Gay Men and Straight Men as Friends | Psychology Today

Contents:

• THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT
• WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
• STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS
• IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?
• SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• CAN SCTN MAKE STRAIGHT MEN GAY?

THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

The guys are different om men who intify as bisexual, gay, mostly gay, and mostly straight.

Of urse, some intify as straight but are realy closeted bisexuals or gays by sexual orientatn—perhaps likely to e out at a later age (if ever).

' His buddi got all homophobic on him, so he asked, 'You guys have never msed around wh another guy? In the end, they're still straight, and I'm still gay and happily married to my hband of 12 years. My last post scribed a populatn of mal who nsir themselv heterosexual, do not label themselv gay or bisexual, chew volvement wh the LGBT muny, are often married or romantilly volved wh an oppose-sex partner, and who engage sex wh mal or exprs the sire to do so.

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

Due large part to the popularizatn of the topic the btsellg 2005 book On the Down Low: A Journey to the Liv of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep wh Men, [i] Lato and Ain-Amerin men are the primary subjects rearch wh non-gay intified MSM. One of the earlit studi, "The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Rearch Project" om the early 1990s, found that participants engagg same-sex sexual behavr but not intifyg as gay or bisexual scribed themselv as “kky, ” “normal, ” or “jt a guy. Siar fdgs were found throughout a seri of terviews wh non-gay intified MSM prepared for the Centers for Disease Control and Preventn 2004.

STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS

In tally, the men terviewed reported that if sexual activy between men was anonymo, experimental, ocsnal, or if substance e was volved, the act was not “gay. Fally, while there is nflictg data, appears that non-gay intified MSM engage high levels of dg and alhol e.

Usg this stricture as a gui, a man who has sex wh another male mt be gay (or bisexual at the least). Parsons, “Sexual Behavrs of Non-gay Intified Non-disclosg Men Who Have Sex wh Men and Women, ” Archiv of Sexual Behavr 37, no. [iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prtage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activy/non Gay Attachment Rearch Targetg Strategi Intifitn Project.

[v] STD Communitns Database: Interviews wh Non-Gay Intified Men who have Sex wh Men (NGI MSM), ” (Atlanta, Geia: Orc Macro, 2005). Ramamurthi, Cleo Manago, Serg Ava, and Marv Jon, “Sexual Behavr, Sexual Inty, and Substance Abe Among Low-Ine Bisexual and Non-Gay-Intifyg Ain Amerin Men Who Have Sex wh Men, ” Archiv of Sexual Behavr 37, no. For example, when a “closeted” gay or bisexual man has sex wh another man, he views that sex as reflectg his secret gay/bisexual inty.

IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

A mory of the men I terviewed were homophobic and held prejudice agast LGBTQ2+ people and this prejudice mak the thought of an LGBTQ2+ inty unappealg to them.

When I was young, I was told the whole world was divid to heterosexual men and heterosexual women, bar a small number of unfortunate ‘homosexuals’ of both genrs and possibly an even smaller number a third tegory, ‘bisexuals’, who ‘swung both ways’; pl, fally, a ty band of wretched creatur who were physilly not que one thg or the other. Ksey diststed btal tegorisatn but, wishg to unt, nstcted what me close to a slidg sle ntag seven gradatns between exclive heterosexualy and exclive homosexualy. He found that almost half his male terviewe had reacted sexually to both genrs; more than a third had had a homosexual enunter; and more than one ten reported roughly equally strong sexual rpons to both men and women.

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

Surveys for the Observer of ten and four years ago suggt that around 4 per cent of Brish men would ll themselv ‘homosexual’.

Some of the men I slept wh have gone straight spe a strong cultural barrier to a gay man dog this.

All all, I’ve probably slept wh as many straight men as self–intifyg gay or bisexual on: I doubt most were lyg, and some s have reason to know they weren’t.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

For every ‘bisexual’ man who’s actually gay but reluctant to say so, there’s a straight man who’s actually bisexual. And there are plenty of ‘gay’ men who know that, a different life, they uld reasonably ntentedly be straight. In what pass for the gay ‘muny’, there’s somethg of a taboo about admtg, even to ourselv, that que a few of (not me) uld, wh a ltle axg and self-disciple, be ‘straight’.

There exist strong reasons for this taboo among gays: first, ‘we n’t help ’ was absolutely central to our early pch for equaly, and we need to believe .

In terms of pure numbers, we know that the vast majory of those who have gay sex intify as straight — and this is te for both women and men.

CAN SCTN MAKE STRAIGHT MEN GAY?

The dividuals tend to engage gay sex private enunters, wh some appearg to be early phas of “g out” as not straight.

Though they loved the sexual experience and wanted to have a future relatnship wh the person, they had mixed attus toward homosexualy and premaral sex. Hence, they believed that homosexual relatns were almost always wrong and scribed their polics as nservative.

Bee only four sexual orientatn optns were given to stunts — heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, and don’t know — perhaps many of the dividuals were misplaced the straight tegory.