Lonels and the Celibate Gay Christian | Spirual Friendship

Contents:

• HOW CELIBATE GAY CHRISTIANS DEAL WH DIRE
• THE STRANGE NOTN OF “GAY CELIBACY”
• GAY CELIBACY IS WEIRD, AND THAT’S A GOOD THG
• 'SO MANY OF THE CELIBATE GAY CHRISTIANS ARE CEL'
• GAY, CHRISTIAN AND … CELIBATE: THE CHANGG FACE OF THE HOMOSEXUALY BATE
• WHY CHOOSE CELIBACY? A GAY CATHOLIC SPEAKS OUT
• CELIBATE GAY CHRISTIANS: IS THAT BIBLIL?
• LONELS AND THE CELIBATE GAY CHRISTIAN

HOW CELIBATE GAY CHRISTIANS DEAL WH DIRE

Celibate gay Christians are an emergg group who are openly and unapologetilly queer and also follow their church’ teachgs to absta om LGBTQ2 sex. ” The terms origated nservative Christian circl the late 1990s on a webse lled Bridg Across the Divi, a discsn fom created to brg together Christians who “disagree about moral issu surroundg homosexualy, bisexualy and genr variance.

Some church and Christian anizatns that once promoted nversn therapy (to “turn” people om gay to straight) have now shifted away om , cludg Exod Internatnal, an anizatn of “ex-gays” (Christians who claim to no longer be gay, lbian or bisexual) that disband 2013. There’s a Facebook group for Si B Christians and a webse lled Spirual Friendship, which is n by gay celibate Christian wrers Wley Hill and Ron Belg.

“I unrstand why they want to make the distctn that they do, between inty and practice, or between orientatn and sire, ” says Tonstad of celibate gay Christians.

THE STRANGE NOTN OF “GAY CELIBACY”

But he had to figure out how to square his inty wh his membership the Roman Catholic Church, which still holds that homosexual acts are wrong. Th still n’t expla exactly what ma her tst the church’s teachgs on homosexualy but thks the charist, the sacrament which the bread and we is transformed to the body and blood of Christ, had a lot to do wh . “I wanted to believe that the Bible didn’t have what I read as the prohibn agast gay sex, but I uldn’t good fah actually say that’s what said, ” he says.

GAY CELIBACY IS WEIRD, AND THAT’S A GOOD THG

At age 19, he me out as gay while attendg Try Wtern Universy (TWU), a private Christian school Brish Columbia that, until recently, mandated s stunts sign a pledge to not have gay sex. “The nversatn had progrsed far enough [on mp] that no one thought that havg homosexual sir or havg the sire to physilly alter your genr inty was sful, but actg on that sire was, ” he says. “So I knew celibate gay Christians who were given rol as rince advisers, stunt learship rol, whereas male stunts who had boyiends were explicly told that they wouldn’t be given those posns.

“I wanted to believe that the Bible didn’t have what I read as the prohibn agast gay sex, but I uldn’t good fah actually say that’s what said.

“There really is mory strs beg gay, pecially when you’re a nservative church, nstantly worryg about how you’re beg perceived, how you’re gog to f to suatns, if you’re safe or not. Between the factn of gay Christians who are happy wh their sexual inty and "ex-gays, " who say they've removed their homosexual yearngs, is a third group that gets ltle attentn.

'SO MANY OF THE CELIBATE GAY CHRISTIANS ARE CEL'

But bee they see actg on their orientatn as ungodly, they m to a life of, for the first time, a soclogist has taken an -pth look at what mak Si Bs tick, particularly how they navigate their same-sex sir and their awkward posn as stuck the middle of ex-gay groups and ntent gay Christians. (The origs of the "Si B" term are foggy, but the termology seems to e om the anizatn the Gay Christian Network, which labels gay Christians who do not see their sexualy as sful as "Si A" and those who do as "Si B. [5 Myths About Gay People, Debunked]Christian and gayThe study of Si B Christians grew out of a larger rearch project by Creek lookg to the liv of ex-gay Christians.

GAY, CHRISTIAN AND … CELIBATE: THE CHANGG FACE OF THE HOMOSEXUALY BATE

This movement, which centers largely around the anizatn Exod Internatnal, claims that same-sex sire n be stifled and that sexual orientatn n be changed — hence the term "ex-gay.

" Numbers on ex-gay dividuals are hard to e by, but Exod Internatnal claims 3, 000 people worldwi attend one of s mistry events each terviewg people who had sought help om ex-gay groups and then left, Creek found two distct groups: Si As, who renciled their sexualy wh their relign and believe beg gay and Christian is not ntradictory; and Si Bs, who accept their orientatn but m to celibacy orr to rema le wh anti-homosexualy tes. [10 Milton Gay Rights History]Admtg to same-sex sir is also a problem for Si Bs teractg wh ex-gays, as the ex-gay philosophy holds that even homosexual sire is not OK. "I tend to tegorize myself as a gay, celibate Christian, but I am very hant g that [scriptn] bee secular society, the word 'gay' means attracted to men, and Evangelil Christian subculture, means ‘sleeps wh everybody five days a week, ’" said one terviewee, lled "Jam" the report.

WHY CHOOSE CELIBACY? A GAY CATHOLIC SPEAKS OUT

Dealg wh the nnotatns of the term was often too much of a headache, Jam said, so he equently kept the rmatn to other tim, claimg a gay inty was a way to nnect wh other Christians, both gay and straight. Allen told a story of a straight Christian retreat admistrator who stood up for him, potg out that Christian straight men and Christian gay men have siar stggl.

Put more simply, the reason is immoral for me to live out a life acrdg to my subjective sir and clatns is precisely bee I am not, fact, a gay man. It is for this reason that I am grateful for the wise words wrten by then Cardal Ratzger 1986, when he said that “today, the Church provis a badly need ntext for the re of the human person when she ref to nsir the person as a ‘heterosexual’ or a ‘homosexual’ and sists that every person has a fundamental Inty: the creature of God, and by grace, his child and heir to eternal life.

CELIBATE GAY CHRISTIANS: IS THAT BIBLIL?

As the 1986 Letter On The Pastoral Care of the Homosexual Person wisely tells me, “every one livg on the face of the earth has personal problems and difficulti, but challeng to growth, strengths, talents and gifts as well. I will never say of myself that I am a gay man, for I know that I mt humbly “accept and acknowledge” the sexual nature that God gave me: I am a man, ma for woman.

By llg myself gay, I reject my te sexual inty, and the sort of emotnal, physil and psychologil creature God ma me; To ll myself “celibate” when I haven’t taken vows of celibacy seems a willful rejectn of the potential will of God my life that he may sire to brg to me a woman wh whom I might realize my sexual plementary. It would be hubris to close the door to the possibily that God is llg me to marriage, bee of choosg to intify as “a gay man, ” which therefore requir me to live a life of celibacy. I hate that kids who grow up gay and Christian are so often told they mt choose between lovg J and “beg gay, ” as if their mere sexual orientatn were enough to send God nng the oppose directn.

LONELS AND THE CELIBATE GAY CHRISTIAN

If you claim to follow J, gay or straight, and your life story mak perfect sense whout the cipher of J, you might need to rensir who you’re actually followg. I am one of few gay stunts who openly accepts my sexualy, as many of are prsured by our peers to “pray away” orr to make iends and for admistratn to allow to serve stunt posns. We are not allowed to have any sort of LGBT-iendly stunt anizatn, publish anythg the school newspaper that uld be read as pro-gay rights, or participate other ways.

This is jt one example of the limatns on our ee gay stunts here eher try datg members of the oppose sex, believg that they’ve fixed themselv, or they m their liv to celibacy. ) Many of the celibate gay Christians I know claim that they eely choose the celibate life bee most rrectly reflects God’s purpose, but as someone who grew up that environment, I know that they simply don’t want to lose their church, their iends, their fay, and potential reer.