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THE INTER IS LOSG IT OVER TOM HOLLAND'S GAY SEX SCENE THE CROWD ROOM

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He went on to add, “I wasn’t lettg my dad raise me, so as I entered to homosexualy, I need the advice and guidance of olr men. “I want to be lled Tom Chase and I want to be a mol and document the sexual and physil maturatn of a gay boy to a man.

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THE CAFTAN CHRONICL SUBSCRIBESIGN {"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","URL":","MAENTYOFPAGE":","HEADLE":"PORN LEGEND TOM CHASE IS NEARLY 60 AND WANTS TO MAKE MORE FILMS ","SCRIPTN":"THE 90S FALN AND 2000S COLT STAR HAD A YEARS-LONG BREAKDOWN DUE TO PATERNAL REJECTN BUT HAS HAD A SPIRUAL REBIRTH PORTLAND, OREGON.","IMAGE":[{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":"}],"DATEPUBLISHED":"2022-07-11T14:57:38+00:00","DATEMODIFIED":"2022-07-11T14:57:38+00:00","ISACCSIBLEFORFREE":FALSE,"THOR":[{"@TYPE":"PERSON","NAME":"TIM MURPHY","URL":","SCRIPTN":"AUTHOR OF THE NOVELS CHRISTODORA AND CORRPONNTS (MAY 2019). LGBT, HIV/AIDS, CULTURE AND POLICS NTRIBUTOR FOR NYTIM, NYMAG, THE NATN, POZ, ETC.","INTIFIER":"ER:5275890","SAMEAS":["],"IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"}}],"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"THE CAFTAN CHRONICL ","URL":","SCRIPTN":"DEEP TALKS WH NOTABLE GAY MEN \"OF A CERTA AGE\" ABOUT WHERE WE'VE BEEN, WHO WE ARE TODAY AND WHERE WE'RE GOG...","TERACTNSTATISTIC":{"@TYPE":"INTERACTNCOUNTER","NAME":"SUBSCRIBERS","TERACTNTYPE":","ERINTERACTNCOUNT":100},"INTIFIER":"PUB:429772","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"},"IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"},"SAMEAS":["]}}SHARE THIS POSTPORN LEGEND TOM CHASE IS NEARLY 60 AND WANTS TO MAKE MORE FILMS COPY LKFACEBOOKEMAILNOTOTHERPORN LEGEND TOM CHASE IS NEARLY 60 AND WANTS TO MAKE MORE FILMS

In the 1990s, there was a smooth and clean-cut boy wh dreamy brown ey, a flawlsly chiseled physique, and y, an 11-ch endowment that ma him the first lifetime exclive for Faln Studs. In the 2000s, he reemerged at Colt Studs as a hairy and horny man’s man who loved to take as much as give . We speak, of urse, of the legendary Tom Chase. Lots of the guys om this goln age of gay porn were hot,... Read More | Flhbot * tom chase gay porn star *

He says he’s lost the shame he once had about gay sex, and liv a healthy life.

Tom Holland plays a character who has gay sex 'The Crowd Room' on AppleTV+. Here are the funnit reactn mem om Twter. * tom chase gay porn star *

All all the terview is a fascatg read about journeyg through many of the challeng gay men face life.

Super Hung and Handsome Amerin Gay Porn Star, Tom Chase. In 1998 Tom, along wh Mike Branson, won a GayVN Award for Bt Sex Scene for the film California Kgs. Tom is also bt known for workg exclively wh two of the largt gay porn studs, Faln and COLT.

In 2004 Tom was ducted to the GayVN Hall of Fame where he announced his retirement om the dtry.

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ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Not</div></button><button tabInx="0" id="trigger818423" aria-expand="false" aria-haspopup="dialog" aria-ntrols="dialog818424" ariaLabel="View more" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="100" height="100" viewBox="0 0 100 100" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><circle cx="23" cy="50" r="9"></circle><circle cx="50" cy="50" r="9"></circle><circle cx="77" cy="50" r="9"></circle></g></svg></div><div translated class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Other</div></button></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="post-hear"><h1 class="post-tle unpublished">Porn Legend Tom Chase Is Nearly 60 And Wants To Make More Films </h1><h3 class="subtle">The 90s Faln and 2000s Colt star had a years-long breakdown due to paternal rejectn but has had a spirual rebirth Portland, Oregon.</h3><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-bottom-16--KVxKv"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-start--_8fEd ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-12--rODKq"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK facepile"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-ponents-Facepile-module__fac--FVkdk ontend-ponents-Facepile-module__size-40--pH6IT"><div class="profile-hover-rd-target ontend-rear2-ProfileAndPublitnHoverCard-module__profileHoverCardTarget--Od_YL"><a href=" target="_blank" rel="noopener" class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flexAuto--CnX9I ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" /><img src=" siz="100vw" alt style="z-x: 1;" width="80" class="ontend-ponents-rponsive_img-module__img--Pgjj2 facepile-face ontend-ponents-Facepile-module__face--uAQkp ontend-ponents-Facepile-module__size-40--pH6IT ontend-ponents-Facepile-module__first--TZamh ontend-ponents-Facepile-module__last--DT3p3" /></picture></a></div></div></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-11--k1e8b ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-medium--x7khA ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-meta--U_nxy ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-pub-primary-text--RzL7j ontend-pencraft-Text-module__transform-upperse--IDkUL ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__meta--jzHdd"><div class="profile-hover-rd-target ontend-rear2-ProfileAndPublitnHoverCard-module__profileHoverCardTarget--Od_YL"><a href=" class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ratn-hover-unrle--BEYAn ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ">Tim Murphy</a></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-4--zeW5_"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-11--k1e8b ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-medium--x7khA ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-meta--U_nxy ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-pub-sendary-text--OzRTa ontend-pencraft-Text-module__transform-upperse--IDkUL ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__meta--jzHdd">Jul 11, 2022</div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-11--k1e8b ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-medium--x7khA ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-meta--U_nxy ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-pub-sendary-text--OzRTa ontend-pencraft-Text-module__transform-upperse--IDkUL ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__meta--jzHdd">∙ Paid</div></div></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-16--TpblU ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-top-tail-themed--e17yZ ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-bottom-tail-themed--eVwFY post-ufi"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK"><div class="like-button-ntaer post-ufi-button style-button"><a role="button" class="post-ufi-button style-button has-label wh-borr"><svg role="img" style="height: 20px; width: 20px;" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="#000000" stroke-width="2" stroke="#000" xmlns=" class="in"><g><tle></tle><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-heart"><path d="M19 14c1.49-1.46 3-3.21 3-5.5A5.5 5.5 0 0 0 16.5 3c-1.76 0-3 .5-4.5 2-1.5-1.5-2.74-2-4.5-2A5.5 5.5 0 0 0 2 8.5c0 2.3 1.5 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ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-32--uRr14 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-x-24--ViY5j ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-top-32--hE9Ly ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-bottom-48--OND"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-8--wF5Sz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-tail--MiH57 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-radi-12--AmQy9 social-preview-box post"><div class="social-image-box"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" /><img src=" siz="100vw" alt loadg="lazy" width="120" class="ontend-ponents-rponsive_img-module__img--Pgjj2 social-image" /></picture></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-8--exiCC ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-left-12--eE6bp"><h4 class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-16--fFowu ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-bold--Ps9DB ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-primary--ud4Z0 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ">Porn Legend Tom Chase Is Nearly 60 And Wants To Make More Films </h4><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY"></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 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height="100" viewBox="0 0 100 100" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><circle cx="23" cy="50" r="9"></circle><circle cx="50" cy="50" r="9"></circle><circle cx="77" cy="50" r="9"></circle></g></svg></div><div translated class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Other</div></button></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><a role="button" href=" class="post-ufi-button style-button post-ufi-ment-button has-label wh-borr"><svg role="img" style="height: 20px; width: 20px;" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="#000000" stroke-width="2" stroke="#000" xmlns=" class="in"><g><tle></tle><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-msage-circle"><path d="m3 21 1.9-5.7a8.5 8.5 0 1 1 3.8 3.8z"></path></svg></g></svg><div class="label">6</div></a></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK"><a role="button" href="javascript:void(0)" class="post-ufi-button style-button no-in has-label wh-borr"><div class="label">Share</div></a></div></div></div></div><div class="visibily-check"></div><div class class><div class="available-ntent"><div dir="to" class="body markup"><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="536" height="692" data-attrs="{"src":"" class="sizg-normal" alt srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" fetchprry="high" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a><figptn class="image-ptn">A recent shot of Tom, 58, at home Portland.</figptn></figure></div><p><span>Happy midsummer, Caftan rears! I hope you are havg a good one spe the bad thgs that ntue to swirl around the U.S. and elsewhere. It is so important that Democrats w as many rac as possible this November, and </span><a href=" rel>here</a><span> is a recent </span><em>New York</em><span> magaze piece on the ccial rac to not only watch—but, if you n, to donate to and/or even nvass for if you have the means and the time. In late October/earlyNovember, I will probably head wh some iends aga to Pennsylvania, as we did 2020, to nvass for Democratic Senate ndidate John Fetterman. But as I wre this, I leave ls than 24 hours for three weeks GREECE, where I’ve never been. I’m exced! I’m also gog to try to be off my laptop for the longt time sce I n’t even remember, and to try to READ READ READ, cludg Zadie Smh’s </span><em>Whe Teeth</em><span>, which, believe or not, I’ve yet to tackle. </span></p><p><span>But enough about that! I’m actually so exced to have terviewed for this Caftan Chronicl my first porn star—neti Faln and 2000s Colt legend Tom Chase. I reached out to him bee, y, I am a big porn fan and I’ve long been a big Tom Chase fan, bee he always seemed to me, addn to beg a very petent hung dom top (at least the Faln years), kd of a nice regular guy, almost like your iendly, affable high school gym teacher you had a huge secret closeted csh on. But more so, I thk porn is more important the liv of gay men than we give cred for. It’s where many of actually </span><em>see</em><span> what gay sex looks like for the first time, what the different typ and trop of gay sire are, and a sense ’s where many of actually kd of </span><em>learn</em><span> how to have gay sex—at least the technil, if not necsarily the emotnal, sense. And I am also terted sex work as a reer and how different sex workers go about their reers—eher haphazardly and msily, or wh tentn and thoughtfulns. Tom (whose real name, Tom Moore, he is open about) is fely the latter tegory, as you’ll see. He had a visn for the arc of his porn reer that he executed, and he tends to have another chapter. But what I did </span><em>not</em><span> expect necsarily was that he would be so forthg about a years-long breakdown he had the 2000s and the 2010s, and how he lerally cried his way through , largely whout profsnal help—that, too, was a nsc choice, although not one I’d remend—to e out the other si. I thk what I took away om his story is that not even someone who was a kd of gay physil ial was spared the pa of parental and social rejectn that so many of gay men—perhaps more so on the olr si?—experience as children and teenagers. </span></p><p><span>I do want to note that this is a very sexually graphic terview, so please proceed wh that md. And I’ve ma the choice to, well, censor the part of Tom he is perhaps most known for, bee if there is some kd of Substack algorhm out there, I don’t want shuntg The Caftan Chronicl to a porn cul--sac. And wh that, I give you Tom Chase, to whom I am very thankful for the </span><em>three</em><span> separate hours-long ssns he spent wh me on the phone, always beg thoughtful and open about whatever I asked him. He took his porn reer serly and was able to talk about wh tail and pth, which I really appreciated. So here we go! Oh! But before we do, I want to say, as always, thanks to those of you who support Caftan wh your $5/month subscriptn, and if you have the unpaid versn, please nsir, if you n, dog the $5 versn— really helps me ntue rvg out the time for this labor of love! </span></p><div><hr /></div><p>Tim: Tom, thank you so much for dog a Caftan talk wh me! moved to Portland, Oregon, 2012, rrect?</p><p>Tom: Y. Prr to that, I was Dallas [where he grew up]. There was a turng pot my life where I was learng how to stroy my ego orr to be ee. Basilly everythg life I'd attached to emotnally I had to let go of, or I was gog to die on the si. I saw my parents do that, by livg out of duty and not for their own happs. So 2012 this feelg beme so profound that I had to leave Dallas so I uld dissolve, and when I say that, I'm talkg about a nervo breakdown. I did what a wound animal would do, which is go lie down unr a bh until I was healed. I realized that my unhapps was nnected to my immediate fay, which had bee toxic. My parents were que wealthy but my childhood was unhappy bee was so le-oriented, and of urse my beg gay didn't f to that. I also disvered that my father was a narcissist.</p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="795" height="1072" data-attrs="{"src":"" class="sizg-normal" alt srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a><figptn class="image-ptn">Tom at eight years old.</figptn></figure></div><p></p><p>Tim: How did you disver that?</p><p>Tom: I didn't have a therapist. My nscience was my gui through five years of ep cryg every sgle day, 2010 to 2015, not stoppg until I went to bed. I'd sleep well, wake up and do all over aga. After five years, I'd cried out all of my pa and sorrow and had let go of my guilt, shame, anger and rentments. I let go of bad habs, actns and thoughts that got the way of my joy. All my iends and fay had to go.</p><p>Tim: All of them?</p><p>Tom: Y. Any iend who tly loved me would meet me on the other si of [my transformatn] and none did except for one, Gordon, my current roommate, who stayed by my si, so he is the first iend of this new chapter of my life. </p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="1456" height="1092" data-attrs="{"src":"" class="sizg-normal" alt srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" loadg="lazy" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a><figptn class="image-ptn">Tom and Gordon.</figptn></figure></div><p>All the people the past were dog the same thgs and thkg the same way I was—drkg and dog dgs, believg thgs that aren't te or learng not to believe at all. </p><p>Tim: Some of what you're talkg about sounds very Buddhist, lettg go of the self. Did you get to Buddhism or medatn?</p><p>Tom: No. It all happened anilly. When I'd had enough of beg unhappy and livg paycheck to paycheck, I surrenred myself to my higher power, which is love, to heal my life.</p><p>Tim: Okay—let's get back to this a b, but now I want to go all the way back. So you are 57 now?</p><p>Tom: Y. I was born Columb, Oh. Both my parents were om Oklahoma, high school sweethearts, the basketball pta and the homeg queen who fell love and married. My father went on to bee a renowned pediatrician. When I was five, we moved to Highland Park, a very wealthy part of Dallas. I knew I was gay at five. Homosexualy is the most predomant theme my life. When my father would take to the Y to swim, was required then that you swim nu—so I'm seeg all kds of men naked and am beg turned on right and left. But I'm not aware that the turn-on is disgtg to most people. When I was seven, I had a iend spend the night. He got a boner and humped me and got my crack. I liked a lot and I didn't feel badly about .</p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="949" height="787" data-attrs="{"src":"" class="sizg-normal" alt srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" loadg="lazy" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a><figptn class="image-ptn">Tom at twelve.</figptn></figure></div><p></p><p>But then Highland Park, I transfer to my new school at eight and immediately get lled a faggot on my first day—not bee I acted like one but bee I wouldn't fight. </p><p>I had a major break wh my dad early on. When I was five, I gave my dad a stuffed watermelon pillow for his birthday. He took me to the other room and said, "Don't you ever buy me somethg like this aga." So right then, I knew this was not a man to tst or learn om. I knew what he did was wrong. So I cid I would not let him raise me. The wall went up on him and he uld never reach me aga. I survived bee I behaved myself until I uld move out after age 18. I hung out wh my mom, but over time I realized she loved him more than her own children, so I put the wall up on her, too. I was on my own. I never went to them for advice.</p><p>In elementary school, I got lled a faggot every day. But I knew they were rrect, so even though I didn't say "Y, I am," I also didn't ny . By high school, I wasn't popular but I was rpected. I was a gymnast. </p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="742" height="1022" data-attrs="{"src":"" class="sizg-normal" alt srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" loadg="lazy" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a><figptn class="image-ptn">Tom at 15.</figptn></figure></div><p></p><p>Then nth gra, a kid named Chris mov to town and be my iend. He was clearly gay, very effemate, gettg teased left and right. I do not like effemate men and I never have. I've examed this wh myself for years as to why. I thought maybe there was an effemate si to me. But I jt don't like . </p><p>Tim: You mean you're not sexually attracted to effemate men or you don't like them generally? And why do you thk bothers you so much? Do you thk you simply ternalized the ep anti-effemacy [ men] stra that ns through society, even more so then than now?</p><p>Tom: I don't re if you're effemate if you're my iend. And I vote for the rights of everybody. But a lot of effemate men e on to me bee I'm what they want. But I don't want them. So Chris was everythg that put me off. It's embarrassg to hang out wh someone who swish around. But we beme iends anyway, although not sexually. And I adapted to his effemacy. And I learned that he was not such a bad guy. We beme bt iends out of survival. We were tagged as gay school. We avoid each other the hallway and hung out after school. But then he got a r and we cid to go to this gay bar lled The Village Statn. We're unrage wh brac and ae, but the owner let anyway.</p><p>Tim: Oh wow, so you started gog to gay venu early. Do you remember watchg your first porn?</p><p><span>Tom: Y, at Chris' hoe. His stepfather's [straight] porn movi. We saw </span><em>The Story of O, Behd the Green Door</em><span>, </span><em>Deep Throat. </em><span>Of urse I was turned on by the guys. The first gay porn I saw was [1988's]</span><a href=" rel> </a><em><a href=" rel>Cis'</a><span> </span></em><span>wh Joe Ca. [Tim: Tom and Joe later married 1998 and were together until 2000.]</span></p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="1256" height="870" data-attrs="{"src":"" class="sizg-normal" alt srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" loadg="lazy" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a><figptn class="image-ptn">Tom (left) and Joe gettg married 1998.</figptn></figure></div><p></p><p>Tim: So when is your first gay sex?</p><p>Tom: When I was 16, I met a hot waer who was 28. I show up at his doorstep wh two steaks and tell him he's hot. And we date for two years, so that was my high school boyiend. </p><p>Tim: Wow, so he was 28 and you were high school. In retrospect, do you thk that was wrong of him?</p><p><span>Tom: No. I was a boy who wanted to sleep wh men. I would have slept wh my gymnastics ach if  I uld have. When I disvered NAMBLA [the ntroversial </span><a href=" rel>North Amerin Man-Boy Love Associatn</a><span>, which apparently barely exists anymore], ma sense to me. An olr man wh a younger boy don't disturb me, bee I know that if the boy is to , 's a very good maturg suatn for him. It's fely what I wanted. I wasn't lettg my dad raise me, so as I entered to homosexualy, I need the advice and guidance of olr men. I never liked people my own age. So around this time I meet a man who suggts that I do porn when he se how big my dick is. Up to that pot, I thought everyone's dick was the same size.</span></p><p>Tim: Y, I did want to ask you about your relatnship wh your own dick, bee has been such a fg feature of your porn reer. How do you feel about ? Grateful for ?</p><p></p></div></div><div class="visibily-check"></div><div data-ttid="paywall" data-ponent-name="Paywall" class="paywall"><h2 class="paywall-tle">This post is for paid subscribers</h2><div class="paywall-cta"><a href=" native><button tabInx="0" type="button" class="button subscribe-btn"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK"><svg xmlns=" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-pl"><le x1="12" x2="12" y1="5" y2="19"></le><le x1="5" x2="19" y1="12" y2="12"></le></svg>Subscribe</div></button></a></div><div class="paywall-log"><a href=" native>Already a paid subscriber? <b>Sign </b></a></div></div></div></article></div></div></div></div><div class="footer-wrap publitn-footer"><div class="visibily-check"></div><div class="footer themed-background"><div class="ntaer"><div class="footer-blurbs"><div class="footer-pyright-blurb">© 2023 Tim Murphy</div><div class="footer-terms-blurb"><a href=" target="__blank">Privacy</a><span> ∙ </span><a href=" target="__blank">Terms</a><span> ∙ </span><a href=" target="__blank">Collectn notice</a></div></div><div class="footer-buttons"><a native href=" class="footer-substack-cta start-publishg"><svg role="img" width="1000" height="1000" viewBox="0 0 1000 1000" fill="#FF6719" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="none" xmlns="><g><tle> .

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