Gay Men and Agg | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY MEN AND AGG
• HOW TO EMBRACE AGG AS A GAY MAN
• THE CURSE OF AN ATTRACTN TO OLR GAY MEN
• "STOP ONLY DATG YOUR TYPE": GAY MEN OVER 30 ARE SHARG THEIR DATG ADVICE FOR YOUNGER QUEERS, AND IT'S HEARTWARMG
• AT 60 YEARS OLD, I BEME VISIBLE. GETTG OLD AS A GAY MAN STKS.

GAY MEN AND AGG

Revealg that you're lbian or gay marks an important tone your life. More than half of gay men and nearly 40% of lbian women surveyed 2013 said they had e out to iends and fay before age cisn isn't easy for everyone, though. I’m a 52-year-old gay man, and last year was the year that I fally chose to be open about who I am.

She was homophobic. She got so ncerned that fally I admted, "No, I really want to tell you that I'm gay.

HOW TO EMBRACE AGG AS A GAY MAN

The gay culture is unfivg of agg. Many gay men will have endured homophobic bullyg at school whilst teachers turned a bld eye; havg parents not unrstandg or acceptg their sexual orientatn; or a difficult and paful g out procs.

In the here and now, there is still much homophobia our society: beg looked at an timidatg or shamg way when holdg their same-sex partner’s hand the streets; hearg homophobic people makg plats when gay characters appear on televisn; beg asked appropriate sexual qutns at a party that would never be asked to a heterosexual person; havg to refully select a holiday statn that is gay-iendly. This is what we ll "mory strs, " the chronic strs that occurs every day for beg gay a heterosexual world. As a rult, gay men (and others the LGBTQ muni) have to velop a shield to protect themselv.

One way that gay men n create a sense of safety and protect themselv agast more woundg is by feelg wanted and sexually sired, which wh lookg perfect, showg no signs of vulnerabili and beg young. For gay men, for some reason, 40 years of age seems to be the thrhold when gay men flip om beg sirable and sexy to beg visible and even sometim an object of disgt. Watchg the Channel 4 seri It’s A S remd me that we didn’t get the chance to see gay men agg when we were growg up bee many of them died their 20s durg the AIDS epimic.

THE CURSE OF AN ATTRACTN TO OLR GAY MEN

The gay male populatn is missg a generatn of olr men who uld have been mentors and teachers offerg guidance this homophobic world.

"STOP ONLY DATG YOUR TYPE": GAY MEN OVER 30 ARE SHARG THEIR DATG ADVICE FOR YOUNGER QUEERS, AND IT'S HEARTWARMG

Wh the absence of the olr wisdom the gay muny, youth beme the only safety: As long as one is young and betiful, they will be sired and therefore they won’t be alone. The gay scene rpond to that by sexualisg youth and perfect bodi, whilst nigratg agg.

The dilemma is that most gay men want to nnect and love each other, but they’re also havg trouble nnectg bee genue timacy requir the willgns to be vulnerable. The dark si of this is that we are leavg behd the agg gay men who survived homophobic trma, the AIDS epimic, and those who fought for the equal rights that we are enjoyg today.

Gay men simply don’t have a mol of what the path of agg looks like.

AT 60 YEARS OLD, I BEME VISIBLE. GETTG OLD AS A GAY MAN STKS.

We only see young gay men partyg, havg sex, or sual relatnships. Many gay men still rry ternalised homo-negativy wh the subnsc re belief that is impossible for gay men to love one another, feelg unservg of love. Yet, there are many gay men strong and lovg relatnships, monogamo on and polyamoro on, livg their liv like everybody else.

They are many agg gay men who have much wisdom to give to their younger peers. It is time to work together to shift the gay culture om the one beg cril of agg to more human nnectns, where we n embrace each other, bee, after all, we all belong to the same fay, the LGBTQ fay — the Rabow Fay.

Many gay men never felt fully unrstood by their fay of orig. For gay men aged 40 and over to be sirable, they have to be phed to the label of "Daddy.