How to Cope When Your Spoe Is Gay

Contents:

• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Sce 1975, APA has lled on psychologists to take the lead removg the stigma of mental illns that has long been associated wh lbian, gay, and bisexual orientatns. The prejudice and discrimatn that people who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual regularly experience have been shown to have negative psychologil effects. This page provis accurate rmatn for those who want to better unrstand sexual orientatn and the impact of prejudice and discrimatn on those who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual.

In the Uned Stat the most equent labels are lbians (women attracted to women), gay men (men attracted to men), and bisexual people (men or women attracted to both sex). Prejudice and discrimatn make difficult for many people to e to terms wh their sexual orientatn inti, so claimg a lbian, gay, or bisexual inty may be a slow procs.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

Public opn studi over the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s routely showed that, among large segments of the public, lbian, gay, and bisexual people were the target of strongly held negative attus.

More recently, public opn has creasgly opposed sexual orientatn discrimatn, but exprsns of hostily toward lbians and gay men rema mon ntemporary Amerin society.

Early the panmic, the assumptn that HIV/AIDS was a “gay disease” ntributed to the lay addrsg the massive social upheaval that AIDS would generate. The associatn of HIV/AIDS wh gay and bisexual men and the accurate belief that some people held that all gay and bisexual men were fected served to further stigmatize lbian, gay, and bisexual people.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

On the social level, prejudice and discrimatn agast lbian, gay, and bisexual people are reflected the everyday stereotyp of members of the groups.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

The stereotyp persist even though they are not supported by evince, and they are often ed to exce unequal treatment of lbian, gay, and bisexual people.

For example, limatns on job opportuni, parentg, and relatnship regnn are often jtified by stereotypic assumptns about lbian, gay, and bisexual people. On an dividual level, such prejudice and discrimatn may also have negative nsequenc, pecially if lbian, gay, and bisexual people attempt to nceal or ny their sexual orientatn. Although many lbians and gay men learn to pe wh the social stigma agast homosexualy, this pattern of prejudice n have ser negative effects on health and well-beg.

Although social support is ccial pg wh strs, antigay attus and discrimatn may make difficult for lbian, gay, and bisexual people to fd such support. Dpe the persistence of stereotyp that portray lbian, gay, and bisexual people as disturbed, several s of rearch and clil experience have led all mastream medil and mental health anizatns this untry to nclu that the orientatns reprent normal forms of human experience. Furthermore, seems likely that the promotn of change therapi rerc stereotyp and ntribut to a negative climate for lbian, gay, and bisexual persons.

I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?

Helpful rpons of a therapist treatg an dividual who is troubled about her or his same sex attractns clu helpg that person actively pe wh social prejudic agast homosexualy, succsfully rolve issu associated wh and rultg om ternal nflicts, and actively lead a happy and satisfyg life. The phrase “g out” is ed to refer to several aspects of lbian, gay, and bisexual persons’ experienc: self-awarens of same-sex attractns; the tellg of one or a few people about the attractns; wispread disclosure of same-sex attractns; and intifitn wh the lbian, gay, and bisexual muny. Th, is not surprisg that lbians and gay men who feel they mt nceal their sexual orientatn report more equent mental health ncerns than do lbians and gay men who are more open; they may even have more physil health problems.

Some adolcents sire and engage same-sex behavr but do not intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual, sometim bee of the stigma associated wh a nonheterosexual orientatn. Young people who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual may be more likely to face certa problems, cludg beg bullied and havg negative experienc school. Lbian, gay, and bisexual youth who do well spe strs—like all adolcents who do well spe strs—tend to be those who are socially petent, who have good problem-solvg skills, who have a sense of tonomy and purpose, and who look forward to the future.

Whether the youths intify as heterosexual or as lbian, gay, or bisexual, they enunter prejudice and discrimatn based on the prumptn that they are lbian, gay, or bisexual.

HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP

If they are a heterosexual relatnship, their experienc may be que siar to those of people who intify as heterosexual unls they choose to e out as bisexual; that se, they will likely face some of the same prejudice and discrimatn that lbian and gay dividuals enunter. Although parable data are not available, many sgle lbians and gay men are also parents, and many same-sex upl are part-time parents to children whose primary rince is elsewhere.

As the social visibily and legal stat of lbian and gay parents have creased, some people have raised ncerns about the well-beg of children the fai. The majory of rearch on this topic asks whether children raised by lbian and gay parents are at a disadvantage when pared to children raised by heterosexual parents.

For example, are the children of lbian or gay parents more vulnerable to mental breakdown, do they have more behavr problems, or are they ls psychologilly healthy than other children?

The picture that emerg om this rearch shows that children of gay and lbian parents enjoy a social life that is typil of their age group terms of volvement wh peers, parents, fay members, and iends.

There is no scientific support for fears about children of lbian or gay parents beg sexually abed by their parents or their parents’ gay, lbian, or bisexual iends or acquatanc. In summary, social science has shown that the ncerns often raised about children of lbian and gay parents, ncerns that are generally ground prejudice agast and stereotyp about gay people, are unfound. Overall, the rearch dit that the children of lbian and gay parents do not differ markedly om the children of heterosexual parents their velopment, adjtment, or overall well-beg.

Lbian, gay, and bisexual people who want to help rce prejudice and discrimatn n be open about their sexual orientatn, even as they take necsary preutns to be as safe as possible.