Is Flirtg Between Gay and Straight Men Okay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
• IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?
• THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• LIVGTOPICSALL LIVGSAVAGE LOVETRAVELASTROLOGYFROM THE VLTHEALTHSTYLELGBT+SEX & ROMANCEBT OF VANUVERTRANSPORATNCARTOONSHOMELS VANUVER LGBTSOME REALLY GAY THGS THAT STRAIGHT GUYS DO
• GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN PREFER MASCULE-PRENTG GAY MEN FOR A HIGH-STAT ROLE: EVINCE FROM AN ELOGILLY VALID EXPERIMENT

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

My last post scribed a populatn of mal who nsir themselv heterosexual, do not label themselv gay or bisexual, chew volvement wh the LGBT muny, are often married or romantilly volved wh an oppose-sex partner, and who engage sex wh mal or exprs the sire to do so. Due large part to the popularizatn of the topic the btsellg 2005 book On the Down Low: A Journey to the Liv of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep wh Men, [i] Lato and Ain-Amerin men are the primary subjects rearch wh non-gay intified MSM. One of the earlit studi, "The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Rearch Project" om the early 1990s, found that participants engagg same-sex sexual behavr but not intifyg as gay or bisexual scribed themselv as “kky, ” “normal, ” or “jt a guy.

[iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prtage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activy/non Gay Attachment Rearch Targetg Strategi Intifitn Project. Ramamurthi, Cleo Manago, Serg Ava, and Marv Jon, “Sexual Behavr, Sexual Inty, and Substance Abe Among Low-Ine Bisexual and Non-Gay-Intifyg Ain Amerin Men Who Have Sex wh Men, ” Archiv of Sexual Behavr 37, no.

“By unrstandg their same-sex sexual practice as meangls, accintal, or even necsary, straight whe men n perform homosexual ntact heterosexual ways…Ward argu that the real reason ‘straight’ men behave the ways is to ‘reaffirm rather than challenge their genr and racial inty’ and ‘to leverage whens and masculy to thentite their heterosexualy the ntext of sex wh men. Bee only four sexual orientatn optns were given to stunts — heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, and don’t know — perhaps many of the dividuals were misplaced the straight tegory. If we lived a culture which havg some gree of same-sex sexualy did not imply that you th had to be the “dread” lbian, gay, or bisexual, would be easier for dividuals who stggle or n’t ci their sexualy to be te to their thentic self.

IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

As homophobia creas, McCormack says, straight men are actg “much softer” than those om olr generatns -- somethg he and Eric Anrson, of the Universy of Wchter, set out to exame.

THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

We have a bromance where we are very fortable around each history of homosocial relatnships, or heterosexual male iendships, is eply plex and steeped social stigmas, myth, rejectn and aggrsn, the thors expla their rearch. “But there is a generatnal effect here: Olr men who grew up the 1980s may still feel the need to prent a very straight versn of themselv, but more posive attus toward homosexualy ntemporary culture mean that younger men are simply ls ncerned about how other people view their behavrs. Wh more than 25 years of experience treatg sex and timacy issu, I n tell you that ’s not unmon for betrayed female partners to exprs ncern about their male partner viewg gay pornography or engagg sex wh other men – all the while sistg they’re heterosexual and love their wiv.

He suggted that maybe he uld look at gay porn on a limed basis, or they uld have an open relatnship that would allow him to be sexual outsi their relatnship once or twice a month, or, well, the list of optns was endls.

In the r one afternoon, entirely unprovoked, my iend Eric, who do tech support, offered this about a bar we equent: “There were a bunch of gay upl at the Taproom. At least not out might thk the fellas are already straddlg that third rail of sexualy (I certaly do), but there are still fort issu when to gay guys flirtg wh . The first time I mowed the lawn after our iend told he was gay, I ma sure I wore a shirt—and I might have locked the bathroom door once or twice when I took a shower.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

You say, “When a man and a man love each other very much … ” And eventually, after he tght all that he uld, he flew away to Key Wt, our big gay Mary mulled how to advertise for a new roommate. When I was young, I was told the whole world was divid to heterosexual men and heterosexual women, bar a small number of unfortunate ‘homosexuals’ of both genrs and possibly an even smaller number a third tegory, ‘bisexuals’, who ‘swung both ways’; pl, fally, a ty band of wretched creatur who were physilly not que one thg or the other. Ksey diststed btal tegorisatn but, wishg to unt, nstcted what me close to a slidg sle ntag seven gradatns between exclive heterosexualy and exclive homosexualy.

LIVGTOPICSALL LIVGSAVAGE LOVETRAVELASTROLOGYFROM THE VLTHEALTHSTYLELGBT+SEX & ROMANCEBT OF VANUVERTRANSPORATNCARTOONSHOMELS VANUVER LGBTSOME REALLY GAY THGS THAT STRAIGHT GUYS DO

He found that almost half his male terviewe had reacted sexually to both genrs; more than a third had had a homosexual enunter; and more than one ten reported roughly equally strong sexual rpons to both men and women.

All all, I’ve probably slept wh as many straight men as self–intifyg gay or bisexual on: I doubt most were lyg, and some s have reason to know they weren’t. In what pass for the gay ‘muny’, there’s somethg of a taboo about admtg, even to ourselv, that que a few of (not me) uld, wh a ltle axg and self-disciple, be ‘straight’.

Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty.

GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN PREFER MASCULE-PRENTG GAY MEN FOR A HIGH-STAT ROLE: EVINCE FROM AN ELOGILLY VALID EXPERIMENT

Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships. S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur.

Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors.