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And yet, they feel tolerated om "the distance of a hyphen."" /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="timely" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Liftyle" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2021-11-01T23:56:13Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2021-06-30T13:23:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="Every night he go to gay bars Portland, Oregon, Jt Riel, a 39-year-old Filipo immigrant who works as a data manager for lol urts, gets h on by whe men. 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href="/liftyle/a36881723/gay-asian-amerin-men-inty-qutn/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="The Urgent Qutn Gay Asian-Amerin Men Are Askg Themselv" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">The Urgent Qutn Gay Asian-Amerin Men Are Askg Themselv</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css g4r5va">{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2rem;le-height:1.25;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.37499rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-g4r5va exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>The Urgent Qutn Gay Asian-Amerin Men Are Askg Themselv<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 2qf7xf">{lor:#515150;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.0625rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.3;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#000000;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-2qf7xf exadjwu8"><p>Studi show they're seen as "more Amerin" than straight Asian-Amerin men. And yet, they feel tolerated om "the distance of a hyphen."</p></div><style data-emotn="css 18k4ks7">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}} span{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0rem;text-transform:palize;}@media(max-width: 48rem){ span{le-height:2rem;font-size:0.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){ span{le-height:2rem;font-size:0.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){ span{le-height:2rem;font-size:0.875rem;}}</style><div class="css-18k4ks7 exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css 1eqkg5m">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-style:normal;letter-spacg:0.02rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;-webk-text-stroke:0.005rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 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href="/thor/226998/richard-man/" class="css-7l5upj e1c1bym14">Richard Man</a></span><style data-emotn="css 1bcsdhu">{display:le-block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;marg-left:0.625rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><time class="css-1bcsdhu exadjwu6">Published: Jun 30, 2021</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c exadjwu15"><style data-emotn="css 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lc(20.625rem * 2 + 1rem)) / -2) - lc(2 * 1rem));}[data-has-sponsor] {marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);marg-right:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);}}</style><div class="standard-ntaer ntent-ntaer article-ntaer css-7ce51e ewisyje3"><style data-emotn="css trzem2">{jtify-self:center;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-left:-50vw;marg-right:-50vw;width:100vw;left:50%;right:50%;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead css-trzem2 ewisyje6"><style data-emotn="css sm2oir">{height:to;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg:to lc(50% - 50vw);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg:to;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead-image css-sm2oir e5f9kgu2"><style data-emotn="css eag3eq">{posn:relative;height:to;}</style><div class="css-eag3eq e5f9kgu1"><style data-emotn="css 335qep">{posn:relative;width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;vertil-align:top;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="gay asian amerin men" tle="gay asian amerin men" width="1920" height="960" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-335qep exi4f7p0" /></div><style data-emotn="css 285vyd">{le-height:1;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0;}}</style><figptn class="css-285vyd enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css 1mcfn5x">{lor:#595959;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;paddg-right:0.3125rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><span class="css-1mcfn5x e6iqd1">Getty Imag</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css woto36">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css am5pt0">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-size:6.25rem;font-weight:normal;le-height:0.75;marg-right:0;paddg:0.6rem 0.75rem 0 0;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-right:0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:0.75;}} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="body-dropp css-am5pt0 et3p2gv0">Every night he go to gay bars Portland, Oregon, Jt Riel, a 39-year-old Filipo immigrant who works as a data manager for lol urts, gets h on by whe men. Sort of. </p><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="1" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">“They assume I’m Lato and I have a monster dick,” he said. Upon learng he is Asian, the shift is sudn and stark: “Their face gets disappoted. They say, ‘Oh, I thought you were Lato.’ And then they jt walk away.” He n’t unt how many tim ’s happened—at least once or twice a night, maybe 10 tim a week. One hookup, he said, lost his erectn when he learned Riel is Asian. </p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Portland is the <style data-emotn="css umdwtv">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:background 0.4s;transn:background 0.4s;background:lear-gradient(#ffffff, #ffffff 50%, #d5dbe3 50%, #d5dbe3);-webk-background-size:100% 200%;background-size:100% 200%;}{lor:#000000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-posn:100% 100%;background-posn:100% 100%;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="wht" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">wht</a> big cy Ameri. Riel knows . “I’ve been here sce 2005, but I haven’t dated much,” he said. “It’s difficult.” He has nsired medil procr to give himself cht hair and a longer, thicker penis. Perhaps the strangt part of Riel’s experience is that science says his social life should be more fortable, or at least more acceptg.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="3" data-embed="edorial-lk" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1643r8a">{borr:none;marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;paddg:0rem;}</style><asi class="css-1643r8a e6pr2lz5"><style data-emotn="css l3w2xc">{display:le-block;font-weight:normal;marg:0rem;borr-top:0.25rem solid #15263D;paddg-right:1.1rem;paddg-top:0.4375rem;text-transform:lowerse;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.3;}</style><h6 class="css-l3w2xc e6pr2lz3"><style data-emotn="css 156fvc1">{borr-bottom:0.4375rem solid #FF3A30;borr-right:0.4375rem solid transparent;ntent:'';display:le-block;height:0;marg-right:0.5rem;width:0;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-156fvc1 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 8lle59">{max-width:lc(100% - 120px - .625rem);}</style><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">More Pri Stori</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css c4s2gi">{paddg:0rem;marg:0rem;list-style:none;}</style><ul class="css-c4s2gi e6pr2lz4"><style data-emotn="css 79zw4t">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:2rem;paddg-top:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.9375rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:1.4;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;}</style><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><style data-emotn="css 1bn7a5e">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webk-jtify-ntent:flex-start;jtify-ntent:flex-start;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><a href="/entertament/a36865562/bretman-rock-terview-pri/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Bretman Rock Is a ‘Leo to the Nth Power’" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1l0u1">{marg-right:0.625rem;height:to;}</style><img src="" alt="bretman rock" tle="Bretman Rock Is a ‘Leo to the Nth Power’" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Bretman Rock Is a ‘Leo to the Nth Power’</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><a href="/entertament/mic/a36740258/brandi-rlile-katie-pt-amerina-queer-micians-terview/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Brandi Carlile and Katie Pt: A Conversatn" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="brandi rlile and katie pt" tle="Brandi Carlile and Katie Pt: A Conversatn" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Brandi Carlile and Katie Pt: A Conversatn</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><a href="/entertament/mic/a36819786/kev-abstract-brockhampton-terview/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Kev Abstract is Beg the Role Mol He Wants" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="kev abstract terview" tle="Kev Abstract is Beg the Role Mol He Wants" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Kev Abstract is Beg the Role Mol He Wants</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li></ul></asi></div><p data-no-id="4" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">A 2019 study—actually a pool of four studi— the journal <em>Social Psychologil and Personaly Science</em> termed that Asian-Amerin men are seen as <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="“more Amerin”" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">“more Amerin”</a> if they are gay. That science recirculated among the gay muny this year as <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="new light " class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">new light </a>was shed on Asian-Amerin inty amid a natnal spree of anti-AAPI vlence. This is the same anonymo Amerin public that 42 percent of, when asked a May survey to name any Asian Amerin, replied wh the most popular answer: <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="“I don’t know”" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">“I don’t know”</a> (followed by the answers “Jackie Chan” and “Bce Lee”). </p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Wh this <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="urgency" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">urgency</a> to fe their own experienc and the begng of the mise of <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="-swchg" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">-swchg</a>, gay Asian-Amerin men are askg qutns spe such mixed signals—or perhaps bee of them: What do beg more Amerin <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="really mean" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">really mean</a>? What is <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Asian enough" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Asian enough</a>? How n queerns rencile s <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="“no Asians”" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">“no Asians”</a> hab? And, above all, what next? Racist trop are beg <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="stabilized" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">stabilized</a>, but the qutn of inty remas murky.</p><p data-no-id="6" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">“Whe gay men look at me as a refugee,” said Kenrick Ross, 41, who is Indo-Guyane and the executive director of the <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Natnal Queer Asian Pacific Islanr Alliance" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Natnal Queer Asian Pacific Islanr Alliance</a>. He scribed a curdled versn of what is like to be nsired “more Amerin.” “<em>Your parents mt’ve been horrible. Your church mt’ve been horrible. They mt not accept you. They mt hate you. But here’s a mostly-whe gay world that wants to wele you.</em> It’s almost like, to live your life openly, you’ve entered Amerin society. People want to hear our sob stori of how terrible our cultur were and how terrible our untri are and how we got liberated by Amerin eedom.”</p><style data-emotn="css 1736von">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;clear:both;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="7" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><style data-emotn="css uwraif">{width:100%;display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;}</style><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="bill tompks gay pri archive" tle="Bill Tompks Gay Pri Archive" loadg="lazy" width="3000" height="2000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css swqnqv">@media(m-width: 20rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}</style><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css 8h7i7x">{width:0;m-width:100%;paddg-top:0.625rem;letter-spacg:0.02rem;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.3;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><div class="css-8h7i7x e1xqj1sx1">A Pri celebratn on June 27, 2021 New York Cy.</div><style data-emotn="css 1am3yn9">{paddg-left:0rem;le-height:1;}</style><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-1mcfn5x e6iqd2">Bill Tompks</span><style data-emotn="css 1vpjmnm">{lor:#595959;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;paddg:0 0.3rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><span class="css-1vpjmnm e6iqd0">//</span><span class="css-1mcfn5x e6iqd1">Getty Imag</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="8" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Ross’s experience speaks to a realy mon among more than a dozen gay Asian Amerins <em>Esquire</em> terviewed, all of whom flagged that though they have found joy and succs, blossomed om toxic soil. </p><p data-no-id="9" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Lou Miller, 44, a doctor Brooklyn and a Korean adoptee who was raised by Jewish parents Philalphia, grew up wantg to be anythg but Asian. “I would often fet that I was Asian, hontly, and that’s kd of what I wanted,” he said. “In the summer I’d get dark and I’d thk, <em>maybe I’m part Black. Maybe my father was the U.S. ary Korea.</em> And that would be great, better than beg Asian—to be mixed, to somehow have a claim to Ameri, actual roots here.”</p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Like many Asian-Amerin men, Miller was disappoted by gay bars and the bigotry he eventually found those self-ascribed templ of acceptance. He said he only ever got h on by olr whe men who seemed to fetishize Asians. “Beg a gay Asian person, you accept as your realy,” he said. “There was a meme gog around recently: How old were you when you realized you weren’t ugly, you jt weren’t whe? That h me. I spent a long time not wantg to be me, not worthy of attentn or love or sire. I did not feel attractive any kd of way. Now I’m married and I still thk, moments, that this is all too good to be te.” He lls his life a “charmed” one, wh a veat: He feels he is tolerated by both the gay muny and Amerins at large om “the distance of a hyphen.” </p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">A mory upon a mory, gay Asian-Amerin men scribe a lot of overlap their inti: Both sis of that tersectnal inty are affected by enclave livg ( eher ethnic neighborhoods or <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="gayborhoods" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">gayborhoods</a>), prumptn of crazy rich liftyl spe extreme wealth dispary for both <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Asian" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Asian</a> and <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="gay" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">gay</a> Amerins, and a sheen of emasculatn that was famoly ritured a racist natnal magaze spread om 2004 that asked of s rears, <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="“Gay or Asian?”" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">“Gay or Asian?”</a></p><style data-emotn="css 6s2y3d">{background-lor:#F5F6F8;borr:none;borr-radi:0.625rem;box-shadow:0.4rem 0.4rem 0 #15263D;clear:both;lor:#000;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;marg-bottom:1.875rem;marg-top:1.875rem;paddg:1.875rem 1.25rem;text-align:center;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.4;paddg:1.25rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.25rem;le-height:1.4;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><p data-no-id="12" class="body-tip css-6s2y3d et3p2gv0">Get unlimed accs to 85+ years of award-wng journalism. <style data-emotn="css 15g0gpe">{background:#FF3A30;background-lor:#FF3A30;-webk-background-size:100% 200%;background-size:100% 200%;borr:th solid #FF3A30;borr-radi:2rem;lor:#000;display:le-block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;letter-spacg:0.04rem;le-height:1.3;paddg:0.625rem 1.25rem;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-ratn-thickns:.0625rem;text-transform:upperse;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;whe-space:pre-le;width:to;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{paddg:0.5rem 0.7rem 0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg:0.6rem 1.125rem 0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg:0.6rem 1.125rem 0.3125rem;}}{outle-lor:body-cta-btn-lk-foc;}{lor:#000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-posn:100% 100%;background-posn:100% 100%;background-lor:#ffffff;borr:th solid #FF3A30;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Jo Esquire Select" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" class="body-btn-lk css-15g0gpe et3p2gv0">Jo Esquire Select</a></p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">“It has always been a strange time to be an Asian-Amerin male or masc-intifyg person, bee you’ve never been given the agency to own your inty—ever sce the 1800s and the <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Yellow Peril" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Yellow Peril</a> propaganda tool to emasculate the Asian-Amerin male. It was very liberate and very succsful,” said David Yi, 34, a Korean-Amerin wrer Colorado Sprgs who created the <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Very Good Light" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Very Good Light</a> mascule bety blog and thored the book <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Pretty Boys" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0"><em>Pretty Boys</em></a>. “You wake up every day feelg fury, feelg helpls, that your life has never meant anythg to this untry. So a lot of Asian-Amerin men see that they have to survive by beg hyper-vlent or hyper-macho or hyper-sexual to outweigh what rds they’ve been given.”</p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Navigatg such terrory as a queer man is awkward. Consir <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Gee Takei" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Gee Takei</a>, who lled <em>Star Trek</em>’s adjtment of Hika Sulu to be gay a <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="“twistg” of the show’s origal visn" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">“twistg” of the show’s origal visn</a>. Or the way <em>Queer Eye</em>’s season Japan <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="steamrolled" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">steamrolled</a> the Fab Five’s athetic over anythg culturally specific. Highlights—like poet and novelist Ocean Vuong’s poignantly msy sex scen <em>On Earth We’re Briefly Geo,</em> or the tenr shower scene last year’s Taiwane gay romance <em>Your Name Engraved Here</em>—are few and fleetg. To whatever extent Harvey Milk and Matthew Shepard are hoehold nam, they’re far ahead of Vcent Ch or Fred Korematsu.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="15" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><style data-emotn="css ow0dpz">{borr:0.3125rem solid #FF3A30;borr-radi:100%;ntent:'';display:block;height:2.1875rem;left:50%;marg:-0.99rem to 0 -1.33rem;posn:absolute;width:2.1875rem;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css la9czl">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1.625rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.75rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.375rem;le-height:1.2;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}{ntent:'＂';display:block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:3.4375rem;le-height:0.72;font-style:alic;paddg:0.3125rem 0.875rem 0 0;}</style><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"I spent a long time not wantg to be me, not worthy of attentn or love or sire. I did not feel attractive any kd of way."</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="16" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">This year Pl Dien, 40, a marketg executive Los Angel whose parents are ethnilly Che refuge om Vietnam, beme the It Gets Better project’s <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="first new board print" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">first new board print</a> sce was found 2010. Cg homophobia the Asian-Amerin muny and racism the LGBTQ muny, he explaed his strategy of unterg both wh what he lls “joy [as] my form of ristance.” “It’s about beg yourself but also unrstandg that you’re part of a fabric of a muny that is very diverse. There’s no prcribed notn to beg gay Asian Ameri, but we need muny and nnective threads,” he explaed. He wants to champn what he lls “an emergent, young, progrsive, queer Asian Amerin who don’t play by the l,” addg, “I feel like I grew up a different era. What means to be queer now don’t subscribe to the cisgenr whe male ial of bety.”<br /></p><p data-no-id="17" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">That is a relief to Joey Wasserman, 35, a Hong Kong adoptee raised by Jewish parents who owned a gay bar Philalphia. (He’s now senr director of velopment at <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="SAGE" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">SAGE</a>, an advocy group for gay elrs.) “In a untry that is found upon diversy, inty barriers are hard. This past year has elevated that for sure,” he said. “I’m Asian, but I would say I belong to the gay muny. I wouldn’t say I’m part of the Asian muny. The most Asian thg about me is my love of Che food and dumplgs. I mean, I went to Jewish summer mp for 15 years. I was the only Asian there—and Hebrew school. To be hont, I feel more Jewish than Asian.”</p><p data-no-id="18" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Roy, 55, a Filipo-Amerin actor Los Angel who spoke on the ndn that his last name be whheld, qu gay nightlife for years, he said, once he aged out of beg an Asian twk. But recently he joed a sex party lled DILF. “I went to one and, wow, a third of the guys were Asian. And more open-md, non-Asian men,” he said. “All of a sudn, the daddy is now a preference. I’m the center of attentn! Before I was secure, now I’m not.” He add that he intifi more as a <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="daddy" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">daddy</a> the days than as Asian Amerin.</p><style data-emotn="css 1v2eakg">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;posn:relative;}{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:90%;}}{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:95%;}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:75%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:65%;}}</style><div data-no-id="19" data-teractive="VioPlayer-1" class="embed aspect-rat-16x9 css-1v2eakg e3dq3y0"><style data-emotn="css 1ui7hop">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-1ui7hop e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css 1iiivv4">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;top:50%;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1iiivv4 e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in.