My Hband's Not Gay is fely not worth the uproar | US televisn | The Guardian

Contents:

• MY HBAND'S NOT GAY
• THE PROFOUND LACK OF EMPATHY MY HBAND'S NOT GAY
• WHY TLC’S ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’ IS WORTH WATCHG
• WTF? TLC'S NEW SPECIAL MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS EVEN WEIRR THAN IT SOUNDS: WATCH NOW
• MY HBAND'S NOT GAY: PILOT
• EP 19. MY HBAND'S NOT GAY
• MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS FELY NOT WORTH THE UPROAR

MY HBAND'S NOT GAY

It has started a ntroversy—one that reveals a lot about cultural tensns brilliance of the televisn special My Hband's Not Gay begs wh s name. And prompts the pable, skg feelg that the lady doth prott too much: If she has to expla that her hband's not gay, she's already admted that his attractn to her is ls than, many people are angry about My Hband's Not Gay, which is s send stroke of brilliance.

THE PROFOUND LACK OF EMPATHY MY HBAND'S NOT GAY

The TLC show, which aired on Sunday night, follows four men who all experience "same-sex attractn, " or "SSA, " but who don't want to live "the gay liftyle" bee of their Mormon relig beliefs. As one of the men's wiv, Tanya, phily puts : "SSA, not gay. " In the lead-up to the special's premiere, more than 100, 000 people signed a petn to get ncelled, claimg promot "'reparative therapy, ' a discreded and dangero practice that falsely claims to turn gay people straight.

This approach to programmg succeeds, wildly, bee 's a pure distillatn of the appeal of realy televisn: self-righteo problem, though, wh makg realy televisn about gay men who don't want to be gay is that will variably lack empathy for the pa that likely f those men's liv. The failure of My Hband's Not Gay is one of style, not substance; but the fact that has been protted for s substance says a lot about the cultural tensns surroundg homosexualy Ameri.

The openg of My Hband's Not Gay is a straight llback to the the openg sequence of the fictnal HBO seri Big Love, about a polygamo fay of fundamentalist Mormons.

WHY TLC’S ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’ IS WORTH WATCHG

They're also playful about gay stereotyp, like not beg able to play sports. And my attractn to mal—those are the two thgs that are kd of gay about me.

It's a bound performance of sexualy: They've stctured their relatnships so that they n exprs their feelgs of attractn and even toy wh gay inty while still settg firm lims on their behavr. The hbands n to an old iend who has cid to "live the gay liftyle"—what will he say to them?

Watchg My Hband's Not Gay is like the passive emotnal experience of wanrg through a low-budget rnival, gawkg at the sishow eaks for a short moment before losg attentn and movg on. All three of the upl featured have worked wh an anizatn lled Voic of Hope, sharg their experienc on tape and speakg publicly support of "non-gay liftyl" for people who experience "same-sex attractn.

WTF? TLC'S NEW SPECIAL MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS EVEN WEIRR THAN IT SOUNDS: WATCH NOW

" While uld fairly be lled propaganda, 's not exactly "prayg away the gay": Voic of Hope is part of the Mormon anizatn North Star Internatnal, which says on s webse that "whether or not dividuals choose to make efforts to dimish or elimate homosexual feelgs, and whether or not those efforts succeed, is ls important to North Star’s purpos. Sendg the msage that beg gay is somethg that n and ought to be changed, or that you should reject your sexual orientatn by marryg someone of the oppose sex, " the petn says. More straightforwardly: This show reprents a worldview that says beg and actg gay is a s.

MY HBAND'S NOT GAY: PILOT

By airg a televisn special about this worldview, objectors say, TLC is implicly endorsg —which is a form of will be the next great nflict surroundg gayns Ameri: between those who mand acceptance of homosexualy and those who fd morally unacceptable. Arguably, a gree of cultural civily toward the gay muny has been tablished, even among those who disagree wh homosexualy. It's a sign of jt how far gay rights have e Ameri that TLC would be lled out for even acknowledgg a worldview that isn't fully acceptg of gayns.

The objectns aren't about wng legal rights, or enanchisement, or even civily; they're about wng total cultural acceptance of homosexualy. The upl My Hband's Not Gay have created liv they say they want, liv that are tolerant of homosexualy every way except choosg, themselv, to have gay sex.

Of urse, that's not what happened My Hband's Not Gay, but that probably uldn't be helped; nuance don't tend to be the tramark of realy televisn. But if possible, My Hband's Not Gay should be treated as a varsy-level exercise fdg empathy; even for those who disagree wh the choic the upl have ma, they may still regnize the stggle.

EP 19. MY HBAND'S NOT GAY

When TLC announced would air a one-hour special lled My Hband’s Not Gay about Mormon men wh same-sex attractns who pursue relatnships wh women, the LGBT muny was unrstandably upset. Over 75, 000 signed a petn llg on the work to ncel the show bee “promot the false and dangero ia that gay people n and should choose to be straight orr to be part of their fah muni.

But My Hband’s Not Gay is not a puff piece profile or some one-sid documentary wh propaganda tents; ’s a realy TV show, and so rarely are the subjects of realy shown a flatterg light. In the special, Jeff’s wife Tanya has fully embraced this wordplay, explag, “It’s not gay, ’s SSA. ” Pret siarly ttifi, “I thought I was gay… I thought the feelgs fed me.

MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS FELY NOT WORTH THE UPROAR

There’s no difference between “same-sex attracted” and “gay, ” and the men are gay. ” The upl scribe the word “gay” as a “liftyle choice” and “not real accurate” to scribe the men, bee they believe means havg relatnships wh other men.

If anythg, My Hband’s Not Gay prov the exact oppose. They check out the guys they play basketball wh (who they sist be “sks” stead of “shirts”); they check out the waer at the rtrant; they check out other gay guys they know at the fashn boutique.

The men are gay. From the moment they wake up the morng until the moment they kiss their wiv goodnight, they see the world through a homosexual lens that impacts how they teract wh every person they enunter.