Internatnal OCD Foundatn | How Do I Know I’m Not Really Gay/Straight?

Contents:

• THIS IS WHY SOME MEN ‘SOUND GAY’ – EVEN IF THEY’RE NOT
• DO YOU SOUND GAY? WHAT OUR VOIC TELL – AND WHAT THEY DON’T
• "DO I SOUND GAY?"
• PEOPLE THK I'M GAY... BUT I'M NOT
• QUEER VOIC: DO I SOUND GAY? DO IT MATTER?
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• ‘WHO SOUNDS GAY?’
• HOW CAN I GET RID OF MY GAY VOICE?
• FILMMAKER AND SPEECH PATHOLOGIST WEIGH IN ON WHAT IT MEANS TO 'SOUND GAY'
• IM NOT GAY
• WHAT MEANS TO ‘SOUND GAY’
• I'M NOT GAY - MEME SOUND EFFECT BUTTON FOR SOUNDBOARD
• IM GAY - MEME SOUND EFFECT BUTTON FOR SOUNDBOARD

THIS IS WHY SOME MEN ‘SOUND GAY’ – EVEN IF THEY’RE NOT

And y, the stretchg out of “sibilant” nsonants such as s and z (image Kenh Williams sayg “She sells sea shells on the sea shore” and you’re sort of there) what about gay women?

DO YOU SOUND GAY? WHAT OUR VOIC TELL – AND WHAT THEY DON’T

There are a few theori knockg around as to why this might be: Arnold Zwicky, his mply tled 1994 paper Two Lavenr Issu for Lguists, suggts that: “For many lbians, what is most important is intifitn wh the muny of women – while for many gay men, what is most important is distancg themselv om straight men. Third: this style of speakg isn’t simply an importatn of “feme” quali to male speech, although that appears to be what a lot of people, we’re still left wh the qutn of why a gay male voice might emerge. When dis, a subversive dance movement that spoke to black people and women and gays, broke through, was vilified by mastream rock lovers for beg ksch and plastic.

Through a seri of terviews and teractns wh Thorpe’s iends and relativ, a few celebri, and random strangers on the streets, we hear a spectm of perspectiv about what “sounds gay” and why soundg as such is perceived as bad. Many of the gay men the film adm to beg que fortable wh the sounds of their voic, not fully unrstandg why Thorpe would feel so strongly about his voice that he would even vis a speech pathologist and a celebry vol traer to get rid of his “gay voice.

” However, most of the gay men the film were able to relate to the secury of havg a more feme voice and some even relled tim that their “gay soundg” voic (and general gay inti) had led to gettg bullied or worse. As psychology profsors and rearchers, the first thg that popped to our mds while watchg the film was the ncept of ternalized opprsn, particularly ternalized homophobia* (please see note below about the term “homophobia”), which may be fed as the negative attus that LGBTQ people have about themselv bee of their sexual orientatns. ” We believe ternalized homophobia is why “soundg ls like a man” would make a gay man view himself as ferr and unsirable, even to the ey (or ears) of other gay men.

"DO I SOUND GAY?"

In this regard for our LGBTQ brothers and sisters, rearch suggts that people velop ternalized homophobia bee they learned that beg different or genr nonnformg was bad (om their fai, iends, society general) and so they also learned not to love themselv. So beg strsed out and psychologilly bothered by “soundg gay"—to the pot that one’s self-teem and other aspects of one’s life are negatively affected—is a very tellg “symptom” of ternalized homophobia.

For example, thor David Sedaris talked about stanc which others may have prumed that he was heterosexual and he retrospectively ponrs what many gay men may also wonr: “Why do passg as straight make me feel good? This wispread societal margalizatn of the “gay voice” and pretty much everythg that is “gay” is very real, as most if not all of are socialized or tght to associate negativy, ferry, and “otherns” wh beg gay. ) n attt to this wispread homophobia as he has wnsed – and even participated – many such stanc of otherg, teasg, and bullyg gay men, pecially those who speak wh high-pched, highly-feme, and flamboyantly “gay voic.

PEOPLE THK I'M GAY... BUT I'M NOT

We believe, however, that two of the other celebry terviewe—Dan Savage and Tim Gunn—more profoundly sum up the perfect batn of what many gay men stggle wh when to their voic. Rearch suggts that opprsn— this se homophobia or heterosexism—n be ternalized so eply that even those of who are most aware, most cril, and most “liberated” (or “lonized” as some other margalized peopl may refer to ) may still be affected by .

QUEER VOIC: DO I SOUND GAY? DO IT MATTER?

D., is an Associate Profsor of Psychology at the Cy Universy of New York, the Executive Director of CLAGS: The Center for LGBTQ Studi, and the thor of That’s So Gay! *Note: Instead of “homophobia, ” some folks may e the term “heterosexism” – and this se “ternalized heterosexism” – which has been argued to be a more appropriate term given that anti-LGBTQ prejudice is not jt an dividual-level, clil-soundg problem (as the term “phobia” impli), but is also a wispread form of opprsn that is rooted our culture, society, and stutns. It's sad to see anyone so eply rent a part of himself, and as he had edorial directn over the film, I am also trated at his choice to njo the phenomenon of how the "gay voice" phenomenon sounds wh subcultural lgo, as he dramatilly reenacts his horror at beg surround by melodilly nversg gay men llg one another "girl" and "sweetie" on a tra.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

The gay voice, to me, is ma up of such a nstellatn of featur (many scribed Thorpe's film) that any attempt at remediatg (ugh) seems like too surmountable an effort. Y, on every rerdg is that slight lisp, and that high pch, and that whimsil sgsongs that I thk is at the root of so many gay men's secury bee whimsy is the very oppose of nventnal masculy. " (Si note: my always-forthright mother has also always told me that the 'gay voice' always outs s subject, except some s when "they might jt be an tellectual.

" My clatn is to rpond fensively to the ia of a 'gay voice' beg 'genr nfn, ' but takg the negative nnotatn of the word nfn out of the picture and focg on what means is tertg. This fn is natural that 's based on obv physil characteristics of the male and female 's so tertg, then, about the gay voice -- which om here on I will ll the queer voice -- is that 's a primary ditor that we as begs are more plex than we physilly appear to be.

" At one time, genr studi, this ncept evintly was vogue as a way to expla the phenomenon of homosexualy: that there are actually three sex, not two: heterosexual male, heterosexual female and homosexual male and female. ) The prciple me up aga an honors urse lled "Women's Life Wrgs, " which sence was a lp of readg assignments of tobgraphil, private wrgs of women throughout history that often blurred the l of the hetero/homo divisn. It's not foolproof (assumg Frasier Crane was really jt an tellectual and not a closet se), but works pretty neatly: a man wh a gay voice is ually -- my experience -- gay.

‘WHO SOUNDS GAY?’

And even gay men wh voic whose low pch fi the easy stereotype, there's ually somethg the nce and livery that sets off my the same time, the creasgly ntroversial Calyn Jenner exprsed on her show I am Ca that her voice is an secury bee giv her away as a man: she drs as a woman and has had surgery to femize her facial and body featur, but she sounds like a du.

And sce we until very recently only accepted two sex -- male, female -- mak a certa amount of sense that self-shame about not ftg to one of those tegori might be rponsible for gay men so adamantly wantg a "mascule" partner, even when he so many s is as "swishy" as they ncln at this pot life -- and importantly, I acknowledge that we ntue to evolve our perceptns throughout our liv -- is that beg gay, bi, transgenr and all other variatns is as natural as havg a penis or a vaga.

HOW CAN I GET RID OF MY GAY VOICE?

One don't necsate the other, and perhaps as society accepts this, gay people -- and trans people, for that matter -- will accept others and ourselv as we e, and whout my part, I only ever have unrstood the sire for "mascule, " "straight actg" men the abstract: OK, if a guy is attracted to guys, mak sense that they would be attracted to guys who act like guys are 'supposed' to act. I'm attracted to ; that gaydar wh which so many of are timately faiar mak me able to (spe some hearg loss due to Lyme disease) pick out one gay man among a crowd of people.

FILMMAKER AND SPEECH PATHOLOGIST WEIGH IN ON WHAT IT MEANS TO 'SOUND GAY'

And also a b of rage: to watch a man seek "therapy" to nvert his "gay voice" to a "normal voice" is no ls of an afont of my nature than to listen to Michelle and Marc Bachmann talk about the virtu of "fixg" gay men through nversn therapy -- we know this is psychologilly damagg and that simply don't work. Jt as all out queer people are told time and aga throughout our liv by people that they have always known our natur and love for our natur and not spe of them, overall, I want to hug and then slap Thorpe and tell him that, y, you sound super gay bee you're a gay man and 's only a liabily bee you associate shame wh your voice.

In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. ” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng.

IM NOT GAY

I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt. Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg. The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight).

WHAT MEANS TO ‘SOUND GAY’

Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you).

And ’s not so much that a kid who is gog to be gay later life is gog to say I want to sound like a woman, so much as a kid is intifyg here is a particular speaker, and here is a particular of that person’s speech that ptur what I fd so engagg about them and I’m gog to emulate that. People want gay men to be like women and maybe they picked up on the fact that many of the characteristics of gay- soundg voic are feme characteristics but they’ve got all wrong. Should be easy enough to gay voice is often acpanied by gay you hold yourself like a woman, OP, you know, cross your legs like a girl, flounce your arms and all that?

I liked a lot of the gays he terviewed - they seemed very sey and nice (I know this is a VERY UN-DL thg to say) I agree - his attempts to change his voice were pathetic. I'd say 1 out of every 10 gay guys I meet do not have any "gay voice" flectns--voice and mannerisms, and that about 1 out of every 5 are "flam om space" gay wh very extreme gay voice and mannerisms.

I'M NOT GAY - MEME SOUND EFFECT BUTTON FOR SOUNDBOARD

The rt are somewhere 's fely a workplace issue--whether should be or not is another matter, but men wh extreme gay voice do make some people very unfortable, the same way people wh strong regnal/ethnic accents that said, the person wh the most extreme gay voice and mannerisms I've ever met was married to a woman and equently talked about his viss to strip clubs. [quote]I'd say 1 out of every 10 gay guys I meet do not have any "gay voice" flectns--voice and mannerisms, and that about 1 out of every 5 are "flam om space" gay wh very extreme gay voice and mannerisms.

IM GAY - MEME SOUND EFFECT BUTTON FOR SOUNDBOARD

I will support someone's else's advice: this day and age, I don't thk they really re if you're GAY or not (and probably most would be down for a discreet BJ). It's not like black people llg each other the n-word, bee 's often ed as a way to "remd" other gay men that they are "ls than" as Anonymoreply 48April 2, 2017 2:38 PM. A lot of gay men, I've noticed, particularly young on emulate the speech patterns of teenage girls: drawg out vowels, uptalkg, too many "lik, " why, speakg wh hancy rather than wh assurance, speakg fast and excedly, etc.