Satire om The Onn: “Hell Now a Thrivg Epicenter of Gay Culture”

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'Hell Now A Thrivg Epicenter Of Gay Culture'

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HELL NOW A THRIVG EPICENTER OF GAY CULTURE

THE MALEBOLGE, NETHER REGIONS OF DARKNESS—Notg the credible rate at which the muny has grown, sourc nfirmed Thursday that Hell, the Endls Kgdom of Misery, is now a boomg haven of gay culture. * the onion gay hell *

THE MALEBOLGE, NETHER REGIONS OF DARKNESS—Notg the credible rate at which the muny has grown, sourc nfirmed Thursday that Hell, the Endls Kgdom of Misery, is now a boomg haven of gay Week's Most Viral News: July 28, 2023OffEnglishThe Great Abyss, home of the damned, is reportedly habed by some 600 ln nmned homosexual or transgenr souls, a large proportn of s total populatn, and has by many acunts blossomed to an oasis of gay activism and muny events. “I’ve only been here for a few months, but I’ve already fallen love wh , ” said 49-year-old Daniel Elson, addg that he has already beiend hundreds of fellow gay men and women the accursed unrworld, all of whom have weled him wh open arms. “The streets of fire and brimstone are full of so many great fés, rtrants, bakeri, pennt bookstor, and of urse plenty of gay bars and clubs.

”Acrdg to sourc, the ept bowels of Hell have over the past several lennia veloped a thrivg gay muny that is said to rival the lik of the New York Cy neighborhood of Chelsea, San Francis’s Castro District, Soho London, and the Boystown sectn of wh s wi variety of gay-iendly bs, the Unrworld is also home to The 666, a sprawlg, five-story gay nightclub that is reportedly the largt such tablishment ever built. “It’s jt nice to fally live a place where I don’t feel like an outst or an outsir, ” said Vansa Aldridge, 38, strsg that she has faced absolutely no discrimatn sce she, like all homosexuals and gay sympathizers, was sentenced to an eterny Lucifer’s Den immediately upon her ath. “And all of the other eternally damned homosexuals down here feel the same.

TOWN OF DAVENPORT, IOWA DCENDS INTO HELL FOLLOWG GAY MARRIAGE CEREMONY

* the onion gay hell *

”Hell has been wily celebrated by gay rights lears for s far-reachg acceptance of alternative liftyl, and rints told reporters is credibly mon to see a rabow flag hangg over var shop awngs, r wdows, or atop thron of blood-soaked bon and rottg flh. Addnally, the Inferno’s Gay Pri Para, held every July the Send Circle, is noted for s extravagance and high attendance rate.

Reports nfirmed that, wh thoands more homosexual souls floodg the Gat of Hell every day, the Chasm of Wickedns and S has tly bee a sanctuary for gays and lbians alike, a feelg proudly shared by a majory of heterosexual lols. “The gay muny has really flourished here, and I have to say, they’ve been great for the place, ” said Nephirem the Malevolent, a 10, 000-year-old, 70-foot-tall motr who has rid hell sce risg om the ash of a smokels flame.

FORMER DAVENPORT, IA—Immediately followg the performance of a same-sex marriage ceremony Sunday afternoon at Holy Christ Almighty Lutheran Church on Lln Avenue, the cy of Davenport, IA and all 99, 685 of s rints were reportedly smten to oblivn by the mercils wrath of God and flung to the ept bowels of eternal Week's Most Viral News: July 28, 2023OffEnglishAcrdg to state thori, the nightmarish cint occurred approximately five sends after a lol pastor pronounced homosexual men Brian Palmer, 39, and Greg DeHaan, 43, married the ey of God, at which pot a tremor registerg 8. "Wns reportg om the scene immediately precedg the stctn of Davenport reunted a number of horrific sights, cludg monic wrahs clothed smoke and ash flyg through the cy's streets; homosexuals and heterosexuals alike beg torn limb om limb by goat-legged imps, the skeletons of live dogs leapg om the creatur' bodi to feast upon small children; and a great wall of fire that spread om the altar where the small, private weddg ceremony was nducted wt Davenport and nsumed the wake of the disaster, many iends, relativ, and fellow Iowans said they blamed Brian and Greg most of all, for havg given to Satan's obv machatns spe the numero warngs prented to them. "The event, which is beg lled a clear and irrefutable msage om God as to his posn on gay marriage, me as a shock to many around the natn who believed that allowg gays and lbians to marry was the right thg to do and therefore uld not voke the displeasure of the Almighty Lord.

SATIRE OM THE ONN: “HELL NOW A THRIVG EPICENTER OF GAY CULTURE”

Followg the immolatn of Davenport, LGBT muni across the untry immediately issued statements acknowledgg their culpabily for the tastrophe, admtg that homosexualy was a sful liftyle servg of wrathful punishment. In surveys, 100 percent of homosexuals polled said that, given the clear evince of God's Will shown by the tragic events, the bt urse of actn would be to abandon the notn of gay rights altogether and beg the Lord's fivens. "I thought antigay activism was cel and bigoted before, but now I n see that, y, my sexual orientatn is tly an abomatn the Ey of God, " said lbian activist and anizer Profsor Julia Caz of Hoton, rpondg to early reports of God's actns the Midwt.

But lately, I’ve been havg a real problem wh the homosexuals. He didn’t seem the least b gay.

Did I look gay to him? I don’t rell the phrase, “Suck my ck” enterg the nversatn, and I don’t have a sign around my neck that reads, “Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock. ” I’ve got nothg agast homosexuals.

THE ONN REPORTS: 'HELL NOW A THRIVG EPICENTER OF GAY CULTURE'

Let them be ee to do their gay thg peace, I say. What is wh the homos? Aren’t there enough gay cks out there for them to suck on whout them havg to target normal people like me?

Or any of the untls other homos who’ve e on to me recently. I tell you, when a homosexual is suckg your ck, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the ia that I was gay?

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I don’t know what mak the homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his ck sucked, and, ankly, I don’t want to know. I swear, if the homosexuals don’t take a ht and qu suckg my ck all the time, I’m gog to have to rort to drastic measur–like maybe png them down to the cement floor of the loadg dock wh my powerful forearms and workg my ck all the way up their butt so they unrstand loud and clear jt how much I disapprove of their unwele advanc.

“THE MALEBOLGE, NETHER REGIONS OF DARKNESS—Notg the credible rate at which the muny has grown, sourc nfirmed Thursday that Hell, the Endls Kgdom of Misery, is now a boomg haven of gay culture. “The Great Abyss, home of the damned, is reportedly habed by some 600 ln nmned homosexual or transgenr souls, a large proportn of s total populatn, and has by many acunts blossomed to an oasis of gay activism and muny events. THE MALEBOLGE, NETHER REGIONS OF DARKNESS—Notg the credible rate at which the muny has grown, sourc nfirmed Thursday that Hell, the Endls Kgdom of Misery, is now a boomg haven of gay culture.

The Great Abyss, home of the damned, is reportedly habed by some 600 ln nmned homosexual or transgenr souls, a large proportn of s total populatn, and has by many acunts blossomed to an oasis of gay activism and muny events. Week's Most Viral News: July 28, 2023OffEnglishI know what you're sayg: Brandon, you're jt perpetuatg the stereotype that homosexuals are superhuman.

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They mt get up bright and early jt to figure out how to match their homosexual outfs. Homosexuals know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But a homosexual n s for hours Barney's tirelsly tryg on dozens of pairs, and when he fds the one he wants, why, he's ready to wear those sho out to a homosexual club and dance all night.

And that's another thg: Even after partyg all night, homosexuals mt have to work a lot orr to earn enough money for their active liftyl. Homosexuals are the first on to go to a bad neighborhood, buy a betiful old buildg, rtore to s former granur, and then wa until a ffee shop opens on the block.

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But would never occur to homosexuals to thk those thgs.

Well, if you're homosexual, you have. I've heard 's an epimic the homosexual muny, and may expla how they n charge through their day.

THE ONN STRIK AGA AND GAYS EVERYWHERE {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}NEWSBY BRENT HARTGERAUGT 9, 2007/10:17 AMBY BRENT HARTGERAUGT 9, 2007 / 10:17 AM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"THE ONN STRIK AGA AND GAYS EVERYWHERE LGH","DATEPUBLISHED":"2007-08-09T14:17:57.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2007-08-09T14:17:57.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"BRENT HARTGER","KEYWORDS":"THE BACKLOT","ARTICLESECTN":"NEWS"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}AHHH, THE ONN. GOTTA LOVE EM — SPE THE FACT THAT THEY'VE BEEN BASILLY RETELLG THE SAME THREE JOK FOR OVER A NOW. BUT LET'S FACE : THEY WERE CLUDG GAY HUMOR OM THE START (REMEMBER, "WHY DO ALL THE HOMOSEXUALS KEEP SUCKG MY C***?") AND WE LOVE THEM FOR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}AND, UNLIKE MOST AMERIN EDIANS, THE ONN HAS ALWAYS MA HOMOPHOB (OR SELF-IMPORTANT GAY FOLKS) THE BUTT OF THE JOKE, NOT GAY PEOPLE GENERAL. CLEARLY, THEY HAVE PLENTY OF GAY FOLKS ON STAFF. SO I TIP MY HAT THEIR DIRECTN FOR THIS WEEK'S, "SMALL TOWN HOLDS ANNUAL GAY SHAME {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THOUGH, THIS SE, I WONR IF THEY EVEN REALLY NEED THE ARTICLE, WHICH SORT OF BEATS THE JOKE TO ATH. THE JOKE IS ALL THE PICTURE, WHICH IS ADMTEDLY QUE FUNNY. KD OF LIKE THAT ONE JOKE THE ONN OM A FEW YEARS BACK: "JENNA BH'S FERALLY PROTECTED WETLANDS OPENED FOR DRILLG," AND SHOWS A PICTURE OF HER A GOWN AT A G-OUT BALL. NO ARTICLE NECCARY; WOULD HAVE SPOILED THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

Or maybe homosexual sex is simply more vigoratg and satisfyg.

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA–The mastream acceptance of gays and lbians, a hard-won civil-rights victory gaed through s of stggle agast prejudice and discrimatn, was set back at least 50 years Saturday the wake of the annual Los Angel Gay Pri Para. Participants Saturday's Los Angel Gay Pri Para, which helped change straight people's tolerant attus toward Week's Most Viral News: July 28, 2023OffEnglish"I'd always thought gays were regular people, jt like you and me, and that the stereotype of homosexuals as hedonistic, sex-crazed viants was jt a stctive myth, " said mother of four Hannah Jarrett, 41, mortified at the sight of 17 tanned and oiled boys vortg jock straps to a throbbg techno beat on a float shaped like an enormo phall.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* THE ONION GAY HELL

First Openly Gay Racehorse To Compete Sunday.

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