Monogamy or Bt: Why Are Many Gay Men Opposed to Open Relatnships?

Contents:

• MANY SUCCSFUL GAY MARRIAG SHARE AN OPEN SECRET
• HOW TO HAVE AN OPEN GAY RELATNSHIP
• GAY MEN OPEN RELATNSHIPS: WHAT WORKS?
• A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE

MANY SUCCSFUL GAY MARRIAG SHARE AN OPEN SECRET

But they knew om the begng that their bond would be fed on their own terms, cludg what they ll “play” wh other the trial phase of the nstutnal battle to overturn the Proposn 8 ban on same-sex marriage nclus feral urt, gay nuptials are portrayed by opponents as an effort to rewre the tradnal l of matrimony. Quietly, outsi of the news media and urtroom spotlight, many gay upl are dog jt that, acrdg to groundbreakg new rearch. A study to be released next month is offerg a rare glimpse si gay relatnships and reveals that monogamy is not a central feature for many.

Some gay men and lbians argue that, as a rult, they have stronger, longer-lastg and more hont relatnships.

HOW TO HAVE AN OPEN GAY RELATNSHIP

And while that may sound untertuive, some experts say boundary-challengg gay relatnships reprent an evolutn marriage — one that might pot the way for the survival of the rearch at San Francis State Universy reveals jt how mon open relatnships are among gay men and lbians the Bay Area. The Gay Coupl Study has followed 556 male upl for three years — about 50 percent of those surveyed have sex outsi their relatnships, wh the knowledge and approval of their nsent is key. “Wh straight people, ’s lled affairs or cheatg, ” said Colleen Hoff, the study’s prcipal vtigator, “but wh gay people do not have such negative nnotatns.

”The study also found open gay upl jt as happy their relatnships as pairs sexually exclive unns, Dr. A different study, published 1985, nclud that open gay relatnships actually lasted of this is news the gay muny, but few will speak publicly about .

GAY MEN OPEN RELATNSHIPS: WHAT WORKS?

“The tradnal Amerin marriage is crisis, and we need sight, ” he said, cg the h perspective gay upl brg to matrimony. “If novatn marriage is gog to occur, will be spearhead by homosexual marriag. ”Open relatnships are not exclively a gay doma, of urse.

A versn of this article appears prt on, Sectn A, Page NaN of the Natnal edn wh the headle: Many Succsful Gay Marriag Share an Open Secret. Is possible to have a succsful open gay relatnship? Now that gay marriage is the law of the land, is more mon to hear about upl beg part of an open marriage.

A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE

Dependg on the study you read, and to date there aren’t many scientific studi on the topic, as many as 50% of gay men are open relatnships.

As gay men, we’re no strangers to beg judged. Most of know the feelg of walkg to a gay space and beg evaluated. Instead of beg supportive of those our muny who choose to have different relatnship stctur, some of are beg judgmental, mean and even slut-shamg our fellow gay iends.

However, this ncept is creepg s way to the gay muny. There was a time, pre-HIV and AIDS when many members of the gay muny were more sexually ee. After years of beg opprsed and persecuted for havg sex and beg gay, the 1970s and 80s brought about a eedom of sexual exprsn that was polilly and psychologilly important.

After the AIDS crisis h, sex beme a dangero thg for gay men.

An entirely new generatn of gay men n take a daily pill and have ls fear around sex. Along those l, there is a spectm om monogamy to ethil non-monogamy open for gay upl to explore. Get the ee eBook How to Strengthen Your Relatnship, a gui for gay upl.

Whether married or not, many gay relatnships beg to "open up" after the first few years.

In the book, we'll follow two upl as they explore how to handle the sire for sex outsi their gay upl do want monogamy.

Many of my upled gay clients, havg examed tradnal heterosexual marriage-based relatnships, fd them lackg.

While this is a ntroversial issue, 's also an opportuny for as married or potentially-married gay men to be social pneers and make our own way. And I'm not jt talkg about sex my years of workg wh upl, I've noticed that gay upl typilly experience two challeng more tensely than do oppose-sex or lbian upl: petn and nflict. But, too much petn leads to nflict, and nflict a double ttosterone marriage n easily lead to arguments that late out of ntrol both verbally and the other end of the ttosterone spectm, I've noticed that creasg ttosterone levels are often related to lower levels of sexual satisfactn (and more open relatnships) gay upl their forti and fifti.

If sex has been a major rnerstone of our marriag/relatnships and we h an age where our sexual sir and libido take a dive, we may hope that openg up our relatnship will be jt the panacea we're lookg be blunt -- ttosterone n make too horny when we're younger (creatg trouble marriag), and too disterted sex when we're marriage has been a long time g -- a few thoand years or so -- and now that 's fally here, many gay, bisexual and transgenr men may thk that 's a bad ia to "rock the boat" by discsg the kds of ias that this book prents. I believe that now is the perfect time to qutn what gay marriage n, should and will be, while is still relatively new, h and the double ttosterone marriage, "monogamy or open relatnship? Excerpted om Michael Dale Kimmel's The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage, released this month by Rowman & Ltlefield.