What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• JT FOUND OUT MY DGHTER MIGHT BE GAY. NOW WHAT?
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• WHEN YOU FD OUT YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• FDG OUT YOUR SPOE IS GAY
• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
• WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'
• I N'T FIVE MY DGHTER FOR BEG GAY

JT FOUND OUT MY DGHTER MIGHT BE GAY. NOW WHAT?

Many of the straight parents I terviewed for When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know exprsed havg felt disappotment learng that their child was LGBT. Would he be fired at his job if his supervisors found out that he were gay?

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

Would he have to live a gay-iendly neighborhood? Natalie, 63, a mother om Long Island, found out that two of her three children were gay.

" Natalie felt that was a loss to the fay geic pool and kept wonrg if beg gay was a choice. Richard Ogawa of Seattle figured out he was gay llege. Richard told me, "Perhaps if every parent toyed wh the possibily that any of their children uld be gay, would change the way they raise their children.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

Gay children are no different—so ltle of their sexual orientatn has to do wh who they are as a whole. "It is rare to work wh parents of a gay child who have not stggled wh the feelg of loss at some pot the procs of acceptg their child as gay, " my -thor, Jonathan Tobk, M.

WHEN YOU FD OUT YOUR CHILD IS GAY

Parents feel sad that their gay child has lost the possibily of havg a life whout signifint difficulty. " Yet Tobk has found that "gay people tell you they are happy wh who they are and feel that they have emerged on the other si of g out as strong, sensive, and rilient dividuals.

Havg a gay child is not a loss of a child altogether.

It seems to me that your beliefs on tolerance toward those that are gay were ntgent upon the ia that "other people" are gay and "we" ("we" beg you and your children) are straight.

FDG OUT YOUR SPOE IS GAY

If you tly believe what you say you believe, shouldn't matter whether she's gay.

What's more, if she is gay (and pecially if she out, or is outed, while school), then she will need people that will support her, bee suici rat among gay teens is signifintly higher (some reports I've seen show as much as 5 tim higher, and even higher nservative areas) than among straight teens, due to thgs like bullyg, stutnalized and ternalized homophobia, and general beg prsured (by peers and fay) to be somethg that they're not (straight). Even if you did figure out, whout a doubt, that she's gay do not out her.

She might not even know whether or not she's gay.

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns.

As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child.

Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero.

WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'

The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life.

I N'T FIVE MY DGHTER FOR BEG GAY

Contact Parents, Fay, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG).

List of Helpful Books for Parents of Gay and Lbian Children.

Straight Parents Gay Children: Keepg Fai Together (revised edn).