I’ve intified as gay for years. Not anymore. - The Johns Hopks News-Letter

Contents:

• I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.
• I’M NOT AS OKAY WH BEG GAY AS I THOUGHT I WAS
• YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• THE MOMENT YOU REALIZE YOU'RE NOT AS GAY AS YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE
• I THOUGHT I WAS GAY BUT NOW I'M QUTNG MY ORIENTATN
• TURNS OUT, BARBIELAND ISN'T AS GAY AS S QUEER FANS HAD HOPED
• TRANSLATN OF "AS GAY AS YOU THOUGHT" SPANISH
• WHAM!’S ANDREW RIDGELEY: ‘GEE MICHAEL THOUGHT MIGHT HURT IF HE ME OUT AS GAY AND I ENURAGED HIM NOT TO SAY ANYTHG’

I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.

Bulli teased me for beg gay when I was younger, but when a six-year-old boy lls another six-year-old boy gay, he means “weird” or “gross, ” not “has sex wh men. I felt prsured to pick a label and stick wh , and for a long time “gay” worked bee I didn’t thk about much.

I hooked up wh trans and nonbary people and stopped scribg myself as gay, preferrg to e the more clive tchall “queer. Often when I tell some people that I’m distancg myself om gay, they immediately suggt I intify as bisexual, or pansexual. I need somethg that means “mostly gay but not fully mted and open to other possibili, ” but, alas, such a niche label has yet to be imaged.

“If any of you boys me home and told me you were gay, I’d probably disown you, ” says Mum sually as we are watchg the Sydney Mardi Gras on TV, her brow furrowed d disgt. “I probably feel a b threatened, ” chuckled Tony Abbott, on screen and ont of the natn, answer to a qutn about how homosexualy mak him feel.

I’M NOT AS OKAY WH BEG GAY AS I THOUGHT I WAS

Like the revelatn I had only a few nights ago, stg on a gutter a back street of Erskeville, the boy I liked nsolable bee he was gay, and me stg there g to terms (seven years after I me out) wh the fact that I too was gay, and that this is what means to be gay.

I am wrg for the benef of heterosexual folks who hope to e this article to unrstand their fears about beg gay (also known as gay OCD or HOCD).

YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

Only ten mut after I had started readg the most recent posts, however, I realized that somethg was wrong: The folks wh gay fears were clearly not gay. I would later learn that tly gay people may also get HOCD, but that they falsely fear that they are heterosexual.

If I thought for a mute that even one of the straight HOCD sufferers on the board was gay, I would do the same for him or her. As of this wrg I have been bombard by threads, private msag, e-mail, and stant msag by straight folks terrified that they are gay (and a very small number of gay and bisexual folks terrified that they, too, are not their real sexual orientatn).

Neverthels, is sufficiently wispread to warrant more specialists the field, more media exposure, and more unrstandg among therapists relativ, iends, and, pecially, gay people who give the wrong advice. HOCD works the same way: Heterosexual sufferers feel that the gay thoughts are real even though, their hearts, they know that they are straight. The only anxiety I feel is over what others thk of gays and how I thk I’ll be treated by straight people power if they fd out about me.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

I don’t feel any anxiety when I thk about how lucky gay guys who are out of the closet mt be, and I wish I uld be like them. In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obss about the possibily that they might really be straight.

THE MOMENT YOU REALIZE YOU'RE NOT AS GAY AS YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE

” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng. I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt.

I THOUGHT I WAS GAY BUT NOW I'M QUTNG MY ORIENTATN

Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg. Observg themselv for evince of “lookg, ” talkg, walkg, drsg, or gturg like someone who is eher gay or straight. Compulsively reviewg and analyzg past teractns wh other men or women to see if they have acted like a gay or straight person.

Readg articl on the ter about how an dividual n tell if they are gay or straight to see which group they might be most siar to. Can you sudnly turn to a homosexual (or heterosexual) even if you have never felt or acted that that way?

TURNS OUT, BARBIELAND ISN'T AS GAY AS S QUEER FANS HAD HOPED

If I get sexual sensatns when viewg sexual material of an oppose orientatn do mean I am gay (or straight)? Avoidg standg close to, touchg or bshg agast members of the same sex (or oppose sex if the sufferer is gay).

TRANSLATN OF "AS GAY AS YOU THOUGHT" SPANISH

Not readg or lookg at vios news reports books or articl havg anythg to do wh gay people or other sexual subjects. Tryg to not look or act effemately (if a man), or a mascule way (if a woman), (or vice versa if the sufferer is gay). Not drsg ways that would make one look effemate (if a man), or mascule (if a woman), (aga vice versa if the sufferer is gay).

Avoidg associatg wh anyone who may be gay or who seems to lean that directn (if the sufferer is heterosexual). The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight). Dog a seri of wrg assignments of a uple of pag each that suggt more and more that you actually are gay or wish to be.

Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you).

WHAM!’S ANDREW RIDGELEY: ‘GEE MICHAEL THOUGHT MIGHT HURT IF HE ME OUT AS GAY AND I ENURAGED HIM NOT TO SAY ANYTHG’

Avoid observg yourself to see if you behaved a way you image a homosexual or member of the oppose sex would. Jt as if you were qutng your orientatn and thkg you might be gay, I n offer some background basics and thgs to thk about.

However, along the l of sexualy beg fluid, I feel that while there are certaly people who are jt attracted to people of the same genr or a different genr (or asexual), most people fall somewhere on a broad spectm between gay and straight (and beyond! Likewise, we don't want or need people who re about but do not re for our sexual orientatn, such as a well-tentned parent, to tell they are relieved that we, fact, not gay. Our two ma articl on this very topic, The Be Be: A Homosexualy and Bisexualy Primer and Bi the Dozen: A Bisexualy Quiz addrs this que extensively.

Speakg of articl, I'd also suggt readg The Makgs of a Homo on a young guy intifyg as gay (I realize you are beyond this step your personal journey, but you still might fd tertg) and well as Makg Sense of Sexual Media. Gay, straight, bi or beyond, the articl Supermol: Creatg & Nurturg Your Own Bt Relatnship Mols and Pothol & Dead Ends: Relatnship Roadblocks to Look Out For brg up important relatnship nsiratns.