I was sure I was gay – until I fell love wh my bt female iend | Metro News

Contents:

• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• GAY MEN HAVG SEX WH WOMEN?
• "WE DO HAVE A VERY GOOD SEX LIFE": GAY MEN WH STRAIGHT WIV ARE G OUT -- AS HAPPILY MARRIED
• ‘HE BROKE MY HEART TO A BILLN PIEC’: WHEN A STRAIGHT WOMAN FALLS LOVE WH A GAY MAN
• I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN ARE OFTEN SO CLOSE
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO GAY MEN
• CAN A GAY MAN FALL LOVE WH A WOMAN?
• I WAS SURE I WAS GAY – UNTIL I FELL LOVE WH MY BT FEMALE IEND
• WHAT'S THE SCIENCE BEHD STRAIGHT WOMEN LIKG GAY MEN?
• ARE STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN “NATURAL ALLI”? AN EVOLUTNARY ACUNT

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

Fally, the relatnships suggt to some people “reparative therapy, ” the uhil and impossible claim that a person n be changed om gay to straight. The men this televisn program aren’t claimg to be ex-gay nor that they n change their sexual orientatn (at least not on the show).

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

There are plenty of wiv who choose to stay married even after fdg out later the marriage that their hband is gay and attracted to men.

You might be able to claim your inty by meetg ocsnally wh gay men, stayg touch on Facebook, and lettg your gay iends know that you want to rema sexually fahful to your wife. I warn mixed-orientatn upl that he may feel differently later life and his gayns may surface more strongly and bee more of an inty for him and th bee an issue their marriage. Both straight and gay muni put enormo prsure on the man and woman a mixed-orientatn marriage, and few marriag n stand up unr this social, fay, and relig prsure.

A gay man n tly love a woman, have satisfyg and regular sex wh her, and want to stay married to her while beg unterted other women sexually. Matag a mixed-orientatn marriage requir endurg the strs of keepg the secrets that one of them is gay and beg discreet how they live their liv.

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

I recently spoke wh Bonnie Kaye, thor of Straight Wiv, Shattered Liv: Stori of Women wh Gay Hbands, among other books, and host of Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wiv Talk Show on BlogTalkRad.

GAY MEN HAVG SEX WH WOMEN?

Bonnie has spent much of her adult life first livg wh and attemptg to love a gay hband and then helpg other women the same mis-marriage suatn.

Bee I know untls gay men who were once married to straight women, wh varyg gre of short and longer-term happs and misery, I wanted to discs this topic, and I wanted to do so om the straight wiv’ perspective. Our discsn was wi-rangg, begng wh her own marriage to a gay man and progrsg to how she was able to move on post-marriage, eventually beg a rock for other women siar suatns. So if somebody told me they’d tried somethg but they didn’t like , there would be no reason for me to thk that the person was gay.

He was a karate teacher, martial arts, a strong guy, looked like Sylvter Stallone, and gay was not one of the issu I thought about wh him.

"WE DO HAVE A VERY GOOD SEX LIFE": GAY MEN WH STRAIGHT WIV ARE G OUT -- AS HAPPILY MARRIED

Then somebody who was part of my social work rmed me, a uple of weeks before we were supposed to get married, that he had spicns that Robert was gay. I thk your hband que clearly nsirs himself gay, which is far more relevant to your marriage than my asssment of his sense of self. The qutn of how he se his gayns relatn to his two marriag to women, specifilly his current marriage to you, is both more salient and open-end, so I’d suggt you start by askg him to share more of his thoughts on the subject wh you.

That will get you a lot further than tryg to figure out if your hband is “really” bisexual (and, implicly, whether that means you n safely hope he won’t leave you for someone else) or “really” gay (and, implicly, whether you have to fear that he’s gog to break up wh you for another man).

To answer your qutn plaly wh the rmatn that you’ve shared, ’s likely that some gay men do have sexual relatnships wh women to hi their te orientatn, due to fear of g out. Ined, there are gay men who feel prsured to mask their sexualy bee of cultural, faial, relig, or personal beliefs that beg gay is wrong. And, although scientific studi this field are rare, sexual aroal to women has been measured groups of men wh several different sexual orientatns, cludg those who intify as gay.

‘HE BROKE MY HEART TO A BILLN PIEC’: WHEN A STRAIGHT WOMAN FALLS LOVE WH A GAY MAN

Archiv, sexual orientatn is ually prised of several parts: attractn, how one acts on that attractn, and how one intifi (gay, straight, bisexual, etc). A cisgenr man may experience romantic attractn towards other men, sexual attractn towards men and women, but he choos to intify as gay. Surveys among high school stunts found differenc between inty and sexual behavrs, wh many of the self-intified gay or lbian stunts mentng that they engage sexual activi wh those of other genrs.

Weed is a practicg Mormon and the Church’s current stance on the topic of homosexualy n be summed up like so: “The attractn self is not a s, but actg on is.

” While Weed says he do not pass judgment on gay relatnships general, when me to his own life, he says, “I didn’t feel was right.

I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?

There are some key differenc between the two groups: “Ex-gays” believe that they have succsfully “cured” themselv of homosexualy. Although he once supported nversn therapy, about a ago he me out agast and do not believe that gay people n be ma straight. But there are plenty of SSA men who believe that homosexual behavrs are a relig s -- and, as the recent amic brief shows, some are willg to go so far as to policize their inty orr to fight equal rights for gays.

There was even a recent TLC documentary, "My Hband's Not Gay, " about Mormon hoeholds Utah posed of same-sex attracted men married to women.

"In some ways, a very relig, exclively gay man married to an asexual woman, they n have a very nice iendship, a very wonrful relatnship many ways, and wouldn't be a fay therapist's dream, but would be fe for them. I uldn’t say was bee he was gay, ” said the Davidson, om Sydney, says she’s not the first straight woman to fall for a gay bloke.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN ARE OFTEN SO CLOSE

But both refer to the same thg — straight women who have strong, often highly tense and mutually supportive, relatnships wh gay men. The days, straight woman and gay men who get along would probably jt be lled mat, but “handbags” were often vol and visual supports of the homosexual muny when discrimatn — legal and otherwise — was still rampant. “So many women have acted as protectors, cheerlears and supporters of their gay iends, but always the background, ” Ms Davidson says.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO GAY MEN

Her grandmother was a “beard”, or fake girliend, to gay men she was close to; while her mother helped when the muny was beg vastated by AIDS. “I’d been raised a fay wh lots of gay men so I should have known better than anyone (not to fall love wh one), ” Ms Davidson says.

But do really make a difference if they are straight or gay, if at the end of the day they are someone who is not attracted to you? Those lov are like fallg love wh a teacher, or a straight fallg love wh a gay, or fallg love wh a married person, or fallg love wh a sger or an actor. But you need to know that if the person dont want to do somethg wh you, you need to pass no matter have to rpect that the person you like is straight jt like how he rpect and accept you beg Gay.

Now a new psychology study has provid evince that gay men and straight women are the perfect iends wh benefs – as long as the benefs have to do wh tstworthy relatnship advice.

CAN A GAY MAN FALL LOVE WH A WOMAN?

“I was terted the evolutnary perspective as to why gay men and straight women form close iendships, ” says Eric Rsell, a visg psychology rearcher at the Universy of Texas At and lead thor of the study, published the latt issue of Evolutnary Psychology. Rsell wonred if had somethg to do wh the exchange of matg advice sce gay men and straight women aren’t romantic partners or matg petn and were “uniquely posned to exchange tstworthy rmatn. ”To tt his hypothis, Rsell enlisted the help of 88 straight women and 58 gay men, all unrgrads om the Texas ChristianUniversy, and nducted two one, straight women were prented wh a scenar volvg a party, a iend who bags out at the last mute and a substute “date” named Jordan.

Rearchers asked the women to look up a Facebook profile for Jordan -- who was prented as eher a straight woman, a straight man or a gay man – and then answer a seri of qutns. In the send study, gay men were prented wh the exact same scenar except the Facebook profile picted Jordan as eher a straight woman, a gay woman or a gay qutns – signed to terme the level of tst tt subjects had for each genr/sexual preference – were ccial to the person’s “game. As turned out, straight women did tst advice given by the gay Jordan more than the advice they got om a straight female or straight male Jordan.

“On average, I would say gay men and straight women probably tst each other around 20 percent more than other dividuals, ” says Rsell. Rsell says he wasn’t surprised by the fdgs, although he did fd tertg that gay men were jt as tstg of straight women as straight women were of gay men. ”It’s a dynamic well-documented movi, lerature and pop culture, says Rsell, potg to famo gay guy-straight gal iendships like Will and Grace and Kurt and Rachel om Glee.

I WAS SURE I WAS GAY – UNTIL I FELL LOVE WH MY BT FEMALE IEND

There’s even a seri of YouTube vios om the edy group Send Cy showg how a number of famo straight women om lerature – thk Juliet, Lady MacBeth and Charl Dickens’ Miss Havisham – uld have benefed om a “sassy gay iend. Lare was the maid of honor at Fick' weddg, and Fick was Lare's“In general, if you were askg whether I’d tst a straight woman or a gay man an unknown suatn, I’d probably end up tstg the straight woman rather than the gay guy, ” he says.

”Christyne Blount, a 38-year-old fancial analyst om Seattle, says she fely would tst a gay man more than that of a straight man when me to datg advice but feels her straight women iends are every b as reliable. For the most part, relatnships between gay men and straight women are healthy and posive, wh one exceptn I'll get to later. Sure, an ocsnal teenage girl falls for a boy who's gay, but don't take most girls very long to figure out that, this se, where there's smoke, there's most fely not fire.

In general, the attractn women feel for gay men tends to be emotnal nature, clearg the way for a highly satisfyg relatnship that outlasts most other relatnships gay men and straight women have.

WHAT'S THE SCIENCE BEHD STRAIGHT WOMEN LIKG GAY MEN?

To beg, I'll addrs how and why straight women are emotnally attracted to gay men—an attractn, by the way, that is returned by gay men spas. Send, straight women love gay men bee closens wh gay men provis a wdow to how the mds of men work, somethg that women want to know as they navigate datg waters wh their straight male peers.

Though there are, of urse, differenc between straight and gay men, gay men are neverthels men who share many characteristics and motivatns wh straight men.

When to the sexualy of young straight and gay men—meang, how equently they thk about sex, want , or feel impatient to get to the actual sex part—there are undoubtedly siari. When a straight woman hangs out wh a gay man, she begs to put the puzzle together that men, general, treat sex differently than women do. In general, gay men, and gay women, too, tend to be more fearls than their straight unterparts—particularly straight men—bee they’ve ually experienced bullyg and prejudice bee of their sexual orientatn.

ARE STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN “NATURAL ALLI”? AN EVOLUTNARY ACUNT

Meanwhile, gay men have the social license to be as outrageo or emotnal as they want to be bee gay men don't have to f to such a tightly prcribed role. The group of women I’m referrg to are often lled "f*g hags, " a term that manag to be rogatory toward two groups: women and gay men.

Instead, they feel more fortable removg the sexual factor that exists at straight bars and prefer the harmlsns that wh socializg wh gay men gay surroundgs.