When a child first out as eher beg gay or havg same-sex attractn their parents' ial rpons are ually the wrong on, says Chris Doyle, a psychotherapist who specializ SSA.
Contents:
- JT FOUND OUT MY DGHTER MIGHT BE GAY. NOW WHAT?
- WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
- MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
- WHEN YOU FD OUT YOUR CHILD IS GAY
- FDG OUT YOUR SPOE IS GAY
- HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
- WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'
- I N'T FIVE MY DGHTER FOR BEG GAY
JT FOUND OUT MY DGHTER MIGHT BE GAY. NOW WHAT?
Many parents stggle for years to adjt after learng child is gay, acrdg to a new study om Gee Washgton Universy public health rearchers. * finding out your daughter is gay *
Many of the straight parents I terviewed for When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know exprsed havg felt disappotment learng that their child was LGBT. Would he be fired at his job if his supervisors found out that he were gay?
Would he have to live a gay-iendly neighborhood? Natalie, 63, a mother om Long Island, found out that two of her three children were gay.
" Natalie felt that was a loss to the fay geic pool and kept wonrg if beg gay was a choice. Richard Ogawa of Seattle figured out he was gay llege. Richard told me, "Perhaps if every parent toyed wh the possibily that any of their children uld be gay, would change the way they raise their children.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
Be supportive to keep your relatnship tact when you fd out your kid is gay. Forty percent of LGBT adults say they face rejectn when they me out. * finding out your daughter is gay *
Gay children are no different—so ltle of their sexual orientatn has to do wh who they are as a whole. "It is rare to work wh parents of a gay child who have not stggled wh the feelg of loss at some pot the procs of acceptg their child as gay, " my -thor, Jonathan Tobk, M. Parents feel sad that their gay child has lost the possibily of havg a life whout signifint difficulty.
" Yet Tobk has found that "gay people tell you they are happy wh who they are and feel that they have emerged on the other si of g out as strong, sensive, and rilient dividuals. Havg a gay child is not a loss of a child altogether.
MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
* finding out your daughter is gay *
It seems to me that your beliefs on tolerance toward those that are gay were ntgent upon the ia that "other people" are gay and "we" ("we" beg you and your children) are straight. If you tly believe what you say you believe, shouldn't matter whether she's gay. What's more, if she is gay (and pecially if she out, or is outed, while school), then she will need people that will support her, bee suici rat among gay teens is signifintly higher (some reports I've seen show as much as 5 tim higher, and even higher nservative areas) than among straight teens, due to thgs like bullyg, stutnalized and ternalized homophobia, and general beg prsured (by peers and fay) to be somethg that they're not (straight).
Even if you did figure out, whout a doubt, that she's gay do not out her.
WHEN YOU FD OUT YOUR CHILD IS GAY
She might not even know whether or not she's gay. When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns. As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child.
Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups.
FDG OUT YOUR SPOE IS GAY
If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero. The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life.
HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
Contact Parents, Fay, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG). List of Helpful Books for Parents of Gay and Lbian Children.
Straight Parents Gay Children: Keepg Fai Together (revised edn). Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lbians, and Gays Talk About Their Experienc. Somethg to Tell You: The Road Fai Travel when a Child is Gay.
Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child. Fortunate Fai: Catholic fai wh lbian dghters and gay sons. Mom, Dad, I'm Gay: How Fai Negotiate Comg Out.
WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'
” Fally, Amanda buried her head her pillow and said, “I’m gay. A new study nducted by rearchers at Gee Washgton Universy found that most parents of lbian, gay, and bisexual youth have difficulty adjtg after their kids e study says is one of the first to systematilly exame the experience of parents raisg lbian, gay and bisexual children. ”The study found that Ain Amerin and Lato parents have a harr time acceptg their lbian, gay and bisexual children, as do the parents of children who e out at a later study, which surveyed a much larger sample size than prev studi, nfirmed smaller studi that showed parents’ negative reactns tend to ease over time; the first two years are the harst for were no signifint differenc reactns between mother and father, the age of the parent, or the genr of the child.
The study did not exame the reactns for the parents of transgenr general, acceptance seems to be growg rapidly for lbian, gay and bisexual youth. There’s a lot of kids my school who are gay.
"I love you, and I am here for you" is what your child needs to hear when announcg they are gay. Even wh social chang such as the Marriage Equaly Act and greater acceptance of gay rights, g out is still a trmatic event for some people, says McElroy, who works wh gay youths at the health center. But many gay advot suggt that even if parents are acceptg, they should never ask pot-blank about sexual orientatn.
I N'T FIVE MY DGHTER FOR BEG GAY
Based on their experienc, Rso and Dannielle Owens-Reid 2010 started a support anizatn for young adults lled Everyone Is Gay. Fdg that parents are often nfed, the pair thored This Is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids and created an "e-re package" for parents plete wh answers to mon qutns, lks to rourc, journalg pag and a playlist.
"I love you, and I am here for you" is what your child needs to hear when announcg they are gay, Rso says. But when the marriage is over bee your spoe turns out to be gay, there is a whole different layer of thoughts and emotns to ntend wh.
Bonnie Kaye,, me to specialize helpg women face this unanticipated reason for the mise of their marriage after her own marriage llapsed by virtue of her hband beg gay.