When Gay Men (Mis)Marry Straight Women: Bonnie Kaye's Story | Psychology Today

Contents:

• HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENR?
• GAY MEN HAVG SEX WH WOMEN?
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN ARE OFTEN SO CLOSE
• 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• WHY THE BOND BETWEEN STRAIGHT GALS AND GAY GUYS IS SPECIAL
• WHY ARE THERE GAY WOMEN?
• ARE STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN “NATURAL ALLI”? AN EVOLUTNARY ACUNT
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• SHE’S STRAIGHT. HE’S GAY. THEY N FORM A ‘NJUGAL RELATNSHIP’ ANYWAY, A CANADIAN JUDGE SAYS.

HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENR?

Increasg numbers of populatn-based surveys the Uned Stat and across the world clu qutns that allow for an timate of the size of the lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBT) populatn. Unrstandg the size of the lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBT) populatn is a cril first step to rmg a host of public policy and rearch topics. In measurg sexual orientatn, lbian, gay, and bisexual dividuals may be intified strictly based on their self-inty or may be possible to nsir same-sex sexual behavr or sexual attractn.

Fdgs shown Figure 1 nsir timat of the percentage of adults who self-intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual across ne surveys nducted wh the past seven years.

GAY MEN HAVG SEX WH WOMEN?

While the surveys show a fairly wi variatn the overall percentage of adults who intify as LGB, the proportn who intify as lbian/gay vers bisexual is somewhat more nsistent (see Figure 2).

The Natnal Survey of Fay Growth found rults that were sentially the oppose of the UK survey wh only 38% intifyg as lbian or gay pared to 62% intifyg as bisexual. The Natnal Survey of Sexual Health and Behavr and the Atralian Longudal Study of Health and Relatnships both found a majory of rponnts (55% and 59%, rpectively) intifyg as surveys show even greater nsistency differenc between men and women associated wh lbian/gay vers bisexual inty. Wh the surveys, a larger actn of adults report same-sex attractns and behavrs than self-intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual (see Figure 4).

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN ARE OFTEN SO CLOSE

To answer your qutn plaly wh the rmatn that you’ve shared, ’s likely that some gay men do have sexual relatnships wh women to hi their te orientatn, due to fear of g out. Ined, there are gay men who feel prsured to mask their sexualy bee of cultural, faial, relig, or personal beliefs that beg gay is wrong. And, although scientific studi this field are rare, sexual aroal to women has been measured groups of men wh several different sexual orientatns, cludg those who intify as gay.

Archiv, sexual orientatn is ually prised of several parts: attractn, how one acts on that attractn, and how one intifi (gay, straight, bisexual, etc). A cisgenr man may experience romantic attractn towards other men, sexual attractn towards men and women, but he choos to intify as gay.

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

Surveys among high school stunts found differenc between inty and sexual behavrs, wh many of the self-intified gay or lbian stunts mentng that they engage sexual activi wh those of other genrs.

Now a new psychology study has provid evince that gay men and straight women are the perfect iends wh benefs – as long as the benefs have to do wh tstworthy relatnship advice. “I was terted the evolutnary perspective as to why gay men and straight women form close iendships, ” says Eric Rsell, a visg psychology rearcher at the Universy of Texas At and lead thor of the study, published the latt issue of Evolutnary Psychology.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

Rsell wonred if had somethg to do wh the exchange of matg advice sce gay men and straight women aren’t romantic partners or matg petn and were “uniquely posned to exchange tstworthy rmatn. ”To tt his hypothis, Rsell enlisted the help of 88 straight women and 58 gay men, all unrgrads om the Texas ChristianUniversy, and nducted two one, straight women were prented wh a scenar volvg a party, a iend who bags out at the last mute and a substute “date” named Jordan.

Rearchers asked the women to look up a Facebook profile for Jordan -- who was prented as eher a straight woman, a straight man or a gay man – and then answer a seri of qutns. In the send study, gay men were prented wh the exact same scenar except the Facebook profile picted Jordan as eher a straight woman, a gay woman or a gay qutns – signed to terme the level of tst tt subjects had for each genr/sexual preference – were ccial to the person’s “game.

As turned out, straight women did tst advice given by the gay Jordan more than the advice they got om a straight female or straight male Jordan. “On average, I would say gay men and straight women probably tst each other around 20 percent more than other dividuals, ” says Rsell. Rsell says he wasn’t surprised by the fdgs, although he did fd tertg that gay men were jt as tstg of straight women as straight women were of gay men.

MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX

”It’s a dynamic well-documented movi, lerature and pop culture, says Rsell, potg to famo gay guy-straight gal iendships like Will and Grace and Kurt and Rachel om Glee. There’s even a seri of YouTube vios om the edy group Send Cy showg how a number of famo straight women om lerature – thk Juliet, Lady MacBeth and Charl Dickens’ Miss Havisham – uld have benefed om a “sassy gay iend.

Lare was the maid of honor at Fick' weddg, and Fick was Lare's“In general, if you were askg whether I’d tst a straight woman or a gay man an unknown suatn, I’d probably end up tstg the straight woman rather than the gay guy, ” he says. ”Christyne Blount, a 38-year-old fancial analyst om Seattle, says she fely would tst a gay man more than that of a straight man when me to datg advice but feels her straight women iends are every b as reliable.

Megan Holgate uldn’t que believe where she was the height of the Aids crisis and she was the wag room of an ner-cy STI clic, equented by those most at risk of HIV: gay men, jectg dg ers, sex, as she had been, a monogamo married had felt “too ashamed” to ask her doctor for the HIV tt. A posive rult, back then, would have been a ath the clic a iendly gay unsellor asked Megan to step to his room and asked her if everythg was OK. As her dad pulled up she opened her purse, fat wh not, and phed them all to the bewilred man’s hands before beg whisked is one of a potentially dyg breed of women: those who married closeted gay men.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

And many of the men, embolned by the sense of eedom and h excement afford them by disverg the gay scene, pletely scrib the impact had on her children. Her anger wasn’t at him, but at his fay and culture for not lettg him be who he should have been the first place: “It was like he didn’t know how to be gay.

WHY THE BOND BETWEEN STRAIGHT GALS AND GAY GUYS IS SPECIAL

Fally, the relatnships suggt to some people “reparative therapy, ” the uhil and impossible claim that a person n be changed om gay to straight. There are plenty of wiv who choose to stay married even after fdg out later the marriage that their hband is gay and attracted to men. You might be able to claim your inty by meetg ocsnally wh gay men, stayg touch on Facebook, and lettg your gay iends know that you want to rema sexually fahful to your wife.

I warn mixed-orientatn upl that he may feel differently later life and his gayns may surface more strongly and bee more of an inty for him and th bee an issue their marriage.

WHY ARE THERE GAY WOMEN?

Both straight and gay muni put enormo prsure on the man and woman a mixed-orientatn marriage, and few marriag n stand up unr this social, fay, and relig prsure.

ARE STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN “NATURAL ALLI”? AN EVOLUTNARY ACUNT

A gay man n tly love a woman, have satisfyg and regular sex wh her, and want to stay married to her while beg unterted other women sexually. Matag a mixed-orientatn marriage requir endurg the strs of keepg the secrets that one of them is gay and beg discreet how they live their liv.

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

Thanks to the shownners drivg thentic stori, filmmakers buckg s-old heteronormative paradigms, actors embolned to live more hontly and platforms bankrollg so much of , beg gay, queer, transgenr or any other other has never been more wily embraced the entertament s gural Pri issue, The Hollywood Reporter homed on the talent and makers helpg boost visibily and creatg opportuni for members of the extend LGBTQ muny.

After more than a of Watch What Happens Live Wh Andy Cohen, where he beme the first openly gay host Amerin late night, Bravo's exec turned talent tackl all kds of media (SiriXM show Rad Andy, multiple books), while upliftg and advotg for the LGBTQ muny. Puttg his stamp on The Ln Kg — he played Timon to great acclaim the billn-dollar-earng Disney reboot — the out-and-proud funnyman will next play Matt Ddge  Amerin Crime Story: Impeachment while his upg Judd Apatow-produced feature at Universal is set to be the first gay rom- om a major stud.

Creator of the NBC s One Big Happy and her own YouTube talk show This Jt Out, Feldman recently ma her Netflix edy outright queer, as Dead to Me's sophomore season revealed a lead character to be bisexual. Levy, who -created the show wh dad Eugene, earned legns of admirers fans and crics alike for craftg a same-sex love story a seri that was ee of homophobia.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

Watchg Rickie Vasquez, a gay character played by an openly gay actor, Wilson Cz, certaly felt like the most hont and rpectful portrayal of a gay teen I had ever seen. I'LL FEEL GOOD ABOUT HOLLYWOOD'S LGBTQ REPRESENTATION WHEN "When 'gay actor, ' 'gay director, ' 'gay wrer, ' 'gay story, ' et cetera, are no longer labels even worth mentng. In addn to speakg, and sgg, publicly about his own gay relatnships, Platt plays bi on The Polician — acuntg for several of the seri' many entangled LGBTQ romanc.

The Pose star beme the first openly gay black man to w the dramatic lead actor Emmy 2019, the year he turned heads for butg genr-ntral red rpet looks. The show will leave a legacy of thentic pictns of sexualy — cludg scen volvg gay character Lnel (DeRon Horton), moled after Simien himself. ' Yet, is still all too rare to fd — or produce Hollywood — stori where the humany of gay black men is not qutn, but is a given and is central to the story.

LGBTQ STORY I'D LOVE TO SEE ONSCREEN "Would feature gay women of lor livg and lovg a three-dimensnal way, whout the imposn of polics. In 2019, the bisexual actor uld be seen as French New Wave in Jean Seberg Venice premiere tle Seberg, as a secret agent Sony's Charlie's Angels reboot and on a particularly gay episo of SNL.

SHE’S STRAIGHT. HE’S GAY. THEY N FORM A ‘NJUGAL RELATNSHIP’ ANYWAY, A CANADIAN JUDGE SAYS.

The queer Salvadoran edian translated the handful of breakout Saturday Night Live scen he wrote to multiple als at HBO — where he buted the edy special My Favore Shap  2019 and is readyg season two of Los Espookys, the half-Spanish, half-English, entirely absurd edy which he stars as the gay heir to a cholate fortune. After 45 seasons, 's hard to believe there are any firsts left for Saturday Night Live — but Yang arrived at 30 Rock 2019 as the st's first Che Amerin stmember and only s third openly gay male. The mom-of-two scrib herself as straight while her hband Matthew intifi as gay or pansexual, admtg he is “more attracted to men than women”.

Matthew had known he was attracted to men sce he was a teenager, but he belonged to the Church which do not enurage homosexual relatnships. The mom-of-two scrib herself as straight while her hband Matthew intifi as gay or pansexual, admtg he is “more attracted to men than women. Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay?