As New York gay and lbian upl prepare to sh for marriage licens, the cy may be unprepared for genr qutns.
Contents:
- WHY DO GAY UPL E THE TERMS ‘HBAND’ AND ‘WIFE,’ RATHER THAN ‘PARTNER’?
- GAY MARRIAGE QUANDARY: AM I THE BRI OR GROOM?
- IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
- HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
- GAY MARRIAGE QUTN: ARE THEY BOTH LLED "WIFE" OR "HBAND"?
- THE LANGUAGE OF GAY MARRIAGE
WHY DO GAY UPL E THE TERMS ‘HBAND’ AND ‘WIFE,’ RATHER THAN ‘PARTNER’?
* who is husband and wife in gay marriage *
Dear Civili: My wife (female) and I are supporters of gay marriage, but we are puzzled about gay upl g the terms “wife” and “hband. (Still, I uldn’t help but notice that the boyiend of Michael Sam, the first openly gay football player to be drafted by an NFL team, was rrectly lled out by some as Sam’s “wife” and “trophy wife” on social media, highlightg the tradnal stereotyp of “hband/wife” rol.
A gay man, engaged to his fiance, spoke for many on my Facebook page when he posted this rponse to your qutn: “When we marry I will ll him my hband bee he will be, and I will be his.
” In short, once legally wed, spo — whether straight or gay — have earned the tl “hbands” and “wiv.
GAY MARRIAGE QUANDARY: AM I THE BRI OR GROOM?
Follow a gay uple’s lead as to how to refer to one spoe. And when doubt, “partner” ually satisfi everyone. * who is husband and wife in gay marriage *
” That don’t mean that every gay or lbian uple will embrace those terms, jt as some oppose-sex upl prefer partner or spoe spe their legal stat. Take a look at this lovely vio of a young boy talkg to his newly married gay dad. Every other week, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” addrs qutns about LGBT and straight etiquette his new lumn, Civili.
"Clerks at cy hall told baffled upl to wa until onle applitn forms uld be adjted to acmodate same-sex upl, who ptured the right to marry July 24 after New York joed five other stat and the District of Columbia to legally sanctn gay the right to marry gas momentum across the Uned Stat, same-sex upl are refg the tradnal rol of hband and wife, and burecrats are scramblg to keep pace wh the social revolutn. "This kd of thg don't set well wh [Mayor] Michael Bloomberg, " said Richard Soris, print of the natnal advocy group Equaly Matters and former advisor to Print Bill Clton on issu affectg gays and only took Bloomberg -- one of the most vol supporters of the gay marriage bill -- 24 hours to straighten out the ms, orrg the cy clerk to update the onle applitns to rephrase the personal rmatn tegori to "Bri/Groom/Spoe A" and "Bri/Groom/Spoe B. ""I thk 's important not to try to put gay upl tradnal heterosexual married rol, " said Soris.
IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
An Army sergeant asks how to troduce his girliend to a married gay uple, one of whom is an officer. * who is husband and wife in gay marriage *
"But even as morn heterosexual upl are movg beyond stereotyp, cultural perceptns of gay upl -- one is assertive and mascule, the other more feme and submissive -- still persist. "Stonewall Uprisg Refed Gay MovementHistorilly, same-sex upl lived on the g of Amerin society and never thought they uld aspire to maral rights.
HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
So, I was workg on a tax return for a gay uple (I'm an acuntant). Now, assume that they were married and was two men, would they say "This is my... * who is husband and wife in gay marriage *
All that changed after the Stonewall Uprisg, the 1969 police raid of Greenwich Village's Stonewall Inn and the six-day vlent street protts that that, gay upl "anized themselv along heterosexual genr l, " acrdg to New York Cy psychiatrist Jack Drcher. " "Gay upl talked about their stggl that emerged out of not havg clear genr guil, " said Drcher. "But today, both heterosexual and homosexual relatnships, there is a "blurrg of the boundari, " he said.
Men are creasgly takg on childrearg rponsibili that were once legated to gay upl marry the stat were is legal -- Connecticut, Vermont, Iowa, Massachetts, New Hampshire, District of Columbia and now New York -- they have more choic, llg themselv, "wife and wife" or "hband and hband, " or the ntral term, "spoe.
"I hear of people referrg to themselv as hbands and wiv, and even though I am gay myself 's somethg that startl me, " he said. "In the early psychiatric lerature, one of the early crics of homosexualy was a major theorizer about homosexualy as an illns, like a lot of 20th century thkg, " said Drcher. "Instead, both gays and straights, genr rol overlap.
GAY MARRIAGE QUTN: ARE THEY BOTH LLED "WIFE" OR "HBAND"?
Like heterosexuals, many lbian, gay, and bisexual people want to form stable, long-lastg relatnships and many of them do. In fact, rearchers have found that the majory of lbian, and gay, adults are mted relatnships and many upl have been together 10 or more years. Empiril rearch also shows that lbian and gay upl have levels of relatnship satisfactn siar to or higher than those of heterosexual upl.
How do laws that lim marriage to heterosexuals affect gay and lbian people? The fai and iends of lbian and gay upl who are nied marriage rights may also experience negative physil and mental health nsequenc siar to those experienced by their loved on. The vast majory of scientific studi that have directly pared lbian and gay parents wh heterosexual parents have nsistently shown that the same-sex upl are as f and pable parents as heterosexual upl, and that their children are jt as psychologilly healthy and well adjted.
Boomg|Is It Gay Hband? 27, 2012Every other Tuday, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” (Workman, 2011), addrs qutns about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age dience.
THE LANGUAGE OF GAY MARRIAGE
" I am a straight man my 50s, and most same-sex upl of my age group e “partner” to refer to each other although younger gay male iends speak of their “hbands” wh lbian upl routely g “wife. Given today’s crazy-quilt mix of state marriage laws (ma even more so by the Electn Day victori for gay weddgs), ’s no wonr you are nfed about how to refer to our signifint others. The other day I heard about a recently married gay man who mentned his “hband” passg to a woman of a certa age (meang ours!
It’s tertg to me that you rrectly intify the generatnal difference among your gay, lbian and bisexual iends (two snaps for payg attentn! ) and I’ll bet you’re likely to rell when other terms were vogue — “longtime pann” was obuary for “gay” – and back the day the sexually suggtive “lover” was the mon moniker for many a practil level what I suggt dog is listeng to how a uple troduc or refers to each other.