrs and victimizatn (D’Augelli et al., 2002; Horn, 2006; Pilkgton & D’Augelli, 1995). Footnot1We will e the acronym LGBT, which stands for lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr, as a broad umbrella term to reprent all sexual and genr mory inti; however, we acknowledge that this is a limed term ed to reprent a heterogeno populatn of sexual and genr inti that have unique signifince for dividuals and are also bound time and place (Rsell et al., 2009).

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

Most ci also have a lol chapter of PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lbians And Gays), which offers a variety of rourc, support and n be a challenge to be open and available for your gay teen durg the g out procs bee you will be simultaneoly tryg to addrs your own fears, ncerns and emotns. She is the child's geic parent but, on the advice of lawyers, was obliged to adopt her own dghter after Moreno gave relatively recently, of urse, the uple would not have been treated at a fertily clic the first place and, as is still the se Arkansas, Michigan, Mississippi, North Carola, Oh and Utah, they would not, as a gay uple, have been permted to adopt.

Popular prott is unlikely to break out, any time soon, around discrepanci the tate tax or who a same-sex uple n claim ductns for the children ( the US, tax breaks pertag to married upl don't apply, sce gay marriage isn't regnised ferally) is, all this, one glargly unsubtle problem, and that is surrogacy, which as a percentage affects gay men more than any other group. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups.