Is Your Man Gay, Straight, or Bisexual? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY, NOT GAY, STRAIGHT, NOT STRAIGHT
• NOT GAY, NOT STRAIGHT: MEET THE YOUNG PEOPLE WHO REFE TO FE THEIR SEXUALY
• SHERLOCK IS ‘NOT GAY, BUT NOT STRAIGHT EHER’ ACRDG TO STEVEN MOFFAT
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• NOT GAY BUT NOT STRAIGHT?
• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• I'M NOT GAY, STRAIGHT OR BI
• SYNONYMS FOR NOT GAY

GAY, NOT GAY, STRAIGHT, NOT STRAIGHT

If you’re a young man, you might assume that eher you’re straight or you’re not, meang you’re likely gay and maybe bisexual. Yet the evince suggts that more young men intify or scribe themselv as mostly straight than intify as eher bisexual or gay bed. Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty.

Tradnally, our unrstandg has been that if you’re male and have even a slight attractn to the same sex, then you mt be gay.

NOT GAY, NOT STRAIGHT: MEET THE YOUNG PEOPLE WHO REFE TO FE THEIR SEXUALY

He’s not a closeted gay man who fears beg gay yet wants to keep a slight, perhaps secretive, gay si by danglg his potential for guy sex. He may retreat om a full intifitn wh heterosexualy, but rarely do he gravate toward bisexualy, and almost never do he move toward homosexualy of any sort. And we believe that we unrstand somethg important about a person if we know whether she or he is straight or gay.

SHERLOCK IS ‘NOT GAY, BUT NOT STRAIGHT EHER’ ACRDG TO STEVEN MOFFAT

Regrettably, social and blogil scientists have been plic by parg straights vers gays/lbians their rearch signs, while fettg everyone else who don’t intify as one of the. Yet the mands for new rearch are real: Right now, we thk people are eher straight or gay, as if one drop of gayns mak you gay, even if this means distortg the sexual and romantic experienc of lns of teenagers and young adults who are neher gay nor straight. For19-year-old psychology stunt Greta Warren, the qutn of whether she f herself as gay or straight is a meangls terms, she believ, are jt labels.

"It's somethg I found tratg durg the marriage referendum wh everyone mentg on and celebratg the gay and lbian right to marriage, wh ltle to no reference to everyone else on the sexualy spectm, " she might sound unual, but fact Greta's viewpot is one that more and more of her ntemporari share. A poll published the UK last week by YouGov showed that jt 46pc of 18 to 24-year-olds nsired themselv to be exclively straight, but only 6pc classed themselv as homosexual.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

"A lot of young people are more fortable to not intify any one strict tegory, " says Ois McKenna of youth webse "But 's te that they might also intify a unique kd of discrimatn, and even rejectn om gay or straight people.

This week, however, he took the opportuny today to set one very important thg clear: Sherlock Holm is not gay, but then he's not straight December, Benedict Cumberbatch, who plays Sherlock, hted at the fact that his character might be gay. In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obss about the possibily that they might really be straight.

” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt.

Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg. Compulsively reviewg and analyzg past teractns wh other men or women to see if they have acted like a gay or straight person. Readg articl on the ter about how an dividual n tell if they are gay or straight to see which group they might be most siar to.

Not readg or lookg at vios news reports books or articl havg anythg to do wh gay people or other sexual subjects. Tryg to not look or act effemately (if a man), or a mascule way (if a woman), (or vice versa if the sufferer is gay). Not drsg ways that would make one look effemate (if a man), or mascule (if a woman), (aga vice versa if the sufferer is gay).

NOT GAY BUT NOT STRAIGHT?

The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight).

Dog a seri of wrg assignments of a uple of pag each that suggt more and more that you actually are gay or wish to be. Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you). In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn.

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

A lot of the time the men e on their own and they’re holdg my book about g out as gay, and they want to know, “Is this me? And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay. ” I always joke wh clients that for me, as a gay man, when I’m walkg on the beach and checkg people out, the women are the way.

Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women.

When a man is a long-term relatnship wh a woman but beg sexual wh men, eher lookg at porn or havg actual sex, he eher will or won’t be homophobic. The straight men have no homophobia at all—to the pot where they’re willg to seek unselg om me, an openly gay therapist. A lot of tim the gay men never even make to me (whout promptg om their wife, anyway) bee they’re riddled wh homophobia and I’m too gay for them.

I'M NOT GAY, STRAIGHT OR BI

A gay guy wants to do all of that wh a man, a bisexual guy might want a man or a woman, and the straight guy wants to only be wh a woman that way. So this is a way of bondg wh men—ironilly, through sex—and happens not bee the man is gay but bee he don’t know any other way to get this need met.

Eher they’re worried that their man will eventually ci he’s gay and end the relatnship, or they want monogamy, and his cheatg is a threat to the marriage regardls of who he’s dog wh. And I should pot out here that the men when they’re engagg this behavr (regardls of whether they’re gay, straight or bi) nearly always tell themselv that what they’re dog is not cheatg bee they’re dog wh a guy.

But at the same time the guys I fd attractive also seem out of sync om what my girl iends and gay iends fd attractive. To clarify the type of school you go to do not have an impact termg your sexual orientatn, many people who go to all boys schools are straight jt like many people who go to mixed genr schools are gay.

SYNONYMS FOR NOT GAY

My last post scribed a populatn of mal who nsir themselv heterosexual, do not label themselv gay or bisexual, chew volvement wh the LGBT muny, are often married or romantilly volved wh an oppose-sex partner, and who engage sex wh mal or exprs the sire to do so. Due large part to the popularizatn of the topic the btsellg 2005 book On the Down Low: A Journey to the Liv of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep wh Men, [i] Lato and Ain-Amerin men are the primary subjects rearch wh non-gay intified MSM. One of the earlit studi, "The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Rearch Project" om the early 1990s, found that participants engagg same-sex sexual behavr but not intifyg as gay or bisexual scribed themselv as “kky, ” “normal, ” or “jt a guy.

Siar fdgs were found throughout a seri of terviews wh non-gay intified MSM prepared for the Centers for Disease Control and Preventn 2004. In tally, the men terviewed reported that if sexual activy between men was anonymo, experimental, ocsnal, or if substance e was volved, the act was not “gay.

Parsons, “Sexual Behavrs of Non-gay Intified Non-disclosg Men Who Have Sex wh Men and Women, ” Archiv of Sexual Behavr 37, no. [iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prtage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activy/non Gay Attachment Rearch Targetg Strategi Intifitn Project. [v] STD Communitns Database: Interviews wh Non-Gay Intified Men who have Sex wh Men (NGI MSM), ” (Atlanta, Geia: Orc Macro, 2005).