How to Cope When You're Gay and Lonely | GQ

Contents:

• PEOPLE THK I'M GAY... BUT I'M NOT
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.
• AM I GAY?
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"
• AM I GAY ENOUGH? WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT QUEER INTY
• YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD
• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY

PEOPLE THK I'M GAY... BUT I'M NOT

In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. If the sufferer is heterosexual, then the thought may be that they are homosexual.

If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obss about the possibily that they might really be straight. ” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). For those wh thoughts of beg homosexual, part of the distrs mt surely be social orig.

Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng. I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt. Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Observg themselv for evince of “lookg, ” talkg, walkg, drsg, or gturg like someone who is eher gay or straight. Compulsively reviewg and analyzg past teractns wh other men or women to see if they have acted like a gay or straight person.

Readg articl on the ter about how an dividual n tell if they are gay or straight to see which group they might be most siar to. Can you sudnly turn to a homosexual (or heterosexual) even if you have never felt or acted that that way? If I get sexual sensatns when viewg sexual material of an oppose orientatn do mean I am gay (or straight)?

A typil example would be a heterosexual man who experienc an erectn while lookg at gay eroti.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

This reactn is strengthened by the rrect belief that homosexual cu never stimulate heterosexuals.

I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.

Avoidg standg close to, touchg or bshg agast members of the same sex (or oppose sex if the sufferer is gay). Not readg or lookg at vios news reports books or articl havg anythg to do wh gay people or other sexual subjects. Never sayg the words “gay, ” “homosexual, ” (or “straight”) or any other related term.

Tryg to not look or act effemately (if a man), or a mascule way (if a woman), (or vice versa if the sufferer is gay). Not drsg ways that would make one look effemate (if a man), or mascule (if a woman), (aga vice versa if the sufferer is gay).

Avoidg associatg wh anyone who may be gay or who seems to lean that directn (if the sufferer is heterosexual). The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight).

AM I GAY?

Visg gay meetgs shops, browsg gay bookstor, or visg areas of town that are more predomantly gay. Dog a seri of wrg assignments of a uple of pag each that suggt more and more that you actually are gay or wish to be. Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you).

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

Avoid observg yourself to see if you behaved a way you image a homosexual or member of the oppose sex would. You don’t need to be certa you are gay before talkg to someone or attendg an LGBTQ+ meetg.

FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"

I have been out nearly 7 years now (age 16, sophomore year of HS). It is very homogeneo/ hetero-normative and beg a tholic stutn is not the easit environment for queer stunts.

AM I GAY ENOUGH? WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT QUEER INTY

Bulli teased me for beg gay when I was younger, but when a six-year-old boy lls another six-year-old boy gay, he means “weird” or “gross, ” not “has sex wh men. Why, then, do adults who knew me as a child sist that I was gay all along?

I felt prsured to pick a label and stick wh , and for a long time “gay” worked bee I didn’t thk about much. But the last year or two, I’ve started to rethk my relatnship to the label “gay.

YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

I hooked up wh trans and nonbary people and stopped scribg myself as gay, preferrg to e the more clive tchall “queer. Often when I tell some people that I’m distancg myself om gay, they immediately suggt I intify as bisexual, or pansexual. I need somethg that means “mostly gay but not fully mted and open to other possibili, ” but, alas, such a niche label has yet to be imaged.

When I was six, the boys who teased me labelled me as gay. There are many gay men who say "I'm not part of the scene" -- men who hate gay bars and, prumably, crowds of queer people general. Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant.

" Y, there are some good reasons to rce your participatn gay bars (time, money, health). But you mt spend time wh others, whether that means havg a group of gay movie iends or queer gamers or playg on a gay sports team.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci. AIDS vastated muni of gay men and transgenr women, particularly gay men and trans women of lor.

Read the numbers: In four years, more than 5, 596 people the Uned Stat had died of AIDS, many of them gay men and transgenr women. But if I hadn't experienced all that adversy, I wouldn't be so furly proud to be gay.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY

Fd a gay elr who's been where you are and r for your well-beg, someone who unrstands you and never pass judgment, someone who lets you make the mistak you need to make.

Tmp has repeatedly attacked transgenr servicemembers, and gay men are still beg hunted and murred Chechnya. There would be no ternalized self-hatred if no one had ever told you that beg gay is wrong, or that gay sex is disgtg, or that gay men n't feel real love, or that beg transgenr is fake, or that beg nonbary is a mental illns or a ll for attentn. If you thk a word like "gay" or "queer" works for you right now (aga, don't have to work for you forever -- labels do not e wh lifetime ntracts) and you're not ready to tell everyone, simply say out loud to yourself.