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Hawk Nelson Sger Explas Why He No Longer Believ God After Frontg a Christian Rock Band</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="Hawk Nelson Sger Explas Why He No Longer Believ God After Frontg a Christian Rock Band" /><meta name="scriptn" ntent="Jon Stegard, the sger of Christian rock band Hawk Nelson, explas why he no longer believ god." /><meta name="keywords" ntent /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="Esquire" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="171874009543995" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="fb:pag" ntent="84169421673" property="fb:pag" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@Esquire" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="1vf5i9wM7chlCFc_0XI_e-oCfDf4sEvp32sTGKokQ" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Jon Stegard Fronted an Award-Wng Christian Rock Band. 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" /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="timely" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Mic" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2021-11-02T00:02:20Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2020-07-01T12:00:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="What am I dog? It's the qutn Jon Stegard, former ontman of Christian rock outf Hawk Nelson, was askg himself May as he h publish on an Instagram announcg he no longer believed God. "I didn't sleep too well that night," he adms on a phone ll om" /><meta name="" ntent="entertament,Entertament,mic,Mic" /><meta name="" ntent="2020-07-01 12:00:00" /><meta name="sailth.socialtle" ntent="Jon Stegard Fronted an Award-Wng Christian Rock Band. 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He Tells Us Why He No Longer Believ God." data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Jon Stegard Fronted an Award-Wng Christian Rock Band. He Tells Us Why He No Longer Believ God.</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css g4r5va">{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2rem;le-height:1.25;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.37499rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-g4r5va exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Jon Stegard Fronted an Award-Wng Christian Rock Band. He Tells Us Why He No Longer Believ God.<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 2qf7xf">{lor:#515150;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.0625rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.3;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#000000;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-2qf7xf exadjwu8"><p>The former sger of Hawk Nelson opens up about leavg Christiany behd. </p></div><style data-emotn="css 18k4ks7">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 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.e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(-1 * 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc((100vw - (lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 2 * 1rem)) / -2);}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem) and (max-width: 90rem){{max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / -2) - 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 2);max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 + 1rem)) / -2) - lc(2 * 1rem));}[data-has-sponsor] {marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);marg-right:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);}}</style><div class="standard-ntaer ntent-ntaer article-ntaer css-7ce51e ewisyje3"><style data-emotn="css trzem2">{jtify-self:center;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-left:-50vw;marg-right:-50vw;width:100vw;left:50%;right:50%;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead css-trzem2 ewisyje6"><style data-emotn="css sm2oir">{height:to;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg:to lc(50% - 50vw);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg:to;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead-image css-sm2oir e5f9kgu2"><style data-emotn="css eag3eq">{posn:relative;height:to;}</style><div class="css-eag3eq e5f9kgu1"><style data-emotn="css 335qep">{posn:relative;width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;vertil-align:top;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="jon stegard" tle="jon stegard" width="2918" height="3648" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-335qep exi4f7p0" /></div><style data-emotn="css 285vyd">{le-height:1;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0;}}</style><figptn class="css-285vyd enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css 1mcfn5x">{lor:#595959;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;paddg-right:0.3125rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><span class="css-1mcfn5x e6iqd2">Courty of Jon Stegard.</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css woto36">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css am5pt0">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-size:6.25rem;font-weight:normal;le-height:0.75;marg-right:0;paddg:0.6rem 0.75rem 0 0;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-right:0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:0.75;}} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="body-dropp css-am5pt0 et3p2gv0"><em>What am I dog?</em> It's the qutn Jon Stegard, former ontman of Christian rock outf Hawk Nelson, was askg himself May as he h publish on an Instagram announcg he no longer believed God. "I didn't sleep too well that night," he adms on a phone ll om his adopted hometown of San Diego. "But what I jt e back to, now that ’s done, is that this is te. This is how I really feel." </p><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="1" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Hawk Nelson, then wh a different lead volist at the mic, first broke big on the Christian circu 2004 when the Ontar-bred group's pop punk-fed <em>Letters to the Print </em>LP gaed tractn. The followg handful-pl of years saw them llaborate wh A-list format talent like Amy Grant while rerdg songs for soundtracks like <em>Yours, Me & Ours</em> (which starred Dennis Quaid). They were nomated for three Dove Awards and, 2009, earned a Grammy nod. </p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="2" data-embed="edorial-lk" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1643r8a">{borr:none;marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;paddg:0rem;}</style><asi class="css-1643r8a e6pr2lz5"><style data-emotn="css l3w2xc">{display:le-block;font-weight:normal;marg:0rem;borr-top:0.25rem solid #15263D;paddg-right:1.1rem;paddg-top:0.4375rem;text-transform:lowerse;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.3;}</style><h6 class="css-l3w2xc e6pr2lz3"><style data-emotn="css 156fvc1">{borr-bottom:0.4375rem solid #FF3A30;borr-right:0.4375rem solid transparent;ntent:'';display:le-block;height:0;marg-right:0.5rem;width:0;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-156fvc1 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 8lle59">{max-width:lc(100% - 120px - .625rem);}</style><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Related Stori</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css c4s2gi">{paddg:0rem;marg:0rem;list-style:none;}</style><ul class="css-c4s2gi e6pr2lz4"><style data-emotn="css 79zw4t">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:2rem;paddg-top:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.9375rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:1.4;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;}</style><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><style data-emotn="css 1bn7a5e">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webk-jtify-ntent:flex-start;jtify-ntent:flex-start;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><a href="/entertament/mic/g30460648/bt-albums-2020/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="The Bt Albums of 2020" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1l0u1">{marg-right:0.625rem;height:to;}</style><img src="" alt="bt albums of 2020" tle="The Bt Albums of 2020" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">The Bt Albums of 2020</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><a href="/entertament/mic/g31045599/bt-songs-of-2020/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="The Bt Songs of 2020" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="bt songs of 2020" tle="The Bt Songs of 2020" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">The Bt Songs of 2020</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li></ul></asi></div><p data-no-id="3" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Stegard ma the move om guarist to center stage for the band 2012; he'd spearhead the release of three more albums to Hawk Nelson's eight stud album disgraphy. But he was also begng to have doubts about his fah—somethg that would have pletely siled his act. The CCM dtry, which se tens of lns of albums sal each year, is not necsarily the most wele place for those qutng their fah, he tells me. He fought those feelgs off as long as he uld—he would "shove them down," he says—but eventually they beme unavoidable. And when he fally phed <em>share</em> on Instagram, his post went viral. </p><p data-no-id="4" class="body-text css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It found headl across news and entertament vertils, while thoands of fans, former Christians, and current Christians, alike flood his ments. "I jt didn't thk was that shockg of a thg to say," he says, nsirg the breadth of the attentn. "I woke up the next morng wh an honty haner, but I'm pretty nvced was the right thg to do." And as the msag began pilg up, he also realized, "<em>wow</em>, that's a lot of rponsibily."</p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">In a wi-rangg terview followg his announcement, Stegard discsed the unravelg of his fah, the joy he felt at SCOTUS' lg support of gay marriage, and, of urse, the Kanye of all. The followg has been eded for clary and length. </p><style data-emotn="css 10klw3m">{height:100%;}</style><div data-embed="stagram" data-no-id="6" class="embed align-center css-10klw3m ez8lbhw1"><style data-emotn="css 63r9na">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;m-height:10rem;background-lor:#F5F5F5;lor:#000;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;height:100%;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="css-63r9na ez8lbhw0"><style data-emotn="css 1msakm2">{width:3.125rem;height:3.125rem;}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;id=lk-out-embed" loadg="lazy" alt="stagram in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1msakm2 ez8lbhw2" /><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href=" aria-label="View full post on Instagram" class="css-0 e1c1bym14">View full post on Instagram</a></div></div><p data-no-id="7" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>Now that you have ma your announcement, do you feel like you need to ntue the nversatn, om this pot forward or was this a fal note on the topic?</strong></p><p data-no-id="8" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Yeah. That’s where this whole thg started for me. I felt like I had been public about fah and Christiany for so long that the fact that I had a change of heart over the last few years meant that I had a rponsibily to be hont. If I was open before, why should I not be open now? I’m not able to wre back to everyone that wr me bee, que ankly, I’ve never experienced this amount of box flood, but there have been a few stori that have stood out and I’m dog my bt to jump when I feel like I n be helpful. </p><p data-no-id="9" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>In your post, you likened losg your fah to a sweater unravelg over time. It don’t sound like was one big moment where your worldview h a 180. </strong></p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">[The sweater metaphor] felt most te to my experience. It was a gradual procs, thread by thread. Eventually you look down and disver the sweater isn’t there anymore. There were a number of pots along the way where I was tryg to hold onto my ia of God—like “Well, I have no problem wh the ia of God; I have a problem wh Christian culture, or the Church, or the typ of Christians…” </p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But when I got right down to , I was jt tryg to nvce myself of thgs orr to hold onto my notn of God. Eventually, I got to this place where I realized if I was hont wh myself, and if I uld build up the urage to actually say to myself, I’d have to say “I don’t believe any of .” </p><p data-no-id="12" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>Were there specific moments where you n ppot another thread fallg? To ntue the imagery…</strong></p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I remember when the Supreme Court cisn was passed to legalize gay marriage feelg my gut, <em>I want to celebrate this</em>. And at that pot, I n’t say that I had a lot of gay iends, but I had a few. And I had iends that were long-term same-sex relatnships and wanted to get married. I remember feelg like I wanted to support them but didn’t feel like I uld, publicly. </p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">There was a band lled Jars of Clay that I grew up listeng to as a kid, and I don’t remember if they me out and supported as a band, but Dan, the sger, <style data-emotn="css umdwtv">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:background 0.4s;transn:background 0.4s;background:lear-gradient(#ffffff, #ffffff 50%, #d5dbe3 50%, #d5dbe3);-webk-background-size:100% 200%;background-size:100% 200%;}{lor:#000000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-posn:100% 100%;background-posn:100% 100%;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="he did" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">he did</a>. I didn’t see them around the Christian mic circu very much after that. </p><style data-emotn="css 1736von">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;clear:both;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="15" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><style data-emotn="css uwraif">{width:100%;display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;}</style><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="3rd annual klove fan awards at the grand ole opry hoe show" tle="3rd Annual KLOVE Fan Awards At The Grand Ole Opry Hoe - Show" loadg="lazy" width="3000" height="1995" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css swqnqv">@media(m-width: 20rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}</style><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css 8h7i7x">{width:0;m-width:100%;paddg-top:0.625rem;letter-spacg:0.02rem;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.3;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><div class="css-8h7i7x e1xqj1sx1">Jon Stegard performs wh Hawk Nelson. </div><style data-emotn="css 1am3yn9">{paddg-left:0rem;le-height:1;}</style><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-1mcfn5x e6iqd2">Rick Diamond</span><style data-emotn="css 1vpjmnm">{lor:#595959;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;paddg:0 0.3rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><span class="css-1vpjmnm e6iqd0">//</span><span class="css-1mcfn5x e6iqd1">Getty Imag</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="16" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>I’d image that mak your own realizatn, that your belief was waverg, all the srier. </strong></p><p data-no-id="17" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It was terrifyg on a bunch of levels. First off, how do we discs this wh our fai and iends? But on a more existential level, I had always believed that there was someone lookg out for me. The ia that we’re on our own was really sry. And then was like, what do I teach my kids? What do I tell them? It feels like I’m not livg the same world I was livg a year ago. </p><p data-no-id="18" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>How did that fear manift your daily life? </strong></p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It put me a pretty prsive state for a while. I felt a lot of rponsibily. I felt like, I’ve been ontg this Christian band—what do that mean for the band? What do that mean for the guys the band? What do that mean for our manager? Our label? Our publicist? I was feelg the weight of all of that, and I was also like, “How is this gog to affect my kids and my wife and my fay?” </p><p data-no-id="20" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I started seeg a unselor, and my therapist has been rad. I knew my parents would suggt that I fd a Christian unselor—I was pretty open wh my parents as I was procsg this stuff—but I had to tell them that I wanted to fd a unselor who I didn’t really re what they believed. And the first few ssns, I uldn’t have told you. 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data-ab-label="ProdClick" class="product-btn-lk en6kra60 css-1i4dhmq e1c1bym14">One Year For Jt $15</a></div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-1mcfn5x e6iqd2">Cred: Esquire</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="22" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>How did this affect your relatnship wh your wife and her own fah?</strong></p><p data-no-id="23" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I’m lucky that my wife has been procsg the thgs the same way that I have. I have iends that have gone through this procs, where their spoe did not feel the same way, and that is a hard path to walk. I tend to be one or two steps ahead of my wife this, but that’s only bee I am obssed wh readg and I’m gettg up at three the morng and spendg time alone readg.</p><p data-no-id="24" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>Both your father and your father--law are pastors, so I have to image both sets of parents are vted keepg your fah active. </strong></p><p data-no-id="25" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It’s a hard nversatn bee if I’m talkg wh my parents—or someone that I re about who believ eply—I n’t really say, “I don’t believe God” whout sentially tellg them, “I thk you’re wrong.” When ’s someone that you love and re about, you have no sire to attack their ept-held beliefs, but by simply statg your own, be that. </p><p data-no-id="26" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>How are they handlg this news?</strong></p><p data-no-id="27" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">They’re all really, really lovg. They’ve ma clear that they love no matter what. But my mom believ eply that if I’m open, God will reveal himself. And I’ve jt said, “Hey, if God is there, why wouldn’t I want to know about him?” In orr for me to get to a place where I n believe him, I feel like I need to really have an experience that tak me there. I’m jt unwillg to manufacture my own md. That’s the clost thg we’ve found to a place where we n all land. My mom said, “I feel like ’s God’s urt now.” And I said, “Okay. I feel the same.” </p><style data-emotn="css 8c6v">{posn:absolute;left:-10000px;top:to;width:1px;height:1px;overflow:hidn;}</style><div data-ad-exclu class="css-8c6v ehha8ut0">This ntent is imported om youTube. You may be able to fd the same ntent another format, or you may be able to fd more rmatn, at their web se.</div><style data-emotn="css 9angbx">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;m-height:299px;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{m-height:163px;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{m-height:252px;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{m-height:347px;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:299px;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{m-height:344px;}}</style><div data-embed="youtube" data-no-id="28" class="embed align-center css-9angbx exa3d2e3"><style data-emotn="css 79elbk">{posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-79elbk exa3d2e2"><style data-emotn="css b0nlql">{background:lear-gradient(rgba(0,0,0,.8) , rgba(0,0,0,0) 95%);background-repeat:no-repeat;-webk-background-size:100% 60px;background-size:100% 60px;posn:absolute;top:0rem;left:0rem;right:0rem;bottom:0rem;z-x:2;height:60px;poter-events:her;}</style><div class="css-b0nlql exa3d2e1"></div><style data-emotn="css 8vvrvc">{lor:#fff;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:"YouTube Noto",Roboto,Arial,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:18px;height:60px;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;posn:absolute;paddg-left:1rem;left:0rem;right:0rem;top:0rem;text-shadow:0 0 2px rgba(0,0,0,0.5);z-x:4;}</style><div class="css-8vvrvc exa3d2e0"></div><style data-emotn="css 52d8dn">{background:rgba(23,23,23,0.8);borr-bottom-right-radi:2px;borr-top-right-radi:2px;bottom:5px;lor:#fff;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-weight:500;font-size:16px;le-height:16px;font-fay:"YouTube Noto",Roboto,Arial,Helveti,sans-serif;height:47px;paddg:16px 12px;posn:absolute;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;z-x:2;}</style><style data-emotn="css 1exe7l8">{background:rgba(23,23,23,0.8);borr-bottom-right-radi:2px;borr-top-right-radi:2px;bottom:5px;lor:#fff;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-weight:500;font-size:16px;le-height:16px;font-fay:"YouTube Noto",Roboto,Arial,Helveti,sans-serif;height:47px;paddg:16px 12px;posn:absolute;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;z-x:2;}</style><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" aria-label="Watch on YouTube" href=" class="exa3d2e5 css-1exe7l8 e1c1bym14"><span>Watch on</span><style data-emotn="css 49nnnm">{display:block;height:16px;marg-left:9px;width:72px;}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="Watch on YouTube" width="to" height="to" class="css-49nnnm exa3d2e4" /></a><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css 1vn4202">{background:none;borr:0;posn:absolute;left:50%;top:50%;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);z-x:1;cursor:poter;}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1vn4202 e1f7ylgd0"><style data-emotn="css a0gows">{opacy:0.8;-webk-transn:opacy .25s cubic-bezier(0,0,0.2,1);transn:opacy .25s cubic-bezier(0,0,0.2,1);}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {opacy:1;}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;sendary=%2523ffffff" loadg="lazy" alt="youtube in" width="68" height="68" class="css-a0gows e1f7ylgd3" /></button><style data-emotn="css 157wciq">{width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;cursor:poter;}</style><style data-emotn="css g939jb">{width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;cursor:poter;}</style><img alt="This is an image" tle="Vio player poster image" loadg="lazy" width="2000" height="1000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="e1f7ylgd5 css-g939jb exi4f7p0" /></div></div></div><p data-no-id="29" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>If you are a Christian whose job don’t pend on their fah, you’re allowed to rema a nflicted, or qutng, person. But as soon as is your job—you bee a Christian rocker, let’s say—sudnly you have to believe and mata every sgle thg on the Christian checklist. </strong></p><p data-no-id="30" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Yeah, and you n never wrtle wh that. That’s one of the reasons that I have a ton of empathy for pastors, bee they’re a posn where ’s difficult for them to be hont about their stggl wh thgs. Every time they’re hont about somethg hard, they uld lose their livelihood. That’s why you see thgs where those thgs n build up and build up and then you have somethg horrible e out and you have a huge sndal on your hands. It’s bee we’re a culture that n’t discs the thgs. </p><p data-no-id="31" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>Outsi of the band, you have a full-time reer film edg and productn. But was there a worry that by makg this announcement, the fancial well-beg of your fay, or your band members’ fai, might be put durs? </strong></p><p data-no-id="32" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Luckily, all of have veloped other thgs that we’ve moved onto. About half of my work volv Christian anizatns or nonprofs or bands, so I still felt like “this uld be trouble.” But if people stop hirg me, I have the add layer of, I will never know if was ronavis or not...</p><p data-no-id="33" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">My willgns to speak up creased as I beme fancially more pennt om that muny. Conscly and subnscly, my way of alg wh my doubts was to shove them down. Bee if I got to this place I’m at now, and I was still fancially pennt on the band, and I was gog onstage and sgg songs about God that I didn’t believe , that would have been so horrifyg. It wasn’t until I began to be more fancially separate om that muny that I noticed, “Oh, if my reer don’t require me to believe anythg particular, then when do I believe?” That’s where the journey beme real. </p><div data-embed="stagram" data-no-id="34" class="embed align-center css-10klw3m ez8lbhw1"><div class="css-63r9na ez8lbhw0"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;id=lk-out-embed" loadg="lazy" alt="stagram in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1msakm2 ez8lbhw2" /><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href=" aria-label="View full post on Instagram" class="css-0 e1c1bym14">View full post on Instagram</a></div></div><p data-no-id="35" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>Do you have any plans to make more mic?</strong></p><p data-no-id="36" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I’m not super terted , at the moment, makg mic. Partially, ’s a practil thg. I feel like I’ve found other thgs that are more practil for me to make a livg dog. But also, mic is so tied to that perd of my life that I feel like I would be missg part of the story if I wasn’t hont wh myself about the fact that there might be a ltle sadns there for me. While I was procsg all of this stuff, I was barely listeng to mic, for like two years. </p><p data-no-id="37" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>Christian mic is an pecially wrought spot. It’s kd of maligned by mastream mic prs, or not really vered. But there are also a whole host of Christians who feels disfort wh bee of how much people prof off their fah. </strong></p><p data-no-id="38" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">There’s this sort of tensn between art and merce and mistry. And every Christian artist has their own blend of those three thgs. Some are heavier on one than the others. There are some artists that are very clearly, "This is a bs." And some that are very clearly, "This is a mistry." And some that are very clearly, "This is art." And I am fortable wh all three of those existg, as long as they're hont.</p><p data-no-id="39" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">My perspective, the whole time I was , and even now, is that I don’t thk ’s herently wrong to have any particular blend of those three thgs. I thk where we get a ltle tripped up is that I thk, broadly, that the Christian mic dience is a ltle unfortable wh the bs si of thgs, bee feels somehow ls pure … And I don’t thk ’s fair to pat all of Christian mic wh the same bsh, eher. I know the people. There are some that I wouldn’t tst wh a dime of me. But then there are others that I would tst wh my children. It’s hard for me to wre the whole thg off. </p><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="40" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="nashville, tn may 31 jon stegard, david niaris, mih kuiper, and daniel biro of mil group hawk nelson speak onstage the prs room durg the 3rd annual klove fan awards at the grand ole opry hoe on may 31, 2015 nashville, tennsee photo by terry wyattgetty imag for klove" tle="3rd Annual KLOVE Fan Awards At The Grand Ole Opry Hoe - Prs Room &amp; Backstage" loadg="lazy" width="3000" height="2736" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-8h7i7x e1xqj1sx1">Jon Stegard, David Niaris, Mih Kuiper, and Daniel Biro of mil group Hawk Nelson speak onstage the prs room durg the 3rd Annual KLOVE Fan Awards at the Grand Ole Opry Hoe on May 31, 2015 Nashville, Tennsee.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-1mcfn5x e6iqd2">Terry Wyatt</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="41" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>The dtry has had another level of attentn add the last uple years as Kanye Wt has said that he now only wants to make fah-based mic. It feels like many people have been overjoyed that someone as famo as him has ma such an announcement, but also feels like there are a large number of doubters—people who thk he’s jt to sell tickets to Sunday service and new merch. </strong></p><p data-no-id="42" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I’m fascated by the Kanye thg. It brgs up all kds of qutns that are so important—like, who gets to ci whether Kanye gets to talk about J or not? Whose permissn do Kanye need to talk about J?</p><p data-no-id="43" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I would answer that very quickly: “No one’s.” </p><p data-no-id="44" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">How n you know someone’s motivatns? I am que sure there are people the Christian mic dtry right now who are askg those qutns about me and wonrg what my motivatns are. I appreciate, more than ever, the value of leavg space for people to have their motivatns rema unqutned and take people at their word. When they say, “This is why I’m dog this,” believe them, unls you have a really good reason not to. </p><style data-emotn="css 2ok9l4">{marg-top:1.875rem;borr-top:th solid #595959;}</style><div data-jam-id="thor-b" class="css-2ok9l4 e13rjwo40"><style data-emotn="css f0b5z8">{display:grid;grid-template-lumns:to 1;grid-lumn-gap:0.625rem;paddg-top:1.25rem;paddg-bottom:1.25rem;clear:both;}</style><div class="css-f0b5z8 e19xk9rq8"><style data-emotn="css irehmq">{borr-radi:50%;height:60px;width:60px;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{width:40px;height:40px;}}</style><span class="css-irehmq e19xk9rq1"><style data-emotn="css o0wq4v">{width:100%;height:100%;borr-radi:50%;vertil-align:middle;object-f:ver;}</style><img src="" alt="Headshot of Madison Va" tle="Headshot of Madison Va" width="100%" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" class="css-o0wq4v e19xk9rq3" /></span><div><style data-emotn="css 3sqxrq">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;grid-gap:4px;-webk-align-ems:basele;-webk-box-align:basele;-ms-flex-align:basele;align-ems:basele;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;}</style><div class="css-3sqxrq e19xk9rq7"><span class="css-0 e19xk9rq5"><style data-emotn="css 1yunoig">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-lor:her;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-transform:upperse;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><style data-emotn="css 1kgdfad">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;text-transform:upperse;lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-lor:her;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-transform:upperse;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="/thor/219108/madison-va/" class="e1c1bym13 css-1kgdfad e1c1bym14"><span>Madison Va</span></a></span></div><style data-emotn="css 8u8x58">{display:-webk-box;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:1.4;overflow:hidn;paddg-top:0.3125rem;-webk-box-orient:vertil;-webk-le-clamp:5;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{-webk-le-clamp:10;}}>*{display:le;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:CharterItalic,Geia,Tim,Serif;} p{marg:0rem;} p a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;} p a:hover{text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-8u8x58 e19xk9rq4"><p>Madison Va is the Digal Director at Esquire; a wrer and edor livg New York, she prevly worked at <em>Entertament Weekly</em> and <em>Sports Illtrated</em>. </p></div></div></div></div><style data-emotn="css ciejky">{clear:both;marg-top:1.25rem;}</style><div id="journey-le" class="css-ciejky e1cslvxz0"></div><div class="css-79elbk eg8z2o90"><div class="css-79elbk e1tp40ll1"><div data-anchor-id="P0-0" class="css-0 e1tp40ll0"></div></div><style data-emotn="css 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