‘I have a wonrful dghter, who is gay, and a homophobic mother’ – The Irish Tim

Contents:

• GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
• AMBIVALENCE GAY AND LBIAN FAY RELATNSHIPS
• ‘I HAVE A WONRFUL DGHTER, WHO IS GAY, AND A HOMOPHOBIC MOTHER’
• WHEN PARENTS SEPARATE AND ONE PARENT ‘COM OUT’ AS LBIAN, GAY OR BISEXUAL: SONS AND DGHTERS ENGAGE WH THE TENSN THAT OCCURS WHEN THEIR FAY UN CHANG
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?

Longtime ally and supporter of the Human Rights Campaign, Sally Field wrote a lengthy say scribg her son's experience g to his own as a gay man, and how important beg a part of that experience was to her. "It's difficult for me to unrstand a fay member judgg or not lovg or acceptg another fay member bee they are gay, "Ally said an terview wh the Wdy Cy Tim, "It's like when a member of the fay marri someone who is of another race or relign.

Ante Beng and Warren Beatty's son Stephen is a gay trans wrer, poet, and activist who's has also posted -pth about his experience and inty on YouTube (you n check out one of his vios here).

This was found to be te for many of the mothers and sons I terviewed for the study scribed the book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child (). Fortunately, for many mothers of gay son—wh time and tn, they learn that the ia that they had somehow ma their son gay is ad wrong This was te of the mothers my study who also me to see the benefs havg a gay son as will be scribed later this post. My rearch, clil and personal experienc suggt that there is ed a al lk between male homosexualy and a close maternal relatnship but flows the oppose directn than what was prevly thought.

AMBIVALENCE GAY AND LBIAN FAY RELATNSHIPS

I thk personally [beg gay] ma me a more emotnal person, more sensive, more touch wh both the male and female sis of myself, but allowg me to even acknowledge that other si ma me closer to my mother. However, we get to hot water when we allow stereotyp to get the way of unrstandg the uniquens of dividuals and their circumstanc—so is important to remember that not all mothers and gay sons are close. In the prent study 60 -pth terviews were analyzed to intify what the thor lls perceived ambivalence the parent, siblg, extend k, and “-law” relatnships of gay and lbian adults.

Keywords: ambivalence, gay and lbian fai, tergeneratnal relatnships, mid- to late life, qualative rearchOver the past , tergeneratnal ambivalence has emerged as a central ncept for unrstandg relatnships between adult children and their parents (Lüscher & Pillemer, 1998). This absence of non-heterosexuals is notable, as recent work shows that gay and lbian fai have unique dimensns unarticulated heterosexual fai (Cohler, 2004; Connidis, 2007; Obock, 2013; Reczek, 2014a).

For example, broar stutnal forc of homophobia and heterosexism that stcture the fay relatnships of gay and lbian adults may engenr an exceptnal view of soclogil ambivalence (Connidis, 2012), one that turn provis a lens to the , dynamics, and nsequenc of fay teractn. As such, a study of ambivalence gay and lbian fai rms a theoretil and empiril acunt of broar fay advance an unrstandg of ambivalence, gay and lbian fai, and fay systems more broadly (Bowen, 1978), the prent study I analyzed qualative terviews wh 60 gays and lbians to terme the nature of ambivalence fay-of-orig (e.

‘I HAVE A WONRFUL DGHTER, WHO IS GAY, AND A HOMOPHOBIC MOTHER’

G., rejectg, disapprovg) feelgs and actns (Gilligan, Suor, Feld, & Pillemer, 2015; Willson, Shuey, & Elr, 2003) wh the stctural ndns of a gay or lbian fay (Connidis, 2015).

This study provis a new lens through which to view how adult gays and lbians—a margalized group—experience fay ti, turn revealg new dimensns of fay relatnships prevly undisvered by heteronormative fay rearch. To date, Connidis (2003), who a se study approach, and Reczek (2014a) and Cohler (2004), who e -pth terviews, have provid some ial evince that analytilly suggt that parents feel ambivalent toward a gay or lbian child, particularly durg the g-out procs. This fic is glarg bee gay and lbian fai provi a unique vantage pot of terplay between psychologil and soclogil ambivalence given wispread stctural aspects of gay and lbian inty (Connidis, 2015).

Fay ti are embedd wh the broar social stctural factors of heteronormativy, heterosexism, and homophobia (Connidis, 2012; Connidis & McMullan, 2002a; Heathergton & Lavner, 2008). Failure to achieve heterosexualy has been shown to promote parental feelgs of disapproval, distancg, disappotment, disgt, and guilt over a perceived role raisg a gay or lbian child (Biblarz & Savci, 2010; Cohler, 2004; LaSala, 2000, 2001; Obock, 2013; Oswald, 2002a, 2002b). Homophobia and rejectn of a gay or lbian adult is often, but not always, tied to unrlyg stctural notns of relig moral valu (Jon, Cox, & Navarro-Rivera, 2013); fai wh relig members may experience a stctural ntext that is typified by heightened homophobia.

WHEN PARENTS SEPARATE AND ONE PARENT ‘COM OUT’ AS LBIAN, GAY OR BISEXUAL: SONS AND DGHTERS ENGAGE WH THE TENSN THAT OCCURS WHEN THEIR FAY UN CHANG

The ntradictns may be created by broar stcturally ambivalent expectatns where parents reject their adult children for failure to adhere to expectatns of heterosexualy a homophobic society while also exprsg love and support for their adult child (Cohler, 2004; Connidis, 2012). Although siblgs and extend k may disapprove or perceive loss, they may wish to simultaneoly mata solidary wh their gay or lbian fay member (Miz, Turell, & Meier, 2004). ) Although fay members may experience more posive teractns wh their own child, siblg, or extend k, an timate partner may bee the source of blame as the embodiment of a gay or lbian inty.

This is nsistent wh some rearch that suggts lbian women have shorter relatnship duratns than gay men wh the ntext of mid-life adults (L, 2012) purpose of the terviews was to obta narrativ that foced on general fay dynamics; topics clud relatnship qualy and satisfactn between timate partners, g-out experienc, relatnships wh fay of orig, mental and physil health, unemployment, children, sexual behavr, and relatnship nflict. In orr to keep the foc on gay and lbian relatnships, only occurrenc of ambivalence that directly relate to a gay or lbian inty or relatnship are prented this article.

Fewer than one quarter of rponnts this study had not disclosed or openly discsed their gay or lbian inty or partnership wh at least one fay member for var reasons (e. In this way, transns and events are talysts for perceivg a fay relatnship as outwardly ambivalent, as shown other ntexts outsi gay and lbian fai (Connidis, 2015).

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

This is scribed two primary ways: (a) perceived relig and/or homophobic disapproval, and (b) the “glass closet”—the “open secret” of rponnts’ sexual inty (Sedgwick, 1990).

Perceived relig and/or homophobic disapproval Rponnts scribed that, spe outwardly posive teractns, they perceive that fay members secretly have unrlyg negative feelgs, a dynamic I characterized as vert ambivalence. ” Although Spencer and Elltt’s parents do not outwardly reject eher partner, both partners said they believed that both sets of parents vertly experience irrencilably nflicted feelgs of disapproval due to a broar social ntext of homophobia. Stanley, like others this theme, said he assum that one of his sisters and brothers--law ternally “stggle” wh him beg gay—evince of the negative feelgs or disfort wh Stanley and David’s relatnship—yet he experienc only posive outward teractns wh the fay members.

” Courtney suggted that although Ja’s mother appears supportive she is not wholly fortable wh their relatnships bee of her relig sentiments about homosexualy and her participatn the Catholic Church—a dynamic characterized as vert ambivalence. Rponnts like Edw regnize social-stctural factors that reveal the ntradictory prence of his mother--law’s love alongsi her homophobic relig beliefs and affiliatns—characteristics of vert “glass closet” Fewer than one quarter of rponnts this study had not openly discsed their gay or lbian inty or partnership wh at least one fay member.