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class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--cm-riser"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><div class="StickyHeroAdWrapper-eNLJUc gStsdY ad-stickyhero ad-stickyhero--standard ad-stickyhero-enable-mobile should-hold-space"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--hero"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--hero" data-no-id="2wvthb"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-hero" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs kaZCaf ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">There’s a way to burst through the shame gay men are ma to feel about homosexualy.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/alim-kheraj">Alim Kheraj</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-09-27T08:00:00-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">September 27, 2018</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP fEknXh lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck lead-asset--width-fullbleed" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ccdiSo"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>I was 19 when I first had full-on sex wh another man. I was at llege, livg dorms, and the experience—asi om the ual horrifyg awkwardns and somewhat spontaney of the ocsn—was pletely and utterly unremarkable asi om one thg: the guy I slept wh intified as straight.</p><p>The whole thg went down near the end of my hman year at a party, at which people om the whole dorm floor were dnk and celebratg, relsly streamg and out of each other’s rooms, followg the var different pop songs until one room took their fancy. I n remember, although I'd had some drks, stg alone my iend’s room on a sgle bed, the mattrs overly sprgy and wh a arse plastic atg, attemptg to stream a song over our dorm’s spotty Inter nnectn.</p><p>It was late (or early, pendg on your outlook on the world) when I was joed by the boy who was livg the room next to me, way back on the other si of the buildg. He was clearly toxited, but was a party after all and who was I, <em>que</em> dnk myself, to judge. The mutiae of exactly how thgs veloped om beg together that room to havg slightly unsuccsful sex a bathroom a <em>different</em> rridor have sce ped me. All I know is that one moment we were talkg and the next mute, well... we weren’t. I didn’t tell him that I’d never had sex wh someone before; stead, saturated wh vodka and flated by nerv, I was swept up the motns.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Before that night, I had hardly been a nun. When I was a teenager, I was prec and rtls. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experienc to my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and h the gay clubs. Out on the scene I had thrillg and, now lookg back, prer hook ups wh guys, gog far but never all the way. I know now as LGBTQ people we n fe exactly what nstut sex for ourselv, but when you’re young and your only sex tn the shape of illegally download Sean Cody vios, peratn seems like the end all be all.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Still, as I grew to my late-teens, venu started to crack down harr on unrage drkg, and soon beme creasgly difficult to go and hook up wh guys much olr than myself. I felt, my creasgly anx and flated state, that I was beg left behd. My first year at llege, apart om beg gelg mentally, was hardly a sexual smasbord of one-night-stands and hook-ups. Instead, I reverted to my teenage years, pg after straight boys who I knew I had no chance hell wh... <em>until</em> that night.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="rg52x"></div></div><p>I’d love to say that I felt empowered by fuckg my first guy, but the whole experience left a lot to be sired. While I knew wouldn’t be like a gay llege eroti I’d read on (gay non, really), I rather naively wasn’t expectg the fall out. The boy told his then-girliend (who I knew about), sayg I had e on to him but that nothg had really happened. Although one thg I n <em>vividly</em> remember was that was que lerally the other way around, the visceral shock of beg somewhat shoved back the closet and nied the celebratory expungement of my virgy was palpable.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="cixi2i"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="cviasf"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>For the next year, we’d hook-up on and off, ually at 3 a.m. after we’d been out partyg. We’d meet surreptly dark and make out the ld Brish weather on a park bench before venturg back to his place to have sex. And while at the begng I felt like I had the upper hand the suatn—I was the one who was out and fortable my sexualy, right?—after each time we met beme more secretive and more dirty, I began to feel secretive, dirty, and most of all <em>shameful</em>. I’m not sure whether I really fell for the guy or not, but I do know that at the end of he was jt g me to get off.</p><p>I never learned whether the boy I lost my virgy to was stgglg wh his sexualy. I thk, when I look back now and ocsnally fd myself tumblg through his Facebook page, that he wasn’t. I believe was jt sex, or at least that’s what I have tell myself now to avoid slippg to a memory duced k-hole. I realize I fell to that old gay adage of placg my feelgs on a person who, for whatever reason, was never gog to vt them back me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for years.</p><p>It was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify,” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are <em>way</em> more mon than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the song.</p><p>More than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.” Bee as queer people, we’re buried lifetime’s worth of shame so vivid and searg that oftentim ’s cripplg. Burstg through that shame is our badge of honor, our betifully uned experience. And maybe, like the song says, that do sanctify our sex liv and mak jt a ltle b holy.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="6hhyle"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier 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gay side ear

There's a way to burst through the shame gay men are ma to feel about homosexualy.

Contents:

5 FACTS BEHD THE "GAY" EAR

The “gay” ear refers to when men pierced their right earlobe the 1970s to show the world they were gay. Here are more facts om Pri Palace about the “gay” ear. * gay side ear *

Now ’s nsired a fad that has bee passe, but at one time, people really ed as a tell-tale sign of whether a young man was gay or not. This trend didn't clu women the gay ear fad bee, most Wtern cultur sce the 1950s, has generally been a cultural norm for femal to have their ears pierced. The practice of ear piercg history began to thread through hippie muni first and then through the gay muny.

WHICH EAR IS THE GAY EARRG? WHICH EAR IS THE STRAIGHT EAR?

Which ear is the gay earrg? You might rell hearg that if a man wore an earrg on the right ear, that meant he was gay. At the same time, the left ear is straight. * gay side ear *

Some straight people also enjoyed the trend and tablished that the left earlobe signified that they were not gay, even though they were a man wh a sgle pierced ear. Though some people preferred to have both ears pierced, the LGBT muny quickly cid that if a man had one ear pierced, namely the right one, on the earlobe, was a vert signal that he was gay.

Sce beg gay isn’t jt herently somethg visible om someone’s looks, the LGBTQ+ muny of centuri past spent a good amount of time lookg for specific styl or trends to allow people wh the muny to show other people that they were gay and proud of . In some societi where beg gay was eher owned upon or illegal and punishable, LGBTQ+ members would choose subtle methods of monstratg their sexualy.

Over the centuri, among different societi, any good historian n pot to a few different methods of gay signalg. However, the subtle methods did ocsnally suffer when gay dividuals eher wanted a more prehensive monstratn of their gay pri or when straight people found out about the trend.

HISTORY AND HYPOCRISY: WHAT THE "GAY" EAR PIERCG MEANS 2022

Which si do straight guys wear earrgs on? Get your right ear pierced if you are gay, and get your left ear pierced if you are straight... * gay side ear *

By the 1990s, the fn of the gay ear had bee so nfg that most people jt shgged off the ia and cid that any man who had any part of his ears pierced mt be queer. However, as punk rock culture me more promently onto the scene, enough men began havg their ears pierced that people cid to move on om the ia of a “gay ear” entirely.

While the ia of a gay ear, or anythg really that’s a tell of someone's sexualy seems lghable today, was once an tegral part of LGBTQ+ culture. The ia of gay signalg hasn't stopped, pecially plac and cultur where people n't be as vol about their sexualy as they might want to be. Wh people of all sexual orientatns havg one or both ears, beme impossible to e an earrg to tell if a man was gay.

WHICH EAR IS THE GAY EAR? IT’S THE LEFT, HERE’S WHY!

The le which any male wears an earrg his right ear is emed 'gay' or 'homosexual'. If they have one their left ear too, they are not gay, but more exprsg their feme si" name="Dcriptn" property="og:scriptn * gay side ear *

But hasn't disappeared entirely -- you n fd plenty of fom posts onle om men askg which is the gay ear before gettg a piercg! The "gay earrg" wasn't the only thg ed for signalg that one was gay, although 's probably the most famo one.

Now that piercgs have bee much more mastream, gettg a piercg the "gay ear" isn't the clear ditor that once was. Men of all sexual orientatns now have pierced ears, and not everyone follows (or knows about) the history of the right ear as the "gay ear. That said, if you're gay, gettg a right-ear piercg n be a kd of homage to the history of g a gay earrg for signalg.

As you might already know, one of the advantag of an ear piercg (whether 's on the "gay ear" or not) is that 's very easy to re for pared to most other piercg typ.

WHAT IS THE GAY SI FOR EARRGS?

What are you wag for? Here we offer you all the you need about which is the gay ear and why is the gay ear the UK. * gay side ear *

If you've nsired gog for a gay earrg (or really, any ear piercg at all), we hope that you now have the rmatn you need to choose the right jewelry and piercg type. Pre-Y2K (and beyond), 's been socially unrstood that wearg one earrg on the right ear means someone is gay; the left, straight.

Dpe recent data and celebri supportg otherwise, the magogic proverb "Left is right and right is wrong" has been a whisper placed upon gay and straight men (and their piercers) for s. It's te, though, that "droppg a hairp" - the precursor to signalg (a way to drop a subtle ht to someone that you, too, were gay) - was both harmful and helpful. And the "Café Dis" episo of "The Office, " Kelly n be seen piercg Andy a cutaway as he asks: "Are you sure that's not the gay ear?

Coleman and Theo Sandfort discs the fact that straight Rsian men would often mark their first sexual act wh women by piercg their right ear as a way to ward off unwanted advanc om gay men. "In llege, Phil Oakey (The Human League) had both of his ears pierced, which really threw people for a loop bee he was straight spe givg off the gayt vibe the world. He rocks the "gay earrg" on the regular - and on purpose, a signature style cue he refers to as his "gag du jour" on Instagram - rarely optg for a subtle ht of gold but a more-is-more approach.

WHAT AND WHY IS THE GAY EAR THE ?

Today's isms, like no-makp makp and tantourg, don't force to relive the bt of the worst; rather, they remd that the journey of fg a "personal" style is as fe as dog the dish: you're never really Salem, the "gay ear piercg" is a smaller yet ccial part of a bigger picture. This dat back to a kky time the 1980s, where wearg earrgs on the left ear dited that the person wearg them was homosexual, and wearg them on the right dited that they were heterosexual. Therefore we n say that when a heterosexual get’s a piercg on their left ear then, simply means that the ear which is pierced is the “gay ear”.

Durg this time, was not great to be publicly intified as LGBTQIA and neher was there any real social or legal verage for people who belonged to the gay ear tegory.

POT 89: THE GAY EAR

As people began to unrstand the s that gay people e, a new phrase was ed: “Right is wrong and left is right. Very quickly, the phrase of the gay ear spread like wildfire across the Uned Stat at a time when drillg was jt begng to ga ground.

It is very mon to see tattooed gays wh numero piercgs and earrgs, as well as gay porn actors whose distctive characteristic is no longer that they are active or passive, but that they have almost the entire body vered tattoos and wh several earrgs. In the 1980s, wearg earrgs on the left ear dited that the person wearg them was homosexual, and wearg them on the right dited that they were heterosexual. Most gay men tend to get pierced more often than their left ear, therefore when someone who is straight gets their right ear pierced, they get their gay ear pierced.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* GAY SIDE EAR

History and Hypocrisy: What the "Gay" Ear Piercg Means 2022 .

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