‘This baby was meant to be ours’: A gay uple’s journey to bee parents - The Washgton Post

Contents:

• IMPROVG THE HEALTH OF RAL GAY MEN
• ‘THIS BABY WAS MEANT TO BE OURS’: A GAY UPLE’S JOURNEY TO BEE PARENTS
• FOR GAY MEN, HAVG A BLOGIL CHILD N BE PLITED
• THE SURROGACY OPTN: A GENERAL OVERVIEW FOR GAY COUPL
• GAY UPLE BEE PARENTS FOR THE FIRST TIME AND MEET THEIR BABY DGHTER TOUCHG VIO
• GAY DADS
• GAY PARENTS AS GOOD AS STRAIGHT ON
• GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS: WHAT IS THE BIG AL?*
• LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

IMPROVG THE HEALTH OF RAL GAY MEN

Introductn to SurrogacyOverview of Gay SurrogacyWhat to Look for a Surrogacy AgencyBeg a Gay ParentTrans ParentgLGBTQ+ Surrogacy LawsSPAR Program for HIV ParentsStartg a Surrogacy JourneyThe Surrogacy ProcsSurrogacy Costs & ProgramsFancial Assistance For SurrogacyFdg an Egg Donor Fdg a Surrogate MotherLGBTQ+ Partnerships and Organizatns. Although surrogacy for heterosexual tend parents and same-sex tend parents is largely siar, there are a few factors that make 's important to unrstand your rights as parents, and what the surrogacy laws are your state or untry, and the state which your surrogate legal procr for gay parentgPre-Birth Orr (PBO): A urt proceedg that tablish parental rights prr to the birth of the child.

Ensurg that your surrogate liv a state which you'll be able to safely and securely tablish your parental rights is ccial for a succsful more about surrogacy and the law for gay parentsSee, and why havg proper legal reprentatn is cril for a succsful journey. Regular munitn also helps tend parents feel fortable wh their surrogate, and feel part of the pregnancy and a gay tend parent, buildg a relatnship wh your surrogate also helps you tell your child their orig story, and giv him/her the opportuny to know the woman who helped create your fay. When Kraig Wienfeld and Bill Johnson cid they were ready to start a fay and wanted a baby blogilly related to one of them, they did what a small but growg number of gay upl wh their sire do: They found a surrogate to help chronicled The Washgton Post last year, the two men, then married for four years, embarked on a journey both plited and expensive that required: sperm om Weinfeld, an anonymo egg donor and a young woman to rry the baby.

In fact, one prehensive study of children raised by lbian mothers or gay fathers nclud that children raised by same-sex parents did not differ om other children terms of emotnal functng, sexual orientatn, stigmatizatn, genr role behavr, behavral adjtment, genr inty, learng and gra pot averag.

‘THIS BABY WAS MEANT TO BE OURS’: A GAY UPLE’S JOURNEY TO BEE PARENTS

Though many fay relatnships may be plex, explag fay relatnships is uniquely plex for lbian and gay parented fai bee of the lack of societal norms and relevant exampl media, stereotyped notns about such relatnships that are mon, and the fear of discrimatn faced by the fai.

FOR GAY MEN, HAVG A BLOGIL CHILD N BE PLITED

Competent parentg may be fluenced by gay and lbian parents’ abily to accept and acknowledge their inty and how they are able to negotiate livg a heterosexist, homophobic, or otherwise discrimatory society, while rearg their children a fay un that is not socially sanctned. We regnize that this may be bee a lot of gay men requt tws or may ultimately want two children, and fertily doctors may be transferrg two embryos to try to save their patients money so they only have to go through the fertily treatment procs once. We were there every step of the way, tg and recg surrogat and egg donors exced to help gay men to bee dads, helpg our tend dads to talk to their kids and their support works about surrogacy, and even creatg solutns for HIV posive men to bee blogil fathers via surrogacy.

In an terview wh BU Today, Siegel acknowledg the lims of all this rearch: none of the studi has been a randomized, ntrolled trial—the Holy Grail of scientific vtigatn—and all studi of gay parentg are necsarily small, sce there aren’t many gay parents. A 2013 Canadian study (Allen 2013), which analyzed data om a very large populatn-based sample, revealed that the children of gay and lbian upl are only about 65 percent as likely to have graduated om high school as are the children of married, oppose-sex upl.

THE SURROGACY OPTN: A GENERAL OVERVIEW FOR GAY COUPL

Three key fdgs stood out this study: children of married, oppose-sex parents have a high graduatn rate pared to the others; children of lbian fai have a very low graduatn rate pared to the others; and children the other four typ of livg arrangements (mon law marriage, gay uple, sgle mother, and sgle father) are siar to each other and fall between the extrem of married heterosexual parents and lbian upl.

GAY UPLE BEE PARENTS FOR THE FIRST TIME AND MEET THEIR BABY DGHTER TOUCHG VIO

The women (whose average age both groups was 29) wh gay or bisexual fathers had difficulty wh adult attachment issu three areas: (1) they were ls fortable wh closens and timacy; (2) they were ls able to tst and pend on others; and (3) they experienced more anxiety relatnships pared to the women raised by heterosexual fathers (and mothers).

The study is noteworthy for several reasons: (1) his study sample was large, reprentative, and populatn-based (not a small, self-selected group); (2) Regnes studied the rpons of adult children rather than askg same-sex parents to scribe how their young pennt children are dog; and (3) he was able to draw parisons on up to 80 measur for children who had lived wh (or had) parents who fell to one of eight tegori—tact fai wh both blogil parents who were married to each other, lbian mothers, gay fathers, heterosexual sgle parents, parents who later divorced, habg parents, parents who adopted the rponnt, and other (such as a ceased parent). 4) as prevalent among children wh same-sex parents than the general populatn, after ntrollg for age, sex, ethnicy, and parent soc-enomic stat (Sulls 2015b) n one rencile the signifint fdgs wh the wily publicized studi showg no harmful effects to children who have, or have lived wh, lbian or gay parents? For example, 2005, the Amerin Psychologil Associatn (APA) issued an official brief on lbian and gay parentg, which clud this assertn: “Not a sgle study has found children of lbian and gay parents to be disadvantaged any signifint rpect relative to children of heterosexual parents” (Amerin Psychologil Associatn 2005).

GAY DADS

The thor remend further flaws exist the vast majory of studi published before 2012 on this subject (Marks 2012) cludg the fact that they relied upon small, nonreprentative sampl that are not reprentative of children typil homosexual fai the Uned major studi, published by Gartrell and Bos (2010) and Biblarz and Stacey (2010), are often ced by gay activists and extensively the media.

Unlike heterosexual parents and their children, however, lbian and gay parents and their children are often subject to prejudice bee of their sexual orientatn that n turn judg, legislators, profsnals, and the public agast them, sometim rultg negative out, such as loss of physil ctody, rtrictns on visatn, and prohibns agast adoptn (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Appell, 2003; Patterson, Fulcher, & Waright, 2002). The relevance of this cricism has been greatly rced as rearch has expand to explore life a wir array of lbian mother and gay father fai (many of which have never lived through the divorce of a heterosexual uple), and as newer studi beg to clu a wir array of ntrol groups. An expert readg of the Sarantakos article reveals that certa characteristics of s methodology and sample are highly likely to have skewed the rults and renred them an valid ditor of the well-beg of children raised by gay and lbian parents at least three rpects:.

The children raised by gay and lbian parents experienced unually high levels of extreme social ostracism and overt hostily om other children and parents, which probably acunted for the former's lower levels of teractn and social tegratn wh peers (see pp.

GAY PARENTS AS GOOD AS STRAIGHT ON

Some nonscientific anizatns have attempted to nvce urts that there is an actual scientific dispute this area by cg rearch performed by Pl Cameron as supportg the existence of fics gay and lbian parents or their children pared to heterosexual parents or their children.

Three ncerns have historilly been associated wh judicial cisn makg ctody ligatn and public polici erng foster re and adoptn: the belief that lbians and gay men are mentally ill, that lbians are ls maternal than heterosexual women, and that lbians' and gay men's relatnships wh sexual partners leave ltle time for ongog parent-child teractns (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Falk, 1989, 1994; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996). Many years ago, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn removed "homosexualy" om s list of mental disorrs, statg that "homosexualy per se impli no impairment judgment, stabily, reliabily, or general social or votnal pabili" (Amerin Psychiatric Associatn, 1974).

The cisn to remove homosexual orientatn om the list of mental disorrs reflects extensive rearch nducted over three s showg that homosexual orientatn is not a psychologil maladjtment (Gonsrek, 1991; Hart, Roback, Ttler, Wez, Walston, & McKee, 1978; Reiss, 1980). There is no reliable evince that homosexual orientatn per se impairs psychologil functng, although the social and other circumstanc which lbians and gay men live, cludg exposure to wispread prejudice and discrimatn, often e acute distrs (Cochran, 2001; Freedman, 1971; Gonsrek, 1991; Hart et al., 1978; Hooker, 1957; Meyer, 2003; Reiss, 1980). Beliefs that lbian and gay adults are not f parents likewise have no empiril foundatn (Anrssen, Amlie, & Ytteroy, 2002; Brewaeys & van Hall, 1997; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 2000; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999; Victor & Fish, 1995).

GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS: WHAT IS THE BIG AL?*

A recent study of 256 lbian and gay parent fai found that, ntrast to patterns characterizg the majory of Amerin parents, very few lbian and gay parents reported any e of physil punishment (such as spankg) as a disciplary technique; stead, they were likely to report e of posive techniqu such as reasong (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002).

Certaly, rearch has found no reasons to believe lbian mothers or gay fathers to be unf parents (Armto, 2002; Barret & Robson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jabsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Wton, 1991).

LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

For stance, one such ncern is that children brought up by lbian mothers or gay fathers will show disturbanc genr inty and/or genr role behavr (Falk, 1989, 1994; Hchens & Kirkpatrick, 1985; Kleber, Howell, & Tibbs-Kleber, 1986; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996). For example, urts have exprsed fears that children the ctody of gay or lbian parents will be more vulnerable to mental breakdown, will exhib more adjtment difficulti and behavr problems, and will be ls psychologilly healthy than other children.

Three aspects of sexual inty are nsired the rearch: genr inty, which ncerns a person's self-intifitn as male or female; genr-role behavr, which ncerns the extent to which a person's activi, occupatns, and the like are regard by the culture as mascule, feme, or both; and sexual orientatn, which refers to a person's choice of sexual partners, who may be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual (Money & Ehrhardt, 1972; Ste, 1993).

Although some children have scribed enunters wh anti-gay remarks om peers (Gartrell et al., 2005), young adult offsprg of divorced lbian mothers did not rell beg the targets of any more childhood teasg or victimizatn than did the offsprg of divorced heterosexual mothers (Tasker & Golombok, 1995, 1997). Studi of the relatnships wh adults among the children of lbian and gay parents have also rulted a generally posive picture (Brewaeys et al., 1997; Golombok et al., 1983; Harris & Turner, 1985/86; Kirkpatrick et al., 1981; Waright et al., 2004). Much of the existg rearch on lbian mothers, gay fathers, and their children was iated to addrs ncerns that arose for such fai the ntext of child ctody disput, and was apparently signed at least part to exame the veracy of mon stereotyp that have been voiced legal proceedgs.